-
[ANSI] Joke of the Day
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun May 5 08:17:20 2019
***********************************
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was
severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graf
skin from her body, so the husband offered to donate some of his own
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor found suitable wo
have to come from his rear end. The husband and wife agreed that the
would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that
doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate
matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman
new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All
friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emoti
his sacrifice.
She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for
There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied," think nothing of it. I get all the thanks
need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon May 6 08:17:29 2019
***********************************
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So no one could corner him!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue May 7 08:17:35 2019
***********************************
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would
to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry,we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told th
salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blo
he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disgu
time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited
days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy
Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed May 8 08:17:32 2019
***********************************
The Grieving Wife
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning servi
she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you,dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed awa
night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he h
last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father..."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that darned gun!'"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu May 9 08:17:55 2019
***********************************
A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him
and exclaims, "An enemy ship is approaching us!"
The captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt."
The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in
heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win.
The soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?"
The captain replies, "If I got injured, my blood shouldn't be seen,
I didn't want my men to lose hope."
Just then, another soldier runs up and says, "Sir, we just spotted
another twenty enemy ships!"
The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow pants."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri May 10 08:17:55 2019
***********************************
Who invented King Arthur's round table?
Sir Circomference!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat May 11 08:17:54 2019
***********************************
They say you can never judge a book by its cover.
But it's the only way to judge a tribute band.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun May 12 08:17:23 2019
***********************************
Man: "How old is your father?"
Boy: "As old as me."
Man: "How can that be?"
Boy: "He became a father only when I was born."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon May 13 08:17:28 2019
***********************************
A worker approaches his employer and holds up his last pay check.
`This is two hundred dollars short,' he says.
`I know,' says the employer. `But last week I overpaid you two hundr
dollars, and you didn't say anything.'
`Well,' says the worker. `I don't mind an occasional mistake. But wh
it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention.'
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue May 14 08:17:30 2019
***********************************
I spent four years in college. I didn't learn a thing. It was really
my own fault. I had a double major in psychology and reverse psychol
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed May 15 08:17:19 2019
***********************************
During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, the U.S. National
Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ballpoint
pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules.
After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was
developed at a cost of about $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also
enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on Earth.
The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu May 16 08:17:31 2019
***********************************
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two
minutes long if the gang went to the mask store
first and asked a few questions.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri May 17 08:17:25 2019
***********************************
Today I went to a barber's shop for a shave.
The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball
in my mouth so he could get a closer shave
around my cheeks.
I asked: "But what if I swallow the ball?"
He replied: "No problem sir, you just bring
it back tomorrow like everybody else."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat May 18 08:17:28 2019
***********************************
During my mother's memorial, my five-year-old
granddaughter could not stop staring at the urn
that contained her ashes.
"Is that really Great-grandma in there?" she
asked her mother.
"Yes, it is."
"Funny," she said. "I always thought she was
taller."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun May 19 08:17:31 2019
***********************************
What did Napoleon become when he was 41 years old?
A year older on his birthday.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon May 20 08:17:27 2019
***********************************
One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his
limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the
road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he
got out to investigate. "Why are you eating
grass?", he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food.", The poor man
replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with me too!", he
said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" The
second man answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy
task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once
underway, one of the poor fellows says "Sir, you
are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with
you."
The rich man replied "No, you don't understand,
the grass at my home is about three feet tall!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue May 21 08:17:35 2019
***********************************
I came across this exercise suggested for seniors,
to build muscle strength in the arms and
shoulders. It seems so easy, so I thought I'd pass
it on. The article suggested doing it three days a
week. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface,
where you have plenty of room at each side.
With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your
arms straight out from your sides, and hold them
there as long as you can. Try to reach a full
minute, then relax. Each day, you'll find that you
can hold this position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato
sacks. Then 50-lb. potato sacks, and then
eventually try to get to where you can lift a
100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your
arms straight for more than a full minute.
Once you feel confident at that level, put a
potato in each sack.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed May 22 08:17:38 2019
***********************************
After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady
repute, the luckless customer unpacked his new toy
and plugged it in to find it Dead On Arrival.
