• [ANSI] Joke of the Day

    From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun May 5 08:17:20 2019

    ***********************************

    A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was
    severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graf
    skin from her body, so the husband offered to donate some of his own
    However, the only skin on his body that the doctor found suitable wo
    have to come from his rear end. The husband and wife agreed that the
    would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that
    doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate
    matter.

    After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman
    new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All
    friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
    day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emoti
    his sacrifice.

    She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for
    There is no way I could ever repay you."

    "My darling," he replied," think nothing of it. I get all the thanks
    need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon May 6 08:17:29 2019

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    Why did Arthur have a round table?
    So no one could corner him!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue May 7 08:17:35 2019

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    A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would
    to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

    "Sorry,we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

    She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told th
    salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blo
    he replied.

    "Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disgu
    time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited
    days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy

    Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

    Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

    "Because that's a microwave," he replied.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed May 8 08:17:32 2019

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    The Grieving Wife

    Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning servi
    she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you,dear?"

    She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed awa
    night."

    The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he h
    last requests?"

    She says, "That he did, Father..."

    The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"

    She says, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that darned gun!'"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu May 9 08:17:55 2019

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    A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him
    and exclaims, "An enemy ship is approaching us!"

    The captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt."

    The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in
    heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win.

    The soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?"

    The captain replies, "If I got injured, my blood shouldn't be seen,
    I didn't want my men to lose hope."

    Just then, another soldier runs up and says, "Sir, we just spotted
    another twenty enemy ships!"

    The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow pants."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri May 10 08:17:55 2019

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    Who invented King Arthur's round table?
    Sir Circomference!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat May 11 08:17:54 2019

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    They say you can never judge a book by its cover.
    But it's the only way to judge a tribute band.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun May 12 08:17:23 2019

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    Man: "How old is your father?"
    Boy: "As old as me."
    Man: "How can that be?"
    Boy: "He became a father only when I was born."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon May 13 08:17:28 2019

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    A worker approaches his employer and holds up his last pay check.
    `This is two hundred dollars short,' he says.
    `I know,' says the employer. `But last week I overpaid you two hundr
    dollars, and you didn't say anything.'
    `Well,' says the worker. `I don't mind an occasional mistake. But wh
    it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention.'

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue May 14 08:17:30 2019

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    I spent four years in college. I didn't learn a thing. It was really
    my own fault. I had a double major in psychology and reverse psychol

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed May 15 08:17:19 2019

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    During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, the U.S. National
    Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ballpoint
    pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules.
    After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was
    developed at a cost of about $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also
    enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on Earth.

    The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu May 16 08:17:31 2019

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    Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two
    minutes long if the gang went to the mask store
    first and asked a few questions.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri May 17 08:17:25 2019

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    Today I went to a barber's shop for a shave.
    The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball
    in my mouth so he could get a closer shave
    around my cheeks.

    I asked: "But what if I swallow the ball?"

    He replied: "No problem sir, you just bring
    it back tomorrow like everybody else."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat May 18 08:17:28 2019

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    During my mother's memorial, my five-year-old
    granddaughter could not stop staring at the urn
    that contained her ashes.

    "Is that really Great-grandma in there?" she
    asked her mother.

    "Yes, it is."

    "Funny," she said. "I always thought she was
    taller."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun May 19 08:17:31 2019

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    What did Napoleon become when he was 41 years old?

    A year older on his birthday.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon May 20 08:17:27 2019

    ***********************************

    One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his
    limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the
    road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he
    got out to investigate. "Why are you eating
    grass?", he asked one man.

    "We don't have any money for food.", The poor man
    replied.

    "Oh, come along with me then."

    "But sir, I have a wife with two children!"

    "Bring them along! And you, come with me too!", he
    said to the other man.

    "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" The
    second man answered.

    "Bring them as well!"

    They all climbed into the car, which was no easy
    task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once
    underway, one of the poor fellows says "Sir, you
    are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with
    you."

    The rich man replied "No, you don't understand,
    the grass at my home is about three feet tall!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue May 21 08:17:35 2019

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    I came across this exercise suggested for seniors,
    to build muscle strength in the arms and
    shoulders. It seems so easy, so I thought I'd pass
    it on. The article suggested doing it three days a
    week. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface,
    where you have plenty of room at each side.

    With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your
    arms straight out from your sides, and hold them
    there as long as you can. Try to reach a full
    minute, then relax. Each day, you'll find that you
    can hold this position for just a bit longer.

    After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato
    sacks. Then 50-lb. potato sacks, and then
    eventually try to get to where you can lift a
    100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your
    arms straight for more than a full minute.

    Once you feel confident at that level, put a
    potato in each sack.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed May 22 08:17:38 2019

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    After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady
    repute, the luckless customer unpacked his new toy
    and plugged it in to find it Dead On Arrival.
    Naturally, after checking the usual things, he
    called the dealer and explained his problem.

    First question from Deviously Evasive Dealer: "Did
    you check to see whether the power was on?"

    "Of course."

    DED: "Did you open the cover and check whether any
    of the boards had shaken loose in shipping?"

    "Of course."

    DED: Then why are you calling me?"

    "Well, you sold it to me and there has to be some
    kind of warranty," pleaded the frustrated
    purchaser.

    "Of course there is," replied the DED, "But you
    voided the warranty when you opened the cover.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu May 23 08:17:34 2019

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    Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood. He had
    to walk 7 miles to school everyday.

    Well, he should have gotten up earlier and caught
    the school bus like everyone else did.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri May 24 08:17:34 2019

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    What English King invented the fireplace?

    Alfred the grate

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat May 25 08:17:26 2019

    ***********************************

    A young lady was conducting a study in to human
    sexual behavior. She came to the conclusion that
    the best place to find participants for the survey
    would be the airport. After three hours of
    questioning passengers, she sees a pilot walking
    to his gate. Having heard of the reputation of
    pilots she stops him "Excuse me, Captain" she
    says, "I am doing a survey on human sexuality...
    I was wondering if you could answer a few
    questions..."

    The pilot agrees, and the young lady starts
    questioning him. After three questions, she asks
    him "...and when was the last time you had sex?".

    Straight away the Captain replies "1959".

    The girl was shocked. She looks at the captain and
    asks "1959 isn't that a long time ago?".

    "Oh" the pilot replies "I guess so...but it's only
    2015 now..."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun May 26 08:17:27 2019

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    What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

    A nervous wreck.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon May 27 08:17:25 2019

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    Ole vas vorking at da fish plant up nort in Dulut
    vhen he accidently cut off all ten off his fingers.

    He vent to da emergency room at da Clinic and vhen
    he got dere da Norsky doctor looked at Ole and
    said, "Let's haf da fingers and I'll see vhat I
    can do."

    Ole said, "I hafn't got da fingers."

    "Vhat do you mean, you hafn't got da fingers?" the
    doctor cried. "Yumpin' yiminy! It's 2018! Ve got
    microsurgery and all kinds off incredible
    techniques. I could haf put dem back on and made
    you like new! Vhy didn't you bring da fingers?"

    To vhich Ole replied...

    (Are you ready for dis???)
    "How da fock was I suppose to pick'em up?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue May 28 08:17:28 2019

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    Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says,
    "Did you see that?"

    "No," the second guy says.

    "Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first
    guy says.

    "Oh," says the second guy.

    A couple of minutes later, The first guy says,
    "Did you see that?"

    "See what?" the second guy asks.

    "Are you blind? There was a big, black bear
    walking on that hill, over there."

    "Oh."

    A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you
    see that?"

    By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so
    he says, "Yes, I did!"

    And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in
    it?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed May 29 08:17:51 2019

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    Q. What's the difference between 'weather' and
    'climate'?

    A. You can't 'weather' a tree, but you can
    'climate'

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu May 30 08:17:29 2019

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    A ragged individual stranded for several months on
    a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific
    Ocean, one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand
    with a piece of paper in it.

    Rushing to the bottle, he pulled the cork, and
    with shaking hands, withdrew the message.

    "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we
    regretfully have found it neccessary to cancel
    your e-mail account."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri May 31 08:17:51 2019

    ***********************************

    Worries While Flying

    Two statisticians were traveling in an airplane
    from LA to New York. About an hour into the
    flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an
    engine, but don't worry, there are three left.

    However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours
    to get to New York. A little later, he announced
    that a second engine failed, and they still had
    two left, but it would take 10 hours to get to New
    York.

    Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the
    intercom and announced that a third engine had
    died. Never fear, he announced, because the plane
    could fly on a single engine.

    However, it would now take 18 hours to get to New
    York. At this point, one statistician turned to
    the other and said, "Gee, I hope we don't lose
    that last engine, or we'll be up here forever!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jun 1 08:18:24 2019

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    After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in
    the pen, he reports back to the farmer: "All 40
    accounted for."

    "But I only have 36 sheep," says the farmer.

    "I know," says the sheepdog.
    "But I rounded them up."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jun 2 08:18:00 2019

    ***********************************

    A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come
    in peace and surprisingly, they speak English.

    Obviously all of the heads of government and
    religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so
    they set up a meeting with our new visitors.

    When it's the pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know
    about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?"

    "You mean J.C?", responds the alien. "yeah we know
    him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every
    year to make sure that we are doing ok".

    Surprised, the pope follows up with "He visits
    every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're
    still waiting for his SECOND coming!"

    The alien sees that the pope has become irate at
    this fact and starts trying to rationalize "Maybe
    he likes our chocolate better than yours?"

    The pope retorts "Chocolates? What are you talking
    about? What does that have to do with anything?"

    The alien says "Yea, when he FIRST visited our
    planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why?
    What did you guys do?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jun 3 08:18:23 2019

    ***********************************

    An elderly man is stopped by the police around
    2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time
    of night.

    The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture
    about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the
    human body, as well as smoking and staying out
    late."

    The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that
    lecture at this time of night?"

    The man replies, "That would be my wife."

    Don't take life too seriously..........
    no one makes it out alive anyway!!!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jun 4 08:17:33 2019

    ***********************************

    My wife, Dolores, never quite got the hang of
    the 24-hour military clock. One day she called the
    orderly room and asked to speak with me. The
    person who answered told her to call me at the
    extension in the band rehearsal hall. "He can be
    reached at 4700, ma'am," the soldier advised.

    With a sigh of exasperation, my wife responded,
    "And just what time is that?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jun 5 08:17:45 2019

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    A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove
    into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in
    the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

    The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

    The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to
    the truck. He returned a minute later and said,
    "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

    "All right. How long do you need them?"

    The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd
    better go check."

    After a while, the customer returned to the office
    and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jun 6 08:17:52 2019

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    Last night I dreamt of a beautiful
    walk on a sandy beach.

    At least that explains the footprints
    I found in the cat litter box this morning.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jun 7 08:17:30 2019

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    How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

    Poke'r Face.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jun 8 08:18:00 2019

    ***********************************

    A magician worked on a cruise ship.

    The audience was different each week so the
    magician did the same tricks over and over again.

    There was only one problem: the captain's parrot
    saw the shows each week and began to understand
    how the magician did every trick. Once he
    understood, he started shouting in the middle of
    the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or,
    "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!"
    or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

    The magician was furious but couldn't do anything.
    It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

    Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship
    unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were
    on board.

    The magician luckily found himself on a piece of
    wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate
    would have it... with the parrot.

    They stared at each other with hatred, but did not
    utter a word.

    This went on for a day... and then 2 days and then
    3 days.

    Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold
    back any longer and said... "OK, I give up.
    Where's the ship?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jun 9 08:17:24 2019

    ***********************************

    What a woman says:

    "This place is a mess! C'mon!
    You and I need to clean up!
    Your stuff is lying on the floor
    and you'll have no clothes
    to wear if we don't do laundry right now!"

    What a man hears:

    blah, blah, blah, blah, "C'MON!
    blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
    blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
    blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
    blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jun 10 08:17:37 2019

    ***********************************

    A blonde woman walks into a store. Curious about a
    shiny object, she asks, "What is that?"

    The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos."

    The blonde then asks, "What does it do?"

    The clerk says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold
    things cold." So she buys one.

    The next day, she brings it to work with her.

    Her boss, also a blonde, asks, "What is that shiny
    object?"

    She replies, "It's a thermos."

    He asks, "What does it do?"

    She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things
    cold."

    He then asks, "What do you have in there?"

    She says, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jun 11 08:17:37 2019

    ***********************************

    A mom texts,
    "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?"

    He texts back,
    "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later."

    The mom texts him,
    "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your
    sister, love you too."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jun 12 08:17:33 2019

    ***********************************

    We had just finished tucking our five kids into
    bed when three-year-old Billy began to wail. Turns
    out, he had accidentally swallowed a penny and was
    sure he was going to die. Desperate to calm him,
    my husband palmed a penny that he had in his
    pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy's ear.
    Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it
    from my husband's hand, swallowed it, and
    demanded, "Do it again!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jun 13 08:17:28 2019

    ***********************************

    I'm learning ancient history.

    So am I. Let's go for a walk and talk over
    old times.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jun 14 08:18:09 2019

    ***********************************

    A customer called to say he couldn't get his
    computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of
    trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the
    man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding
    it in front of the screen and pressing the "send"
    key.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jun 15 08:17:59 2019

    ***********************************

    Knock! Knock!

    Who's there?

    Hanna.

    Hanna who?

    .Hanna partridge in a pear tree!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jun 16 08:17:36 2019

    ***********************************

    After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is
    walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a
    bucket.

    He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him
    for his fishing license.

    The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch
    these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come
    down to the water and whistle and these lobsters
    jump out and I take them for a walk only to return
    them at the end of the day."

    The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it
    is illegal to fish without a license.

    The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If
    you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the
    lobsters back into the water.

    The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and
    show me that they will come out of the water."

    The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What
    lobsters?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jun 17 08:17:31 2019

    ***********************************

    "There are two major products to come out of
    Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to
    be a coincidence.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jun 18 08:17:33 2019

    ***********************************

    Two babies are sitting in their cribs, when one
    baby asks the other, "Are you a little girl or
    a little boy?"

    The other baby shrugs. "I don't know how to tell
    the difference."

    "I do," says the first baby. He carefully climbs
    out of his crib and into the other crib, then
    disappears beneath the blankets. After a few
    seconds, he resurfaces.

    "You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy,"
    he says.

    "How can you tell?"

    "Easy. You've got pink booties,
    and I've got blue ones."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jun 19 08:17:28 2019

    ***********************************

    Two fonts walk into a bar.

    The bartender says to them, "Get out! We don't
    serve your type here."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jun 20 08:17:45 2019

    ***********************************

    Q: How do you make a hot dog stand?

    A: Take away its chair.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jun 21 08:17:31 2019

    ***********************************

    With the Ark settled safely after the flood, Noah
    opens the doors and commands the animals, "Go
    forth and multiply!" All the animals depart the
    Ark, except for two snakes in the back. Noah
    proclaims again, "Go forth and multiply," yet the
    snakes stay put. Perturbed, Noah finally asks
    them, "Why have you not followed my command?" The
    snakes flicker their tongues and answer, "We can't
    multiply, Noah-we're Adders."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jun 22 08:17:44 2019

    ***********************************

    A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation
    of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer,
    she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
    blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would
    turn red in the face."

    "Yes," the class said.

    "Then why is it that while I am standing upright
    in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run
    into my feet?"

    A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't
    empty."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jun 23 08:17:43 2019

    ***********************************

    Once upon a time there was a very large office
    building in a very large city. This building had
    40 levels: level 1, level 2, level 3, level 4,
    level 5, level 6, level 7, level 8, level 9, level
    10, level 11, level 12, level 13, level 14, level
    15, level 16, level 17, level 18, level 19, level
    20, level 21, level 22, level 23, level 24, level
    25, level 26, level 27, level 28, level 29, level
    30, level 31, level 32, level 33, level 34, level
    35, level 36, level 37, level 38, level 39, and
    level 40.

    One day the owner of the building decided to get a
    PA system installed on every level, in case there
    was ever a fire and everyone in the building
    needed to be contacted at once. The system was
    installed on every level: level 1, level 2, level
    3, level 4, level 5, level 6, level 7, level 8,
    level 9, level 10, level 11, level 12, level 13,
    level 14, level 15, level 16, level 17, level 18,
    level 19, level 20, level 21, level 22, level 23,
    level 24, level 25, level 26, level 27, level 28,
    level 29, level 30, level 31, level 32, level 33,
    level 34, level 35, level 36, level 37, level 38,
    level 39, and level 40.

    One day, an employee named John was doing some
    paperwork on the 21st level when he saw the pager
    for the PA system in his boss's office. He could
    not resist. He picked up the pager, turned it on,
    cleared his throat, and told a joke. It was
    funniest joke anyone in the building had ever
    heard. They were rolling in the aisles, laughing
    their heads off. The accountants on level 3 were
    in tears. The engineers on level 34 were in
    hysterics. In fact, workers on every level --
    level 1, level 2, level 3, level 4, level 5, level
    6, level 7, level 8, level 9, level 10, level 11,
    level 12, level 13, level 14, level 15, level 16,
    level 17, level 18, level 19, level 20, level 21,
    level 22, level 23, level 24, level 25, level 26,
    level 27, level 28, level 29, level 30, level 31,
    level 32, level 33, level 34, level 35, level 36,
    level 37, level 38, level 39, and level 40 --
    could not stop laughing.

    He walked out the door of his boss's office,
    feeling all proud of himself, when who should he
    run into but his boss. "John, come with me now!"
    John relunctantly followed his boss back into his
    office. His boss looked at him with fury in his
    eyes. "John," he said, "your joke was very
    disruptive to the workers in this building!
    Productivity was decreased on level 1, level 2,
    level 3, level 4, level 5, level 6, level 7, level
    8, level 9, level 10, level 11, level 12, level
    13, level 14, level 15, level 16, level 17, level
    18, level 19, level 20, level 21, level 22, level
    23, level 24, level 25, level 26, level 27, level
    28, level 29, level 30, level 31, level 32, level
    33, level 34, level 35, level 36, level 37, level
    38, level 39, and level 40! You're fired! Clean
    out your desk and get out!" But then his frown
    softened and he added, "Still, I have to admit,
    that joke was funny on so many levels."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jun 24 08:18:15 2019

    ***********************************

    Knock! Knock!

    Who's there?

    Impatient cow.

    Impatient co.

    MOO!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jun 25 08:16:45 2019

    ***********************************

    A woman goes into the local newspaper office to
    see that the obituary for her recently deceased
    husband is published. After the editor informs her
    that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word,
    she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then,
    let it read 'Fred Brown died'."

    Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor
    stammers that there is a 7-word minimum for all
    obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her
    fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown
    died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jun 26 08:16:34 2019

    ***********************************

    Q: What does Charles Dickens
    keep in his spice rack?

    A: The best of thymes,
    the worst of thymes.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jun 27 08:16:46 2019

    ***********************************

    Who succeeded the first President of the USA?

    The second one!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jun 28 08:16:06 2019

    ***********************************

    Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day.
    One said to the other, "Why are we down in this
    hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up
    there in the shade of a tree?"

    "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask
    him." So he climbed out of the hole and went to
    his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and
    you're standing in the shade?"

    "Intelligence," the boss said.

    "What do you mean, intelligence?"

    The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my
    hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with
    your fist as hard as you can."

    The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to
    hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and
    the ditch digger hit the tree.

    The boss said, "That's intelligence!"

    The ditch digger went back to his hole.

    His friend asked, "What did he say?"

    "He said we are down here because of
    intelligence."

    "What's intelligence?" said the friend.

    The ditch digger put his hand on his face and
    said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jun 29 08:15:20 2019

    ***********************************

    Q: How do you get down from an elephant?

    A: You don't. You get down from a goose.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jun 30 08:15:08 2019

    ***********************************

    After the fire-truck arrived at a burning building
    in a small Spanish town, the firemen observed a
    man dressed in a matador's costume prancing around
    on the roof. Four of the firemen held a safety-net
    and urged him to escape from the burning building
    by jumping into the net. He refused and loudly
    proclaimed, "I'm Fearless Jose the bullfighter who
    fears nothing, not even fire."

    The firemen begged and pleaded but to no avail.
    Jose kept prancing around while repeating the same
    phrase over and over until the firemen got really
    sick and tired of hearing it. Finally, when the
    flames began to scorch his butt, Jose announced
    he had changed his mind, was ready to jump and
    then leaped off the rooftop. As his body hurtled
    toward the safety-net, the four firemen shouted,
    "Ole!" and quickly moved it aside.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jul 1 08:15:26 2019

    ***********************************

    A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered
    with his thumb over the meat.

    "Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your
    hand on my steak?"

    "What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on
    the floor again?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jul 2 08:15:14 2019

    ***********************************

    A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is
    cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"

    "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him."
    So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then
    he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going
    to have to put him down."

    "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"

    "No, because he's really heavy."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jul 3 08:15:06 2019

    ***********************************

    What will fall on the lawn first?

    An autumn leaf, or a Christmas catalogue?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jul 4 08:15:18 2019

    ***********************************

    Young Judy, the editor of a trivia publication,
    was having trouble with her computer. So she
    called Prem, the computer guy, over to her desk.
    Prem clicked a couple buttons and solved the
    problem.

    As he was walking away, Judy called after him,
    "So, what was wrong?"

    And he replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

    A puzzled expression ran riot over Judy's face.
    "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need
    to fix it again??"

    He gave her a grin... ;-) "Haven't you ever heard
    of an ID ten T error before?"

    "No," replied Judy.

    "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll
    figure it out."

    (She wrote...)I D 1 0 T

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jul 5 08:15:08 2019

    ***********************************

    My teacher reminds me of history.

    She's always repeating herself.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jul 6 08:15:42 2019

    ***********************************

    When did Caesar reign?

    I didn't know he reigned.

    Of course he did, didn't they hail him?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jul 7 08:15:12 2019

    ***********************************

    A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien
    in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls
    him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've
    got to go back across the border right now."

    The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo
    Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"

    The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm
    going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll
    let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a
    sentence".

    The Mexican man of course agrees.

    The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words
    are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1
    sentence."

    The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2
    minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went
    Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jul 8 08:15:38 2019

    ***********************************

    Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?

    A: "Put it on my bill."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jul 9 08:15:10 2019

    ***********************************

    Charles Dickens walks into
    a bar and asks for a martini.
    The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jul 10 08:15:18 2019

    ***********************************

    An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a
    desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to
    help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He
    hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull,
    Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

    Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!"
    Buddy didn't respond.

    Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco,
    pull!" Nothing.

    Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy,
    pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of
    the ditch.

    The motorist was most appreciative and very
    curious. He asked the farmer why he called his
    horse by the wrong name three times.

    The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he
    thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't
    even try!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jul 11 08:15:38 2019

    ***********************************

    What was King Arthur's favourite game?

    Kinghts and crosses!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jul 12 08:15:12 2019

    ***********************************

    An old couple is at a fair an the old man sees a
    helicopter ride for $50. The old man asks his
    wife, "I don't have much time left. Can I take I
    ride in one of them helicopters?"

    His wife responds, "Oh well that's way too
    expensive."

    The man running the helicopter rides as a pilot
    hears their conversation and makes them a deal.
    "Hey, I'll take you on a ride for free, but you
    can't make one sound. If you do, then you have to
    pay $50." says the pilot.

    The couple climbs in the helicopter. The pilot
    takes off and does awesome tricks with the
    helicopter. The couple never made a sound.

    The pilot lands the helicopter and says, "Wow,
    impressive, usually people make so much noise on
    these rides."

    The old man says, "Well, I almost made a noise
    when my wife fell out of the helicopter, but these
    rides are too expensive."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jul 13 08:15:16 2019

    ***********************************

    This summer, I'm going to go to the beach and bury
    metal objects that say "Get a life" on them.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jul 14 08:15:18 2019

    ***********************************

    Three tourists were driving through Wales. As they
    were approaching
    Llanfairpwlgwngylgoeryhwyndrobwlantysiliogogogoch,
    they started arguing about the pronunciation of
    the town's name. They argued back and forth until
    they stopped for lunch.

    As they stood at the counter one asked the blonde
    employee, "Before we order, could you please
    settle an argument for us? Would you please
    pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

    The girl leaned over the counter and said,
    "Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiiiing."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jul 15 08:16:18 2019

    ***********************************

    What was Camelot famous for?

    Its knight life.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jul 16 08:16:30 2019

    ***********************************

    The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic
    surgeon's office. "You know, Doc," he said, "I've
    made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know.
    Must be at least a thousand."

    "And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for
    the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all
    those uncomfortable positions," the medic said.

    "Hell, no," the old fellow replied. "I want to
    borrow your Lamborghini."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jul 17 08:16:20 2019

    ***********************************

    We use a really strong sunblock when we go to
    the beach with the kids.

    It's SPF 80: You squeeze the tube,
    and a sweater comes out.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jul 18 08:16:18 2019

    ***********************************

    For her summer job, my 18-year-old daughter
    arranged interviews at several day-care centers.
    At one meeting, she sat down on one of the kiddie
    seats, no simple task for most people. The
    interview went well, and at the end, the day-care
    center director asked the standard question, "Can
    you give me one good reason we should hire you?"

    "Because I fit in the chairs." She got the job.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jul 19 08:16:00 2019

    ***********************************

    Shane works in the deli department of a large
    supermarket chain, where he often finds himself in
    trouble. Just look at the notes management has
    supposedly written to him:

    "Shane, stop putting Some Assembly Required
    stickers on the eight-piece chickens."

    "Shane, any free samples you give must come from
    the deli, not electronics."

    "Shane, when a customer asks where to find a
    product, give them an aisle number, not
    directions to Albertsons."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jul 20 08:15:54 2019

    ***********************************

    A man is flying from Los Angeles to New York.
    During the meal service, accidentally knocked the
    spoon off to the aisle with his elbow. The flight
    attendant immediately took a spoon from his pocket
    and placed it on his tray table. The man was very
    impressed by the promptness of he service and
    asked, "Do all flight attendants carry a spoon in
    their pockets?"

    The flight attendant answered, "We had an
    efficiency expert in to evaluate our operation. He
    determined that 25% of the customers knock the
    spoon off their tray tables. By carrying a spare
    spoon, we all save trips to the galley and can be
    much more efficient."

    Later, as the flight attendant is picking his
    dirty tray up, the customer asked, "Excuse me for
    asking but why do you have a string hanging from
    your fly?"

    The flight attendant replied, "The efficiency
    expert determined that we were spending too much
    time washing our hands after we went to the
    bathroom. To counteract this, we tie strings to
    our penises."

    The customer looked confused. "How does that
    help?" he asked.

    "Well, when I go to the bathroom I just use the
    string. Since I never touched myself I don't need
    to wash my hands."

    The customer nodded and asked, "But how do you get
    it back in your pants?"

    The flight attendant smiled, "I don't know about
    the other guys, but I use the spoon."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jul 21 08:16:16 2019

    ***********************************

    Q: What's the different between a cat and a comma?

    A: A cat has claws at the end of paws;
    A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jul 22 08:16:44 2019

    ***********************************

    Did you hear about the juy who invented the knock knock joke?

    He won the 'no-bell' prize.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jul 23 08:16:02 2019

    ***********************************

    If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who
    supported Atlas?

    His wife.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jul 24 08:16:00 2019

    ***********************************

    Q: Mrs. Bigger had a baby. Which one was bigger?

    A: The baby. It was a little Bigger.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jul 25 08:16:20 2019

    ***********************************

    A man asked his wife, "What would you most like
    for your birthday?"

    She said, "I'd love to be ten again."

    On the morning of her birthday, he got her up
    bright and early and they went to a theme park. He
    put her on every ride in the park - the Death
    Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She
    had a go on every ride there was. She staggered
    out of the theme park five hours later, her head
    reeling and her stomach turning.

    Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and
    sweets. At last she staggered home with her
    husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned
    over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like
    being ten again?"

    One eye opened and she groaned,
    "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jul 26 08:17:00 2019

    ***********************************

    This week we celebrate a special birthday. Monica
    Lewinsky turned 45.

    Can you believe it? It seems like only yesterday
    she was crawling around the White House on her
    hands and knees, and putting everything in her
    mouth.

    They grow up so fast, don't they?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jul 27 08:16:04 2019

    ***********************************

    This little old lady goes to the doctor and says,
    "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but
    it really doesn't bother me too much. It never
    smells and it's always silent. As a matter of fact
    I've passed gas at least 20 times since I've been
    here in your office. You didn't know I was passing
    gas because it doesn't smell and it's silent."

    The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come
    back to see me next week."

    The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she
    says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my
    passing gas. although still silent, it stinks
    terribly."

    "Good", the doctor said, "now that we've cleared
    up your sinuses, we'll start to work on your
    hearing."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jul 28 08:16:18 2019

    ***********************************

    A blind man was describing his favorite sport,
    parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished,
    he said that things were all done for him: "I am
    placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told
    when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring
    for me and out I go with the dog."

    "But how do you know when you are going to land?"
    he was asked.

    "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can
    smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from
    the ground" he answered.

    "But how do you know when to lift your legs for
    the final arrival on the ground?"
    he was again asked.

    He quickly answered:
    "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jul 29 08:16:02 2019

    ***********************************

    A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying
    escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance,
    acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the
    lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the
    air, "Anything you can do, I can do better."

    The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-
    shot." The B-52 continued its flight, straight and
    level.

    Perplexed, the hotdog asked, "So? What did you
    do?"

    "I just shut down two engines, kid."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jul 30 08:16:26 2019

    ***********************************

    A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra
    class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jul 31 08:16:08 2019

    ***********************************

    When were King Arthur's armies too tired to fight?

    When they had lots of sleepless knights.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Aug 1 15:24:36 2019

    ***********************************

    Knock! Knock!

    Who's there?

    Isabelle.

    Isabelle who?

    Isabelle working, or should I keep knocking?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Aug 2 08:16:18 2019

    ***********************************

    Why Does Ariel wear seashells?

    Because she can't fit into D-shells

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From Jagossel@21:1/150 to JokeMaster on Fri Aug 2 16:34:00 2019
    JokeMaster, to All <=-


    ***********************************

    Knock! Knock!

    Who's there?

    Isabelle.

    Isabelle who?

    Isabelle working, or should I keep knocking?

    ***********************************

    I love it! Pun and self-referencing!