Naturally, after checking the usual things, he
called the dealer and explained his problem.
First question from Deviously Evasive Dealer: "Did
you check to see whether the power was on?"
"Of course."
DED: "Did you open the cover and check whether any
of the boards had shaken loose in shipping?"
"Of course."
DED: Then why are you calling me?"
"Well, you sold it to me and there has to be some
kind of warranty," pleaded the frustrated
purchaser.
"Of course there is," replied the DED, "But you
voided the warranty when you opened the cover.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu May 23 08:17:34 2019
***********************************
Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood. He had
to walk 7 miles to school everyday.
Well, he should have gotten up earlier and caught
the school bus like everyone else did.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri May 24 08:17:34 2019
***********************************
What English King invented the fireplace?
Alfred the grate
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat May 25 08:17:26 2019
***********************************
A young lady was conducting a study in to human
sexual behavior. She came to the conclusion that
the best place to find participants for the survey
would be the airport. After three hours of
questioning passengers, she sees a pilot walking
to his gate. Having heard of the reputation of
pilots she stops him "Excuse me, Captain" she
says, "I am doing a survey on human sexuality...
I was wondering if you could answer a few
questions..."
The pilot agrees, and the young lady starts
questioning him. After three questions, she asks
him "...and when was the last time you had sex?".
Straight away the Captain replies "1959".
The girl was shocked. She looks at the captain and
asks "1959 isn't that a long time ago?".
"Oh" the pilot replies "I guess so...but it's only
2015 now..."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun May 26 08:17:27 2019
***********************************
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon May 27 08:17:25 2019
***********************************
Ole vas vorking at da fish plant up nort in Dulut
vhen he accidently cut off all ten off his fingers.
He vent to da emergency room at da Clinic and vhen
he got dere da Norsky doctor looked at Ole and
said, "Let's haf da fingers and I'll see vhat I
can do."
Ole said, "I hafn't got da fingers."
"Vhat do you mean, you hafn't got da fingers?" the
doctor cried. "Yumpin' yiminy! It's 2018! Ve got
microsurgery and all kinds off incredible
techniques. I could haf put dem back on and made
you like new! Vhy didn't you bring da fingers?"
To vhich Ole replied...
(Are you ready for dis???)
"How da fock was I suppose to pick'em up?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue May 28 08:17:28 2019
***********************************
Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says,
"Did you see that?"
"No," the second guy says.
"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first
guy says.
"Oh," says the second guy.
A couple of minutes later, The first guy says,
"Did you see that?"
"See what?" the second guy asks.
"Are you blind? There was a big, black bear
walking on that hill, over there."
"Oh."
A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you
see that?"
By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so
he says, "Yes, I did!"
And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in
it?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed May 29 08:17:51 2019
***********************************
Q. What's the difference between 'weather' and
'climate'?
A. You can't 'weather' a tree, but you can
'climate'
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu May 30 08:17:29 2019
***********************************
A ragged individual stranded for several months on
a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific
Ocean, one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand
with a piece of paper in it.
Rushing to the bottle, he pulled the cork, and
with shaking hands, withdrew the message.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we
regretfully have found it neccessary to cancel
your e-mail account."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri May 31 08:17:51 2019
***********************************
Worries While Flying
Two statisticians were traveling in an airplane
from LA to New York. About an hour into the
flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an
engine, but don't worry, there are three left.
However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours
to get to New York. A little later, he announced
that a second engine failed, and they still had
two left, but it would take 10 hours to get to New
York.
Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the
intercom and announced that a third engine had
died. Never fear, he announced, because the plane
could fly on a single engine.
However, it would now take 18 hours to get to New
York. At this point, one statistician turned to
the other and said, "Gee, I hope we don't lose
that last engine, or we'll be up here forever!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jun 1 08:18:24 2019
***********************************
After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in
the pen, he reports back to the farmer: "All 40
accounted for."
"But I only have 36 sheep," says the farmer.
"I know," says the sheepdog.
"But I rounded them up."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jun 2 08:18:00 2019
***********************************
A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come
in peace and surprisingly, they speak English.
Obviously all of the heads of government and
religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so
they set up a meeting with our new visitors.
When it's the pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know
about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?"
"You mean J.C?", responds the alien. "yeah we know
him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every
year to make sure that we are doing ok".
Surprised, the pope follows up with "He visits
every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're
still waiting for his SECOND coming!"
The alien sees that the pope has become irate at
this fact and starts trying to rationalize "Maybe
he likes our chocolate better than yours?"
The pope retorts "Chocolates? What are you talking
about? What does that have to do with anything?"
The alien says "Yea, when he FIRST visited our
planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why?
What did you guys do?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jun 3 08:18:23 2019
***********************************
An elderly man is stopped by the police around
2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time
of night.
The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture
about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the
human body, as well as smoking and staying out
late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that
lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."
Don't take life too seriously..........
no one makes it out alive anyway!!!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jun 4 08:17:33 2019
***********************************
My wife, Dolores, never quite got the hang of
the 24-hour military clock. One day she called the
orderly room and asked to speak with me. The
person who answered told her to call me at the
extension in the band rehearsal hall. "He can be
reached at 4700, ma'am," the soldier advised.
With a sigh of exasperation, my wife responded,
"And just what time is that?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jun 5 08:17:45 2019
***********************************
A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove
into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in
the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to
the truck. He returned a minute later and said,
"Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd
better go check."
After a while, the customer returned to the office
and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jun 6 08:17:52 2019
***********************************
Last night I dreamt of a beautiful
walk on a sandy beach.
At least that explains the footprints
I found in the cat litter box this morning.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jun 7 08:17:30 2019
***********************************
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poke'r Face.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jun 8 08:18:00 2019
***********************************
A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week so the
magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: the captain's parrot
saw the shows each week and began to understand
how the magician did every trick. Once he
understood, he started shouting in the middle of
the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or,
"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!"
or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything.
It was, after all, the captain's parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship
unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were
on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of
wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate
would have it... with the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not
utter a word.
This went on for a day... and then 2 days and then
3 days.
Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold
back any longer and said... "OK, I give up.
Where's the ship?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jun 9 08:17:24 2019
***********************************
What a woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you'll have no clothes
to wear if we don't do laundry right now!"
What a man hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, "C'MON!
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jun 10 08:17:37 2019
***********************************
A blonde woman walks into a store. Curious about a
shiny object, she asks, "What is that?"
The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos."
The blonde then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold
things cold." So she buys one.
The next day, she brings it to work with her.
Her boss, also a blonde, asks, "What is that shiny
object?"
She replies, "It's a thermos."
He asks, "What does it do?"
She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things
cold."
He then asks, "What do you have in there?"
She says, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jun 11 08:17:37 2019
***********************************
A mom texts,
"Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?"
He texts back,
"I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later."
The mom texts him,
"It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your
sister, love you too."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jun 12 08:17:33 2019
***********************************
We had just finished tucking our five kids into
bed when three-year-old Billy began to wail. Turns
out, he had accidentally swallowed a penny and was
sure he was going to die. Desperate to calm him,
my husband palmed a penny that he had in his
pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy's ear.
Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it
from my husband's hand, swallowed it, and
demanded, "Do it again!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jun 13 08:17:28 2019
***********************************
I'm learning ancient history.
So am I. Let's go for a walk and talk over
old times.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jun 14 08:18:09 2019
***********************************
A customer called to say he couldn't get his
computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of
trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the
man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding
it in front of the screen and pressing the "send"
key.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jun 15 08:17:59 2019
***********************************
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Hanna.
Hanna who?
.Hanna partridge in a pear tree!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jun 16 08:17:36 2019
***********************************
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is
walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a
bucket.
He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him
for his fishing license.
The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch
these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come
down to the water and whistle and these lobsters
jump out and I take them for a walk only to return
them at the end of the day."
The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it
is illegal to fish without a license.
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If
you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the
lobsters back into the water.
The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and
show me that they will come out of the water."