    ... Where's the nearest tagline store? I need a few more new ones.
    === MultiMail/DOS v0.52
    --- SBBSecho 3.07-Linux
    * Origin: Disconnected Reality -- discreal.synchronetbbs.org (21:1/150)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Aug 3 08:16:24 2019

    ***********************************

    A man went to apply for a job. After filling out
    all of his applications, he waited anxiously for
    the outcome.

    The employer read all his applications and said,
    "We have an opening for people like you."

    "Oh, great," he said, "What is it?"

    "It's called the door!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Aug 4 08:16:24 2019

    ***********************************

    Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly
    stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.
    After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

    A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant,
    "What was the problem?"

    "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the
    engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it
    took us a while to find a new pilot."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 5 08:16:08 2019

    ***********************************

    Q. What did one tornado say to the other?
    A. "Let's twist again, like we did last summer..."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Aug 6 08:16:04 2019

    ***********************************

    Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all
    excited about their decision to get married. They
    go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the
    way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go
    in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
    "Are you the owner?"

    The pharmacist answers "Yes".

    Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell
    heart medication?"

    Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

    Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

    Pharmacist: "All kinds."

    Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? "

    Pharmacist: "Definitely."

    Jacob: "How about Viagra?"

    Pharmacist: "Of course."

    Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis,
    Jaundice?"

    Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

    Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills,
    Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

    Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

    Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

    Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

    Jacob says to the pharmacist: "Good, we'd like to
    use this store as our Bridal Registry!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Aug 7 08:16:02 2019

    ***********************************

    A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some
    ice cream. They sat down and were about to start
    when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to
    rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my
    umbrella?"

    So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but
    three days later he still hadn't returned. "I
    think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father
    Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice
    cream before it melts."

    And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I
    won't go."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Aug 8 08:16:42 2019

    ***********************************

    I heard a report about a bad outbreak of the tummy
    bug, apparently 9 out of 10 people there suffered
    from diarrhea.

    I can't stop thinking about that tenth person who
    apparently enjoyed it.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Aug 9 08:16:58 2019

    ***********************************

    Teacher:
    whoever answers my next question, can go home.

    One boy throws his bag out the window.

    Teacher:
    who just threw that?!

    Boy:
    Me! I'm going home now.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Aug 10 08:17:02 2019

    ***********************************

    A child asked his father, "How were people born?"

    So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies,
    then their babies became adults and made babies,
    and so on."

    The child then went to his mother, asked her the
    same question and she told him, "We were monkeys
    then we evolved to become like we are now."

    The child ran back to his father and said, "You
    lied to me!"

    His father replied, "No, your mom was talking
    about her side of the family."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Aug 11 08:16:40 2019

    ***********************************

    Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
    A: A fsh.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 12 08:16:08 2019

    ***********************************

    How to Handle Stress

    Picture yourself near a stream.

    Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool
    mountain air.

    Nothing can bother you here.

    No one knows this secret place.

    You are in total seclusion from that place called
    "the world."

    The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the
    air with a cascade of serenity.

    The water is clear.

    You can easily make out the face of the person
    whose head you're holding under the water.

    There now......feeling better?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Aug 13 08:16:10 2019

    ***********************************

    Q: Why did the tofu cross the road?
    A: To prove he wasn't chicken.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Aug 14 08:16:14 2019

    ***********************************

    My ESL students try so hard and are so
    appreciative. One student paid me the ultimate
    compliment when she said, "You teach English
    good."
    Another assured me, "I will always forget you."
    And a third insisted, "I thank you from the heart
    of my bottom."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Aug 15 08:16:12 2019

    ***********************************

    Why does history keep repeating itself?

    Because we weren't listening the first time!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Aug 16 08:16:50 2019

    ***********************************

    During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our
    first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his
    locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in
    his office. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost
    my key. I walked into the orderly's room and asked
    Sarge if I could borrow his master key.

    "Why, certainly, young man," he said, as he
    reached under his desk and handed me a large pair
    of bolt cutters.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Aug 17 08:16:34 2019

    ***********************************

    A biologist was interested in studying how far
    bullfrogs can jump. He brought a bullfrog into his
    laboratory, set it down, and commanded, "Jump,
    frog, jump!"

    The frog jumped across the room. The biologist
    measured the distance, then noted in his journal,
    "Frog with four legs jumped eight feet."

    Then he cut the frog's front legs off. Again he
    ordered, "Jump, frog, jump!"

    The frog struggled a moment, then jumped a few
    feet. After measuring the distance, the biologist
    noted in his journal, "Frog with two legs jumped
    three feet."

    Next, the biologist cut off the frog's back legs.
    Once more, he shouted, "Jump, frog, jump!" The
    frog just lay there. "Jump, frog, jump!" the
    biologist repeated. Nothing.

    The biologist noted in his journal,
    "Frog with no legs - lost its hearing."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Aug 18 08:16:40 2019

    ***********************************

    A redneck goes to a pharmacist and says, " I got a
    hot date tonight, an' I need me some pertection.
    How much is a pack o' dem rubbers gonna cost me?

    The pharmacist responds, "A three-pack of condoms
    is $4.99 with tax."

    To which the redneck replies, "TACKS! Gawd
    'mighty,.......... don't they stay on by therself.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 19 08:16:16 2019

    ***********************************

    There was a man driving a pickup truck down a
    country road, when suddenly he was broad sided
    by a trailer truck.

    Some time went by, and the case got to court.
    The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How
    can you be suing my client now when you told a
    trooper after the accident that you felt fine?"

    The man replied. "Well sir, it was like this. We
    was driving down the road, minding our own
    business, when a big trailer truck came out of
    nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in
    the ditch, and a trooper was pulling up with his
    car. He looked at the hogs, and they was most
    dead, so he shot them. Then he looked at my dog,
    and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him."Then he
    came over to me and he said, "How you feeling?"
    I said, "I never felt better in my life."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Aug 20 08:16:26 2019

    ***********************************

    The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada,
    just yards away from the North Dakota border.
    Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute
    between the United States and Canada for
    generations.

    Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her
    ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son
    and three grandchildren. One day, her son came
    into her room holding a letter.

    "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The
    government has come to an agreement with the
    people in Washington. They've decided that our
    land is really part of the United States. We have
    the right to approve or disapprove of the
    agreement. What do you think?"

    "What do I think?" his mother said. "Jump at it!
    Call them right now and tell them we accept! I
    don't think I could stand another one of those
    Canadian winters!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Aug 21 08:17:36 2019

    ***********************************

    A mother was reading a book about animals to
    her 3 year old daughter.

    Mother:
    "What does the cow say?"

    Child:
    "Moo!"

    Mother:
    "Great! What does the cat say?"

    Child:
    "Meow."

    Mother:
    "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"

    And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at
    her mother and in her deepest voice replied,
    "Bud."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Aug 22 08:16:02 2019

    ***********************************

    Daddy reads some bedtime stories to make little
    Jonny fall asleep.

    Half an hour later mommy opens quietly the door
    and asks: "And, is he asleep?"

    Little Jonny answers: "Yes, finally."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Aug 23 08:16:10 2019

    ***********************************

    On the first day of college, the Dean addressed
    the students, pointing out some of the rules.

    "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for
    all male students, and the male dormitory to the
    female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule
    will be fined $20 the first time."

    He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule
    the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a
    third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are
    there any questions?"

    At this point, a male student in the crowd
    inquired:

    "How much for a season pass?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Aug 24 08:16:16 2019

    ***********************************

    When a neighbor's home was burglarized, I decided
    to be more safety conscious. But my measly front-
    door lock wasn't going to stop anyone,
    so I hung this sign outside:

    "Nancy, don't come in. The snake is loose. Mom."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Aug 25 08:16:42 2019

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You think presidents need a promotion. James
    Rhyne of Memphis was charged with forgery after he
    handed a waitress a $100 bill. The waitress knew
    something was funny with the money: Instead of the
    portly visage of Ben Franklin, it was the star of
    the $5 bill, Abe Lincoln, who was staring back at
    her.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 26 08:16:34 2019

    ***********************************

    The train was packed, and the U. S. Marine Walked
    the entire length looking for a seat, but a well-
    dressed, Middle-aged, French woman's poodle took
    the Only seat remaining.

    The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have
    that seat?"The French woman just sniffed and said
    to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude.
    My little Fifi is using that seat."

    The Marine walked the entire train again, but the
    only seat left was Under that dog."Please, ma'am.
    May I sit down? I'm very tired."She snorted, "Not
    only are you Americans rude, you are also
    arrogant!"

    The next time the Marine didn't say a word; he
    just picked up the little Dog, tossed it out the
    train window, and sat down.

    The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor!
    Put this American In his place!"

    An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up,
    "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for
    doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the
    wrong hand, you drive your vehicles on the wrong
    side of the road. And now, Sir, you seem to have
    thrown the wrong bitch out the window.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Aug 27 08:17:26 2019

    ***********************************

    At one of the packed, Delta ticket counters all of
    ticket agents were doing their best to politely
    process each passenger as quickly as they could. A
    man toward the end of the snaking line of
    passengers was obviously impatient and very
    frustrated at having to wait so long in the slow
    moving line. He finally decided to march right up
    to the counter pulling his wheeled suitcase and
    demanded that he be given his boarding pass. The
    ticket agent turned, looked at him, blinked, took
    a shallow, deep breath and said, "Sir, as you can
    see there are many passengers ahead of you. We are
    doing our best to process the passengers as fast
    as we can. I'm afraid you'll have to get back in
    line".

    Outraged and red in the face, the man yelled at
    the ticket agent saying, "Do you know who I
    am???!!!."

    The ticket agent turned, looked at him, blinked,
    took another shallow, deep breath, picked up the
    public address system microphone and said calmly,
    "There is a man at the Delta ticket counter who
    does not know who he is. Anyone who may be able to
    identify this man is asked to please step forward
    and identify him. Thank you".

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Aug 28 08:16:20 2019

    ***********************************

    What was the greatest accomplishment of the early
    Romans?

    Speaking Latin!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Aug 29 08:16:22 2019

    ***********************************

    A Pastor goes to a nursing home for the first time
    to visit an elderly parishioner.

    As he is sitting there, he notices a bowl of
    peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they
    continue their conversation, he can't help himself
    and eats one after another.

    By the time they are through visiting, the bowl is
    empty. He says, "Mrs. Jones, I'm so sorry, but I
    seem to have eaten all of your peanuts."

    "That's O.K.," she says. "They would have just sat
    there anyway.

    Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the
    chocolate off and put them back in the bowl.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Aug 31 08:16:04 2019

    ***********************************

    The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good
    news and some bad news."

    "What's the bad news?" asks the accused.

    "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime
    scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."

    "What's the good news?"

    "Your cholesterol is 130."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Sep 1 08:16:20 2019

    ***********************************

    The Spanish explorers went 'round the world in
    a galleon.

    How many galleons did they get to the mile?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Sep 2 08:16:06 2019

    ***********************************

    An artist asked the gallery owner if there had
    been any interest in her paintings that were on
    display.

    "Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner
    responded. "The good news is that a gentleman
    noticed your work and wondered if it would
    appreciate in value after your death. I told him
    it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."

    "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's
    the bad news?"

    "The gentleman was your doctor."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Sep 3 08:16:18 2019

    ***********************************

    Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the
    cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He
    soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only
    wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him,
    he dropped his rifle and started running for the
    cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but
    the bear was just a little faster and gained on
    him with every step. Just as he reached the open
    cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close
    behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and
    went rolling into the cabin. The man jumped up,
    closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend
    inside, "You skin this one while I go and get
    another!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Sep 4 08:18:04 2019

    ***********************************

    There was a farmer who had a lot of live stock. He
    had cows, horses, chickens, pigs, and bulls.

    One day a terrible twister came and the man and
    his family were only saved by throwing themselves
    in the nearest ditch. After it was all over, he
    looked up to see that the house was gone. Saddened
    by the loss, he went out to see if any of the
    animals had survived. The horses, chickens, pigs,
    and cows were laid out flat but the bulls were
    standing!

    The farmer was amazed and asked them, "How is it
    that all the other animals are down and you are
    still standing?"

    The bulls replied,
    "We bulls wobble but we don't fall down!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Sep 5 08:18:10 2019

    ***********************************

    Three men stood before a judge on a charge of
    drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park.

    Judge: What were you doing?

    1st man: Oh, just throwing peanuts in the pond.

    Judge: And what were you doing?

    2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too.

    Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you throwing
    peanuts in the pond as well?

    3rd man: No, sir. I AM Peanuts!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Sep 6 08:16:16 2019

    ***********************************

    Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy
    says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot
    of money running our own bungee-jumping service in
    Mexico."

    The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the
    two pool their money and buy everything they'll
    need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

    They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the
    square. As they are constructing the tower, a
    crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more
    people gather to watch them at work.

    The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the
    cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy
    notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
    Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch
    him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up
    again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding.
    Again, the second guy misses him.

    The first guy falls again and bounces back up.
    This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's
    got a couple of broken bones and is almost
    unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally
    catches him this time and says, "What happened?
    Was the cord too long?"

    The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but
    what the heck is a 'pinata'?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Sep 7 08:18:00 2019

    ***********************************

    "What flavors of ice cream do you have?" inquired
    the customer.

    "Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate," answered the
    new waitress in a hoarse whisper.

    Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do
    you have laryngitis?"

    "No...." replied the new waitress with some
    effort, "just...erm.... vanilla, strawberry, and
    chocolate."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Sep 8 08:20:12 2019

    ***********************************

    While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our
    convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio
    for help.

    "Are you near any landmarks that might help us
    locate you?" the base operator asked him.

    "Yes," said the lieutenant.
    "We are directly under the moon."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Sep 9 08:17:06 2019

    ***********************************

    In a city park stood two statues, one female and
    the other male. These two statues faced each other
    for many years. Early one morning an angel
    appeared before the statues and said, "Since the
    two of you have been exemplary statues and have
    brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you
    your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of
    life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you
    desire." And with that command, the statues came
    to life.

    The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward
    some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of
    bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened
    to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and
    twigs snapping.

    After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the
    bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel
    looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You
    still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?"

    The male statue looked at the female and asked,
    "Do you want to do it again?"

    Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this
    time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'LL poop on its
    head!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Sep 10 08:16:52 2019

    ***********************************

    An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts
    had married & settled down in their old
    neighborhood.

    To celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary they
    walk down to their old school. There, they hold
    hands as they find the desk they shared & where he
    had carved "I love you, Sally".

    On their way back home, a bag of money falls out
    of an armoured car practically at their feet. She
    quickly picks it up, & they don't know what to do
    with it so they take it home. There, she counts
    the money, & its fifty-thousand dollars.

    The husband says: "We've got to give it back".

    She says, "Finders keepers" & puts the money back
    in the bag & hides it up in their attic.

    The next day, two FBI men are going from door-to-
    door in the neighbourhood looking for the money
    show up at their home.

    One knocks on the door & says: "Pardon me, but did
    either of you find any money that fell out of an
    armoured car yesterday?"

    She says: "No"..

    The husband says: "She's lying. She hid it up in
    the attic."

    She says: "Don't believe him, he's getting
    senile."

    But the agents sit the man down & begin to
    question him.

    One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."

    The old man says: "Well, when Sally & I were
    walking home from school yesterday ..."

    At this, the FBI guy looks at his partner & says:
    "We're outta here ..."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Sep 11 08:16:12 2019

    ***********************************

    A programmer enters an elevator, wanting to go to
    the 12th floor.

    So, he pushes 1, then he pushes 2, and starts
    looking for the Enter....

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Sep 12 08:16:32 2019

    ***********************************

    Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

    Soldier: Sure, buddy.

    Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now
    let's try it again. Soldier, do you have
    change for a dollar?

    Soldier: No, SIR!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Sep 13 08:16:36 2019

    ***********************************

    Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers
    burst in. While several of the robbers take the
    money from the tellers, others line the customers,
    including the accountants, up against a wall, and
    proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While
    this is going on accountant number one jams
    something in accountant number two's hand. Without
    looking down, accountant number two whispers,
    "What is this?" to which accountant number one
    replies, "it's that $50 I owe you."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Sep 14 08:21:42 2019

    ***********************************

    "Waiter! Have you got frogs' legs?"

    "No, sir, I always walk this way"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 2 days, 7 hours, 53 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Sep 15 08:16:38 2019

    ***********************************

    The village blacksmith hired an enthusiastic new
    apprentice willing to work long, hard hours. He
    instructed the boy, "When I take the shoe out of
    the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my
    head, you hit it with the hammer."

    The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now
    he's the new village blacksmith.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours, 48 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Sep 16 08:21:44 2019

    ***********************************

    Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

    Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."

    Kid 1: "As if."

    Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

    Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

    Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 4 days, 7 hours, 53 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Sep 17 22:40:52 2019
    --- up 7 weeks, 5 days, 22 hours, 12 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Sep 18 08:16:14 2019

    ***********************************

    Teacher: "Which book has helped you the most in
    your life?"

    Student: "My father's check book!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 6 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Sep 19 08:16:20 2019

    ***********************************

    My brother and I arrived at boot camp together. On
    the first morning, our unit was dragged out of bed
    by our drill sergeant and made to assemble
    outside. "My name's Sergeant Jackson," he snarled.
    "Is there anyone here who thinks he can whip me?"

    My six-foot-three, 280-pound brother raised his
    hand and said, "Yes, sir, I do."

    Our sergeant grabbed him by the arm and led him
    out in front of the group. "Men," he said, "this
    is my new assistant. Now, is there anyone here who
    thinks he can whip both of us?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Sep 20 08:16:18 2019

    ***********************************

    Q: What do you call security guards
    working outside Samsung shops?

    A: Guardians of the Galaxy.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 1 day, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Sep 21 08:16:22 2019

    ***********************************

    An auto mechanic received a repair order that
    read: "Check for clanking sound when going around
    corners."

    Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a
    right turn, and a moment later he heard a 'clunk.'

    He then made a left turn and again heard a
    'clunk.'

    Back at the shop he opened the car's trunk, and
    soon discovered the problem.

    Promptly he returned the repair order to the
    service manager with the notation, "Removed
    bowling ball from trunk."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 2 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Sep 23 08:16:10 2019

    ***********************************

    If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only
    save one of them, would you read the paper or go
    to lunch?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 4 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Sep 26 08:16:16 2019

    ***********************************

    Did you hear about the blind gynecologist?

    He could read lips.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Sep 28 08:16:22 2019

    ***********************************

    One guy was on duty in the main lab on a quiet
    afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in
    front of one of the workstations with her arms
    crossed across her chest and staring at the
    screen. After about 15 minutes he noticed that she
    was still in the same position only now she was
    impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she
    needed help and she replied, It's about time! I
    pushed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 2 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Sep 29 08:16:10 2019

    ***********************************

    What's the difference between a Northern zoo and
    a Southern zoo?

    In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal
    and the Latin name underneath.

    In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal
    and a recipe underneath.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Oct 1 08:16:26 2019

    ***********************************

    On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of
    the field and civilian aircraft use the other side
    of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

    One day the tower received a call from an aircraft
    asking, "What time is it?"

    The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

    The aircraft replied, "What difference does it
    make?"

    The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference.

    If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3
    o'clock.

    If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.

    If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.

    If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the
    12 and the little hand is on the 3.

    If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday
    afternoon."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 5 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Oct 2 08:16:12 2019

    ***********************************

    A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes
    he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a
    man down below. He lowers the balloon further and
    shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

    The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air
    balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

    "You must work in Technical Support," says the
    balloonist.

    "I do," replies the man. "How did you know?"

    "Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have
    told me is technically correct, but completely
    useless."

    The man below says: "You must be in management."

    "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you
    know?"

    "Well", says the man, "you don't know where you
    are, or where you're going, but you expect me to
    be able to help. You're still in the same
    position you were before we met, but now it's my
    fault."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 6 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Oct 3 08:16:04 2019

    ***********************************

    Q: Is Google male or female?

    A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a
    sentence before making a suggestion.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Oct 4 08:16:16 2019

    ***********************************

    Students are great about sending our troops
    letters, and the troops love 'em. You can see why:

    "Dear Soldier, If you're having a rough day,
    remember the most important thing in life is to be
    yourself. Unless you can be Batman."

    "Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or
    Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers."

    "I am so happy you are risking your life for the
    USA! My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. Now he likes
    peanuts."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 1 day, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Oct 6 08:16:16 2019

    ***********************************

    Dear God: Yesterday was an awful day for me...
    My husband ran off with his secretary,
    My son pierced his eyebrow,
    My daughter tattooed the bald spot on her head,
    My dog mated with the neighbors cat,
    My neighbor sold her house to a mental hospital,
    My Mom told me I was adopted,
    My Dad told me he's gay,
    My boss told me I was laid off,
    My sister was arrested for prostitution,
    My house has termites,
    My car was stolen,
    All that came in the mail was bills,
    A plane, crash landed on my garage,
    OJ Simpson came to my door selling rug cleaner,
    And my TV blew.

    Lord, please be with me today. I was able to live
    through all that misery yesterday. And I will be
    able to make it through anything today! But
    please....DON'T LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO MY
    COMPUTER!!!!!
    AMEN

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Oct 8 08:16:22 2019

    ***********************************

    Arrested on a robbery charge, our law firm's
    client denied the allegations. So when the victim
    pointed him out in a lineup as one of four men who
    had attacked him, our client reacted vociferously.

    "He's lying!" he yelled.
    "There were only three of us."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 5 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Oct 9 08:16:10 2019

    ***********************************

    "Will I ever be able to race my horse again" the
    owner asked the vet.

    The vet replied, "You certainly will, and you'll
    probably beat her too!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 6 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Oct 10 08:16:08 2019

    ***********************************

    You're hiking around on Hampsted Heath (a park
    near London) at the end of a long sunny day. You
    run across (separately) the ghosts of Sir Winston
    Churchill, Sir Baden Powell, and Sir Edmund
    Hillary, who all give you directions to the
    nearest tube stop. Whom don't you believe?

    Your story teller, for there is no such thing as a
    completely sunny day in England.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Oct 12 08:16:10 2019

    ***********************************

    Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

    Great food, no atmosphere.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 2 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Oct 13 08:16:30 2019

    ***********************************

    I couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City
    or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines
    to get prices. "Airfare to Denver is $300," the
    cheery salesperson replied.

    "And what about Salt Lake City?"

    "We have a really great rate to Salt Lake-$99,"
    she said "But there is a stopover."

    "Where?"

    "In Denver," she said.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Oct 14 08:16:20 2019

    ***********************************

    Why do crabs never give to charity?

    Because they're shellfish.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 4 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Oct 16 08:16:14 2019

    ***********************************

    They threw me out of the cinema today
    for bringing my own food.

    But come on - the prices are way too high,
    plus I haven't had a barbecue in months.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 6 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Oct 17 08:16:12 2019

    ***********************************

    What kind of sushi does Lady Gaga eat?

    Raw, raw, raw, raw, rawwww!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Oct 18 08:16:12 2019

    ***********************************

    What did the bald man exclaim when
    he received a comb for a present?

    Gee, I'll never part with it!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 1 day, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Oct 20 08:16:26 2019

    ***********************************

    A very large, old, building was being torn down in
    Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to
    its proximity to other buildings it could not be
    imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor.

    While working on the 49th floor, two construction
    workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind
    the elevator shaft. They decided that they should
    call the police. When the police arrived they
    directed them to the closet and showed them the
    skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They
    said, "This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody
    really important."

    Two days went by and the construction workers
    couldn't stand it any more, they had to know who
    they had found. They called the police and said,
    "We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the
    closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa
    or somebody important."

    The police said, "It's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was
    somebody kind of important."

    "Well, who was it?"

    "The 1956 Blonde National Hide-and-Seek Champion."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Oct 21 08:16:32 2019

    ***********************************

    While editing announcements for a newspaper, I
    came across an item promoting a camp for children
    with asthma. Aside from all the wonderful
    activities the kids could enjoy, such as canoeing,
    swimming, crafts and more, it promised that its
    lakefront property offered something the kids
    probably did not expect: "breathtaking views."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 4 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Oct 22 08:16:32 2019

    ***********************************

    "Mom, don't get alarmed, but I'm at the hospital."

    "Son, please. You've been a surgeon there for 8
    years now.
    Can we start our phone calls differently?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 5 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Oct 24 00:34:38 2019

    ***********************************

    One of my fourth-grade students told me he had
    trouble with math. His explanation summed it up
    well: "The guy next to me always gets ten out of
    ten on his quizzes, and I get only ten out of
    four."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 6 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Oct 24 08:16:12 2019

    ***********************************

    One day two blind men started fighting. Pretty
    soon a crowd surrounded them.

    Then one of the members of the crowd yelled out
    "I bet 10 bucks on the one with the knife."

    Both men ran away.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Oct 25 08:16:22 2019

    ***********************************

    An accountant visited the Natural History museum.
    While standing near the dinosaur, he said to his
    neighbor, "This dinosaur is two billion years and
    ten months old".

    "Where did you get this exact information?"

    "I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me
    that the dinosaur is two billion years old."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 1 day, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Oct 27 08:16:34 2019

    ***********************************

    Where was the Magna Carta signed?

    At the bottom.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Oct 28 08:16:48 2019

    ***********************************

    What is uglier than an aardvark?

    Two aardvarks.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 4 days, 7 hours, 48 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Oct 30 08:16:16 2019

    ***********************************

    Knock! Knock!

    Who's there?

    Ya.

    Ya who?

    I'm excited to see you too!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 6 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Oct 31 08:16:28 2019

    ***********************************

    A man walked into a lawyer's office. "How much
    does your advice cost?" he asked the lawyer.

    "Fifty dollars for three questions," replied the
    lawyer.

    "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.

    "Yes," the lawyer replied, "And what was your
    third question?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Nov 1 08:16:12 2019

    ***********************************

    A man is talking to the family doctor, "Doc, I
    think my wife's going deaf." The doctor answers,
    "Well, here's something you can try on her to test
    her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and
    ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a
    little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this
    until she answers. Then you'll be able to tell
    just how hard of hearing she really is."

    The man goes home and tries it out.

    He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what's for
    dinner?"

    He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer to
    her.

    "Honey, what's for dinner?"

    Still no answer.

    He repeats this several times, until he's standing
    just a few feet away from her.

    Finally, she answers, "For the eleventh time, I
    said we're having MEATLOAF!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 1 day, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Nov 2 08:16:34 2019

    ***********************************

    What goes black white black white...?

    A penguin rolling down a hill!

    What's black and white and laughing?

    The penguin who pushed him!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 2 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Nov 3 09:16:12 2019

    ***********************************

    My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god.
    I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 3 days, 8 hours, 47 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Nov 5 09:16:02 2019

    ***********************************

    A kindergarten teacher spent a few minutes each
    morning teaching a new word to her class. She
    would tell the class the word and its meaning,
    then ask them to come up with a few sentences that
    included the word for the day.

    One day, the teacher said that the word for the
    day was "frugal." She explained that frugal had to
    do with saving, and a frugal person is one who
    saves. She then asked the class to come up with a
    sentence for the word. The class seemed kind of
    stumped, and sat there in silence for a few
    seconds until one little girl raised her hand.
    Instead of just a sentence, she came up with a
    little story:

    "There once was a princess who was stuck in a tall
    tower. There was a spell on all of the doors, so
    she couldn't get out. One day, she heard a young
    prince who was walking by and singing. The
    princess called out of the tower, 'Frugal me!
    Frugal me!' So, the prince frugaled her and they
    lived happily ever after."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 day, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Nov 6 09:16:10 2019

    ***********************************

    Why did the chicken cross the playground?

    To get to the other slide!!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Nov 7 09:16:06 2019

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... Even your wardrobe turns against you. When
    pleading guilty to a DUI charge, let your lawyer
    do the talking. New Zealander Keisha Lee Kubala
    ignored that sensible advice and instead showed
    up in court wearing a T-shirt that said it all:
    "Miss Wasted."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Nov 8 09:16:04 2019

    ***********************************

    My niece was dragged into court by a neighbor who
    complained about her barking dogs. At one point,
    the judge asked the neighbor a question. The
    neighbor didn't reply. "Sir, are you going to
    answer me?"

    The neighbor leaped to his feet. "Are you talking
    to me?" he asked.
    "Sorry; I can't hear a darn thing."

    The case was dismissed.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Nov 9 09:16:10 2019

    ***********************************

    Southwest Airlines makes humor a high priority.
    Here are some actual humorous statements by
    airline flight crews:

    "Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it`s warm, the
    sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are
    going to Charlotte, where it`s dark, windy and
    raining. Why in the world y`all wanna go there I
    can`t imagine."

    "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your
    tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in
    their most uncomfortable position."

    "Your seat cushions can be used for floatation,
    and in the event of an emergency water landing,
    please take them with our compliments."

    "We do feature a smoking section on this flight;
    if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight
    crew and we will escort you to a seat outside on
    the wing of the airplane."

    "Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any
    person caught smoking in the lavatories will be
    asked to leave the plane immediately."

    "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but
    there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

    "If you are so lucky to be traveling with small
    children..."

    Flight attendant: To operate your seatbelt, insert
    the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It
    works just like every other seatbelt, and if you
    don`t know how to operate one, you probably
    shouldn`t be out in public unsupervised.

    In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
    oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop
    screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
    face. If you have a small child traveling with
    you, secure your mask before assisting with
    theirs. If you are traveling with two small
    children, decide now which one you love more."

    "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will
    drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag
    over your own mouth and nose before assisting
    children or adults acting like children."

    Pilot: "We are pleased to have some of the best
    flight attendants in the industry...Unfortunately
    none of them are on this flight...!

    Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising
    altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat
    belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you
    wish, but please stay inside the plane till we
    land... it`s a bit cold outside, and if you walk
    on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

    At the end of a flight: "Our flight attendants are
    now walking through the aisles with trash
    receptacles for any garbage you might have or
    anything else that you might wanna give us!"

    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at
    Washington National, a lone voice comes over the
    loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"

    "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather
    all of your belongings. Anything left behind will
    be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.
    Please do not leave children or spouses."

    "Last one off the plane must clean it."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Nov 11 09:16:06 2019

    ***********************************

    Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two
    drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their
    briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became
    quite concerned and marched over and told them,
    "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" The
    attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their
    shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Nov 12 09:16:04 2019

    ***********************************

    A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a
    bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

    "Why of course", comes the reply.

    The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

    "I'm from Scotland", replies the second man.