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What
lobsters?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jun 17 08:17:31 2019
***********************************
"There are two major products to come out of
Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to
be a coincidence.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jun 18 08:17:33 2019
***********************************
Two babies are sitting in their cribs, when one
baby asks the other, "Are you a little girl or
a little boy?"
The other baby shrugs. "I don't know how to tell
the difference."
"I do," says the first baby. He carefully climbs
out of his crib and into the other crib, then
disappears beneath the blankets. After a few
seconds, he resurfaces.
"You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy,"
he says.
"How can you tell?"
"Easy. You've got pink booties,
and I've got blue ones."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jun 19 08:17:28 2019
***********************************
Two fonts walk into a bar.
The bartender says to them, "Get out! We don't
serve your type here."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jun 20 08:17:45 2019
***********************************
Q: How do you make a hot dog stand?
A: Take away its chair.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jun 21 08:17:31 2019
***********************************
With the Ark settled safely after the flood, Noah
opens the doors and commands the animals, "Go
forth and multiply!" All the animals depart the
Ark, except for two snakes in the back. Noah
proclaims again, "Go forth and multiply," yet the
snakes stay put. Perturbed, Noah finally asks
them, "Why have you not followed my command?" The
snakes flicker their tongues and answer, "We can't
multiply, Noah-we're Adders."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jun 22 08:17:44 2019
***********************************
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation
of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer,
she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would
turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright
in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run
into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't
empty."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jun 23 08:17:43 2019
***********************************
Once upon a time there was a very large office
building in a very large city. This building had
40 levels: level 1, level 2, level 3, level 4,
level 5, level 6, level 7, level 8, level 9, level
10, level 11, level 12, level 13, level 14, level
15, level 16, level 17, level 18, level 19, level
20, level 21, level 22, level 23, level 24, level
25, level 26, level 27, level 28, level 29, level
30, level 31, level 32, level 33, level 34, level
35, level 36, level 37, level 38, level 39, and
level 40.
One day the owner of the building decided to get a
PA system installed on every level, in case there
was ever a fire and everyone in the building
needed to be contacted at once. The system was
installed on every level: level 1, level 2, level
3, level 4, level 5, level 6, level 7, level 8,
level 9, level 10, level 11, level 12, level 13,
level 14, level 15, level 16, level 17, level 18,
level 19, level 20, level 21, level 22, level 23,
level 24, level 25, level 26, level 27, level 28,
level 29, level 30, level 31, level 32, level 33,
level 34, level 35, level 36, level 37, level 38,
level 39, and level 40.
One day, an employee named John was doing some
paperwork on the 21st level when he saw the pager
for the PA system in his boss's office. He could
not resist. He picked up the pager, turned it on,
cleared his throat, and told a joke. It was
funniest joke anyone in the building had ever
heard. They were rolling in the aisles, laughing
their heads off. The accountants on level 3 were
in tears. The engineers on level 34 were in
hysterics. In fact, workers on every level --
level 1, level 2, level 3, level 4, level 5, level
6, level 7, level 8, level 9, level 10, level 11,
level 12, level 13, level 14, level 15, level 16,
level 17, level 18, level 19, level 20, level 21,
level 22, level 23, level 24, level 25, level 26,
level 27, level 28, level 29, level 30, level 31,
level 32, level 33, level 34, level 35, level 36,
level 37, level 38, level 39, and level 40 --
could not stop laughing.
He walked out the door of his boss's office,
feeling all proud of himself, when who should he
run into but his boss. "John, come with me now!"
John relunctantly followed his boss back into his
office. His boss looked at him with fury in his
eyes. "John," he said, "your joke was very
disruptive to the workers in this building!
Productivity was decreased on level 1, level 2,
level 3, level 4, level 5, level 6, level 7, level
8, level 9, level 10, level 11, level 12, level
13, level 14, level 15, level 16, level 17, level
18, level 19, level 20, level 21, level 22, level
23, level 24, level 25, level 26, level 27, level
28, level 29, level 30, level 31, level 32, level
33, level 34, level 35, level 36, level 37, level
38, level 39, and level 40! You're fired! Clean
out your desk and get out!" But then his frown
softened and he added, "Still, I have to admit,
that joke was funny on so many levels."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jun 24 08:18:15 2019
***********************************
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Impatient cow.