    The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from
    Scotland too! Let's have another round to
    Scotland."

    "Of Course", replies the second man.

    Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in
    Scotland are you from?"

    "Aberdeen", comes the reply.

    "I can't believe it", says the first man. "I'm
    from Aberdeen too! Let's have another drink to
    Aberdeen."

    "Of course", replies the second man.

    Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
    "What school did you go to?"

    "Saint Andrews", replies the second man. "I
    graduated in '62."

    "This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I
    went to Saint Andrews and graduated in '62, too!"

    About that time in comes one of the regulars and
    sits down at the bar.

    "What's been going on?", he asks the bartender

    "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The
    MacClyde twins are drunk again."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 1 day, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Nov 13 09:16:06 2019

    ***********************************

    If Mary had Jesus,
    and Jesus is the lamb of God,
    does that mean
    Mary had a little lamb?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 2 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Nov 14 09:16:02 2019

    ***********************************

    Patient: "Doctor, do you think that I shall live
    until I am ninety?"

    Doctor: "How old are you now?"

    Patient: "40"

    Doctor: "Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you
    have any other vice?"

    Patient: "No. I don't drink. I don't gamble. I
    don't smoke. I have no vice."

    Doctor: "Then why do you want to live for another
    fifty years?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 3 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Nov 15 09:16:12 2019

    ***********************************

    The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his
    numbers.

    "Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."

    "Good. What comes after three."

    "Four," answers the boy.

    "What comes after six?"

    "Seven."

    "Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a
    good job. What comes after ten?"

    "A jack," says lil' Johnny

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 4 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Nov 16 09:16:06 2019

    ***********************************

    A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk
    of the loan officer. "Hi," he croaks. "What's your
    name?"

    The loan officer says, "My name is John Paddywack.
    May I help you?"

    "Yeah," says the frog. "I'd like to borrow some
    money."

    The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets
    out a form. "Okay, what's your name?"

    The frog replies, "Kermit Jagger."

    "Really?" says the loan officer. "Any relation to
    Mick Jagger?"

    "Yeah, he's my dad."

    "Hmmm," says the loan officer. "Do you have any
    collateral?"

    The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and
    asks, "Will this do?"

    The loan officer says, "Um, I'm not sure. Let me
    go check with the bank manager."

    "Oh, tell him I said hi," adds the frog. "He knows
    me."

    The loan officer goes back to the manager and
    says, "Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out
    there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow
    some money. All he has for collateral is this
    pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it
    is."

    The manager says: "It's a knick-knack, Paddywack,
    give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling
    Stone."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 5 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Nov 17 09:16:40 2019

    ***********************************

    Knock! Knock!

    Who's there?

    Convex.

    Convex who?

    Convex go to prison!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 6 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Nov 19 09:16:08 2019

    ***********************************

    A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship
    landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of
    the spaceship and started to pump gas into it. The
    woman noticed the letters 'U.F.O.' printed on the
    side of the ship. She turned to the alien and
    asked "Does U.F.O. stand for Unidentified Flying
    Object?"

    The alien answered, "No, it stands for Unleaded
    Fuel Only!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Nov 20 09:16:06 2019

    ***********************************

    On a recent vacation at a resort with my in-laws,
    we planned to spend an afternoon at the pool with
    our kids. We wanted to bring our own drinks, but
    were unsure of the hotel's policy. My brother-in-
    law called the front desk, and assuming everyone
    was familiar with the brand of ice chest he had,
    asked if it was all right if he brought a Playmate
    to the pool. After a pause the clerk asked, "Does
    she have her own towel?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Nov 22 09:16:08 2019

    ***********************************

    So a guy calls into work and says, "I can't come
    in today, I'm seeing spots."

    "Have you seen a doctor?"

    "No, just the spots."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Nov 23 09:16:00 2019

    ***********************************

    Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and
    6 in the other hand, what do I have?"

    Student: "A drinking problem."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Nov 24 09:16:08 2019

    ***********************************

    Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

    A: It's okay. He woke up.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 6 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Nov 25 09:16:02 2019

    ***********************************

    Man to his wife: "Do you know what our 6 year old
    son wants to be once he's big?"

    Wife: "No."

    Man: "A garbage man. And you know why?"

    Wife: "No, why?"

    Man: "Because he thinks they only work on
    Tuesdays."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Nov 26 09:16:06 2019

    ***********************************

    A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have
    just lost their bull. The women need to buy
    another, but only have $500. The redhead tells
    the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I
    can find one for under that amount. If I can, I
    will send you a telegram."

    She goes to the market and finds one for $499.
    Having only one dollar left, she goes to the
    telegraph office and finds out that it costs one
    dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell
    the blonde to bring the truck and trailer.
    Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send
    the word "comfortable."

    Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know
    to come with the trailer from just that word?"

    The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads
    slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 1 day, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Nov 27 09:16:12 2019

    ***********************************

    A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when
    three Hell's Angels' bikers walked in. The first
    walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette
    into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the
    counter.

    The second walked up to the old man, spat into the
    old man's milk and then he too took a seat at the
    counter.

    The third walked up to the old man, turned over
    the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at
    the counter.

    Without a word of protest, the old man quietly
    left the diner.

    Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the
    waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"

    The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver
    either, he just backed his big-rig over three
    motorcycles."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 2 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Nov 29 09:16:02 2019

    ***********************************

    Just found the worst page
    in the entire dictionary.

    What I saw was disgraceful,
    disgusting, dishonest,
    and disingenuous.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 4 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Nov 30 09:16:14 2019

    ***********************************

    A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an
    idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question
    I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have
    to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I
    can't answer yours I will give you $5,000."

    The idiot says, "Okay." The genius then asks,
    "How many continents are there in the world?"

    The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5.

    The idiot says, "Now me ask: what animal stands
    with two legs but sleeps with three?"

    The genius tries and searches very hard for the
    answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The
    genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what
    was the answer to your question?"

    The idiot hands over $5.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Dec 1 09:15:56 2019

    ***********************************

    Q: What's the best thing about Switzerland?

    A: I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 day, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Dec 2 09:16:00 2019

    ***********************************

    "Please, ma'am! How do you spell ichael?"

    The teacher was rather bewildered. "Don't you mean
    Michael?" she asked.

    "No, ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Dec 3 09:15:56 2019

    ***********************************

    My computer made a funny sound the other day.

    Of course, I've never heard it get thrown out a
    window before.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Dec 4 09:16:00 2019

    ***********************************

    Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break
    about being out late the night before.

    The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was
    asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak
    into bed, and not get into trouble."

    The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're
    lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in
    bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me
    hell for being out so late."

    The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"

    The second man replied, "I turned out the light."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Dec 5 09:16:04 2019

    ***********************************

    In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a
    note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one.
    God is watching."

    Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A
    little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want.
    God is watching the apples."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Dec 7 09:15:58 2019

    ***********************************

    Phlebotomist:
    I'm here to draw some blood.

    Patient:
    But I just received blood yesterday.

    Phlebotomist:
    You didn't think you'd get to keep it, did you?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Dec 8 09:16:06 2019

    ***********************************

    The James Bond film Spectre opens in November.
    Writer Peter Anspach explains how he'd improve his
    odds if he were a film villain.

    I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger
    who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil
    I am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

    My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered
    when not in use. Also, I will not construct
    walkways above them.

    If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in
    his goblet, then have to leave the table for any
    reason, I will order new drinks for both of us
    instead of trying to decide whether to switch with
    him.

    My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl
    through.

    When I've captured my adversary and he says,
    "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell
    me what this is all about?" I'll say no and finish
    him off.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 1 day, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Dec 9 09:16:08 2019

    ***********************************

    As soon as the hospital made me put on one of
    those little gowns,
    I knew the end was in sight.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 2 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Dec 10 09:16:08 2019

    ***********************************

    Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

    It was in tents.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 3 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Dec 11 09:16:08 2019

    ***********************************

    An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new
    bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog
    that could actually walk on water to retrieve a
    duck.

    Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his
    friends would ever believe him. He decided to try
    to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal
    pessimist who refused to be impressed with
    anything. This, surely, would impress him. He
    invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

    As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew
    by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded
    and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did
    not sink but instead walked across the water to
    retrieve the bird, never getting more than his
    paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a
    duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of
    the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched
    carefully, saw everything, but did not say a
    single word.

    On the drive home the hunter asked his friend,
    "Did you notice anything unusual about my new
    dog?"

    "I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't
    swim."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 4 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Dec 12 09:16:00 2019

    ***********************************

    An investment banker decides she needs in-house
    counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer.

    "Mr. Peterson," she says.
    "Would you say you're honest?"

    "Honest?" replies Peterson. "Let me tell you
    something about honesty. My father lent me $85,000
    for my education, and I paid back every penny the
    minute I tried my first case."

    "Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

    "Dad sued me for the money."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 5 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Dec 13 09:16:02 2019

    ***********************************

    School Doctor: Have you ever had trouble with
    appendicitis?

    Fred: Only when I tried to spell it.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 6 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Dec 14 09:16:02 2019

    ***********************************

    "You need to be careful when writing comments,"
    our principal told the faculty. He held a report
    card for a Susan Crabbe. A colleague had written,
    "Susan is beginning to come out of her shell."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Dec 15 09:16:12 2019

    ***********************************

    Canada wants us to remember that it, too, is part
    of North America. So The Week asked its readers
    to come up with an eye-catching slogan for our
    neighbor to the north.

    Canada: Where Your Cold Front Begins

    Canada: It's Not Just for Draft Dodgers Anymore

    Canada: Land of Cheaper Drugs

    Canada: Where Winter Spends the Summer

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Dec 16 09:16:00 2019

    ***********************************

    `Where is everybody?" the cowpoke asks.

    "They've all gone to see Brown Paper Pete hang,"
    says a bystander.

    "Why do they call him that?" the cowboy asks.

    "Well, he always wears a brown paper hat, a brown
    paper shirt, and brown paper trousers."

    "Really?" says the cowboy. "And what are they
    hanging him for?"

    "Rustling."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Dec 17 09:16:06 2019

    ***********************************

    Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the
    bartender. "Pour me a stiff one - just had another
    fight with the little woman."

    "Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one
    end?"

    "When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me
    on her hands and knees."

    "Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What
    did she say?"

    "She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you
    little chicken.'"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Dec 18 09:16:06 2019

    ***********************************

    A man goes to the doctor complaining about stomach
    problems. The doctor asks him what he's been
    eating.

    "I only eat pool balls," he says. "Red ones for
    breakfast, yellow and orange ones for lunch, blue
    for afternoon snacks, and purple and black for
    dinner."

    "I see the problem," says the doctor. "You're not
    getting enough greens."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Dec 19 09:16:10 2019

    ***********************************

    Whoever invented knock knock jokes
    should get a no bell prize.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Dec 20 09:16:02 2019

    ***********************************

    How many firemen does it take to change a light
    bulb?

    Four -
    three to cut a hole in the roof
    and one to change the bulb.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 6 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Dec 21 09:16:04 2019

    ***********************************

    Knock! Knock!

    Who's there?

    A little old lady.

    A little old lady who?

    I didn't know you could yodel!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Dec 23 09:16:02 2019

    ***********************************

    A man won an $8,000 settlement from Disneyland
    after he got stuck on the It's a Small World ride.
    He said he'll use the money to cut out the part of
    his brain that won't stop playing
    "It's a Small World After All."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Dec 24 09:16:06 2019

    ***********************************

    Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows 95

    Windows95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical
    shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating
    system originally coded for a 4 bit
    microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that
    can't stand 1 bit of competition.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Dec 26 09:16:02 2019

    ***********************************

    A man was driving a black truck. His lights were
    not on. The moon was not out. A lady was crossing
    the street. How did the man see her?

    It was a bright, sunny day.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 5 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Dec 27 09:16:04 2019

    ***********************************

    Little Jordan wanted to go to the zoo and pestered
    his parents, Al and Elaine, for days. Finally
    Elaine talked Jordan's reluctant father into
    taking him.

    And so Jordan and Al got into the car and left.

    "So how was it?" Elaine asked when they returned
    home.

    "Great," Little Jordan replied.

    "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked
    Elaine.

    "Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed
    Jordan, excitedly, "especially when one of the
    animals came racing home at 30 to 1!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 6 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Dec 28 09:16:08 2019

    ***********************************

    Man: "How old is your father?"

    Boy: "As old as me."

    Man: "How can that be?"

    Boy: "He became a father only when I was born."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Dec 29 09:16:10 2019

    ***********************************

    A programmer's wife sends him to the grocery store
    with the instructions, "get a loaf of bread, and
    if they have eggs, get a dozen."

    He comes home with a dozen loaves of bread and
    tells her, "they had eggs."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Dec 30 09:16:16 2019

    ***********************************

    Understanding the Signs

    Over the years, my husband and I have usually
    managed to decode the cute but confusing gender
    signs sometimes put on restaurants' restroom doors
    (Buoys and Gulls, Laddies and Lassies, etc.), but
    every so often we get stumped.

    Recently my husband Dave wandered off in search of
    the men's room and found himself confronted by two
    marked doors. One was labeled "Bronco," and the
    other was designated "Cactus." Completely baffled,
    he stopped a restaurant employee passing by.

    "Excuse me; I need to use the restroom," Dave
    said. Gesturing toward the doors, he asked, "Which
    one should I use?"

    "Actually, we would prefer you to go there," the
    employee said, pointing to a door down the hall
    marked "Men."

    "Bronco and Cactus are private dining rooms."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Dec 31 09:16:06 2019

    ***********************************

    Brunette: "Where were you born?"

    Blonde: "The United States."

    Brunette: "Which part?"

    Blonde: "My whole body."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jan 1 09:16:08 2020

    ***********************************

    I tried to explain to a client why I couldn't help
    him with a project that was written in a program
    code that I didn't know.

    "Let's say you're asking me to write something in
    a specific language. Now, I'm fluent in English
    and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since
    I don't understand Chinese, I'm not your best
    option. You need someone who is fluent in this
    specific language. See?"

    He said he did and thanked me.

    The next morning, I got a call from another
    developer asking, "Why is So-and-So asking us if
    we're fluent in Chinese?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 4 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jan 3 09:16:04 2020

    ***********************************

    How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships?

    With their eyes shut.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 6 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jan 4 09:16:04 2020

    ***********************************

    During a recent password audit, our I.T.
    discovered a blonde was using the following
    password:

    MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento

    When they asked why such a long password, she said
    she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters
    long and include at least one capital.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 10 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jan 5 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    A Scotsman paying his first visit to a zoo stopped
    by one of the cages

    "An' whut animal would that be?" he asked the
    keeper.

    "Thats a moose from Canada", came the reply.

    "A moose!!", exclaimed the Scotsman. "Hoots, mon,
    if that's a moose then they must ha' rats the size
    of elephants over there!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 8 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jan 6 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    You have just received the "Kentucky Virus"!!!

    As we ain't got no programin' experience, this
    here Virus works on the honor system. Please
    delete all the files on your hard drive, and
    manually forward this virus to everyone on your
    mailing list.

    Thanks for your cooperation.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jan 7 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    One night, Pinnochio's girlfriend says to him,
    "This stinks. Every time we make love I get
    splinters."

    So Pinnochio goes to Gepetto to ask his advice.
    Gepetto says, "Sandpaper, my boy, that's all you
    need."

    A few days later Gepetto runs into Pinnochio and
    says, "So how are you doing with the girls now?"

    Pinnochio says, "Who needs girls?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jan 8 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    First witch: Here's a banana if you can spell it.

    Second witch: I can spell banana. I just don't
    know when to stop.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 4 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jan 9 09:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for
    an MRI, he was put into the machine by an
    attractive, young technician. Sometime later, when
    the examination was over, he was helped out of the
    machine by a far older woman. The soldier
    remarked, "How long was I in there for?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 5 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jan 10 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    A young boy is pulling his wagon up a hill when
    one of the back wheels falls off and rolls down
    the hill.

    The young boy says, "I'll be darned."

    A local pastor heard him and said, "You should not
    say that. Next time your wheel falls off say,
    'Praise the Lord.'"

    So the next day the young boy is pulling his wagon
    up the hill and the wheel falls off and rolls down
    the hill. The young boy says, "Praise the Lord."

    The wheel stops rolling, turns around, rolls back
    up the hill and puts itself back on the wagon.

    The young boy being very surprised by this
    exclaims, "I'll be darned!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 6 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jan 11 09:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    A dog walks into a Saloon, with a bandage on his
    leg. He stops and announces...

    "I'm looking for guy who shot my paw!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 10 hours, 8 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jan 13 09:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You believe flattery will get you anywhere.
    Adan Juarez Ramirez had it all figured out-he
    could be a cop without having to take the boring
    test. But he was arrested in Grapevine, Texas,
    after pulling over a driver in his pickup truck,
    outfitted with flashing lights. He even had an ID
    badge, which he'd made by blacking out a
    restaurant gift card and etching in the word
    "POLICE." However, he'd kept the restaurant's
    logo, a jalapeno pepper surrounded by the words
    "Chipotle Mexican Grill."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jan 14 09:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Recently a routine police patrol was parked
    outside a bar in the Outback.

    After last call, the officer noticed a man
    leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he
    could barely walk.

    The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few
    minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

    After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried
    his keys on five different vehicles, the man
    managed to find his car and fall into it.

    He sat there for a few minutes as a number of
    other patrons left the bar and drove off.

    Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on
    and off; it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked
    the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked
    the horn and then switched on the lights.

    He moved the vehicle forward a few inches,
    reversed a little, and then remained still for a
    few more minutes as some more of the other
    patrons' vehicles left.

    At last, when his was the only car left in the
    parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down
    the road.

    The police officer, having waited patiently all
    this time, now started up his patrol car, put on
    the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man
    over and administered a breathalyser test.

    To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no
    evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at
    all!

    Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask
    you to accompany me to the police station. This
    breathalyser equipment must be broken."

    "I doubt it," said the truly proud Redneck.
    "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jan 15 09:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    When an ape visits his tailor, what kind of a suit
    does he order?

    A zoo-t suit!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 4 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jan 16 09:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was
    always late for work. When confronted by his boss
    the man explained: "You can't park anywhere near
    this place!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 5 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jan 18 09:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Caller: Finally! I got through! I've been trying
    to call the zoo for hours!

    Zookeeper: Yes, all our lions were busy!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 10 hours, 8 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jan 19 09:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You love too much. Maybe Stephfon Bennett
    should try online dating. After he and two
    accomplices allegedly mugged a couple in Columbus,
    Ohio, police say he found the woman's ID in her
    purse, then showed up at her door with a simple
    proposal: How about a date? Since a girl likes to
    play hard to get, she called the cops, who
    arrested Bennett outside her home.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 8 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jan 20 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Did your wife recover from her operation?

    Not yet, she's still talking about it.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jan 21 09:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    A panda walks into a bar, sits down and order a
    sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun
    and shoots the waiter dead.

    As the panda stands up to go, the bartender
    shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot
    my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

    The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man,
    I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"

    The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the
    following definition for Panda: "A tree dwelling
    marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by
    distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots
    and leaves."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jan 22 09:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Knock! Knock!

    Who's there?

    Sam and Janet

    Sam and Janet who?

    Samenjanet Evening.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jan 23 09:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: How many seconds are there in one year?

    A: 12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March
    2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd,
    August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November
    2nd, December 2nd.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 day, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jan 24 09:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    There was a beautiful young blonde who was going
    to a soda machine and she arrived there just
    before a business man coming to quench his thirst.
    She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied
    the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke
    selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she
    placed on a counter by the machine.

    Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out
    a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying
    the machine carefully, she pushed the button for
    Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50
    cents change.

    She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in
    the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed
    the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew.
    As she was reaching into her purse again, the
    business man who had been waiting patiently for
    several minutes now spoke up.

    "Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?"

    She looked at him and indignantly replied:
    "Well Duhhh!, I'm still winning"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jan 25 09:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    There was an engineer, manager and programmer
    driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes
    failed and the car careened down the road out of
    control.

    Half way down the driver managed to stop the car
    by running it against the embankment narrowing
    avoiding going over a cliff.

    They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape
    from death, but otherwise unharmed.

    The manager said "To fix this problem we need to
    organize a committee, have meetings, and through a
    process of continuous improvement, develop a
    solution."

    The engineer said "No that would take too long,
    and besides that method never worked before. I
    have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart
    the brake system, isolate the problem and correct
    it."

    The programmer said "I think you're both wrong! I
    think we should all push the car back up the hill
    and see if it happens again."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jan 26 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Pat was dying. His wife, Kristi, was maintaining a
    candlelight vigil by his side. She held his
    fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her
    praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up
    and his pale lips began to move slightly.
    "My darling Kristi," he whispered.

    "Hush, my love," she said."Rest. Shh, don't talk."

    He was insistent. "Kristi," he said in his tired
    voice."I..I Have something I must confess to you."

    "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping
    Kristi. "Everything's all right, go to sleep."

    "No, no. I must die in peace, Kristi. I...I slept
    with your sister, your best friend, her best
    friend, and your mother!"

    "I know," Kristi whispered softly.
    "That's why I poisoned you."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jan 27 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only
    1 letter in it?

    A: Envelope.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jan 29 09:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Scene: A radio newsroom.

    Caller: I just wanted to let
    you know you're off the air.

    Host: Yes, we know. The
    engineers are working on it.

    Caller: It would be nice if
    you put something on the air
    that says that.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jan 30 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    You're so bald, that when you wear a turtleneck,
    you look like a stick of roll-on deodorant.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 1 day, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jan 31 09:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    A guy was invited to an old friends' home for
    dinner.

    His buddy preceded every request to his wife by
    endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love,
    Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

    The guy was impressed since he knew the couple had
    been married almost 70 years, and while the wife
    was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy, "I
    think it's wonderful that after all the years
    you've been married, you still call your wife
    those pet names."

    His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I
    forgot her name about ten years ago."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 2 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Feb 1 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see
    who's best at his job. So they each go into the
    woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it.
    Later they get together.

    The priest begins: "When I found the bear, I read
    to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with
    holy water. Next week is his first communion."

    "I found a bear by the stream," says the minister,
    "and preached God's holy word. The bear was so
    mesmerized that he let me baptize him."

    They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on
    a gurney in a body cast.

    "Looking back," he says, "maybe I shouldn't have
    started with the circumcision."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 3 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Feb 3 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    I used to hate facial hair,
    but then it grew on me.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 5 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Feb 4 09:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    A blind man enters a Ladies bar by mistake. He
    finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink.
    After sitting there for a while, he yells to the
    bartender: "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

    The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a
    very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him
    says: "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it
    is just fair - giving that you are blind - that
    you should know five things:

    1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
    2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
    3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. blonde woman with a
    black belt in Karate.
    4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a
    proffesional weightlifter.
    5. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a
    proffesional wrestler.

    Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you
    still wanna tell that joke?"

    The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head
    and declares: "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to
    explain it five times".

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 6 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Feb 5 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Why did your sister cut a hole in her new
    umbrella?

    Because she wanted to be able to tell when
    it stopped raining.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Feb 6 09:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Did you hear about the vampire who had an eye for
    the ladies?

    He used to keep it in his back pocket.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Feb 7 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    I got another letter from this lawyer today.
    It said "Final Notice".

    Good that he will not bother me anymore.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Feb 8 09:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner
    that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything.

    The shop owner suggests a faithful dog.

    The man replies, "Come on, a dog?"

    The owner says, "How about a cat?"

    The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do
    everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"

    The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says,
    "I've got it! A centipede!"

    The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a
    centipede doing everything, but okay. I'll try a
    centipede."

    He gets the centipede home and says to the
    centipede, "Clean the kitchen."

    Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen
    and. it's immaculate! All the dishes and
    silverware have been washed, dried, and put away
    the counter-tops cleaned the appliances sparkling
    the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed.

    He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living
    room."

    Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living
    room. The carpet has been vacuumed the furniture
    cleaned and dusted the pillows on the sofa
    plumped, plants watered. The man thinks to
    himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever
    seen. This really is a pet that can do
    everything!"

    Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the
    corner and get me a newspaper." The centipede
    walks out the door.

    Ten minutes later.no centipede.
    Twenty minutes later. no centipede.
    Thirty minutes later. no centipede.
    By this point the man is wondering what's going
    on. The centipede should have been back in a
    couple of minutes.
    Forty five minutes later. still no centipede!
    He can't imagine what could have happened.
    Did the centipede run away?
    Did it get run over by a car?
    Where is that centipede?

    So he goes to the front door, opens it.and there's
    the centipede sitting right outside.

    The man says, "Hey! I sent you down to the corner
    store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's
    the matter?!"

    The centipede says, "I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm
    just puttin' on my shoes!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Feb 10 09:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Mr. Smith: "Doctor, you remember this
    strengthening solution you prescribed me
    yesterday?"

    Doctor: "Yes, what's the matter?"

    Mr. Smith: "I would like to use it but
    I can't open the bottle!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Feb 11 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    The 21st century: Deleting history is more
    important than making it.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 6 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Feb 12 09:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    A helicopter loses power over a remote Scottish
    island and makes an emergency landing. Luckily,
    there's a cottage nearby, so the pilot knocks on
    the door. "Is there a mechanic in the area?" he
    asks the woman who answers.

    She thinks for a minute. "No, but we do have a
    McArdle and a McKay."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Feb 13 09:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    I saw a documentary on how
    ships are kept together;

    It was riveting.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Feb 14 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana.
    As they approached Natchitoches, they started
    arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They
    argued back and forth, then they stopped for
    lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the
    blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you
    please settle an argument for us? Would you please
    pronounce where we are very slowly?"

    She leaned over the counter and said,
    "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Feb 15 09:15:18 2020

    ***********************************

    There are bats hanging off a branch upside down,
    all except one.

    Two bats comment: "What's happened to this one?

    "I don't know, two minutes ago he seemed normal
    and then he fainted."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Feb 16 09:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Waiter, this coffee tastes like dirt!

    Yes sir, thats because it was only ground
    this morning.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 4 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Feb 17 23:39:46 2020

    ***********************************

    A student was heading home for the holidays. When
    she got to the airline counter, she presented her
    ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her
    luggage, she made the remark, "I'd like you to
    send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red
    suitcase to London."

    The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't do
    that."

    "Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that
    because that's exactly what you did to my luggage
    last year!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 6 days, 43 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Feb 18 09:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in
    Juneau, Alaska, I got a call from the Navy in the
    nearby city of Adak. They had lost contact with
    one of their planes, and they needed the Coast
    Guard to send an aircraft to go find it. I asked
    the man where the Navy aircraft had last been
    spotted so we would know where to search.

    "I can't tell you," the Navy man said.
    "That's classified."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 6 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Feb 19 09:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    Great Book Titles

    How to Feed Elephants by P. Nutts

    Aches and Pains by Arthur Ritis

    The Spicy Sausage by Delia Katessen

    The Punished Schoolboy by Major Bumsaw

    The Long Walk Home by Miss D. Buss

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Feb 20 09:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    The human cannonball tells the
    circus owner he is going to retire.

    "But you can't!" protests the boss.
    "Where am I going to find another
    man of your caliber?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Feb 21 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    A recent scientific study showed that
    out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94%
    are too lazy to actually read that number.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Feb 22 09:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    A lot of people cry when they cut an onion.

    The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Feb 23 09:15:04 2020

    ***********************************

    `How to make a million dollars:
    First, get a million dollars.'
    Steve Martin

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 4 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Feb 24 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
    Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 5 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Feb 25 09:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    During that first roll call in the Army, I waited
    in dread as the sergeant got to my name:
    DiFeliciantonio. There was bound to be trouble,
    and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silent-
    eyebrows arched, brain overloaded. After a long
    pause, he thundered, "The alphabet?!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 6 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From jimmylogan@21:2/147 to JokeMaster on Wed Feb 26 01:37:33 2020
    JokeMaster wrote to All <=-

    ***********************************

    A recent scientific study showed that
    out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94%
    are too lazy to actually read that number.

    ***********************************

    Oh this was good. :-)




    ... I have a step ladder - I never knew my real ladder.
    ___ MultiMail/Mac v0.52

    --- Mystic BBS/QWK v1.12 A45 2020/02/18 (Windows/32)
    * Origin: ACME BBS-Bad 'ol puddy-tat! (21:2/147)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Feb 26 09:15:04 2020

    ***********************************

    Fred's class was taken to the Natural History
    Museum in New York.

    "Did you enjoy yourself?" asked her mother when
    she got home.

    "Oh, yes," replied Fred. "But it was funny going
    to a dead zoo."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Feb 28 09:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    A military base commander called to complain that
    the weather-forecasting software our company
    created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind
    shifts.

    "Do you know where the sensor is located?"
    my coworker asked.

    "Of course," he responded.
    "It's where we park the helicopters."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Feb 29 09:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair,
    twisting and moving all over the place. My wife
    said to me, "Straighten her up."

    I looked at my daughter and said, "What are you
    doing with your life? Do you want to be this way
    forever? It's time to grow up."

    My wife hasn't asked me to do anything since.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Mar 1 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Why do dolphins swim in salt water?

    Because pepper water would make them sneeze.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 4 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Mar 2 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    A young man hired by a supermarket reported for
    his first day of work. The manager greeted him
    with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a
    broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep
    out the store."

    "But I'm a college graduate," the young man
    replied indignantly.

    "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the
    manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you
    how."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 5 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Mar 3 09:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese made a
    language entirely out of tattoos.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 6 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Mar 4 09:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Last night I dreamt I was a muffler,

    I woke up exhausted.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Mar 5 09:15:04 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?

    A: Because it's pointless!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Mar 6 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    An American tourist in London decides to skip his
    tour group and explore the city on his own. He
    wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally
    stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local
    culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of
    stout.

    After a while, he finds himself in a very nice
    neighborhood with big, stately residences...no
    pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all
    NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.

    He really, really has to go, after all those
    Guinnesses. He finds a narrow side street, with
    high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and
    decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

    As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder
    by a London police officer, who says, "I say, sir,
    you simply cannot do that here, you know."

    "I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American,
    "but I really, really have to go, and I just can't
    find a public restroom."

    "Ah, yes," said the policeman..."Just follow me".
    He leads the American to a back delivery alley to
    a gate, which he opens.

    "In there," points the policeman. "Go ahead sir,
    anywhere you like."

    The fellow enters and finds himself in the most
    beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass
    lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and
    huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect
    bloom.

    Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves
    himself and feels much more comfortable. As he
    goes back through the gate, he says to the police
    officer, "That was really decent of you... is that
    what you call English hospitality?"

    "No sir...", replied the police officer, "...that
    is what we call the French Embassy."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Mar 7 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Mar 8 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Jill: How did you find the weather on your
    vacation?

    Bill: I just went outside and there it was!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 4 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Mar 9 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    The military has a long, proud tradition of
    pranking recruits. Here are some favorites from
    rallypoint.com:

    Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for
    left-handed spatulas

    Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in
    search of fallopian tubes

    Had a new guy conduct a "boom test" on a howitzer
    by yelling "Boom!" down the tube in order to
    "calibrate" it

    Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can
    of dehydrated water
    (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can)

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Mar 10 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    If six children and two dogs were under an
    umbrella, how come none of them got wet?

    Because it wasn't raining.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Mar 11 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    A little old lady answered a knock on the door one
    day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young
    man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Good morning," said
    the young man. "If I could take a couple of
    minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate
    the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.

    "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any
    money!" and she proceeded to close the door..

    Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in
    the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too
    hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen
    my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a
    bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
    "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces
    of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I
    will personally eat the remainder."

    The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope
    you've got a damned good appetite, because they
    cut off my electricity this morning.."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Mar 12 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You can't let go of your friends. Two New
    Zealand prisoners had the brilliant idea of
    fleeing the courthouse while tethered together by
    handcuffs. They might have escaped had a light
    pole not gotten between them. Like a pair of
    click-clacks, they slammed into each other and
    were arrested trying to get back to their feet.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Mar 13 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    "Waiter!" shouted the furious diner, "How dare you
    serve me this! There's a TWIG in my soup!"

    "My apologies," said the waiter. "I'll inform the
    branch manager."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- up 7 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Mar 15 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    Why did Arthur have a round table?

    So no one could corner him!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- up 7 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Mar 16 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    My husband's cousin married a former Marine who
    now works for United Parcel Service. They bought
    their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in
    a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. When
    the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a
    picture of himself in full Marine dress. "See,
    Connor?" he explained, pointing to the photo and
    then to the bear. "That's Daddy."

    Connor's eyes went from one to the other, and then
    he asked in a puzzled voice,
    "You used to be a bear?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- up 7 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Mar 17 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone
    when a local police cruiser pulled her over and
    walked up to the car. The police officer also
    happened to be a blonde and she asked for the
    blonde's driver's license.

    The driver searched frantically in her purse for a
    while and finally said to the blonde policewoman
    "What does a driver's license look like?"
    Irritated, the blonde cop said "You dummy, it's
    got your picture on it!"

    The blonde driver frantically searched her purse
    again and found a small rectangular mirror down at
    the bottom. She held it up to her face and said,
    Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed
    it to the blonde policewoman.

    The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it
    back to the driver and said, "You're free to go.
    And, if I had known you were a police officer too,
    we could have avoided all this hassle.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Mar 18 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a
    new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars,
    but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

    "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

    "Twelve thirty."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- up 8 weeks, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Mar 19 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    If you ever get cold, just stand in
    the corner of a room for a while.
    They're normally around 90 degrees.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- up 8 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Mar 21 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    New Math?

    A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic, he said it
    was his mission.

    He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said,
    "Now that's addition."

    In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the
    kisses back and said, "Now that's subtraction."

    Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an
    explanation.

    And both together smiled and said, "That's
    multiplication."

    Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a
    quick decision.

    He kicked that boy three blocks away and said,
    "That's long division!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Mar 22 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision
    with a truck. When they died, God granted all of
    them one wish.

    The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous."
    God snapped his fingers and it happened.

    The second person said the same thing and God did
    the same thing.

    This want on and on throughout the group.

    God noticed the last man in line was laughing
    hysterically.

    By the time God got to the last ten people, the
    last man was laughing and rolling on the ground.

    When the man's turn came, he laughed and said,
    "I wish they were all ugly again."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Mar 23 08:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh
    have in common?

    They both have 'the' as their middle names.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- up 8 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Mar 24 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    A hunter visited another hunter and was given a
    tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion.
    The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?"

    The host said, "that was three years ago, when I
    went hunting with my wife."

    "What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting
    hunter.

    "My wife."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Mar 25 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    A customer was bothering the waiter in a
    restaurant. First, he asked that the air
    conditioning be turned up because he was too hot,
    then he asked it be turned down cause he was too
    cold, and so on for about half an hour.

    Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he
    walked back and forth and never once got angry. So
    finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't
    throw out the pest.

    "Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter
    with a smile. "We don't even have an air
    conditioner."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- up 9 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Mar 26 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    A blonde girl comes back from school one evening.
    She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at
    school we learned how to count. Well, all the
    other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me:
    1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?"

    "Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.

    "Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks.

    "Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde."
    The mom says.

    Next day, the little girl comes back from school
    and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the
    alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as
    D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's
    good, innit?"

    "Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.

    "Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" she asks.

    "Yes, darling it's because you're blonde."
    The mom says.

    Next Day, she returns from school and cries:
    "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the
    other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She
    proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy.

    "Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?"

    "No darling, it's because you're 25."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Mar 27 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    I'm writing my book in fifth person, so every
    sentence starts out with: "I heard from this guy
    who told somebody ."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- up 9 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Mar 28 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Notice seen on the bulletin board of a Florida air
    base: "The following enlisted men will pick up
    their Good Conduct medals in the supply room this
    afternoon. Failure to comply with this order will
    result in disciplinary action."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Mar 29 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?

    Must have been a duck family.

    A duck family?

    Didn't you say there was a quack in it?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- up 9 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Mar 30 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    There are over a million words in the English
    language, but we can always use more. Here are
    some that wordsmiths contributed to the
    Merriam-Webster Open Dictionary website:

    Epiphunny (noun): The moment of sudden
    revelation when one gets the joke.

    Nagivator (noun): A bossy person who rides
    in the passenger seat and gives directions
    to the driver.

    Phooey Vuitton (noun): A sub- standard,
    counterfeit Louis Vuitton product.

    Wuzband (noun): A former husband.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Mar 31 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You're convinced the laws of physics don't
    apply to you. Clive Halford thinks big! The
    British career criminal stole a truck and loaded
    it with 18 pallets of stolen nickel and copper
    worth around $250,000. Yes, the haul was huge-too
    huge. Cops arrested Halford after the truck's
    suspension collapsed under the weight. Earlier,
    Halford had stolen a car, overloaded it, and
    broken its suspension too.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Apr 1 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: What computer sings the best?

    A: A Dell.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Apr 3 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    It only rains twice a year in Seattle:

    August through April and May through July.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Apr 4 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: Why aren't dogs good dancers?

    A: Because they have two left feet!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Apr 6 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I
    think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on
    the table and reached down and took a cat out of a
    box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog
    didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the
    doctor.

    "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks.

    "$345," says the doctor.

    "$345!!?" the lady asks.

    "Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the
    cat scan."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- up 10 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Apr 7 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    A gentleman was just out of surgery for a
    appendicitus. His wife sat calmly beside him
    holding his hand while she waited for him to wake
    up. A few minutes later she looked over and his
    eyes were fluttering. He opened them, looked
    directly at her and said "Hi Beautiful" and went
    back to sleep.

    Well, a little startled and blushing, the wife
    wondered what he was thinking as he hadn't said
    anything that sweet to her in ages. A few minutes
    later, his eyes opened again, and he looked over
    and said, "Hi ya Cutie". then proceeded to fall
    back to sleep.

    Feeling a bit hurt with the downgrade from
    beautiful to cutie, the wife patiently waited.
    When he woke up again, she said, "Honey, why did
    you downgrade me from Beautiful to Cutie just a
    few minutes ago."

    And without missing a beat, the husband looked at
    her and said, "The drugs are wearing off."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- up 10 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Apr 9 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    For everyone who has ever had an evaluation or
    performance review just remember, it could have
    been worse. These are actual quotes taken from
    United States Federal Government employee
    performance evaluations:

    1. "Since my last report, this employee has
    reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

    2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

    3. "This employee is really not so much of a
    has-been, but more of definite won't be."

    4. "Works well when under constant supervision and
    cornered like a rat in a trap."

    5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is
    only to change feet."

    7. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

    8. "He sets low personal standards and then
    consistently fails to achieve them."

    9. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere
    of its idiot."

    10. "This employee should go far, and the sooner
    he starts, the better."

    11. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic
    thingy to hold it all together."

    12. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an
    ordinary ignoramus."

    13. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

    14. "I would like to go hunting with him
    sometime."

    15. "He's been working with glue too much."

    16. "He would argue with a signpost."

    17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the
    room."

    18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

    19. "If you see two people talking and one looks
    bored, he's the other one."

    20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover
    glued on."

    21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

    22. "Donated his brain to science before he was
    done using it."

    23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but
    the train isn't coming."

    24. "He's got two brain cells, one is lost and the
    other is out looking for it."

    25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be
    watered twice a week."

    26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts,
    you'd get change."

    27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can
    hear the ocean."

    28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000
    other sperm."

    29. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he
    only gargled."

    30. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."

    31. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Apr 10 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today.
    That's 7 years in a row now.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Apr 11 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: Why was the blonde so happy after she finished
    her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?

    A: Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Apr 13 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    There was this man who was in a horrible accident,
    and was injured. But the only permanent damage he
    suffered was the amputation of both of his ears.
    As a result of this "unusual" handicap, he was
    very self-conscious about his having no ears.
    Because of the accident, he received a large sum
    of money from the insurance company. It was always
    his dream to own his own business, so he decided
    with all this money he had, he now had the means
    to own a business. So he went out and purchased a
    small, but expanding computer firm. But he
    realized that he had no business knowledge at all,
    so he decided that he would have to hire someone
    to run the business. He picked out three top
    candidates, and interviewed each of them. The
    first interview went really well. He really liked
    this guy. His last question for this first
    candidate was, "Do you notice anything unusual
    about me?"

    The guy said, "Now that you mention it, you have
    no ears."

    The man got really upset and threw the guy out.

    The second interview went even better than the
    first. This candidate was much better than the
    first. Again, to conclude the interview, the man
    asked the same question again, "Do you notice
    anything unusual about me?"

    This guy also noticed, "Yes, you have no ears."

    The man was really upset again, and threw this
    second candidate out.

    Then he had the third interview. The third
    candidate was even better than the second, the
    best out of all of them. Almost certain that he
    wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked,
    "Do you notice anything unusual about me?"

    The guy replied "Yeah, you're wearing contact
    lenses."

    Surprised, the man then asked, "Wow! That's quite
    perceptive of you! How could you tell?"

    The guy burst out laughing and said, "Well, You
    can't wear glasses if you don't have any ears!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Apr 14 08:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You air your neighbor's dirty laundry. As she
    walked around her neighbor's yard sale in Severn,
    Maryland, the woman couldn't help admiring the
    items. The Oriental rug, the luggage, the shoes
    they were exactly her style. And why not? They
    were hers, as was everything else on display.
    David Perticone says somebody sold him the stuff.
    But cops think Perticone did the deed himself.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- up 11 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Apr 15 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    I thought I'd tell you a good time travel joke
    but you didn't like it.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    --- up 12 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Apr 16 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    We were inspecting several lots of grenades. While
    everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I
    held up a spare pin and asked,
    "Has anyone seen my grenade?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Apr 18 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    It's that time of year to take our annual senior
    citizen test. Exercising the brain is as important
    as exercising muscles. As we grow older, it's
    important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use
    it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to
    gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.

    Take the test presented here to determine if
    you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so
    you don't see the answers until you've made your
    answer.

    OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.

    -1. What do you put in a toaster?




    Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now
    and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself.
    If you said, bread, go to Question 2.

    -2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk"

    What do cows drink?




    Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk,"
    don't attempt the next question. Your brain is
    over-stressed and may even overheat. Content
    yourself with reading a more appropriate
    literature such as Auto World. However, if you
    said "water", proceed to question 3.

    -3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a
    blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink
    house is made from pink bricks and a black house
    is made from black bricks , what is a green house
    made from?




    Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you
    said "green bricks," why the heck are you still
    reading these??? If you said "glass," go on to
    Question 4.

    -4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying
    at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall,
    Germany at the time was politically divided into
    West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the
    flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing
    that the last remaining engine is also failing,
    decides on a crash landing procedure.
    Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so
    and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle
    of "no man's land" between East Germany and West
    Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East
    Germany , West Germany , or no man's land"?




    Answer: You don't bury survivors.

    If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you
    must stop. If you said, "You don't bury
    survivors", proceed to the next question.

    -5. Without using a calculator - You are driving
    a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales . In
    London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading ,
    six people get off the bus and nine people get on.
    In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In
    Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on .
    In Swansea , three people get off and five people
    get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three
    get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was
    the name of the bus driver?




    Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!

    Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!! Now
    pass this along to all your friends and pray they
    do better than you.

    PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


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    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Apr 20 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the
    teller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're
    geography!"

    The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say
    'or you're history?'"

    The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Apr 21 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

    A Doberman.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Apr 22 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    The box said "Requires Windows Vista or better".

    So I installed LINUX.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Apr 23 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear
    casual clothes so they won't be identified as
    clergy. They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and
    soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde
    in a tiny bikini. "Good afternoon, Fathers," she
    says as she strolls by.

    The men are stunned. How does she know they're
    clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer
    shorts, tie-dyed T-shirts, and dark glasses. The
    next day, they return to the beach. The same
    fabulous blonde, now wearing a string bikini,
    passes by, nods politely at them, and says, "Good
    morning, Fathers."

    "Just a minute, young lady," says one of the
    priests. "We are priests and proud of it, but how
    in the world did you know?"

    "Don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Kathryn from
    the convent."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Apr 24 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    After I took a job at a small publishing house,
    the first books I was assigned to edit were all
    on the topic of dieting.

    "Isn't the market flooded with these types of
    books?" I asked another editor. "How do we expect
    to turn a profit?"

    "Don't worry," he assured me. "These books appeal
    to a wider audience than most."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Apr 25 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You skimp on travel expenses. Twelve Middle
    Eastern immigrants forgot the first rule of
    sneaking into a country: Don't call attention to
    yourself. En route to England from Germany, they
    snuck a ride in the back of a man's truck. They
    stayed mum throughout their trip, even as they
    crossed the Channel into England. But once they
    hit Dover, they celebrated their arrival with
    songs and whoops. Not for long, though. The
    startled driver headed to a police station, where
    the 12 were apprehended.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Apr 26 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked
    his mother, "How was I born?"

    "Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother,
    "the stork brought you to us."

    "Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy
    get born?"

    "Oh, the stork brought us too."

    "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?"
    the boy persisted.

    "Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said
    the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.

    Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to
    the teacher who read with confusion the opening
    sentence: "This report has been very difficult to
    write due to the fact that there hasn't been a
    natural childbirth in my family for three
    generations."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Apr 27 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion
    is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a
    coconut at his face.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Apr 28 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You take the holidays too seriously. Robert E.
    Dendy of upstate New York presented the local
    police station with a Christmas wreath. Since the
    officers were well acquainted with Dendy, they did
    some snooping and arrested him for stealing the
    wreath from a store down the block.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Apr 29 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Andy: "Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last
    night. I dreamed I was with twelve of the most
    beautiful chorus girls in the world. Blondes,
    brunettes, redheads, all dancing in a row."

    Doctor: "Hold it, Andy. That doesn't sound so
    terrible."

    Andy: Oh yeah? In the dream, I was the third girl
    from the end."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Apr 30 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work
    when his wife rings him on his cell phone.

    "Honey," she says in a worried voice, "please be
    careful. There was a bit on the news just now,
    some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the
    highway."

    "Oh it's worse than that," he replies,
    "there are hundreds of them!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat May 2 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    A magician was driving down the road...
    then he turned into a driveway.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun May 3 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    So much has changed since my girlfriend
    told me we're having a baby.
    For instance my name,
    address and telephone number!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue May 5 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?

    A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions:
    Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu May 7 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    Don't trust atoms

    They make up everything

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 15 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri May 8 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    A worker goes to his boss and says, `You have to
    give me a raise. There are three other companies
    after me.'

    `Is that so?' says the manager.

    `And what companies are those?'

    The worker replies, `The electric company, the
    telephone company, and the gas company.'

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 15 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat May 9 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy
    looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus
    stop, someone asked, "Where did you get that?"

    The pig replied, "I won her in a raffle!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 15 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun May 10 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You leave IOUs. Graham Price of South Wales
    ripped off the bank where he worked, but he wasn't
    completely duplicitous. He left a note in the safe:

    "Borrowed, seven million pounds"
    -signed "Graham Price."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 15 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon May 11 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties
    and had never been married. She was much admired
    for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor
    came to call on her one afternoon early in the
    spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian
    parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she
    prepared a little tea.

    As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young
    minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top
    of it, filled with water. In the water floated,
    of all things, a condom.

    Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his
    curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or
    something...!

    When she returned with tea and cookies, they began
    to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity
    about the bowl of water and its strange floater,
    but soon it got the better of him, and he could
    resist no longer.

    "Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell
    me about this?" (pointing to the bowl).

    "Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was
    walking downtown last fall and I found this little
    package on the ground. The directions said to put
    it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent
    disease. And you know... I haven't had a cold all
    winter."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 15 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue May 12 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    A fire fighter was working on the engine outside
    the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby
    in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off
    the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the
    middle. The girl was wearing a fire fighter's
    helmet.

    The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

    The fire fighter walked over to take a closer
    look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the
    firefighter said with admiration.

    "Thanks," the girl replied.

    The fire fighter looked a little closer. The
    fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her
    dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

    "Little partner," the fire fighter said, "I don't
    want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you
    were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I
    think you could go faster."

    The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're
    probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 15 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed May 13 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    A snail is walking down the road, when all of a
    sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the
    snail, take his money, and leave him for dead.

    Months later in the courtroom, after the two
    turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the
    snail to describe what happened on the night of
    the assault.

    The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor,
    but it all happened so fast!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 16 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu May 14 08:15:04 2020

    ***********************************

    What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?

    Toga-ether we can rule the world!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 16 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri May 15 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    If you're fishing on ice, you should never tell
    a joke on ice.

    WHY???

    The ice will crack up!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 16 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat May 16 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Baby Rabbit: "Mommy, where did I come from?"

    Mother Rabbit: "I ll tell you when you re older."

    Baby Rabbit: "Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now."

    Mother Rabbit: "If you must know, you were pulled
    from a magician's hat."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 16 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon May 18 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    I recently stumbled upon my favorite new sports
    team. It's a woman's bowling squad called I Can't
    Believe It's Not Gutter.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 16 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue May 19 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

    A: a receding hare-line.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 16 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu May 21 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    It seemed that all our appliances had broken in
    the same week, and repairs were straining our
    budget. So when I picked up the kids from school
    and our Jeep started making rattling sounds, I
    decided that rather than burden my husband, I'd
    deal with it. I hadn't reckoned on my little
    tattletales, however. They rushed into the house
    with the news: "Daddy, the Jeep was breaking down,
    but Mom made the noise stop!"

    Impressed, my husband asked, "How did you fix it?"

    "I turned up the volume on the radio," I confessed.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 17 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri May 22 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    A man was walking along a California beach and
    stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and
    rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said,
    "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah
    blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm
    getting a little sick of these wishes so you can
    forget about three. You only get one wish!"

    The man sat and thought about it for a while and
    said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm
    scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you
    build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over
    there to visit?"

    The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible.
    Think of the logistics of that! How would the
    supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?
    Think of how much concrete... how much steel!!
    No, think of another wish."

    The man said OK and tried to think of a really
    good wish.

    Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced
    four times. My wives always said that I don't care
    and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could
    understand women....know how they feel inside and
    what they're thinking when they give me the silent
    treatment... know why they're crying, know what
    they really want when they say 'nothing'...
    know how to make them truly happy...."

    The genie asked,
    "Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 17 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat May 23 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    The Queen takes the visiting pope for a
    ride in a carriage through London.

    Suddenly one of the horses farts very loudly.
    "I am terribly sorry," apologizes the embarrassed
    Queen.

    The pope replies, "Oh don't worry, if you hadn't
    said anything, I'd just think it was the horse!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 17 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun May 24 08:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    Sauer and Tolbert went to the zoo and watched in
    awe as a lion let loose with a spine-tingling
    roar.

    "Let's get out of here!" said Sauer.

    "Go on, if'n you want to," said the other redneck.
    "But Ah'm stayin' for the whole movie!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 17 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon May 25 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Customer: "I'm running Windows."

    Tech: "Yes."

    Customer: "My computer isn't working now."

    Tech: "Yes, you said that."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 17 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue May 26 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    A customer walked up to my bank
    window and asked me to cash a check.

    "Of course," I said. "But I'll need to see ID."

    She dug though her purse and handed me a snapshot.

    "That's me in the middle," she said.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 17 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed May 27 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim."
    That way it sounds better when I say I go to the
    Jim first thing every morning.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 18 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu May 28 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: What did the spider do on the computer?

    A: Made a website!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 18 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri May 29 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a
    soldier rushes to him and exclaims, "An enemy ship
    is approaching us!"

    The captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt."

    The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The
    enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of fire are
    exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win.

    The soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red
    shirt?"

    The captain replies, "If I got injured, my blood
    shouldn't be seen, as I didn't want my men to lose
    hope."

    Just then, another soldier runs up and says, "Sir,
    we just spotted another twenty enemy ships!"

    The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow
    pants."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 18 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat May 30 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats
    in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came
    by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy,
    "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
    The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher
    became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up
    from there, I'm going to have to call the manager.
    The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly
    back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with
    the manager. Together the two of them tried
    repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no
    success. Finally, they summoned the police. The
    cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked,
    "All right buddy, what's you're name?"

    "Sam," the cowboy moaned.

    "Where ya from, Sam?"

    With pain in his voice Sam replied....
    "The balcony."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 18 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun May 31 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    For all of you with teenagers or who have had
    teenagers, or are a teenager, you may want to know
    why they really have a lot in common with cats:

    - Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when
    you call them by name.

    - No matter what you do for them, it is not
    enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely
    adequate to compensate for the privilege of
    waiting on them hand and foot.

    - You rarely see a cat walking outside of the
    house with an adult human being, and it can be
    safely said that no teenager in his or her right
    mind wants to be seen in public with his or her
    parents.

    - Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno,
    neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack
    a smile.

    - No cat or teenager shares you taste in music.

    - Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room
    sofa for hours on end without moving, barely
    breathing.

    - Cats have nine lives.
    Teenagers carry on as if they did.

    - Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same
    manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy
    -- a sense of complete and utter boredom.

    - Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's
    furniture.

    - Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes
    have been known to return in the middle of the
    night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom.
    Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior.

    Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best
    sources of advice are not other parents, but
    veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a
    guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And
    remember, above all else, put out the food and do
    not make any sudden moves in their direction. When
    they make up their minds, they will finally come
    to you for some affection and comfort, and it
    will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 18 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jun 1 08:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    Client to designer: "It doesn't really look purple.
    It looks more like a mixture of red and blue."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 18 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jun 2 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    I was talking on the phone with my son, who was
    stationed in Hawaii with the Air Force. He was
    explaining how the troops were learning to scuba-
    dive. They used the buddy system, he said, and
    occasionally dived into shark-infested waters.
    Listening on the extension, my daughter asked,
    "What do you do when you see a shark?"

    Said my son, "Swim faster than my buddy."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 18 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jun 3 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    A man was driving and saw a truck stalled on the
    side of the highway that had ten penguins standing
    next to it. The man pulled over and asked the
    truck driver if he needed any help.

    The truck driver replied, "If you can take these
    penguins to the zoo while I wait for AAA that will
    be great!"

    The man agreed and the penguins hopped into the
    back of his car.

    Two hours later, the trucker was back on the road
    again and decided to check on the penguins. He
    showed up at the zoo and they weren't there! He
    headed back into his truck and started driving
    around the town, looking for any sign of the
    penguins, the man, or his car. While driving past
    a movie theater, the truck driver spotted the guy
    walking out with the ten penguins.

    The truck driver yelled, "What are you doing? You
    were supposed to take them to the zoo!"

    The man replied, "I did and then I had some extra
    money so I took them to go see a movie."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 19 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jun 5 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    Six Dumb Questions Real Lawyers Asked In Court

    "How many times have you committed suicide?"

    "Were you alone or by yourself?"

    "Was it you or your brother who was killed?"

    "Without saying anything, tell the jury what you
    did next."

    "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"

    "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person
    dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until
    the next morning?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 19 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jun 6 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: What's red and bad for your teeth?

    A: A brick.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 19 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jun 7 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: A juggler, a tightrope walker, and a clown were
    lost in the jungle, when all of a sudden a lion
    came out of nowhere and-OWP! ate the juggler and
    the tightrope walker. Why didn't the lion eat the
    clown?

    A: Because it thought he would taste funny.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 19 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jun 8 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Mother: Eat your bread.

    Child: I don't like bread. Why do I have to eat
    the bread.

    Mother: So you become big and strong.

    Child: Why do I have to become big and strong?

    Mother: So you can provide the daily bread to your
    family.

    Child: But I don't like bread!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 19 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jun 9 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

    A: If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 19 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jun 10 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    What is Dracula's favorite fruit?

    Neck-tarines.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 20 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jun 11 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Reddit.com asked workers:
    What is rule number one in your profession?
    Here's what came back:

    Plumber: "Don't chew your fingernails."
    Roofer: "You are fired before you hit the ground."
    Camp counselor: "Don't lose the kid."
    Scuba diver: "If it moves, it wants to kill you."
    Photographer: "Take the lens cap off."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 20 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jun 12 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    A customer walks into a restaurant and notices
    large sign on the wall:

    $500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!

    When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung
    on rye.

    She calmly writes down his order and walks into
    the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!

    The restaurant owner comes storming out of the
    kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps
    five $100 bills down on it and says,

    "You got me that time buddy, but I want you to
    know that's the first time in ten years we've been
    out of rye bread!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 20 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jun 13 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    Q. What did the fog say to the light rain after
    her vacation?

    A. I mist you.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 20 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jun 14 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Q:What did the tornado say to the car?

    A:You wanna go for a spin?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 20 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jun 15 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-
    fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on
    business trips. Anticipating some valuable
    testimonials, the publicity department of the
    airline sent out letters to all the wives of
    businessmen who used the special rates, asking how
    they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still
    pouring in asking, "What trip?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 20 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jun 16 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    The desk sergeant answered the phone, and at once
    a woman began screaming. "You've got to help me!
    There's a giant gray thing in my yard, and it's
    pulling apples off the tree with its tail!"

    "What's he doing with the apples?"
    the sergeant asked.

    "If I told you," the woman cried,
    "you wouldn't believe me!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 20 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jun 17 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Waiter, there is a fly in my wine!

    Well you did ask for something with
    a little body in it!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 21 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jun 18 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was
    always late for work. When confronted by his
    boss the man explained: "You can't park
    anywhere near this place!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 21 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jun 19 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    What was the first thing Queen Elizabeth did on
    ascending to the throne?

    Sat down.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 21 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jun 20 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    What does the aardvark call his dog?

    Aard-bark.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 21 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jun 21 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer
    over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell
    out of the car several miles back?"

    To which the farmer replied:
    "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 21 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jun 22 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and
    upon reading it burst into floods of tears.

    "What's the matter?" asked her companion.

    "Oh dear," sobbed Auntie, "It's my favorite
    nephew. He's got three feet."

    "Three feet?" exclaimed her friend. "Surely that's
    not possible?"

    "Well," said Auntie, "his mother's just written to
    tell me he's grown another foot !"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 21 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jun 23 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    A man walks into a barbershop and asks,
    "How much for a haircut?"

    "Twelve dollars," says the barber.

    "And for a shave?"

    "Ten dollars."

    "All right,"
    says the man, settling into the barber chair.
    "Shave my head."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 21 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jun 24 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma like
    I told you to?

    Yes Mom.

    Your handwriting seems very large.

    Well, Grandma's very deaf, so I'm writing very
    loudly.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 22 weeks, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jun 26 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Yes, money cannot buy you happiness,
    but I'd still feel a lot more comfortable
    crying in a new BMW than on a bike.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 22 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jun 27 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    An 80-year old Italian man goes to the doctor for
    a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good
    shape the guy is in and asks, "How do you stay in
    such great physical condition?"

    "I'm Italian and I am a golfer," says the old
    guy," and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm
    up well before daylight and out golfing up and
    down the fairways. Have a glass of vino, and all
    is well."

    "Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but
    there's got to be more to it. How old was your Dad
    when he died?"

    "Who said my Dad's dead?"

    The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years
    old and your Dad's still alive. How old is he?"

    "He's 100 years old," says the old Italian golfer.
    "In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then
    we went to the topless beach for a walk, that's
    why he's still alive. he's Italian and he's a
    golfer too."

    "Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm
    sure there's more to it than that. How about your
    Dad's Dad? How old was he when he died?"

    "Who said my grandpa's dead?"

    Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80
    years old and your grandfather's still living!
    Incredible, how old is he?"

    "He's 118 years old," says the old Italian golfer.
    The doctor is getting frustrated at this point,
    "So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning
    too?"

    "No. Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's
    getting married today."

    At this point the doctor is close to losing it.
    "Getting married! Why would a 118 year-old guy
    want to get married?"

    "Who said he wanted to?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 22 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jun 28 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: What's the difference between God and
    fighter pilots?

    A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 22 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jun 30 08:15:04 2020

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You neglect to look up local hotels on your
    GPS. Mitchell Deslatte walked into a Baton Rouge,
    Louisiana, hotel and asked the clerk for a room.
    Only, the clerk wasn't a clerk-he was a state
    trooper. And the hotel was actually a state
    trooper station. That's when Deslatte was arrested
    and charged with driving while intoxicated.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 22 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jul 1 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it
    up and took a look at it cause it was prettier
    than most.

    The clerk said, "It's made in Germany".

    I said, "That's too bad, I can't use it then".

    The clerk said, "What's the matter? You don't
    like German pens?"

    I said, "No. I just never learned to write
    German."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 23 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jul 2 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my
    grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the
    passengers in his car.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 23 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jul 3 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    A naked women robbed a bank.
    Nobody could remember her face.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 23 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jul 4 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: What's the difference between
    roast beef & pea soup?

    A: Anyone can roast beef.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 23 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jul 5 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    True or False?

    A) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk
    because of a malfunctioning toilet.

    B) American combat dolphins, deployed in the
    Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian
    battleship.

    C) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of
    military specs.

    D) At the real-life Topgun program-the one the
    film was based on-there is a $5 fine for any
    staffer who references or quotes the movie.

    E) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate
    and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game
    of backgammon played by the two countries'
    prime ministers.

    Answers: A-T; B-F; C-T; D-T; E-F

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 23 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jul 6 08:15:18 2020

    ***********************************

    After a rough day spent corralling my rowdy kids,
    I'd had enough.

    "I think I'm going to sell them," I hissed to
    my sister.

    "You're crazy," she said.

    "For thinking of selling them?"

    "For thinking someone would buy them."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 23 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jul 7 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    She was only a whiskey-maker,

    but he loved her still.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 23 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jul 8 08:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    A blonde goes into work one morning crying her
    eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee's
    well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the
    matter?"

    The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a
    phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

    "I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go
    home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just
    take the day off to relax and rest."

    The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be
    better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and
    I have the best chance of doing that here."

    The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as
    usual. "If you need anything, just let me know,"
    he says.

    A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on
    the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees
    the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to
    her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there
    anything I can do to help?"

    "No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from
    my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 24 weeks, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jul 9 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Bob: "Have you seen the movie Constipation?"

    Jim: "No, it hasn't come out yet."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 24 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jul 11 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Zoo visitor: What's the new baby hippo's name?

    Hippopotamus keeper: I don't know, he won't tell
    me.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 24 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jul 12 08:15:04 2020

    ***********************************

    My son, Scott, an insurance broker in Florida,
    loves ocean fishing and takes his cell phone along
    on the boat. One morning we were drifting about
    ten miles offshore as Scott discussed business on
    the phone. Suddenly his rod bent double, and the
    reel screamed as line poured off the spool.

    Scott was master of the situation. "Pardon me," he
    told his customer calmly. "I have a call on
    another line."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 24 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jul 13 08:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    What did the ill comic say in the hospital?

    "I'm here . all weak!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 24 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jul 14 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    A man took his dog to the vet and asked the vet to
    completely remove the dogs tail. The vet confused
    said "Why do you want me to do that? The dogs tail
    is perfectly healthy."

    The man replied "Well the wifes mother comes this
    weekend and I want to make sure there are no signs
    of any welcome!!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 24 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jul 15 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    A worker approaches his employer and holds up his
    last pay check. `This is two hundred dollars
    short,' he says.

    `I know,' says the employer. `But last week I
    overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you didn't
    say anything.'

    `Well,' says the worker. `I don't mind an
    occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a
    habit, I feel I have to call it to your
    attention.'

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 25 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jul 16 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    I surf the web a lot, and I guess I was using
    too much bandwidth, because the other day I got
    an automated phone call from my service
    provider. It was The Rolling Stones singing,
    "Hey, you. Get off of my cloud!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jul 17 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire
    State Building?
    A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't
    jump.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 day, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jul 19 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof,
    laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and
    knocked down their ladder.

    "I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you
    down, and then you can pick up the ladder."

    "What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea.
    I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down
    on the beam of light."

    "What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn
    off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jul 20 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Bank Name

    Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get
    something 'practical' for her birthday.

    "Suppose we open a savings account for you?"
    mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.

    "It's your account, darling," mother said as they
    arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the
    application."

    Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space
    for 'Name of your former bank.' After a slight
    hesitation, she put down 'Piggy.'

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jul 21 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Today's hospitals don't kid around. I won't say
    what happens if you don't pay a bill, but did you
    ever have tonsils put back in?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jul 23 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle
    drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no
    reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the
    elephant's tail, really hard.

    Years and years later, the same elephant, now
    grown up, is by the same river, having a drink
    with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that
    bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up
    to the river.

    The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle
    as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into
    the jungle.

    "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks.

    "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail
    for no reason," the elephant replied.

    "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the
    giraffe.

    "Yep!" said the elephant."I've got Turtle-Recall."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jul 24 08:15:04 2020

    ***********************************

    My house is haunted by a ghostwriter. Last night,
    I came home and my autobiography had been written.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 1 day, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jul 25 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    At three o'clock one morning a veterinary surgeon
    was woken from a deep sleep by the ringing of his
    telephone. He staggered downstairs and answered
    the phone. "I'm sorry if I woke you," said a voice
    at the other end of the line.

    "That's all right," said the vet, "I had to get up
    to answer the telephone anyway."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 2 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jul 26 08:15:04 2020

    ***********************************

    If growing up in the '80s taught me one thing,
    it's that my friends and I should have found a
    treasure map by now.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 3 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jul 27 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye
    dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and
    begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager
    runs up to the man and asks,
    "What are you doing?!!"

    The blind man replies,
    "Just looking around."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 4 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jul 28 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    These great questions and answers are from the
    days when the Hollywood Squares game show
    responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they
    are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the
    questions, of course.

    Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
    A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
    (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took
    up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

    Q. Do female frogs croak?
    A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads
    under water long enough.

    Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at
    least how high should you be?
    A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking
    should do it.

    Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000
    years.
    A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way
    sometimes.

    Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are
    you probably a man or a woman?
    A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

    Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a
    stranger at a party and you think that he is
    attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him
    if he's married?
    A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

    Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as
    you get older?
    A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

    Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words
    to say 'I Love You'?
    A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a
    pineapple and a twenty.

    Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't
    Get Enough'?
    A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming
    from the next apartment.

    Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more
    or less with your hands while talking?
    A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old
    question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture
    you'll never forget.

    Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
    A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

    Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow
    strawberries. Are you going to get any during
    the first year?
    A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy
    growing strawberries.

    Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
    A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

    Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two
    subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what
    is the other?
    A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

    Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom
    or in the closet?
    A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always
    safe in the bedroom.

    Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
    A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

    Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his
    tail. What will a goose do?
    A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

    Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would
    you give birth to?
    A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be
    afraid of the dark.

    Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything
    wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a
    lot of people?
    A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army.

    Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of
    your body, what is it?
    A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it
    certainly isn't neglected..

    Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put
    horseradish on his head, what was he trying to
    do?
    A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

    Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time,
    your wife or your elephant?
    A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

    Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible
    for its sex?
    A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest
    is up to him...

    Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly
    believes in them and has actually seen them on
    at least two occasions. What are they?
    A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

    Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things
    you should never do in bed?
    A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 5 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jul 30 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You let your supply of antismoking patches run
    out. An Indiana state trooper stopped a car for a
    traffic violation. When a passenger, Honesty
    Knight, asked if she could smoke, the officer said
    yes. She proceeded, police say, to light up a
    joint.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jul 31 08:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    Why did the ant-elope?

    Nobody gnu!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Aug 1 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of
    them collapses. He doesn't appear to be breathing,
    his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out
    his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911.
    He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

    The operator says "Please stay calm. I will help
    you. First of all, let's make sure he's dead."

    There's a silence, then a gun shot.
    The guy gets back on the phone and says
    "OK, now what?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Aug 2 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    When I lost my rifle,
    the Army charged me $85.

    That's why in the Navy,
    the captain goes down with the ship.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 3 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    When a woman applies for a job at a citrus grove,
    the foreman asks, "Do you have any experience
    picking lemons?"

    "Well," she answers,
    "I've been divorced three times."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Aug 4 08:15:04 2020

    ***********************************

    My cooking has always been the target of family
    jokes. One evening, as I prepared dinner a bit too
    quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke and the
    smoke detector went off. Although both of my
    children had received fire-safety training at
    school, they did not respond to the alarm.
    Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of
    them. I found them in the bathroom, washing their
    hands.

    Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, I asked
    them to identify the sound.

    "It's the smoke detector," they replied in unison.

    "Do you know what that sound means?" I demanded.

    "Sure," my oldest replied. "Dinner's ready."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Aug 5 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Two satellites decided to get married.

    The wedding wasn't much,
    but the reception was incredible.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 6 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Aug 7 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: What did the reindeer say
    before telling his joke?

    A: This one'll sleigh you!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 1 day, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Aug 8 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    Why are there interstates in Hawaii?

    Why are there flotation devices under plane seats
    instead of parachutes?

    Is it ok to use my AM radio after NOON?

    What color is a chameleon on a mirror?

    Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 2 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Aug 9 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid
    a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.
    Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for
    reckless driving.

    Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton
    in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and
    recovered the box. It was found to contain large
    upholstery tacks.

    "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the
    driver, "but I am still going to have to write you
    a ticket."

    Amazed, the driver asked for what.

    The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 3 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 10 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Did you hear about the TV show with FBI agents
    and witches?

    It's called The Hex-Files.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 4 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Aug 11 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: How can you drop a raw egg onto a
    concrete floor without cracking it?

    A: Any way you want,
    concrete floors are very hard to crack.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 5 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Aug 13 08:15:18 2020

    ***********************************

    Teacher:
    "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

    Student:
    "Meat!"

    Teacher:
    "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

    Student:
    "Bacon!"

    Teacher:
    "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

    Student:
    "Homework!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Aug 14 08:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four
    elephants walking over the hill towards him
    wearing sunglasses?

    Nothing, he didn't recognize them!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 1 day, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Aug 15 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Q. What's the difference between 'weather' and
    'climate'?

    A. You can't 'weather' a tree, but you can
    'climate'

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 2 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Aug 16 08:15:04 2020

    ***********************************

    I'm not saying that the customer service in my
    bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and
    asked the clerk to check my balance she leaned
    over and pushed me.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 3 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 17 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

    A: Diddly-squats.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 4 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Aug 18 08:15:04 2020

    ***********************************

    This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes
    to his neighbor and asks him if he could buy a
    rooster for $100. The neighbor says, "You can have
    this rooster. His name's Roy. He'll get all your
    hens pregnant. He's a real stud."

    So the farmer takes him home and says, "It's your
    first day so take it slow, okay?" The farmer puts
    Roy in the hen house and then hears all the hens
    crying and yelling. Roy nailed every one of those
    hens and then nailed a duck and a goose at a pond.

    The next morning the farmer finds Roy lying dead
    with his legs sticking in the air and buzzards
    circling overhead. The farmer says, "Roy, did you
    have to die?"

    Roy says, "Quiet! They're about to land!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 5 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Aug 19 08:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to
    the water hole to get some water for cooking
    dinner.

    As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big
    eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket
    and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he
    could.

    "Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked.

    "I can't get any water from that water hole,
    there's a mean ol' alligator down there!"

    "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny.
    He's been there for years, and he's never hurt no
    one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you
    are of him!"

    "Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as
    scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't
    fit to drink!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 6 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Aug 20 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Life Hack:

    If you're tired of waiting at a restaurant,
    just call their number and ask
    if they also deliver to table 16.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Aug 21 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my
    squad leader barged in. He was holding a
    toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub
    underneath the rim of a toilet.

    "What are you doing?" I asked.

    "Hazing the new guy," he said with a grin.

    "You do know that he could get ill from the
    bacteria on the toilet."

    His reply was quick and to the point:
    "You didn't."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 1 day, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Aug 22 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    Guest at a restaurant:
    "I refuse to eat this roastbeef. Please call the
    manager!"

    Waiter: "That's no use. He won't eat it either."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 2 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 24 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    I am terrified of elevators,

    I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 4 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Aug 25 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    On the first day, God created the dog and said:
    "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at
    anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I
    will give you a life span of twenty years." The
    dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How
    about only ten years and I'll give you back the
    other ten?"

    So God agreed.

    On the second day, God created the monkey and
    said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them
    laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life
    span." The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty
    years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How
    about I give you back ten like the Dog did?"

    And God agreed.

    On the third day, God created the cow and said:
    "You must go into the field with the farmer all
    day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and
    give milk to support the farmer's family. For this,
    I will give you a life span of sixty years." The
    cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me
    to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll
    give back the other forty?"

    And God agreed again.

    On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat,
    sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this,
    I'll give you twenty years." But man said: "Only
    twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
    twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the
    monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back;
    that makes eighty, okay?"

    "Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

    So that is why the first twenty years we eat,
    sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next
    forty years we slave in the sun to support our
    family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks
    to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last
    ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at
    everyone.

    Life has now been explained to you.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Aug 26 08:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    On the first day of school, the children brought
    gifts for their teacher. The florist's son brought
    the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store
    owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of
    candy. Then the liquor-store owner's son brought
    up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and
    noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She
    touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and
    tasted it.

    "Is it wine?" she guessed.

    "No," the boy replied.

    She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ?

    "No," said the little boy... "It's a puppy!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 day, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Aug 27 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    I'm certain there are female hormones in beer.
    When I drink too much,

    I talk nonsense and I cannot control my car.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Aug 28 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    FRED: Did I ever tell you about the time I came
    face to face with a very fierce gorilla?

    BERT: No, what happened?

    FRED: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The
    gorilla looked at me and snarled and roared and
    beat his chest. Then it came closer and closer...

    BERT: What did you do?

    FRED: Oh, I'd had enough, so I moved on to the
    next cage.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Aug 29 08:15:20 2020

    ***********************************

    New and Improved Names for Boring Everyday Things

    Couch = People Shelf

    Books = Manual Films

    Bracelets = Clockless Watches

    Air Horn = Spray Scream

    Bottled Water = Snowman Blood

    Feather = Bird Leaf

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Aug 30 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on
    his head.

    The bartender says, "What's with the paper towel?"

    The pirate says,
    "Arrr! I've got a Bounty on me head!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 31 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body
    and yet most men are so polite they only look at
    the covered parts.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Sep 1 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    While I was assigned to the space shuttle program,
    my job included ordering supplies. One of the
    engineers requested a new dictionary. Following
    regulations, I asked him why he needed it.

    I expected his answer to be "My old copy is lost"
    or "The cover is falling off." Instead he said,
    "My current edition defines spaceship as an
    `imaginary aircraft.'"

    He got his new dictionary.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Sep 2 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    A guy asks his neighbor in an apartment building:
    "Mr Trepper, you live directly above me and you
    have the same 2-room apartment as I do. How many
    rolls of wallpaper did you buy when you moved in?

    "We got 18 rolls," answers the neighbor.

    Two months later the guy meets his neighbor again
    and says, "It's really funny - I put the wallpaper
    on everywhere and I still had 10 rolls left over."

    Neighbor smiles, "Yeah, so did we."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 1 day, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Sep 3 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    There was a little old lady standing at a corner.
    She had both hands holding her hat on while the
    wind blew her dress up around her waist.

    A dignified southern gentleman came up and said,
    "Ma'am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting
    your skirt blow around, being indecent, while both
    hands hold your hat."

    She said, "Look mister, everything down there is
    seventy years old; this hat is brand new!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 2 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Sep 4 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    One of our interns asked another if she was
    planning to sign up for the company's 401(k).

    "I'm considering it," replied the second intern.

    Later, the first intern approached me looking
    concerned.

    "I did the math," she said, "and 401K is almost
    250 miles. She'll never make it!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Sep 7 08:15:18 2020

    ***********************************

    My wife was in labor with our first child when
    suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't,
    couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"

    "Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?" I asked.

    "Nothing," he said. "She's just having
    contractions."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 6 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Sep 8 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    Justice isn't just blind-it's snickering at these
    real courtroom give-and-takes:

    Judge (to young witness): Do you know what would
    happen to you if you told a lie?

    Witness: Yes. I would go to hell.

    Judge: Is that all?

    Witness: Isn't that enough?

    -

    Q: Isn't it a fact that you have been running
    around with another woman?

    A: Yes, it is, but you can't prove it!

    -

    Q: Have you ever heard about taking the Fifth?

    A: A fifth of wine?

    Q: No, the Fifth Amendment.

    -

    Q: What did your sister die of?

    A: You would have to ask her. I would be
    speculating if I told you.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Sep 9 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Why did the Romans build straight roads?

    So their soldiers didn't go around the bend!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Sep 10 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    Knock! Knock!

    Who's there?

    Tank.

    Tank who?

    You're welcome!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Sep 11 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Three women are about to be executed. One's a
    brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde. The
    guard brings the brunette forward and the
    executioner asks if she has any last requests.

    She says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready!
    Aim!" Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"
    Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the
    ground while she escapes.

    The guard brings the redhead forward and the
    executioner asks if she has any last requests. She
    say no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"
    Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!" Everyone
    is startled and looks around for cover while she
    escapes.

    By now the blonde has it all figured out. The
    guard brings her forward and the executioner asks
    if she has any last requests. She says no and the
    executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!" and the blonde
    yells, "FIRE!!!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Sep 12 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    A man went to his lawyer and told him, `My
    neighbour owes me $500 and he won't pay up. What
    should I do?'

    `Do you have any proof he owes you the money?'
    asked the lawyer.

    `Nope,' replied the man.

    `OK, then write him a letter asking him for the
    $1,000 he owed you,' said the lawyer.

    `But it's only $500,' replied the man.

    `Precisely. That's what he'll reply and then
    you'll have your proof!'

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Sep 13 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    What did the Tin Man say when
    he got run over by a steamroller?

    "Curses! Foil again!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Sep 14 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    Customer:
    "I can't seem to connect to the Internet."

    Tech Support:
    "Ah, right. What operating system are you running?"

    Customer:
    "Netscape."

    Tech Support:
    "No, what version of Windows are you using?"

    Customer:
    "Uhhh. Hewlett Packard?"

    Tech Support:
    "No, Right click on `My Computer,' and select
    properties on the menu."

    Customer:
    "Your computer? It's my computer!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Sep 15 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    It is evening. Little Johnny and his friend are
    sitting by a camp fire.

    They've been plagued by swarms of mosquitoes
    already for an hour and the assault only worsens
    when the darkness sets in.

    Suddenly, fireflies appear. Little Johnny swears:
    "These darn mosquitoes! Now they've even brought
    lanterns with them to find us!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Sep 16 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts
    it in their cart.

    "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.

    "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans"
    he replies.

    "Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the
    wife, and so they carry on shopping.

    A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a
    $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

    "What do you think you're doing?"asks the husband.

    "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,"
    replies the wife.

    Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser
    and it's half the price."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Sep 17 08:15:46 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: What kind of coat is always
    wet when you put it on?

    A: A coat of paint.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 35 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Sep 18 08:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: When is a bad time to cross a black cat?

    A: When you are a mouse!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Sep 19 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is
    a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He
    has been checking her out since he sat down, but
    lacks the nerve to talk with her.

    Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes
    flying out of its socket towards the man. He
    reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air,
    and hands it back.

    "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops
    her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to
    make it up to you," she says.

    They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and
    afterwards the theater followed by drinks. They
    talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams
    and he shares his. She listens. After paying for
    everything, she asks him if he would like to come
    to her place for a nightcap ......... and stay for
    breakfast.

    The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with
    all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything
    had been SO incredible!!!!

    "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman.
    Are you this nice to every guy you meet?".

    "No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my
    eye."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Sep 20 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his
    drink. He stays like that for a half hour.

    Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next
    to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just
    drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.

    The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just
    joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just
    can't stand to see a man cry."

    "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his
    tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I
    oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged
    boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to
    my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say
    they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, &
    when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The
    cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house
    where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I
    leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was
    thinking about putting an end to my life, you show
    up & drink my poison."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Sep 21 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Have you heard of the band '1023MB'?

    They haven't got a gig yet.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Sep 22 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    There's a technical term for a sunny, warm day
    which follows two rainy days.

    It's called Monday.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Sep 23 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats
    and another 2, how many would you have?"

    Johnny: "Seven."

    Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you
    two cats, and another two cats and another two,
    how many would you have?"

    Johnny: "Seven."

    Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I
    gave you two apples, and another two apples and
    another two, how many would you have?"

    Johnny: "Six."

    Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and
    another two cats and another two, how many would
    you have?"

    Johnny: "Seven!"

    Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get
    seven from?!"

    Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Sep 24 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    Three men: an editor, a photographer, and a
    journalist are covering a political convention in
    Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach
    during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach,
    they stumbled upon a lamp.

    As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says
    "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but
    since there are three of you, I will grant you
    each one wish."

    The photographer went first. "I would like to
    spend the rest of my life living in a huge house
    in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie
    granted him his wish and sent him on off to St.
    Thomas.

    The journalist went next. "I would like to spend
    the rest of my life living on a huge yacht
    cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries."
    The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to
    the Mediterranean.

    Last, but not least, it was the editor's turn.
    "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.

    "I want them both back after lunch" replied the
    editor, "the deadline for tomorrow's newspaper is
    in about ten hours.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Sep 25 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with
    the Godfather?

    A: An offer you can't understand.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Sep 26 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Brendan had spent a week visiting his family in
    Kentucky. His sister-in-law and seven-year-old
    nephew went with him when he returned to the
    airport. After verifying his seat number with the
    counter attendant, Brendan walked back to his
    relatives and stated that he'd have to wait an
    additional three hours in the airport.

    "How come?," his nephew asked.

    "My plane has been grounded," Brendan explained.

    "Grounded?" the little boy said. "I didn't know
    planes had parents."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Sep 27 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Wanna hear a joke about paper?

    Nevermind, it's tearable.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Sep 28 08:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    What did the fisherman say to the card magician?

    Pick a cod, any cod!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Sep 29 08:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian
    walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each
    buy a pint of Molson Canadian. Just as they were
    about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed
    in each of their pints.

    The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in
    disgust.

    The American fished the offending fly out of his
    beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had
    happened.

    The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and
    started shaking it over the pint, yelling...
    "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!!!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Sep 30 08:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine
    training exercise when we spotted a second
    lieutenant ambling about. "Where is your foxhole,
    Lieutenant?" I asked.

    He snapped off a salute and responded, "I don't
    know, sir!" Turning to the sergeant, he asked,
    "Gunney, where is my foxhole?"

    "You're standing in it, sir," said the sergeant.
    "All you have to do is remove the dirt."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Oct 1 08:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is
    cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"

    "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him."
    So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then
    he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going
    to have to put him down."

    "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"

    "No, because he's really heavy."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Oct 2 08:15:20 2020

    ***********************************

    Our boss asked the new mail-room guy to make three
    copies of an office key. The guy returned ten
    minutes later with the copies.
    which he'd made on the Xerox machine.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Oct 3 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    A married couple was in a terrible accident where
    the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor
    told the husband that they couldn't graft the skin
    from her body, so the husband offered to donate
    some of his own skin. However, the only skin on
    his body that the doctor found suitable would have
    to come from his rear end. The husband and wife
    agreed that they would tell no one about where the
    skin came from, and requested that the doctor also
    honor their secret. After all, this was a very
    delicate matter.

    After the surgery was completed, everyone was
    astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked
    more beautiful than she ever had before! All her
    friends and relatives just went on and on about
    her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with
    her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at
    his sacrifice.

    She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for
    everything you did for me. There is no way I could
    ever repay you."

    "My darling," he replied," think nothing of it. I
    get all the thanks I need every time I see your
    mother kiss you on the cheek."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Oct 4 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    What is the New Mexican weather report?

    Chili today, hot tamale.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Oct 5 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    My brother went to jail. He didn't take it very
    well. He was yelling insults and attacking
    everyone, he even threw his feces on the wall.
    I don't think we will play Monopoly with him again.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Oct 6 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    The Lone Ranger woke to see his
    tent blown away by a tornado.
    He declared,
    "Tonto, we're not in canvas anymore."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Oct 7 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    One of the less difficult blanks to fill in on our
    job-agency application is "Position Wanted." One
    job seeker wrote "Sitting."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Oct 8 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Just came home from a training session. Two hours
    on the treadmill did me really good. If only I
    could somehow stop the constant beeping
    and the irritated comments of the cashier.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Oct 9 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You vastly overrate your powers of persuasion.
    Marlon Moore of Miami filed a fraudulent tax
    return, and the IRS promptly sent him a $10,000
    refund. So figuring, Why not try my luck again?,
    he sent in three more tax returns. But even the
    IRS raised an eyebrow at cutting him a check for
    the total amount of the refunds: more than $14
    trillion. Moore pleaded guilty to cashing the
    $10,000 check.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Oct 10 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    The Captain was Jewish, and the new First Officer
    was Chinese. It was the first time they had flown
    together, and it was obvious by the silence that
    they didn't get along.

    After 30 minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He
    said, "I don't like Chinese."

    The F.O. replied, "Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why is
    that?"

    The Captain said, "You bombed Pearl Harbor. That's
    why I don't like Chinese."

    The F.O. said, "Nooooo, noooo ... Chinese not bomb
    Pearl Harbah. That JAPANESE, not Chinese."

    And the Captain answered, "Chinese, Japanese,
    Vietnamese ... it doesn't matter. They're all
    alike. "

    Another 30 minutes of silence. Finally the First
    Officer said, "No like Jew."

    The Captain replied, "Why not? Why don't you like
    Jews?"

    "Jews sink Titanic." Said the F.O.

    The Captain tried to correct him, "No, no. The
    Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."

    "Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg .. no mattah..
    all same "

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Oct 11 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Tiffany adopts two dogs, and she names them
    Rolex and Timex.

    "Where'd you come up with those names?"
    asks her friend Mandy.

    "HellOOOOOO," Tiffany replies.
    "They're watchdogs!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Oct 12 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    When Abraham Liebowitz gets to school he discovers
    that he is the only Jewish kid in the class. But
    it's a decent town and nobody really bothers him.

    One day the teacher asks the class "Who was the
    greatest person who ever lived? and why?" And to
    make it interesting she held a twenty dollar bill
    in the air and said "whoever gives the best answer
    will get this twenty dollars".

    All of the kids called out their guesses. One said
    "George Washington - because he was the father of
    our country."

    "That's excellent" said the teacher.

    Another said "Abraham Lincoln - because he freed
    the slaves."

    "That's also good" said the teacher, reluctant to
    bestow an excellent, but still being polite.

    One little girl said "Joan of Arc - because she
    saved France."

    Another excellent choice said the teacher.

    Then Abraham Liebowitz, raised his hand. So the
    teacher called on him. "Abraham, who do you think
    was the greatest person who ever lived, and why?"

    And Abraham said "Jesus Christ."

    The teacher was shocked. "Abraham," she said "I'm
    very surprised. Class, I think we can all agree
    that Abraham should get the twenty dollars." And
    she handed Abraham Liebowitz the money. At recess,
    the teacher was still very impressed. So she asked
    Abraham why he said Jesus.

    Abraham said "Look, personally I think Moses was
    the greatest person who ever lived, but...
    business is business!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Oct 13 08:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    While in the men's room at a beach park in
    Florida, I noticed they had a plastic baby-
    changing table installed on the wall. Apparently,
    some sportsmen had co-opted this politically
    correct amenity for their own use. Above the table
    was a sign saying: "It is unlawful to clean fish
    on this table."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Oct 14 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in
    a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's
    prize bull was missing from the section through
    which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted
    to be paid the fair value of the bull.

    The case was scheduled to be tried before the
    justice of the peace in the back room of the
    general store. The attorney for the railroad
    immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get
    him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his
    best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed
    to take half of what he was asking. After the
    rancher had signed the release and took the check,
    the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little
    over his success, telling the rancher, "You know,
    I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one
    over on you in there. I couldn't have won the
    case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was
    in the caboose when the train went through your
    ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to
    put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

    The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you,
    young feller, I was a little worried about winning
    that case myself, because that durned bull came
    home this morning."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Oct 15 08:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    You don't see many reindeer in zoos, do you?
    No. They can't afford the admission.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Oct 16 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    What does a baby computer call his father?

    Data.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Oct 17 08:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    There once was a blind man who decided to visit
    Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the
    seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!"

    The person next to him answered, "Everything is
    big in Texas."

    When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to
    visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered
    a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He
    exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"

    The bartender replied, "Everything is big in
    Texas."

    After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the
    bartender where the bathroom was located. The
    bartender replied, "Second door to the right."

    The blind man headed for the bathroom, but
    accidentally tripped over and skipped the second
    door. Instead, he entered the third door, which
    lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool
    by accident.

    Scared to death, the blind man started shouting,
    "Don't flush, don't flush!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Oct 18 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance
    policy. The insurance agent was going down the
    list of standard questions. "Ever have an
    accident?"

    "Nope, nary a one."

    "None? You've never had any accidents."

    "Nope. Ain't never had one. Never."

    "Well, you said on this form you were bit by a
    snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an
    accident?"

    "Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Oct 19 08:15:24 2020

    ***********************************

    I called a temp agency looking for work, and they
    asked if I had any phone skills. I said,
    "I called you, didn't I?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Oct 20 08:15:32 2020

    ***********************************

    Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood. He had
    to walk 7 miles to school everyday.

    Well, he should have gotten up earlier and caught
    the school bus like everyone else did.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 13 hours, 35 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Oct 21 08:15:40 2020

    ***********************************

    Little Johnny asks his father:
    "Where does the wind come from?"

    "I don't know."

    "Why do dogs bark?"

    "I don't know."

    "Why is the earth round?"

    "I don't know."

    "Does it disturb you that I ask so much?"

    "No son. Please ask.
    Otherwise you will never learn anything."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 35 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Oct 22 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    It was so hot in Beverly Hills, people were frying
    egg whites on the sidewalk.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Oct 23 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human
    Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out
    of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And
    what starting salary are you looking for?"

    The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a
    year, depending on the benefits package."

    The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you
    say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid
    holidays, full medical and dental, company
    matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a
    company car leased every two years, say, a red
    Corvette?"

    The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are
    you kidding?"

    The interviewer replies,
    "Yeah, but you started it."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Oct 24 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the
    road holding up a sign that said, "The End is
    Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too
    late!" They planned to hold up the sign to each
    passing car.

    "Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the
    first driver as he sped by.

    From around the curve they heard a big splash. "Do
    you think," said one clergy to the other, "we
    should just put up a sign that says 'bridge out'
    instead?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Oct 25 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Office executive "Sir, can I have a day off next
    week to visit my mother-in-law?"

    Boss "Certainly not!"

    Office executive "Thank you so much sir! I knew
    you would be understanding."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Oct 26 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    When my 88-year-old mother was called for jury
    duty, she had to submit to questioning by the
    opposing lawyers.

    "Have you ever dealt with an attorney?" asked the
    plaintiff's lawyer.

    "Yes. I had an attorney write my living trust,"
    she responded.

    "And how did that turn out?"

    "I don't know," she said. "Ask me when I'm dead."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Oct 27 08:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Three Kiwis and three Aussies are traveling by
    train to a conference. At the station, the three
    Aussies each buy tickets and watch as the three
    Kiwis buy only a single ticket.

    "How are three people going to travel on only one
    ticket?" asks an Aussie.

    "Watch and you'll see," answers a Kiwi.

    They all board the train. The Aussies take their
    respective seats but all three Kiwis cram into a
    bathroom and close the door behind them.

    Shortly after the train has departed, the
    conductor comes around collecting tickets. He
    knocks on the bathroom door and says,"Ticket,
    please." The door opens just a crack and a single
    arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor
    takes it and moves on.

    The Aussies see this and agree it was quite a
    clever idea. So after the conference, the Aussies
    decide to copy the Kiwis on the return trip and
    save some money (being clever with money,and all
    that). When they get to the station, they buy a
    single ticket for the return trip. To their
    astonishment, the Kiwis don't buy a ticket at all.

    "How are you going to travel without a ticket?"
    says one perplexed Aussie. Watch and you'll see,"
    answers a kiwi.

    When they board the train the three Aussies cram
    into a bathroom and the three Kiwis cram into
    another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly
    afterward, one of the Kiwis leaves his bathroom
    and walks over to the bathroom where the Aussies
    are hiding.

    He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Oct 28 08:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    While on patrol, I arrested a burglar who'd
    injured himself running from a home. He told me
    he'd broken in and unhooked the phone before
    searching for valuables. But he'd panicked when
    he heard a woman's voice. I entered the house and
    heard the same voice: "If you'd like to make a
    call, please hang up and try your call again."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Oct 29 08:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    Last night I dreamt of a beautiful
    walk on a sandy beach.

    At least that explains the footprints
    I found in the cat litter box this morning.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Oct 30 08:15:18 2020

    ***********************************

    How to Handle Stress

    Picture yourself near a stream.

    Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool
    mountain air.

    Nothing can bother you here.

    No one knows this secret place.

    You are in total seclusion from that place called
    "the world."

    The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the
    air with a cascade of serenity.

    The water is clear.

    You can easily make out the face of the person
    whose head you're holding under the water.

    There now......feeling better?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Oct 31 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator?

    A: She couldn't find the "10" button.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Nov 1 08:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    I wonder what Edward Scissorhands
    thinks of touchscreen technology.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Nov 2 09:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Knock! Knock!

    Who's there?

    Scold.

    Scold who?

    Scold outside-let me in!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Nov 3 09:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    We disbar lawyers and we defrock clergy,
    so why don't we:

    Delight electricians?
    Derange cowboys?
    Depose models?
    Debark tree surgeons?
    Depress dry cleaners?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Nov 4 09:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Four men are in the hospital waiting room because
    their wives are having babies.

    A nurse approaches the first guy and says,
    "Congratulations! You're the father of twins."

    "That's odd," answers the man.
    "I work for the Minnesota Twins!"

    A nurse then yells the second man,
    "Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!"

    "That's weird," answers the second man.
    "I work for the 3M company!"

    A nurse goes up to the third man saying,
    "Congratulations! You're the father of
    quadruplets."

    "That's strange," he answers.
    "I work for the Four Seasons hotel!"

    The last man begins groaning and
    banging his head against the wall.

    "What's wrong?" the others ask.

    "I work for 7 Up!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Nov 5 09:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    A magician worked on a cruise ship.

    The audience was different each week so the
    magician did the same tricks over and over again.

    There was only one problem: the captain's parrot
    saw the shows each week and began to understand
    how the magician did every trick. Once he
    understood, he started shouting in the middle of
    the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or,
    "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!"
    or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

    The magician was furious but couldn't do anything.
    It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

    Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship
    unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were
    on board.

    The magician luckily found himself on a piece of
    wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate
    would have it... with the parrot.

    They stared at each other with hatred, but did not
    utter a word.

    This went on for a day... and then 2 days and then
    3 days.

    Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold
    back any longer and said... "OK, I give up.
    Where's the ship?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Nov 6 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Teacher:
    whoever answers my next question, can go home.

    One boy throws his bag out the window.

    Teacher:
    who just threw that?!

    Boy:
    Me! I'm going home now.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Nov 7 09:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    A blonde went to the appliance store sale and
    found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV,"
    she told the salesman.

    "Sorry,we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

    She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back
    and again told the salesman "I would like to
    buy this TV."

    "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

    "Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went
    for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new
    color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a
    few days before she again approached the salesman.
    "I would like to buy this TV."

    Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

    Frustrated, she exclaimed
    "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

    "Because that's a microwave," he replied.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Nov 8 09:15:04 2020

    ***********************************

    I have a stepladder.

    I never knew my real ladder.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Nov 9 09:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Dear Boss,
    I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions.
    Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K
    dates problem makes any sense to me.

    At any rate I have finished converting all the
    months on all the company calendars so that the
    year 2000 is ready to go with the following
    improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk. In
    addition, I have changed the days of the week, and
    they are now: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak,
    Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.

    Is it enough, or should I change any other Y to K?
    I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Should I call
    them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K ready?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Nov 10 09:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: What did the thermometer say to the other
    thermometer?

    A: You make my temperature rise.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Nov 11 09:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    A student seeking a job at our university was
    handed an application. He dutifully filled out his
    name and address. When it came to the entry
    "length of residence," he wrote:
    "Approximately 30 feet."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Nov 12 09:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    A redneck goes to a pharmacist and says, " I got a
    hot date tonight, an' I need me some pertection.
    How much is a pack o' dem rubbers gonna cost me?

    The pharmacist responds, "A three-pack of condoms
    is $4.99 with tax."

    To which the redneck replies, "TACKS! Gawd
    'mighty,.......... don't they stay on by therself.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Nov 13 09:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    Sleep with an open window tonight!

    -1400 mosquitos like that.
    -420 mosquitos commented on it.
    -210 mosquitos shared this.

    -One mosquito invited for the event.
    -2800 mosquitos will be attending the event.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Nov 14 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    A photographer for a national magazine was
    assigned to get photos of a great forest fire.
    Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good
    shots, so he frantically called his home office to
    hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the
    airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as
    he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a
    plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in
    with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go!
    Let's go!"

    The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon
    they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of
    the fire," said the photographer, "and make three
    or four low level passes."

    "Why?" asked the pilot.

    "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a
    photographer, and photographers take pictures!"
    said the photographer with great exasperation.

    After a long pause the pilot said,
    "You mean you're not the instructor?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Nov 15 09:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man
    was astounded by the wide selection of jogging
    shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
    While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he
    noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about
    it. "What's this little pocket thing here on the
    side for?"

    "Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call
    your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged
    too far."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Nov 16 09:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good
    news and some bad news."

    "What's the bad news?" asks the accused.

    "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime
    scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."

    "What's the good news?"

    "Your cholesterol is 130."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Nov 17 09:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    The general was confined to the military hospital
    for treatment of a minor malady.

    For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of
    himself, irritating both staff and the other
    patients, demanding attention and expecting his
    every order to be followed immediately. He was in
    a six-man ward rather than a private room, his
    meals were too cold or not served to suit his
    taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his
    demands, the nighttime activities interfered with
    his rest... and on, and on.

    One afternoon an orderly entered the room. "Time
    to take your temperature, General."

    After growling at the orderly, the general opened
    his mouth to accept the thermometer.

    "Sorry, General, but for this test we need your
    temperature from the other end."

    A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but
    the orderly was insistent that a rectal
    temperature was what the test called for.

    The general at last rolled over, bared his rear,
    and allowed the orderly to proceed. The orderly
    then told the general, "Stay exactly like that and
    don't move. I'll be back in five minutes to check
    up on you" and withdrew.

    An hour later, the head nurse entered the room,
    saw the general with his bare rear in the air and
    gasped, "What's going on here?"

    "Haven't you ever seen someone having their
    temperature taken?" the general barked.

    "Yes I have, General, but with a daffodil?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Nov 18 09:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You play both roles in a game of cops and
    robbers. Being a key suspect in a robbery wasn't
    going to stop Romeo Montillano from realizing his
    dream of becoming a Chula Vista, California,
    police officer. Unfortunately for Montillano, his
    would-be colleagues put the kibosh on his plans,
    arresting him when he showed up to take the
    entrance exam. As he was led away, Montillano had
    one question: Could he take the test later? His
    request was denied.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Nov 19 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... Even your wardrobe turns against you. When
    pleading guilty to a DUI charge, let your lawyer
    do the talking. New Zealander Keisha Lee Kubala
    ignored that sensible advice and instead showed
    up in court wearing a T-shirt that said it all:
    "Miss Wasted."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Nov 20 09:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Do you still rock out to eight-track tapes? Then
    you'll dig theseband names for aging musicians:

    Counting Crows Feet

    R.E.Member?

    Nine Inch Toenails

    Hair Supply

    Minivan Morrison

    The Early Byrds

    WalkDMC

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Nov 22 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday
    School. Usually she slept through the class. One
    day the teacher called on her while she was
    napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the
    universe?"

    When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an
    altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her,
    took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God
    Almighty!" shouted Mary, and the teacher said,
    "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep.

    A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our
    Lord and Savior," but Mary didn't even stir from
    her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the
    rescue, and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!"
    shouted Mary, and the teacher said, "Very good,"
    and Mary fell back asleep.

    Then the teacher asked Mary a third question.
    "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her
    twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her
    with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and
    shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one
    more time, I'll break it in half!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Nov 23 09:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    If I'm ever stuck on a respirator or a life
    support system, I definitely want to be unplugged
    - but not until I'm down to a size eight.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Nov 24 09:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk
    of the loan officer. "Hi," he croaks. "What's your
    name?"

    The loan officer says, "My name is John Paddywack.
    May I help you?"

    "Yeah," says the frog. "I'd like to borrow some
    money."

    The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets
    out a form. "Okay, what's your name?"

    The frog replies, "Kermit Jagger."

    "Really?" says the loan officer. "Any relation to
    Mick Jagger?"

    "Yeah, he's my dad."

    "Hmmm," says the loan officer. "Do you have any
    collateral?"

    The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and
    asks, "Will this do?"

    The loan officer says, "Um, I'm not sure. Let me
    go check with the bank manager."

    "Oh, tell him I said hi," adds the frog. "He knows
    me."

    The loan officer goes back to the manager and
    says, "Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out
    there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow
    some money. All he has for collateral is this
    pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it
    is."

    The manager says: "It's a knick-knack, Paddywack,
    give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling
    Stone."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Nov 26 09:15:16 2020

    ***********************************

    A mother and her son were flying "Southwest
    Airlines" from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had
    been looking out the window) turned to his mother
    and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats
    have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby
    planes?"

    The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told
    her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked
    the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and
    big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have
    baby planes?"

    The stewardess asked, "Did your mother tell you to
    ask me?"

    He said that his mother had.

    So the stewardess said, "Tell your mother that
    Southwest always pulls out on time."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Nov 27 09:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    A Navy dentist's license plate:

    "TOP GUM."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Nov 28 09:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted
    and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was
    given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He
    fired several shots at the target. The report came
    from the target area that all attempts had
    completely missed the target.

    The technician looked at his rifle, and then at
    the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then
    at the target again. He put his finger over the
    end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger
    with his other hand. The end of his finger was
    blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target
    area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble
    must be at your end!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Nov 29 09:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy
    with his feet propped up on a table. He had the
    biggest boots she'd ever seen.

    The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they
    say about men with big feet are well endowed.

    The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little
    lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse
    and let me prove it to you?"

    The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she
    spent the night with him.

    The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.

    Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm
    real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah
    services before."

    "Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy
    yourself some boots that fit."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Nov 30 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: What's the last thing that goes through a bug's
    mind as it hits your windshield?
    A: Its butt.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Dec 1 09:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to
    Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who
    responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go
    there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians.
    You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you
    getting there?"

    "We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a
    great rate!"

    "TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible
    airline. Their planes are old, their flight
    attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So,
    where are you staying in Rome?"

    "We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."

    "That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city.
    The rooms are small, the service is surly and
    they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get
    there?"

    "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope
    to see the Pope."

    "That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a
    million other people trying to see him. He'll look
    the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy
    trip of yours. You're going to need it."

    A month later, the man again came in for his
    regular haircut. The barber asked him about his
    trip to Rome.

    "It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only
    were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes,
    but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to
    first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and
    I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who
    waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel - it was
    great! They'd just finished a $25 million
    remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in
    the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they
    apologized and gave us the presidential suite at
    no extra charge!"

    "Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't
    get to see the pope."

    "Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured
    the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the
    shoulder and explained that the pope likes to
    personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd
    be so kind as to step into his private room and
    wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure
    enough, five minutes later the pope walked through
    the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he
    spoke a few words to me."

    "Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"

    He said, "Where'd you get the lousy haircut?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Dec 3 09:15:12 2020

    ***********************************

    Knock! Knock!

    Who's there?

    Convex.

    Convex who?

    Convex go to prison!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Dec 4 09:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he
    was called into the personnel director's office.
    "What is the meaning of this?" the director asked.
    "When you applied for this job, you told us you
    had five years experience. Now we discovered this
    is the first job you've ever held."

    "Well," the young man replied, "in your
    advertisement you said you wanted somebody with
    imagination."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Dec 8 09:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    "Waiter! Have you got frogs' legs?"

    "No, sir, I always walk this way"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 15 weeks, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Dec 10 09:15:10 2020

    ***********************************

    Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side
    was cut off?

    He's all right now.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 15 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Dec 11 09:15:26 2020

    ***********************************

    One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his
    limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the
    road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he
    got out to investigate. "Why are you eating
    grass?", he asked one man.

    "We don't have any money for food.", The poor man
    replied.

    "Oh, come along with me then."

    "But sir, I have a wife with two children!"

    "Bring them along! And you, come with me too!", he
    said to the other man.

    "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" The
    second man answered.

    "Bring them as well!"

    They all climbed into the car, which was no easy
    task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once
    underway, one of the poor fellows says "Sir, you
    are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with
    you."

    The rich man replied "No, you don't understand,
    the grass at my home is about three feet tall!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 15 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 35 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Dec 15 09:15:18 2020

    ***********************************

    A man and a little boy entered a barbershop
    together. After the man received the full
    treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut,
    etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.

    "I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the
    parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

    When the boy's haircut was completed and the man
    still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks
    like your daddy's forgotten all about you."

    "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just
    walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on,
    son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 16 weeks, 14 hours, 34 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Dec 16 09:15:14 2020

    ***********************************

    Q: Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?

    A: It's two gross.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Dec 17 09:15:08 2020

    ***********************************

    What a woman says:

    "This place is a mess! C'mon!
    You and I need to clean up!
    Your stuff is lying on the floor
    and you'll have no clothes
    to wear if we don't do laundry right now!"

    What a man hears:

    blah, blah, blah, blah, "C'MON!
    blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
    blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
    blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
    blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Dec 20 09:15:06 2020

    ***********************************

    Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down
    the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.

    The passenger, Bubba, said "lookey thar up ahead,
    Earl, it's a poll-ice roadblock!! We're gonna get
    busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"

    Don't worry, Bubba", Earl said. "We'll just pull
    over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the
    label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw
    the bottles under the seat".

    "What fer?", asked Bubba.

    "Just let me do the talkin', OK?", said Earl.

    Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty
    bottles under the seat, and each put a label on
    their forehead. When they reached the roadblock,
    the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"

    "No, sir", said Earl. "We're on the patch"!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jan 1 09:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    After my niece returned from her second tour in
    Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion
    looked. "What do you use on your face to keep it
    so smooth?" I asked.

    "Nothing," she said. "I've been sandblasted."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jan 4 09:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    As a judge, I was sentencing criminal defendants
    when I saw a vaguely familiar face. I reviewed his
    record and found that the man was a career
    criminal, except for a five-year period in which
    there were no convictions.

    "Milton," I asked, puzzled, "how is it you were
    able to stay out of trouble for those five years?"

    "I was in prison," he answered. "You should know
    that-you were the one who sent me there."

    "That's not possible," I said. "I wasn't even a
    judge then."

    "No, you weren't the judge," the defendant
    countered, smiling mischievously.
    "You were my lawyer."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jan 7 09:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    A customer called to say he couldn't get his
    computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of
    trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the
    man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding
    it in front of the screen and pressing the "send"
    key.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jan 11 09:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in
    the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to
    appear in his new film?

    Stop playing it cagey!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jan 12 09:15:06 2021

    ***********************************

    I had just pulled over someone for driving under
    the influence when another car pulled up behind
    us. I stopped what I was doing and ventured back
    to see if the driver needed assistance.

    "No, I don't need any help," he said, reeking of
    booze. Then, pointing to the flashing cherry top
    on the roof of my cruiser, he continued,
    "I just stopped for the red light."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jan 13 09:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he
    is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office
    with his attorney, and when he gets there, he
    begins to talk with the IRS agent.

    "I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!"

    The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an
    impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his
    glass eye, and bites it. The IRS agent is
    dumbfounded.

    The old man bets $3,000 he can bite his other eye.

    The IRS agent knows there's no way possible to do
    this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles,
    pulls out his dentures, and bites his eye.

    Then the old man finally wagers, "I bet $20,000 I
    can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over
    the desk, and get it into your wastebasket,
    without missing a single drop."

    The agent knows he won't be able to, so once more
    he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all
    over the desk, and on the paperwork. The IRS agent
    jumps for joy, but then notices the attorney over
    in the corner moaning.

    "Are you all right?" asks the agent.

    "No! On the way over here, he bet me $400,000 he
    could pee on your desk and you'd be happy about
    it!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jan 14 09:15:06 2021

    ***********************************

    Two snakes were crawling along when one snake
    asked the other, "Are we poisonous?"

    The other replied, "You're darn right we are!
    We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?"

    To which the first replied, "Because I just bit
    my tongue"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jan 16 09:15:34 2021

    ***********************************

    If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who
    supported Atlas?

    His wife.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jan 18 09:15:22 2021

    ***********************************

    An almost hysterical man calls 911 and yells,
    "Please come quickly! Kailey is pregnant and her
    labor started now, it's really intense!"

    "Is this her first child?" asks the operator.

    "No you dumbass! It's her husband!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jan 19 09:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Today I went to a barber's shop for a shave.
    The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball
    in my mouth so he could get a closer shave
    around my cheeks.

    I asked: "But what if I swallow the ball?"

    He replied: "No problem sir, you just bring
    it back tomorrow like everybody else."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jan 21 09:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    A dog walks into a Saloon, with a bandage on his
    leg. He stops and announces...

    "I'm looking for guy who shot my paw!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jan 22 09:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    My daughter had absentmindedly left her sneakers
    on our kitchen table. "That's disgusting," my
    husband grumbled. "Doesn't she realize we eat off
    that table?" Then he went out back to work on the
    car.

    I cleaned the table and left to do my grocery
    shopping. When I came home I couldn't set my bags
    down anywhere. Sitting in the middle of the
    kitchen table was a car muffler.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jan 23 09:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    A nice old lady on a bus offers the driver some
    peanuts. He's happy to take some. He asks her
    after a while why she isn't having any herself.

    "Oh, young man," she says, "they're too hard on
    my poor teeth, I couldn't."

    "Why did you buy them at all then?"
    wonders the driver.

    "You see,
    I just love the chocolate they're covered in!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jan 24 09:15:06 2021

    ***********************************

    I was a brand-new attorney in practice alone, and
    I had a likewise inexperienced secretary fresh out
    of high school. The importance of proofreading the
    results of my dictation was highlighted one day
    when a reminder to a client's tenant to pay her
    rent or suffer eviction was transcribed as
    follows: "You are hereby notified that if payment
    is not received within five business days, I will
    have no choice but to commence execution
    proceedings."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jan 27 09:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove
    into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in
    the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

    The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

    The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to
    the truck. He returned a minute later and said,
    "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

    "All right. How long do you need them?"

    The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd
    better go check."

    After a while, the customer returned to the office
    and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
    (c)2018-2019


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Feb 1 09:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    She was only a whiskey-maker,

    but he loved her still.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Feb 2 09:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    Southwest Airlines makes humor a high priority.
    Here are some actual humorous statements by
    airline flight crews:

    "Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it`s warm, the
    sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are
    going to Charlotte, where it`s dark, windy and
    raining. Why in the world y`all wanna go there I
    can`t imagine."

    "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your
    tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in
    their most uncomfortable position."

    "Your seat cushions can be used for floatation,
    and in the event of an emergency water landing,
    please take them with our compliments."

    "We do feature a smoking section on this flight;
    if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight
    crew and we will escort you to a seat outside on
    the wing of the airplane."

    "Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any
    person caught smoking in the lavatories will be
    asked to leave the plane immediately."

    "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but
    there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

    "If you are so lucky to be traveling with small
    children..."

    Flight attendant: To operate your seatbelt, insert
    the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It
    works just like every other seatbelt, and if you
    don`t know how to operate one, you probably
    shouldn`t be out in public unsupervised.

    In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
    oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop
    screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
    face. If you have a small child traveling with
    you, secure your mask before assisting with
    theirs. If you are traveling with two small
    children, decide now which one you love more."

    "Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will
    drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag
    over your own mouth and nose before assisting
    children or adults acting like children."

    Pilot: "We are pleased to have some of the best
    flight attendants in the industry...Unfortunately
    none of them are on this flight...!

    Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising
    altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat
    belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you
    wish, but please stay inside the plane till we
    land... it`s a bit cold outside, and if you walk
    on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

    At the end of a flight: "Our flight attendants are
    now walking through the aisles with trash
    receptacles for any garbage you might have or
    anything else that you might wanna give us!"

    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at
    Washington National, a lone voice comes over the
    loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"

    "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather
    all of your belongings. Anything left behind will
    be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.
    Please do not leave children or spouses."

    "Last one off the plane must clean it."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Feb 3 09:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    On their way to get married, a young Catholic
    couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The
    couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly
    Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into
    Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could
    they possibly get married in Heaven?

    When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St.
    Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time
    anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.

    The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months
    passed and the couple were still waiting. While
    waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if
    it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in
    heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally
    returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.

    "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get
    married in Heaven."

    "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just
    wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we
    also get a divorce in Heaven?"

    St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his
    clipboard onto the ground.

    "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

    "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me
    three months to find a priest up here! Do you have
    any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Feb 4 09:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: What's the difference between a horse and
    the weather?

    A: One is reined up and the other rains down.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Feb 5 09:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    Justice isn't just blind-it's snickering at these
    real courtroom give-and-takes:

    Judge (to young witness): Do you know what would
    happen to you if you told a lie?

    Witness: Yes. I would go to hell.

    Judge: Is that all?

    Witness: Isn't that enough?

    -

    Q: Isn't it a fact that you have been running
    around with another woman?

    A: Yes, it is, but you can't prove it!

    -

    Q: Have you ever heard about taking the Fifth?

    A: A fifth of wine?

    Q: No, the Fifth Amendment.

    -

    Q: What did your sister die of?

    A: You would have to ask her. I would be
    speculating if I told you.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Feb 6 09:15:06 2021

    ***********************************

    A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks,
    "How long before I can get a haircut?"

    The barber looks around the shop and says, "About
    two hours."

    The guy leaves.

    A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in
    the door and asks, "How long before I get a
    haircut?"

    The barber looks around the shop full of customers
    and says, "About two hours."

    The guy leaves.

    A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the
    shop and asks, "How long before I can get a
    haircut?"

    The barber looks around the shop an says, "About
    an hour and half."

    The guy leaves.

    The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and
    says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he
    goes."

    In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop
    laughing hysterically.

    The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he
    left here?"

    Bill looked up and said, "To your house."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Feb 7 09:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    Well, a man was driving down a country road, and
    he decided to get out and get some fresh air. He
    got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he
    walked, he came upon a hole. Wanting to see how
    deep it was, he threw a pebble down. No sound.

    So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound.

    The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a
    boulder down. No sound. As he searched about, he
    spotted a railroad beam. He hauled it over to the
    hole, and shoved it in. No sound.

    He sat down on the ground, exhausted. Suddenly, he
    saw a goat running at him, full speed. He leaped
    up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole.
    He listened, but there was no sound.

    He sat down again. A few minutes later, a farmer
    came walking up. The man asked him, "How deep is
    this hole?"

    The farmer said, "Oh. Thats the bottomless pit. It
    never ends. Say, have you seen my prize goat?"

    The man, not wanting to get the blame, said, "No."

    The farmer said, "Oh well. He can't get far. He
    was tied to a railroad beam."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Feb 8 09:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    An artist asked the gallery owner if there had
    been any interest in her paintings that were on
    display.

    "Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner
    responded. "The good news is that a gentleman
    noticed your work and wondered if it would
    appreciate in value after your death. I told him
    it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."

    "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's
    the bad news?"

    "The gentleman was your doctor."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Feb 9 09:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    I hate jokes about German sausages,

    They're the wurst.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Feb 10 09:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    After joining the Navy, my husband underwent a
    physical. During the exam, it was discovered that,
    due to an abnormality, he couldn't fully extend
    his arms above his head. Perplexed, the doctor
    conferred with another doctor.

    "Let him pass," suggested the second doctor. "I
    don't see any problems unless he has to surrender."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Feb 11 09:15:22 2021

    ***********************************

    After the fire-truck arrived at a burning building
    in a small Spanish town, the firemen observed a
    man dressed in a matador's costume prancing around
    on the roof. Four of the firemen held a safety-net
    and urged him to escape from the burning building
    by jumping into the net. He refused and loudly
    proclaimed, "I'm Fearless Jose the bullfighter who
    fears nothing, not even fire."

    The firemen begged and pleaded but to no avail.
    Jose kept prancing around while repeating the same
    phrase over and over until the firemen got really
    sick and tired of hearing it. Finally, when the
    flames began to scorch his butt, Jose announced
    he had changed his mind, was ready to jump and
    then leaped off the rooftop. As his body hurtled
    toward the safety-net, the four firemen shouted,
    "Ole!" and quickly moved it aside.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Feb 12 09:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it
    up and took a look at it cause it was prettier
    than most.

    The clerk said, "It's made in Germany".

    I said, "That's too bad, I can't use it then".

    The clerk said, "What's the matter? You don't
    like German pens?"

    I said, "No. I just never learned to write
    German."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Feb 13 09:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break
    about being out late the night before.

    The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was
    asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak
    into bed, and not get into trouble."

    The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're
    lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in
    bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me
    hell for being out so late."

    The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"

    The second man replied, "I turned out the light."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Feb 14 09:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    I work in IT. A customer asked me if a string of
    numbers I'd read off was upper or lowercase.

    Someone once asked, "Is this the museum?"
    I work at a pool.

    A few of the things customers have asked for at
    our art-supply store include disco balls, trees,
    and crucifixion wood.

    I'm a butcher. A woman asked if she could sleep in
    our freezer to test out a heavy-duty sleeping bag
    before a trip to the Himalayas.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From poindexter FORTRAN@21:4/122 to JokeMaster on Sun Feb 14 15:11:00 2021
    JokeMaster wrote to All <=-


    I work in IT. A customer asked me if a string of
    numbers I'd read off was upper or lowercase.

    I've had people refer to the punctuation marks that are entered by hitting shift and the number key as upper case 5 (% sign on a US keyboard)

    Wait, am I replying to a bot?


    ... How would someone else do it?
    --- MultiMail/DOS v0.52
    * Origin: realitycheckBBS.org -- information is power. (21:4/122)
  • From Black Panther@21:1/186 to poindexter FORTRAN on Sun Feb 14 22:06:50 2021
    On 14 Feb 2021, 10:11a, poindexter FORTRAN said the following...

    I've had people refer to the punctuation marks that are entered by
    hitting shift and the number key as upper case 5 (% sign on a US
    keyboard)

    I've never heard of them being referred to as upper case. I've always described them as 'shifted 5' for example...

    Wait, am I replying to a bot?

    Shhhh. We won't tell. ;)


    ---

    Black Panther(RCS)
    aka Dan Richter
    Castle Rock BBS
    telnet://bbs.castlerockbbs.com
    http://www.castlerockbbs.com
    http://github.com/DRPanther
    The sparrows are flying again...

    --- Mystic BBS v1.12 A47 2021/01/14 (Linux/64)
    * Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Feb 15 09:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

    A: If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Feb 16 09:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You're not picky about your office location.
    Christopher Oxley of Everett, Washington, was
    arrested for conducting a drug deal over the phone
    in the bathroom of the Everett Police Department.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Feb 17 09:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: how many programmers does it take to change a
    light bulb?

    A: none, that's a hardware problem

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Feb 18 09:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    Top Ten Signs You Might Not Be Ready To Join The
    US Air Force

    10. You're afraid of loud noises, heights, and
    airplanes

    9. For you, the thrill of flight is the little
    package of salted nuts

    8. In high school, you were voted "queasiest"

    7. You don't mind flying once you've had a few
    drinks

    6. You pass out from G-Forces incurred from riding
    an escalator

    5. Whenever you see an "eject" lever you
    impulsively pull it

    4. Show up to the recruiting center carrying a
    seatbelt extender

    3. Your primary reason for enlisting is "to meet
    Iron Man"

    2. You giggle every time you say, "cockpit"

    1. Out motto, "aim high" -- your motto, "I'm high"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Feb 19 09:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    A panda walks into a bar, sits down and order a
    sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun
    and shoots the waiter dead.

    As the panda stands up to go, the bartender
    shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot
    my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

    The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man,
    I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"

    The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the
    following definition for Panda: "A tree dwelling
    marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by
    distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots
    and leaves."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Feb 20 09:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    A man went to his lawyer and told him, `My
    neighbour owes me $500 and he won't pay up. What
    should I do?'

    `Do you have any proof he owes you the money?'
    asked the lawyer.

    `Nope,' replied the man.

    `OK, then write him a letter asking him for the
    $1,000 he owed you,' said the lawyer.

    `But it's only $500,' replied the man.

    `Precisely. That's what he'll reply and then
    you'll have your proof!'

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Feb 21 09:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye
    dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and
    begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager
    runs up to the man and asks,
    "What are you doing?!!"

    The blind man replies,
    "Just looking around."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Feb 22 09:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is
    walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a
    bucket.

    He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him
    for his fishing license.

    The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch
    these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come
    down to the water and whistle and these lobsters
    jump out and I take them for a walk only to return
    them at the end of the day."

    The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it
    is illegal to fish without a license.

    The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If
    you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the
    lobsters back into the water.

    The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and
    show me that they will come out of the water."

    The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What
    lobsters?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Feb 23 09:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Young Judy, the editor of a trivia publication,
    was having trouble with her computer. So she
    called Prem, the computer guy, over to her desk.
    Prem clicked a couple buttons and solved the
    problem.

    As he was walking away, Judy called after him,
    "So, what was wrong?"

    And he replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

    A puzzled expression ran riot over Judy's face.
    "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need
    to fix it again??"

    He gave her a grin... ;-) "Haven't you ever heard
    of an ID ten T error before?"

    "No," replied Judy.

    "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll
    figure it out."

    (She wrote...)I D 1 0 T

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Feb 24 09:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    I'm certain there are female hormones in beer.
    When I drink too much,

    I talk nonsense and I cannot control my car.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Feb 25 09:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds:
    "Wife wanted."

    Next day he received a hundred letters.

    They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Feb 26 09:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of
    them collapses. He doesn't appear to be breathing,
    his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out
    his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911.
    He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

    The operator says "Please stay calm. I will help
    you. First of all, let's make sure he's dead."

    There's a silence, then a gun shot.
    The guy gets back on the phone and says
    "OK, now what?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Feb 27 09:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    My daughter-in-law was driving on the freeway when
    the sight of flashing lights in her rearview
    mirror made her pull over.

    "Do you know why I stopped you?" asked the state
    trooper. "You were going 85 miles per hour."

    "Impossible," she argued.
    "I had my cruise control set at 82!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Feb 28 09:15:20 2021

    ***********************************

    Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
    Pupil: 4
    Teacher: That's good.
    Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Mar 1 09:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    One of the less difficult blanks to fill in on our
    job-agency application is "Position Wanted." One
    job seeker wrote "Sitting."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Mar 2 09:15:20 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: Why was the blonde so happy after she finished
    her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?

    A: Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Mar 3 09:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    Did your wife recover from her operation?

    Not yet, she's still talking about it.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Mar 4 04:16:10 2021

    ***********************************

    Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man
    was astounded by the wide selection of jogging
    shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
    While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he
    noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about
    it. "What's this little pocket thing here on the
    side for?"

    "Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call
    your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged
    too far."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 43 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Mar 5 04:15:04 2021

    ***********************************

    Johnny was racing around the garden on his new
    bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his
    tricks.

    "Look, Mum! No hands!
    Look, Mum! No feet!
    Waaah!
    Look, Mum! No teeth!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Mar 6 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    This summer, I'm going to go to the beach and bury
    metal objects that say "Get a life" on them.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Mar 7 04:15:24 2021

    ***********************************

    The young lad had applied for a job, and was asked
    his full name.

    "Aloysius Montmorency Geoghan," he replied.

    "How do you spell that?" asked the manager.

    "Er ? sir ? er ? can't you just put it down
    without spelling it?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Mar 8 04:15:24 2021

    ***********************************

    A policeman looked up to see a woman racing down
    the center of the road at 100 m.p.h.

    He pulled her over and said, "Hey, lady, would you
    mind telling me why you're going so fast down the
    middle of the road?"

    "Oh, it's okay, Officer," she replied. "I have a
    special license that allows me to drive like
    that."

    "Oh, yeah?" Let's see it." The cop looked at the
    license and then concluded, "Ma'am, there's
    nothing special about this. It's just a temporary
    license."

    "Look at the very bottom, though," the woman
    insisted. "See? It says `Tear along the dotted
    line.'"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Mar 9 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    What does the aardvark call his dog?

    Aard-bark.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Mar 10 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    Baby Rabbit: "Mommy, where did I come from?"

    Mother Rabbit: "I ll tell you when you re older."

    Baby Rabbit: "Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now."

    Mother Rabbit: "If you must know, you were pulled
    from a magician's hat."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Mar 11 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    Spotted on T-shirts for sale in the Ponce de Leon
    Coast Guard Exchange:

    "Support Your Local Coast Guard. Get Lost."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Mar 12 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    A Pennsylvania couple had trouble selling their
    home after strange apparitions and sounds forced
    them to admit in their ad that it was "slightly
    haunted." The Week asked its readers to put a more
    positive spin on the sales pitch:

    "A home suited for free spirits"

    "Mostly not haunted"

    "113-year-old Victorian,
    still cared for by original owners"

    "A place for all your possessions"

    "This house has good bones"

    "Your kids will make new friends"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Mar 13 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    WATER......

    It has been scientifically proven that if we drink
    1 liter Of water each day, at the end of the year
    we would have absorbed more Than 1 kilo of
    Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces, in other
    words, We are consuming 1 kilo of poop!

    However, we do not run that risk when drinking
    wine (or rum, whiskey, Vodka, beer or other
    liquors) because alcohol has to go through a
    Distillation process of boiling, filtering and
    fermenting.

    It is better to drink wine and talk sh*t
    than to drink water and be full Of sh*t.

    There is no need to thank me for this valuable
    information,

    I am doing This as a public service.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Mar 14 05:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Today I found my first grey pubic hair.
    I got really excited, but not as much as
    the other people in the lift.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Mar 15 05:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    An old man was in his golden years, but that
    didn't stop him from trying to pick up the younger
    ladies. He went to the local bar, approached a
    very pretty and very young woman and said, "Where
    have you been all my life?"

    The young lady takes one glance at him and says,
    "For the first half of it I wasn't even born yet."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Mar 16 05:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on
    the aviation frequencies. This was his first time
    approaching a field during the nighttime, and
    instead of making any official requests to the
    tower, he said, "Guess who?"

    The controller switched the field lights off and
    replied, "Guess where!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Mar 17 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in
    Juneau, Alaska, I got a call from the Navy in the
    nearby city of Adak. They had lost contact with
    one of their planes, and they needed the Coast
    Guard to send an aircraft to go find it. I asked
    the man where the Navy aircraft had last been
    spotted so we would know where to search.

    "I can't tell you," the Navy man said.
    "That's classified."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 13 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Mar 18 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    Why do dogs always race to the
    door when the doorbell rings?
    It's hardly ever for them.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Mar 19 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    An American tourist in London decides to skip his
    tour group and explore the city on his own. He
    wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally
    stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local
    culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of
    stout.

    After a while, he finds himself in a very nice
    neighborhood with big, stately residences...no
    pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all
    NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.

    He really, really has to go, after all those
    Guinnesses. He finds a narrow side street, with
    high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and
    decides to use the wall to solve his problem.

    As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder
    by a London police officer, who says, "I say, sir,
    you simply cannot do that here, you know."

    "I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American,
    "but I really, really have to go, and I just can't
    find a public restroom."

    "Ah, yes," said the policeman..."Just follow me".
    He leads the American to a back delivery alley to
    a gate, which he opens.

    "In there," points the policeman. "Go ahead sir,
    anywhere you like."

    The fellow enters and finds himself in the most
    beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass
    lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and
    huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect
    bloom.

    Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves
    himself and feels much more comfortable. As he
    goes back through the gate, he says to the police
    officer, "That was really decent of you... is that
    what you call English hospitality?"

    "No sir...", replied the police officer, "...that
    is what we call the French Embassy."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Mar 20 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    I recently stumbled upon my favorite new sports
    team. It's a woman's bowling squad called I Can't
    Believe It's Not Gutter.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Mar 21 04:15:20 2021

    ***********************************

    While prosecuting a robbery case, I conducted an
    interview with the arresting officer. My first
    question: "Did you see the defendant at the
    scene?"

    "Yes, from a block away," the officer answered.

    "Was the area well lit?"

    "No. It was pretty dark."

    "Then how could you identify the defendant?"
    I asked, concerned.

    Looking at me as if I were nuts, he answered,
    "I'd recognize my cousin anywhere."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Mar 22 04:15:24 2021

    ***********************************

    A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift
    procedure and was explaining it to a prospective
    patient. He told her, "I'll install a special
    screw in the top of your skull. Your hair will
    cover it so it will be unnoticed. Whenever you
    need a little tuck, we'll just tighten the screw
    a little,... and the wrinkles will disappear!"

    The woman was enthused and told the doctor to, "GO
    FOR IT!" The surgery was a resounding success, and
    the woman went home happy.

    A few months later, the woman returned in a great
    state of agitation. She pointed to her face and
    said, "Just look at these bags under my eyes!
    Where the hell did they come from?"

    The surgeon looked at her closely and said, "Those
    aren't BAGS under your eyes. Those are your
    breasts. And if you keep messing around with that
    screw,... pretty soon you'll have a goatee!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Mar 23 04:15:20 2021

    ***********************************

    Boy: "Our principal is so stupid!"

    Girl: "Don't you know who I am?"

    Boy: "No?"

    Girl: "I'm the principals daughter".

    Boy: "Do you know who I am?"

    Girl: "No."

    Boy: "Good." walks away quickly

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Mar 24 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Q. What did one tornado say to the other?
    A. "Let's twist again, like we did last summer..."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 13 hours, 42 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Mar 26 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship
    landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of
    the spaceship and started to pump gas into it. The
    woman noticed the letters 'U.F.O.' printed on the
    side of the ship. She turned to the alien and
    asked "Does U.F.O. stand for Unidentified Flying
    Object?"

    The alien answered, "No, it stands for Unleaded
    Fuel Only!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Mar 27 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    When Abraham Liebowitz gets to school he discovers
    that he is the only Jewish kid in the class. But
    it's a decent town and nobody really bothers him.

    One day the teacher asks the class "Who was the
    greatest person who ever lived? and why?" And to
    make it interesting she held a twenty dollar bill
    in the air and said "whoever gives the best answer
    will get this twenty dollars".

    All of the kids called out their guesses. One said
    "George Washington - because he was the father of
    our country."

    "That's excellent" said the teacher.

    Another said "Abraham Lincoln - because he freed
    the slaves."

    "That's also good" said the teacher, reluctant to
    bestow an excellent, but still being polite.

    One little girl said "Joan of Arc - because she
    saved France."

    Another excellent choice said the teacher.

    Then Abraham Liebowitz, raised his hand. So the
    teacher called on him. "Abraham, who do you think
    was the greatest person who ever lived, and why?"

    And Abraham said "Jesus Christ."

    The teacher was shocked. "Abraham," she said "I'm
    very surprised. Class, I think we can all agree
    that Abraham should get the twenty dollars." And
    she handed Abraham Liebowitz the money. At recess,
    the teacher was still very impressed. So she asked
    Abraham why he said Jesus.

    Abraham said "Look, personally I think Moses was
    the greatest person who ever lived, but...
    business is business!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 day, 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Mar 28 04:15:22 2021

    ***********************************

    A blind man was describing his favorite sport,
    parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished,
    he said that things were all done for him: "I am
    placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told
    when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring
    for me and out I go with the dog."

    "But how do you know when you are going to land?"
    he was asked.

    "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can
    smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from
    the ground" he answered.

    "But how do you know when to lift your legs for
    the final arrival on the ground?"
    he was again asked.

    He quickly answered:
    "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Mar 29 04:15:20 2021

    ***********************************

    My collection of vintage kitchen utensils includes
    one whose intended purpose was always a mystery.
    It looks like a cross between a metal slotted
    spoon and a spatula, so I use it as both. When not
    in use, it is prominently displayed in a
    decorative ceramic utensil caddy in my kitchen.

    The mystery of the spoon/spatula was recently
    solved when I found one in its original packaging
    at a rummage sale.

    It's a pooper-scooper.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 3 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Mar 30 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    A police officer jumps into his squad car and
    calls the station.

    "I have an interesting case here," he says. "A
    woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor
    she just mopped."

    "Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant.

    "No, not yet. The floor's still wet."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 4 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Mar 31 04:15:20 2021

    ***********************************

    When a woman applies for a job at a citrus grove,
    the foreman asks, "Do you have any experience
    picking lemons?"

    "Well," she answers,
    "I've been divorced three times."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 5 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Apr 1 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    A helicopter loses power over a remote Scottish
    island and makes an emergency landing. Luckily,
    there's a cottage nearby, so the pilot knocks on
    the door. "Is there a mechanic in the area?" he
    asks the woman who answers.

    She thinks for a minute. "No, but we do have a
    McArdle and a McKay."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 6 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Apr 2 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

    Poke'r Face.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Apr 3 04:15:22 2021

    ***********************************

    Three men: an editor, a photographer, and a
    journalist are covering a political convention in
    Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach
    during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach,
    they stumbled upon a lamp.

    As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says
    "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but
    since there are three of you, I will grant you
    each one wish."

    The photographer went first. "I would like to
    spend the rest of my life living in a huge house
    in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie
    granted him his wish and sent him on off to St.
    Thomas.

    The journalist went next. "I would like to spend
    the rest of my life living on a huge yacht
    cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries."
    The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to
    the Mediterranean.

    Last, but not least, it was the editor's turn.
    "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.

    "I want them both back after lunch" replied the
    editor, "the deadline for tomorrow's newspaper is
    in about ten hours.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 1 day, 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Apr 4 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks
    on her back?

    A: From crawling across the street when the
    sign said "don't walk".

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 2 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Apr 5 04:15:20 2021

    ***********************************

    A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered
    with his thumb over the meat.

    "Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your
    hand on my steak?"

    "What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on
    the floor again?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 3 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Apr 6 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    Waiter, there is a fly in my wine!

    Well you did ask for something with
    a little body in it!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 4 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Apr 7 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Why do crabs never give to charity?

    Because they're shellfish.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 5 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Apr 8 04:15:20 2021

    ***********************************

    A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when
    three Hell's Angels' bikers walked in. The first
    walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette
    into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the
    counter.

    The second walked up to the old man, spat into the
    old man's milk and then he too took a seat at the
    counter.

    The third walked up to the old man, turned over
    the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at
    the counter.

    Without a word of protest, the old man quietly
    left the diner.

    Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the
    waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"

    The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver
    either, he just backed his big-rig over three
    motorcycles."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 6 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Apr 9 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly
    stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.
    After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

    A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant,
    "What was the problem?"

    "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the
    engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it
    took us a while to find a new pilot."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Apr 10 04:15:20 2021

    ***********************************

    Students are great about sending our troops
    letters, and the troops love 'em. You can see why:

    "Dear Soldier, If you're having a rough day,
    remember the most important thing in life is to be
    yourself. Unless you can be Batman."

    "Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or
    Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers."

    "I am so happy you are risking your life for the
    USA! My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. Now he likes
    peanuts."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Apr 11 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day.
    One said to the other, "Why are we down in this
    hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up
    there in the shade of a tree?"

    "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask
    him." So he climbed out of the hole and went to
    his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and
    you're standing in the shade?"

    "Intelligence," the boss said.

    "What do you mean, intelligence?"

    The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my
    hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with
    your fist as hard as you can."

    The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to
    hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and
    the ditch digger hit the tree.

    The boss said, "That's intelligence!"

    The ditch digger went back to his hole.

    His friend asked, "What did he say?"

    "He said we are down here because of
    intelligence."

    "What's intelligence?" said the friend.

    The ditch digger put his hand on his face and
    said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Apr 12 04:15:24 2021

    ***********************************

    The Lone Ranger woke to see his
    tent blown away by a tornado.
    He declared,
    "Tonto, we're not in canvas anymore."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Apr 13 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
    Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Apr 14 04:15:20 2021

    ***********************************

    A man called, furious about an Orlando, Florida,
    vacation package we had booked for him: He was
    'expecting an ocean-view hotel room'. I explained
    that was not possible, since Orlando is in the
    middle of the state. "Don't lie to me," he said.
    "I looked on the map, and Florida is a very
    thin state."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 15 hours, 57 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Apr 15 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    Just came home from a training session. Two hours
    on the treadmill did me really good. If only I
    could somehow stop the constant beeping
    and the irritated comments of the cashier.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 day, 15 hours, 57 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Apr 16 04:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    Did you hear about the juy who invented the knock knock joke?

    He won the 'no-bell' prize.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Apr 17 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    Who succeeded the first President of the USA?

    The second one!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 3 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Apr 18 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

    A: Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 4 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Apr 19 04:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at
    the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo
    officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the
    next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A
    twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out.
    When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the
    next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do
    you think they'll go?"

    The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless
    somebody locks the gate at night!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 5 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Apr 22 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the
    doctor. The doctor examined him and explained,
    "I'm going to give you some suppositories. I'll
    insert one now, and then I'll give you another one
    for later this evening."

    Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to
    insert the suppository. She agrees reluctantly,
    then puts one hand on his shoulder and inserts the
    suppository. Suddenly, her husband shrieks,
    "Aahhhhh!"

    "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" she asks.

    "No... I just realised that the doctor had *both*
    his hands on my shoulders!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 1 day, 15 hours, 56 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Apr 23 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his
    company for embezzlement of many millions. At the
    beginning of the process, the lawyer kindly
    reassured him: "Don't worry, you'll never go to
    jail with that amount of money."

    And the lawyer was right. When the man did go to
    jail eventually, he didn't have a penny anymore.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 2 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Apr 24 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    "Will I ever be able to race my horse again" the
    owner asked the vet.

    The vet replied, "You certainly will, and you'll
    probably beat her too!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 3 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Apr 25 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    Dear Boss,
    I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions.
    Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K
    dates problem makes any sense to me.

    At any rate I have finished converting all the
    months on all the company calendars so that the
    year 2000 is ready to go with the following
    improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk. In
    addition, I have changed the days of the week, and
    they are now: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak,
    Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.

    Is it enough, or should I change any other Y to K?
    I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Should I call
    them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K ready?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 4 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Apr 26 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    "Please, ma'am! How do you spell ichael?"

    The teacher was rather bewildered. "Don't you mean
    Michael?" she asked.

    "No, ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 5 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Apr 27 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    Wanna hear a joke about paper?

    Nevermind, it's tearable.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 6 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Apr 28 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    While on patrol, I arrested a burglar who'd
    injured himself running from a home. He told me
    he'd broken in and unhooked the phone before
    searching for valuables. But he'd panicked when
    he heard a woman's voice. I entered the house and
    heard the same voice: "If you'd like to make a
    call, please hang up and try your call again."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 15 hours, 57 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Apr 29 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    The box said "Requires Windows Vista or better".

    So I installed LINUX.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 15 hours, 56 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Apr 30 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    A student was heading home for the holidays. When
    she got to the airline counter, she presented her
    ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her
    luggage, she made the remark, "I'd like you to
    send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red
    suitcase to London."

    The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't do
    that."

    "Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that
    because that's exactly what you did to my luggage
    last year!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat May 1 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    A woman goes into the local newspaper office to
    see that the obituary for her recently deceased
    husband is published. After the editor informs her
    that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word,
    she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then,
    let it read 'Fred Brown died'."

    Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor
    stammers that there is a 7-word minimum for all
    obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her
    fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown
    died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun May 2 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    Sauer and Tolbert went to the zoo and watched in
    awe as a lion let loose with a spine-tingling
    roar.

    "Let's get out of here!" said Sauer.

    "Go on, if'n you want to," said the other redneck.
    "But Ah'm stayin' for the whole movie!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon May 3 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    This little old lady goes to the doctor and says,
    "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but
    it really doesn't bother me too much. It never
    smells and it's always silent. As a matter of fact
    I've passed gas at least 20 times since I've been
    here in your office. You didn't know I was passing
    gas because it doesn't smell and it's silent."

    The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come
    back to see me next week."

    The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she
    says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my
    passing gas. although still silent, it stinks
    terribly."

    "Good", the doctor said, "now that we've cleared
    up your sinuses, we'll start to work on your
    hearing."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue May 4 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    Great Book Titles

    How to Feed Elephants by P. Nutts

    Aches and Pains by Arthur Ritis

    The Spicy Sausage by Delia Katessen

    The Punished Schoolboy by Major Bumsaw

    The Long Walk Home by Miss D. Buss

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 6 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu May 6 22:35:24 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: How many seconds are there in one year?

    A: 12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March
    2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd,
    August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November
    2nd, December 2nd.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 17 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri May 7 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    A customer was bothering the waiter in a
    restaurant. First, he asked that the air
    conditioning be turned up because he was too hot,
    then he asked it be turned down cause he was too
    cold, and so on for about half an hour.

    Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he
    walked back and forth and never once got angry. So
    finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't
    throw out the pest.

    "Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter
    with a smile. "We don't even have an air
    conditioner."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat May 8 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim."
    That way it sounds better when I say I go to the
    Jim first thing every morning.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun May 9 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    My wife left me, went away. At first I was sad,
    lonely and didn't know what to do with myself. But
    I bought a motorbike, threw a wild, loud party and
    got to meet some other women. I think my wife may
    not be so pleased when she comes back again from
    work.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon May 10 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien
    in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls
    him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've
    got to go back across the border right now."

    The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo
    Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"

    The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm
    going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll
    let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a
    sentence".

    The Mexican man of course agrees.

    The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words
    are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1
    sentence."

    The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2
    minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went
    Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue May 11 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You love too much. Maybe Stephfon Bennett
    should try online dating. After he and two
    accomplices allegedly mugged a couple in Columbus,
    Ohio, police say he found the woman's ID in her
    purse, then showed up at her door with a simple
    proposal: How about a date? Since a girl likes to
    play hard to get, she called the cops, who
    arrested Bennett outside her home.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed May 12 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    The person who thought it's a good idea to put the
    light switch outside of the bathroom clearly
    didn't have any siblings.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu May 13 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    Sir you haven't touched your custard.

    I'm just waiting for the fly to stop using it as
    a trampoline

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri May 14 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with
    the Godfather?

    A: An offer you can't understand.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat May 15 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Three Kiwis and three Aussies are traveling by
    train to a conference. At the station, the three
    Aussies each buy tickets and watch as the three
    Kiwis buy only a single ticket.

    "How are three people going to travel on only one
    ticket?" asks an Aussie.

    "Watch and you'll see," answers a Kiwi.

    They all board the train. The Aussies take their
    respective seats but all three Kiwis cram into a
    bathroom and close the door behind them.

    Shortly after the train has departed, the
    conductor comes around collecting tickets. He
    knocks on the bathroom door and says,"Ticket,
    please." The door opens just a crack and a single
    arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor
    takes it and moves on.

    The Aussies see this and agree it was quite a
    clever idea. So after the conference, the Aussies
    decide to copy the Kiwis on the return trip and
    save some money (being clever with money,and all
    that). When they get to the station, they buy a
    single ticket for the return trip. To their
    astonishment, the Kiwis don't buy a ticket at all.

    "How are you going to travel without a ticket?"
    says one perplexed Aussie. Watch and you'll see,"
    answers a kiwi.

    When they board the train the three Aussies cram
    into a bathroom and the three Kiwis cram into
    another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly
    afterward, one of the Kiwis leaves his bathroom
    and walks over to the bathroom where the Aussies
    are hiding.

    He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun May 16 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our
    first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his
    locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in
    his office. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost
    my key. I walked into the orderly's room and asked
    Sarge if I could borrow his master key.

    "Why, certainly, young man," he said, as he
    reached under his desk and handed me a large pair
    of bolt cutters.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon May 17 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation
    of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer,
    she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
    blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would
    turn red in the face."

    "Yes," the class said.

    "Then why is it that while I am standing upright
    in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run
    into my feet?"

    A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't
    empty."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue May 18 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    For her summer job, my 18-year-old daughter
    arranged interviews at several day-care centers.
    At one meeting, she sat down on one of the kiddie
    seats, no simple task for most people. The
    interview went well, and at the end, the day-care
    center director asked the standard question, "Can
    you give me one good reason we should hire you?"

    "Because I fit in the chairs." She got the job.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed May 19 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in
    Illinois?

    The first offense they give you Bears tickets and
    the second offense they make you use them.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu May 20 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    There was once a young man who, in his youth,
    professed his desire to become a great writer.

    When asked to define great, he said, "I want to
    write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff
    that people will react to on a truly emotional
    level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl
    in pain and anger!"

    He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri May 21 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a
    camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and
    were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes
    said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"

    "Well, I see thousands of stars."

    "And what does that mean to you?"

    "Well, I guess it means we will have another nice
    day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"

    "To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat May 22 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You can't let go of your friends. Two New
    Zealand prisoners had the brilliant idea of
    fleeing the courthouse while tethered together by
    handcuffs. They might have escaped had a light
    pole not gotten between them. Like a pair of
    click-clacks, they slammed into each other and
    were arrested trying to get back to their feet.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun May 23 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    A person went into the office kitchen one morning
    and found a new blonde girl painting the walls.
    She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim
    jacket.

    Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her
    why she was wearing them rather than old clothes
    or an overall. She showed him the instructions on
    the tin,

    "For best results, put on two coats".

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon May 24 04:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?

    Must have been a duck family.

    A duck family?

    Didn't you say there was a quack in it?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue May 25 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    A Pastor goes to a nursing home for the first time
    to visit an elderly parishioner.

    As he is sitting there, he notices a bowl of
    peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they
    continue their conversation, he can't help himself
    and eats one after another.

    By the time they are through visiting, the bowl is
    empty. He says, "Mrs. Jones, I'm so sorry, but I
    seem to have eaten all of your peanuts."

    "That's O.K.," she says. "They would have just sat
    there anyway.

    Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the
    chocolate off and put them back in the bowl.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed May 26 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    I was having trouble with my computer. So I called
    Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked
    a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He
    gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he
    was walking away, I called after him, "So, what
    was wrong?"

    He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

    I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless
    inquired: "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in
    case I need to fix it again?"

    The computer guy grinned.... "Haven't you ever
    heard of an ID ten T error before?"

    "No," I replied.

    "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll
    figure it out."

    So I wrote out ......

    I D 1 0 T

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu May 27 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    A worker approaches his employer and holds up his
    last pay check. `This is two hundred dollars
    short,' he says.

    `I know,' says the employer. `But last week I
    overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you didn't
    say anything.'

    `Well,' says the worker. `I don't mind an
    occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a
    habit, I feel I have to call it to your
    attention.'

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri May 28 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    When an ape visits his tailor, what kind of a suit
    does he order?

    A zoo-t suit!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat May 29 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    I couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City
    or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines
    to get prices. "Airfare to Denver is $300," the
    cheery salesperson replied.

    "And what about Salt Lake City?"

    "We have a really great rate to Salt Lake-$99,"
    she said "But there is a stopover."

    "Where?"

    "In Denver," she said.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun May 30 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You don't know when to write off a loss. John
    Opperman-Green robbed a Kissimmee, Florida,
    7-Eleven, then called the cops to complain when he
    tried to hitch a ride with strangers, who, in
    turn, robbed him.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon May 31 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    The Spanish explorers went 'round the world in
    a galleon.

    How many galleons did they get to the mile?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jun 1 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    My house is haunted by a ghostwriter. Last night,
    I came home and my autobiography had been written.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jun 2 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    What did the Tin Man say when
    he got run over by a steamroller?

    "Curses! Foil again!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jun 3 04:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle
    drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no
    reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the
    elephant's tail, really hard.

    Years and years later, the same elephant, now
    grown up, is by the same river, having a drink
    with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that
    bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up
    to the river.

    The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle
    as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into
    the jungle.

    "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks.

    "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail
    for no reason," the elephant replied.

    "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the
    giraffe.

    "Yep!" said the elephant."I've got Turtle-Recall."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 3 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jun 4 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    What is hail?

    Hard boiled rain!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jun 5 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    There was once a magic mirror in a ladies room in
    a bar. If one stood in front of this mirror and
    tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However,
    if one tells a lie, *POOF* you are instantly
    swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen
    again.

    A redhead of questionable looks walks into the
    Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says,
    "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the
    world." *POOF* The mirror swallows her.

    Next, a rather large brunette stands before the
    mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman
    alive! *POOF* The mirror swallows her.

    Then an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in and
    stands before the mirror and says, "I think..."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jun 6 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    You're sending me something via fax?
    What is it, an important document from 1993?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jun 7 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Rev up your engines and tell the crabgrass to look
    out. The 12th annual Mow Down, Show Down Lawn
    Mower Championship was held in Avon Park, Florida,
    bringing out the best and fastest in lawn-mower
    racing. It also brought out some colorful names.

    Entrants included: Weedy Gonzales, Blading
    Saddles, Turfinator, Sodzilla and Mr. Mowjangles.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jun 8 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: How do you get down from an elephant?

    A: You don't. You get down from a goose.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jun 9 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    Why don't anteaters get sick?

    Because they are full of antibodies!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jun 10 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one
    night he's doing a show in a small club in a small
    town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's
    going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a
    blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair
    and starts shouting:

    "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
    What makes you think you can stereotype women that
    way? What does the color of a person's hair have
    to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys
    like you who keep women like me from being
    respected at work and in the community and from
    reaching our full potential as a person, because
    you and your kind continue to perpetuate
    discrimination against, not only blondes, but
    women in general... and all in the name of humor!"

    The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to
    apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of
    this, mister! I'm talking to that little idiot on
    your knee!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 4 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jun 11 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a
    painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden
    of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm,"
    muses the Brit. "They must be British."

    "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're
    naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are
    French."

    "No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out,
    "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being
    told this is paradise. They are Russian."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jun 12 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    Man to his wife: "Do you know what our 6 year old
    son wants to be once he's big?"

    Wife: "No."

    Man: "A garbage man. And you know why?"

    Wife: "No, why?"

    Man: "Because he thinks they only work on
    Tuesdays."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jun 13 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    The train was packed, and the U. S. Marine Walked
    the entire length looking for a seat, but a well-
    dressed, Middle-aged, French woman's poodle took
    the Only seat remaining.

    The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have
    that seat?"The French woman just sniffed and said
    to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude.
    My little Fifi is using that seat."

    The Marine walked the entire train again, but the
    only seat left was Under that dog."Please, ma'am.
    May I sit down? I'm very tired."She snorted, "Not
    only are you Americans rude, you are also
    arrogant!"

    The next time the Marine didn't say a word; he
    just picked up the little Dog, tossed it out the
    train window, and sat down.

    The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor!
    Put this American In his place!"

    An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up,
    "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for
    doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the
    wrong hand, you drive your vehicles on the wrong
    side of the road. And now, Sir, you seem to have
    thrown the wrong bitch out the window.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jun 14 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You skimp on travel expenses. Twelve Middle
    Eastern immigrants forgot the first rule of
    sneaking into a country: Don't call attention to
    yourself. En route to England from Germany, they
    snuck a ride in the back of a man's truck. They
    stayed mum throughout their trip, even as they
    crossed the Channel into England. But once they
    hit Dover, they celebrated their arrival with
    songs and whoops. Not for long, though. The
    startled driver headed to a police station, where
    the 12 were apprehended.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jun 15 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    I haven't cleaned up in a while. I've got a messy
    house - a milk carton with a picture of the
    Lindbergh baby on it.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jun 16 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
    A: A fsh.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jun 17 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: What's the last thing that goes through a bug's
    mind as it hits your windshield?
    A: Its butt.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 5 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jun 18 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    We have one of those floor lamps with three degrees
    of brightness: dim, flicker, and out.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jun 19 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Where was the Magna Carta signed?

    At the bottom.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jun 20 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    Sometimes I think war is God's way
    of teaching us geography.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jun 21 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    I'm not saying that the customer service in my
    bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and
    asked the clerk to check my balance she leaned
    over and pushed me.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jun 22 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    Knock! Knock!

    Who's there?

    Isabelle.

    Isabelle who?

    Isabelle working, or should I keep knocking?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jun 23 04:15:22 2021

    ***********************************

    The Captain was Jewish, and the new First Officer
    was Chinese. It was the first time they had flown
    together, and it was obvious by the silence that
    they didn't get along.

    After 30 minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He
    said, "I don't like Chinese."

    The F.O. replied, "Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why is
    that?"

    The Captain said, "You bombed Pearl Harbor. That's
    why I don't like Chinese."

    The F.O. said, "Nooooo, noooo ... Chinese not bomb
    Pearl Harbah. That JAPANESE, not Chinese."

    And the Captain answered, "Chinese, Japanese,
    Vietnamese ... it doesn't matter. They're all
    alike. "

    Another 30 minutes of silence. Finally the First
    Officer said, "No like Jew."

    The Captain replied, "Why not? Why don't you like
    Jews?"

    "Jews sink Titanic." Said the F.O.

    The Captain tried to correct him, "No, no. The
    Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."

    "Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg .. no mattah..
    all same "

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jun 24 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts
    it in their cart.

    "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.

    "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans"
    he replies.

    "Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the
    wife, and so they carry on shopping.

    A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a
    $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

    "What do you think you're doing?"asks the husband.

    "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,"
    replies the wife.

    Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser
    and it's half the price."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 6 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jun 25 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    When were King Arthur's armies too tired to fight?

    When they had lots of sleepless knights.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jun 26 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    A man had been driving all night and by morning
    was still far from his destination. He decided to
    stop at the next city he came to, and park
    somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of
    sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he
    chose happened to be on one of the city's major
    jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to
    snooze when there came a knocking on his window.
    He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.

    "Yes?"

    "Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have
    the time?"

    The man looked at the car clock and answered,
    "8:15".

    The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled
    back again, and was just dozing off when there was
    another knock on the window and another jogger.

    "Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"

    "8:25!" The jogger said thanks and left. Now the
    man could see other joggers passing by and he knew
    it was only a matter of time before another one
    disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a
    pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying,
    "I do not know the time!"

    Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just
    dozing off when there was another knock on the
    window. "Sir, sir? It's 8:45!."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jun 27 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: Which dinosaur knew the most words?

    A: The thesaurus.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jun 28 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    An old couple is at a fair an the old man sees a
    helicopter ride for $50. The old man asks his
    wife, "I don't have much time left. Can I take I
    ride in one of them helicopters?"

    His wife responds, "Oh well that's way too
    expensive."

    The man running the helicopter rides as a pilot
    hears their conversation and makes them a deal.
    "Hey, I'll take you on a ride for free, but you
    can't make one sound. If you do, then you have to
    pay $50." says the pilot.

    The couple climbs in the helicopter. The pilot
    takes off and does awesome tricks with the
    helicopter. The couple never made a sound.

    The pilot lands the helicopter and says, "Wow,
    impressive, usually people make so much noise on
    these rides."

    The old man says, "Well, I almost made a noise
    when my wife fell out of the helicopter, but these
    rides are too expensive."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jun 29 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying
    escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance,
    acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the
    lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the
    air, "Anything you can do, I can do better."

    The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-
    shot." The B-52 continued its flight, straight and
    level.

    Perplexed, the hotdog asked, "So? What did you
    do?"

    "I just shut down two engines, kid."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jun 30 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    An investment banker decides she needs in-house
    counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer.

    "Mr. Peterson," she says.
    "Would you say you're honest?"

    "Honest?" replies Peterson. "Let me tell you
    something about honesty. My father lent me $85,000
    for my education, and I paid back every penny the
    minute I tried my first case."

    "Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

    "Dad sued me for the money."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jul 1 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    A woman called the Colorado State Division of
    Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard. "Can
    you tell me what kind it is?" she asked.

    "Can you describe it?" I asked.

    "Yes," she said. "It's long and thin."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 7 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jul 2 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two
    drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their
    briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became
    quite concerned and marched over and told them,
    "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"

    The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their
    shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jul 3 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    How many gorillas can fit into a car?

    Eight.

    How many chickens can fit into the car?

    None, the car is already full of gorillas.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jul 4 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    A magician was driving down the road...
    then he turned into a driveway.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jul 5 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    In a boutique:

    Could I try the dress in the shop window, please?

    I'm sorry madam but no. We have fitting rooms for
    that.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jul 6 04:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    A recent scientific study showed that
    out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94%
    are too lazy to actually read that number.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jul 7 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    A blonde from California decides to try horseback
    riding, even though she has had no lessons or
    prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted
    and the horse immediately springs into motion. It
    gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but
    the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

    In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but
    cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to
    throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she
    slides down the side of the horse anyway. The
    horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its
    slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail
    grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and
    throw herself to safety.

    Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in
    the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the
    horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck
    against the ground over and over. As her head is
    battered against the ground, she is mere moments
    away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune

    the Supermarket manager sees her
    and shuts the horse off.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jul 8 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    "Waiter!" shouted the furious diner, "How dare you
    serve me this! There's a TWIG in my soup!"

    "My apologies," said the waiter. "I'll inform the
    branch manager."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 8 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jul 9 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes
    to his neighbor and asks him if he could buy a
    rooster for $100. The neighbor says, "You can have
    this rooster. His name's Roy. He'll get all your
    hens pregnant. He's a real stud."

    So the farmer takes him home and says, "It's your
    first day so take it slow, okay?" The farmer puts
    Roy in the hen house and then hears all the hens
    crying and yelling. Roy nailed every one of those
    hens and then nailed a duck and a goose at a pond.

    The next morning the farmer finds Roy lying dead
    with his legs sticking in the air and buzzards
    circling overhead. The farmer says, "Roy, did you
    have to die?"

    Roy says, "Quiet! They're about to land!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jul 10 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride
    on the turtle?

    A. Wheeeee!!!!!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jul 11 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    The village blacksmith hired an enthusiastic new
    apprentice willing to work long, hard hours. He
    instructed the boy, "When I take the shoe out of
    the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my
    head, you hit it with the hammer."

    The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now
    he's the new village blacksmith.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jul 12 04:15:20 2021

    ***********************************

    A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to
    Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who
    responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go
    there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians.
    You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you
    getting there?"

    "We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a
    great rate!"

    "TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible
    airline. Their planes are old, their flight
    attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So,
    where are you staying in Rome?"

    "We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."

    "That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city.
    The rooms are small, the service is surly and
    they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get
    there?"

    "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope
    to see the Pope."

    "That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a
    million other people trying to see him. He'll look
    the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy
    trip of yours. You're going to need it."

    A month later, the man again came in for his
    regular haircut. The barber asked him about his
    trip to Rome.

    "It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only
    were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes,
    but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to
    first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and
    I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who
    waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel - it was
    great! They'd just finished a $25 million
    remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in
    the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they
    apologized and gave us the presidential suite at
    no extra charge!"

    "Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't
    get to see the pope."

    "Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured
    the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the
    shoulder and explained that the pope likes to
    personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd
    be so kind as to step into his private room and
    wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure
    enough, five minutes later the pope walked through
    the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he
    spoke a few words to me."

    "Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"

    He said, "Where'd you get the lousy haircut?

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jul 13 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the
    window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong
    mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat
    next to him and immediately falls asleep.

    The little guy starts to feel a little airsick,
    but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if
    he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb
    over him, and so the little guy is sitting there,
    looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to
    do.

    Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an
    uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the
    little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he
    pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five
    minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down,
    and sees the vomit all over him.

    "So," says the little guy,
    "are you feeling better now?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jul 14 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    Just been to the gym and there's a new machine.
    Only used it for an hour as I started to feel
    sick. Its good though, it does everything
    'Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps'!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jul 15 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    After I took a job at a small publishing house,
    the first books I was assigned to edit were all
    on the topic of dieting.

    "Isn't the market flooded with these types of
    books?" I asked another editor. "How do we expect
    to turn a profit?"

    "Don't worry," he assured me. "These books appeal
    to a wider audience than most."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 9 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jul 16 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    They say you can never judge a book by its cover.
    But it's the only way to judge a tribute band.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jul 17 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    Six Dumb Questions Real Lawyers Asked In Court

    "How many times have you committed suicide?"

    "Were you alone or by yourself?"

    "Was it you or your brother who was killed?"

    "Without saying anything, tell the jury what you
    did next."

    "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"

    "Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person
    dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until
    the next morning?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jul 18 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    I don't blame hospitals for trying to keep costs
    down, but I really think a coin-operated bedpan
    is going a little too far.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jul 19 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    A young lady was conducting a study in to human
    sexual behavior. She came to the conclusion that
    the best place to find participants for the survey
    would be the airport. After three hours of
    questioning passengers, she sees a pilot walking
    to his gate. Having heard of the reputation of
    pilots she stops him "Excuse me, Captain" she
    says, "I am doing a survey on human sexuality...
    I was wondering if you could answer a few
    questions..."

    The pilot agrees, and the young lady starts
    questioning him. After three questions, she asks
    him "...and when was the last time you had sex?".

    Straight away the Captain replies "1959".

    The girl was shocked. She looks at the captain and
    asks "1959 isn't that a long time ago?".

    "Oh" the pilot replies "I guess so...but it's only
    2015 now..."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jul 20 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You believe flattery will get you anywhere.
    Adan Juarez Ramirez had it all figured out-he
    could be a cop without having to take the boring
    test. But he was arrested in Grapevine, Texas,
    after pulling over a driver in his pickup truck,
    outfitted with flashing lights. He even had an ID
    badge, which he'd made by blacking out a
    restaurant gift card and etching in the word
    "POLICE." However, he'd kept the restaurant's
    logo, a jalapeno pepper surrounded by the words
    "Chipotle Mexican Grill."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jul 21 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    What's the difference between a Northern zoo and
    a Southern zoo?

    In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal
    and the Latin name underneath.

    In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal
    and a recipe underneath.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jul 22 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    One of our interns asked another if she was
    planning to sign up for the company's 401(k).

    "I'm considering it," replied the second intern.

    Later, the first intern approached me looking
    concerned.

    "I did the math," she said, "and 401K is almost
    250 miles. She'll never make it!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 10 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jul 23 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    An elderly couple had been experiencing declining
    memories, so they decided to take a power memory
    class where one is taught to remember things by
    association.

    A few days after the class, the old man was
    outside talking with his neighbor about how much
    the class helped him.

    "What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the
    neighbor.

    "Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered. "You
    know that flower, you know, the one that smells
    really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's
    that flower's name?"

    "A rose?" asked the neighbor. "Yes, that's it,"
    replied the old man.

    He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey,
    Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took
    the memory class from?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jul 24 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    A biologist was interested in studying how far
    bullfrogs can jump. He brought a bullfrog into his
    laboratory, set it down, and commanded, "Jump,
    frog, jump!"

    The frog jumped across the room. The biologist
    measured the distance, then noted in his journal,
    "Frog with four legs jumped eight feet."

    Then he cut the frog's front legs off. Again he
    ordered, "Jump, frog, jump!"

    The frog struggled a moment, then jumped a few
    feet. After measuring the distance, the biologist
    noted in his journal, "Frog with two legs jumped
    three feet."

    Next, the biologist cut off the frog's back legs.
    Once more, he shouted, "Jump, frog, jump!" The
    frog just lay there. "Jump, frog, jump!" the
    biologist repeated. Nothing.

    The biologist noted in his journal,
    "Frog with no legs - lost its hearing."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Jul 25 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    A ragged individual stranded for several months on
    a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific
    Ocean, one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand
    with a piece of paper in it.

    Rushing to the bottle, he pulled the cork, and
    with shaking hands, withdrew the message.

    "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we
    regretfully have found it neccessary to cancel
    your e-mail account."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Jul 26 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work
    when his wife rings him on his cell phone.

    "Honey," she says in a worried voice, "please be
    careful. There was a bit on the news just now,
    some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the
    highway."

    "Oh it's worse than that," he replies,
    "there are hundreds of them!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Jul 27 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    I was sitting in a bar one day and two really
    large women came in, talking in an interesting
    accent.

    So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from
    Ireland?"

    One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, dumbo!"

    So I corrected myself, "Oh, right, so are you two
    whales from Ireland?"

    That's about as far as I remember.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Jul 28 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: Is Google male or female?

    A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a
    sentence before making a suggestion.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Jul 29 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    On the first day of college, the Dean addressed
    the students, pointing out some of the rules.

    "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for
    all male students, and the male dormitory to the
    female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule
    will be fined $20 the first time."

    He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule
    the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a
    third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are
    there any questions?"

    At this point, a male student in the crowd
    inquired:

    "How much for a season pass?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 11 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Jul 30 04:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    Sleep with an open window tonight!

    -1400 mosquitos like that.
    -420 mosquitos commented on it.
    -210 mosquitos shared this.

    -One mosquito invited for the event.
    -2800 mosquitos will be attending the event.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Jul 31 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a
    puppy.

    The joy of their new best friend was quickly
    overshadowed when they got home and the first
    blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we
    going to tell them apart?"

    This lead to several hours of concentration until
    finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an
    idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a
    blue bow around yours."

    The next day the first blonde comes running up to
    the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell
    whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons
    off while they were playing."

    "OK, we need to find a better way to tell them
    apart," says the second blonde.

    After several more hours of concentration, they
    came up with the bright idea of getting different
    colored collars.

    Again, the next day, the first blonde comes
    running up to the second as soon as she gets home,
    "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've
    pulled their collars off while they were playing."

    "There's got to be some way to tell them apart,"
    says the second blonde.

    After several more hours of concentration, the
    first blonde finally comes up with another idea,
    "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll
    take the white one!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Aug 1 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    I called a temp agency looking for work, and they
    asked if I had any phone skills. I said,
    "I called you, didn't I?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 2 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    Two satellites decided to get married.

    The wedding wasn't much,
    but the reception was incredible.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Aug 3 04:15:20 2021

    ***********************************

    A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after
    filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a
    soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola
    and he watched a couple of men working along the
    roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three
    feet deep and then move on. The other man came
    along behind and filled in the hole. While one was
    digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet
    behind filling in the hole. The men worked right
    past the fellow with the soft drink and went on
    down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man
    tossing the can in a trash container and heading
    down the road toward the men. "Hold it, hold it,"
    he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going
    on here with this digging?"

    "Well, we work for the county government," one of
    the men said.

    "But one of you is digging a hole and the other is
    filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything.
    Aren't you wasting the county's money?"

    "You don't understand, mister," one of the men
    said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow.
    "Normally there's three of us--me, Rodney and
    Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree
    and Mike here puts the dirt back."

    "Yea," piped up Mike. "Now just because Rodney's
    sick, that don't mean we can't work, does it?"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Aug 4 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    "There are two major products to come out of
    Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to
    be a coincidence.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Aug 5 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    While I was assigned to the space shuttle program,
    my job included ordering supplies. One of the
    engineers requested a new dictionary. Following
    regulations, I asked him why he needed it.

    I expected his answer to be "My old copy is lost"
    or "The cover is falling off." Instead he said,
    "My current edition defines spaceship as an
    `imaginary aircraft.'"

    He got his new dictionary.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 12 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Aug 6 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    The gladiator was having a rough day in the arena
    his opponent had sliced off both of his arms.
    Nevertheless, he kept on fighting, kicking and
    biting as furiously as he could. But when his
    opponent lopped off both feet, our gladiator had
    no choice but to give up, for now he was both
    unarmed and defeated.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Aug 7 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk
    of the loan officer. "Hi," he croaks. "What's your
    name?"

    The loan officer says, "My name is John Paddywack.
    May I help you?"

    "Yeah," says the frog. "I'd like to borrow some
    money."

    The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets
    out a form. "Okay, what's your name?"

    The frog replies, "Kermit Jagger."

    "Really?" says the loan officer. "Any relation to
    Mick Jagger?"

    "Yeah, he's my dad."

    "Hmmm," says the loan officer. "Do you have any
    collateral?"

    The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and
    asks, "Will this do?"

    The loan officer says, "Um, I'm not sure. Let me
    go check with the bank manager."

    "Oh, tell him I said hi," adds the frog. "He knows
    me."

    The loan officer goes back to the manager and
    says, "Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out
    there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow
    some money. All he has for collateral is this
    pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it
    is."

    The manager says: "It's a knick-knack, Paddywack,
    give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling
    Stone."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Aug 8 04:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    Two babies are sitting in their cribs, when one
    baby asks the other, "Are you a little girl or
    a little boy?"

    The other baby shrugs. "I don't know how to tell
    the difference."

    "I do," says the first baby. He carefully climbs
    out of his crib and into the other crib, then
    disappears beneath the blankets. After a few
    seconds, he resurfaces.

    "You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy,"
    he says.

    "How can you tell?"

    "Easy. You've got pink booties,
    and I've got blue ones."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 9 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: What does Charles Dickens
    keep in his spice rack?

    A: The best of thymes,
    the worst of thymes.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Aug 10 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    When a neighbor's home was burglarized, I decided
    to be more safety conscious. But my measly front-
    door lock wasn't going to stop anyone,
    so I hung this sign outside:

    "Nancy, don't come in. The snake is loose. Mom."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Aug 11 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday
    School. Usually she slept through the class. One
    day the teacher called on her while she was
    napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the
    universe?"

    When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an
    altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her,
    took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God
    Almighty!" shouted Mary, and the teacher said,
    "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep.

    A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our
    Lord and Savior," but Mary didn't even stir from
    her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the
    rescue, and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!"
    shouted Mary, and the teacher said, "Very good,"
    and Mary fell back asleep.

    Then the teacher asked Mary a third question.
    "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her
    twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her
    with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and
    shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one
    more time, I'll break it in half!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Aug 12 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You take the holidays too seriously. Robert E.
    Dendy of upstate New York presented the local
    police station with a Christmas wreath. Since the
    officers were well acquainted with Dendy, they did
    some snooping and arrested him for stealing the
    wreath from a store down the block.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 13 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Aug 13 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    A man is flying from Los Angeles to New York.
    During the meal service, accidentally knocked the
    spoon off to the aisle with his elbow. The flight
    attendant immediately took a spoon from his pocket
    and placed it on his tray table. The man was very
    impressed by the promptness of he service and
    asked, "Do all flight attendants carry a spoon in
    their pockets?"

    The flight attendant answered, "We had an
    efficiency expert in to evaluate our operation. He
    determined that 25% of the customers knock the
    spoon off their tray tables. By carrying a spare
    spoon, we all save trips to the galley and can be
    much more efficient."

    Later, as the flight attendant is picking his
    dirty tray up, the customer asked, "Excuse me for
    asking but why do you have a string hanging from
    your fly?"

    The flight attendant replied, "The efficiency
    expert determined that we were spending too much
    time washing our hands after we went to the
    bathroom. To counteract this, we tie strings to
    our penises."

    The customer looked confused. "How does that
    help?" he asked.

    "Well, when I go to the bathroom I just use the
    string. Since I never touched myself I don't need
    to wash my hands."

    The customer nodded and asked, "But how do you get
    it back in your pants?"

    The flight attendant smiled, "I don't know about
    the other guys, but I use the spoon."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Aug 14 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    A student seeking a job at our university was
    handed an application. He dutifully filled out his
    name and address. When it came to the entry
    "length of residence," he wrote:
    "Approximately 30 feet."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Aug 15 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You depend on the kindness of strangers.
    Christopher Wilson of Spokane left his name and
    phone number with clerks at a home-improvement
    store should anyone find something of his that
    he'd dropped, according to police. They did find
    something, and Wilson was arrested for possession
    of methamphetamines.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 16 04:15:22 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it
    take to change a light bulb?
    A: Exactly five hundred. 1 to change the light
    bulb and to post to the mail list that the light
    bulb has been changed. 7 to share similar
    experiences of changing light bulbs and how the
    light bulb could have been changed differently or
    to caution about the dangers of changing light
    bulbs. 17 to point out spelling/grammar errors
    in posts about changing light bulbs. 21 to flame
    the spell checkers. 49 to write to the list
    administrator complaining about the light bulb
    discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail
    list. 20 to correct spelling in the spelling/
    grammar flames. 32 to post that this list is not
    about light bulbs and to please take this email
    exchange to alt.lite.bulb. 69 to demand that cross
    posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.
    punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
    41 to defend the posting to this list saying that
    we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are
    relevant to this mail list. 106 to debate which
    method of changing light bulbs is superior, where
    to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light
    bulbs work best for this technique, and what
    brands are faulty. 12 to post URLs where one can
    see examples of different light bulbs. 8 to post
    that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post
    corrected URLs. 2 to post about links they found
    from the URLs that are relevant to this list which
    makes light bulbs relevant to this list. 15 to
    concatenate all posts to date, then quote them
    including all headers and footers, and then add
    pointedly, "Me Too." 6 to post to the list that
    they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle
    the light bulb controversy. 9 to quote the "Me
    Too's" and happily add, "Me Three!" 3 to suggest
    that posters request the light bulb FAQ. 1 to
    propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup. 24 to
    say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was
    meant for, leave it here. 53 votes for alt.lite.
    bulb.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Aug 17 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    Why Does Ariel wear seashells?

    Because she can't fit into D-shells

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Aug 18 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    A couple have not been getting along for years, so
    the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery
    plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her
    disappointment.

    The next year, her birthday rolls around again and
    this time he doesn't get her anything. She says,
    "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"

    He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last
    year!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Aug 19 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
    so they lit a fire in the craft.
    Unsurprisingly it sank,
    proving once again that you can't have
    your kayak and heat it too.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 14 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Aug 20 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: Why did the chicken go to the seance?

    A: To get to the other side.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 15 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Aug 21 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    The nuns at the local convent had their daily
    annoucement session. The mother superior walked
    out in front of the 100 nuns with a very serious
    frown on her face. She began to speak...

    Mother Superior: There had been a sinful deed
    committed here, yesterday. 99 nuns: Oh, no!
    1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

    Mother Superior: Today I found a pair a men's
    underwear. 99 nuns: Oh, no! 1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

    Mother Superior: And I also found a condom. 99
    nuns: Oh, no! 1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

    Mother Superior: And it has been used! 99 nuns:
    Oh, no! 1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

    Mother Superior: And there was a hole in it! 1
    nun: Oh, No! 99 nuns: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!....

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 15 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Aug 22 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You think presidents need a promotion. James
    Rhyne of Memphis was charged with forgery after he
    handed a waitress a $100 bill. The waitress knew
    something was funny with the money: Instead of the
    portly visage of Ben Franklin, it was the star of
    the $5 bill, Abe Lincoln, who was staring back at
    her.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 15 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 23 04:15:20 2021

    ***********************************

    A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy
    with his feet propped up on a table. He had the
    biggest boots she'd ever seen.

    The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they
    say about men with big feet are well endowed.

    The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little
    lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse
    and let me prove it to you?"

    The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she
    spent the night with him.

    The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.

    Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm
    real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah
    services before."

    "Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy
    yourself some boots that fit."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 15 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Aug 24 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Caller: Finally! I got through! I've been trying
    to call the zoo for hours!

    Zookeeper: Yes, all our lions were busy!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 15 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Aug 25 04:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    This couple was heading to the hospital with their
    16-year-old daughter, who was scheduled to undergo
    a tonsillectomy. During the ride they talked about
    the procedure.

    "Dad," the teenager asked, "how are they going to
    keep my mouth open during surgery?"

    Without hesitation her father quipped, "They're
    going to give you a phone."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 15 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Aug 26 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    Why did your sister cut a hole in her new
    umbrella?

    Because she wanted to be able to tell when
    it stopped raining.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 15 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Aug 27 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    I'm learning ancient history.

    So am I. Let's go for a walk and talk over
    old times.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 16 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Aug 28 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer
    over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell
    out of the car several miles back?"

    To which the farmer replied:
    "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 16 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Aug 29 04:15:12 2021

    ***********************************

    Two hikers are out hiking.

    All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.

    They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up
    the tree after them. The first hiker gets his
    sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting
    them on.

    The second hiker says, "What are you doing?"

    The first responds, "I figure when the bear gets
    close to us, we ll have to jump down and make a
    run for it."

    The second says, "Are you crazy? Don't you know
    you can't outrun a bear?"

    The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the
    bear... I only have to outrun you!"

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 16 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Aug 30 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships?

    With their eyes shut.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 16 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Sep 3 04:15:20 2021

    ***********************************

    The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance
    policy. The insurance agent was going down the
    list of standard questions. "Ever have an
    accident?"

    "Nope, nary a one."

    "None? You've never had any accidents."

    "Nope. Ain't never had one. Never."

    "Well, you said on this form you were bit by a
    snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an
    accident?"

    "Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Sep 4 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    I heard that if you play the Windows NT 4.0 CD
    backwards, you'll get a satanic message. But the
    most frightening thing is that if you play it
    forward, it installs NT 4.0!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 day, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Sep 5 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: What did the reindeer say
    before telling his joke?

    A: This one'll sleigh you!

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Sep 6 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    While editing announcements for a newspaper, I
    came across an item promoting a camp for children
    with asthma. Aside from all the wonderful
    activities the kids could enjoy, such as canoeing,
    swimming, crafts and more, it promised that its
    lakefront property offered something the kids
    probably did not expect: "breathtaking views."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 3 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Sep 7 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    Notice seen on the bulletin board of a Florida air
    base: "The following enlisted men will pick up
    their Good Conduct medals in the supply room this
    afternoon. Failure to comply with this order will
    result in disciplinary action."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 4 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Sep 8 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    A certain little girl, when asked her name, would
    reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."

    Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say,
    "I'm Janey Sugarbrown."

    The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
    "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"

    With her mother standing just a few feet away, the
    little girl replied,
    "I thought I was, but Mommy says I'm not."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 5 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Sep 9 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear
    casual clothes so they won't be identified as
    clergy. They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and
    soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde
    in a tiny bikini. "Good afternoon, Fathers," she
    says as she strolls by.

    The men are stunned. How does she know they're
    clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer
    shorts, tie-dyed T-shirts, and dark glasses. The
    next day, they return to the beach. The same
    fabulous blonde, now wearing a string bikini,
    passes by, nods politely at them, and says, "Good
    morning, Fathers."

    "Just a minute, young lady," says one of the
    priests. "We are priests and proud of it, but how
    in the world did you know?"

    "Don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Kathryn from
    the convent."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 6 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Sep 10 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only
    1 letter in it?

    A: Envelope.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Sep 11 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    You're a dumb criminal if ...

    ... You leave a paper trail. Hickory, North
    Carolina, cops were able to solve in record time
    the mystery of the two cash registers purloined
    from the Captain's Galley restaurant. Their big
    break came when they discovered a trail of white
    register tape. They followed it 50 yards to an
    apartment, where, they say, Donny Guy was cracking
    the registers open.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 1 day, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Sep 12 04:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    I saw a documentary on how
    ships are kept together;

    It was riveting.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 2 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Sep 13 04:15:18 2021

    ***********************************

    What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

    A Doberman.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 3 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Sep 14 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Whose son was Edward, the Black Prince?

    Old King Coal

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 4 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Sep 15 04:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    As soon as the hospital made me put on one of
    those little gowns,
    I knew the end was in sight.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 5 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Sep 16 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Scene: Inside a Best Buy store.

    Customer: Can you help me? I'm looking for a shredder.

    Coworker: We have all types of shredders.
    What will you be shredding primarily?

    Customer: Collard greens.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 1 week, 6 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Fri Sep 17 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    "Give me a sentence about a public servant," the
    teacher instructed her second-grade student.

    "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant," he
    answered.

    "Umm . Do you know what pregnant means?"

    "Yes," said the boy. "It means carrying a child."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sat Sep 18 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    What is Dracula's favorite fruit?

    Neck-tarines.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Sun Sep 19 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Applicants for jobs at the company where my
    friend Diana works are asked to fill out a
    questionnaire. Among the things candidates list
    is their high school and when they attended. One
    prospective employee dutifully wrote the name of
    his high school, followed by the dates attended:
    "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Mon Sep 20 04:15:16 2021

    ***********************************

    A dull-witted king is losing a territorial dispute
    with a neighboring monarch. As the fight wears on,
    he gets more and more frustrated until finally he
    roars, "Where are my two court jesters?"

    In seconds, two jesters appear at his side.

    "Okay, let's continue," he says, "now that I have
    my wits about me."

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Tue Sep 21 04:15:08 2021

    ***********************************

    The military has a long, proud tradition of
    pranking recruits. Here are some favorites from
    rallypoint.com:

    Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for
    left-handed spatulas

    Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in
    search of fallopian tubes

    Had a new guy conduct a "boom test" on a howitzer
    by yelling "Boom!" down the tube in order to
    "calibrate" it

    Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can
    of dehydrated water
    (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can)

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Wed Sep 22 04:15:14 2021

    ***********************************

    Gracie: What's the difference between an
    umbrella and a pickle?

    George: You're making this up?

    Gracie: Yes.

    George: What's the difference between an
    umbrella and a pickle?
    (Thinks for a moment.)
    I give up.

    Gracie: Oh? I give up, too.

    George: I thought you said you made up riddles.

    Gracie: I do. I make up riddles.
    I don't make up answers.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
  • From JokeMaster@21:1/186 to All on Thu Sep 23 04:15:10 2021

    ***********************************

    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    To.

    To who?

    No, to whom.

    ***********************************

    RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
    (c)2018-2021


    ---
    --- up 2 weeks, 6 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
    * Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)