Impatient co.
MOO!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jun 25 08:16:45 2019
***********************************
A woman goes into the local newspaper office to
see that the obituary for her recently deceased
husband is published. After the editor informs her
that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word,
she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then,
let it read 'Fred Brown died'."
Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor
stammers that there is a 7-word minimum for all
obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her
fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown
died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jun 26 08:16:34 2019
***********************************
Q: What does Charles Dickens
keep in his spice rack?
A: The best of thymes,
the worst of thymes.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jun 27 08:16:46 2019
***********************************
Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
The second one!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jun 28 08:16:06 2019
***********************************
Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day.
One said to the other, "Why are we down in this
hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up
there in the shade of a tree?"
"I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask
him." So he climbed out of the hole and went to
his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and
you're standing in the shade?"
"Intelligence," the boss said.
"What do you mean, intelligence?"
The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my
hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with
your fist as hard as you can."
The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to
hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and
the ditch digger hit the tree.
The boss said, "That's intelligence!"
The ditch digger went back to his hole.
His friend asked, "What did he say?"
"He said we are down here because of
intelligence."
"What's intelligence?" said the friend.
The ditch digger put his hand on his face and
said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jun 29 08:15:20 2019
***********************************
Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don't. You get down from a goose.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jun 30 08:15:08 2019
***********************************
After the fire-truck arrived at a burning building
in a small Spanish town, the firemen observed a
man dressed in a matador's costume prancing around
on the roof. Four of the firemen held a safety-net
and urged him to escape from the burning building
by jumping into the net. He refused and loudly
proclaimed, "I'm Fearless Jose the bullfighter who
fears nothing, not even fire."
The firemen begged and pleaded but to no avail.
Jose kept prancing around while repeating the same
phrase over and over until the firemen got really
sick and tired of hearing it. Finally, when the
flames began to scorch his butt, Jose announced
he had changed his mind, was ready to jump and
then leaped off the rooftop. As his body hurtled
toward the safety-net, the four firemen shouted,
"Ole!" and quickly moved it aside.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jul 1 08:15:26 2019
***********************************
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered
with his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your
hand on my steak?"
"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on
the floor again?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jul 2 08:15:14 2019
***********************************
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then
he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going
to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jul 3 08:15:06 2019
***********************************
What will fall on the lawn first?
An autumn leaf, or a Christmas catalogue?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jul 4 08:15:18 2019
***********************************
Young Judy, the editor of a trivia publication,
was having trouble with her computer. So she
called Prem, the computer guy, over to her desk.
Prem clicked a couple buttons and solved the
problem.
As he was walking away, Judy called after him,
"So, what was wrong?"
And he replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
A puzzled expression ran riot over Judy's face.
"An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need
to fix it again??"
He gave her a grin... ;-) "Haven't you ever heard
of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," replied Judy.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll
figure it out."
(She wrote...)I D 1 0 T
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jul 5 08:15:08 2019
***********************************
My teacher reminds me of history.
She's always repeating herself.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jul 6 08:15:42 2019
***********************************
When did Caesar reign?
I didn't know he reigned.
Of course he did, didn't they hail him?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jul 7 08:15:12 2019
***********************************
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien
in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls
him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've
got to go back across the border right now."
The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo
Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm
going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll
let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a
sentence".
The Mexican man of course agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words
are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1
sentence."
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2
minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went
Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jul 8 08:15:38 2019
***********************************
Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: "Put it on my bill."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jul 9 08:15:10 2019
***********************************
Charles Dickens walks into
a bar and asks for a martini.
The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jul 10 08:15:18 2019
***********************************
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a
desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to
help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He
hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull,
Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!"
Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco,
pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy,
pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of
the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very
curious. He asked the farmer why he called his
horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he
thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't
even try!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jul 11 08:15:38 2019
***********************************
What was King Arthur's favourite game?
Kinghts and crosses!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jul 12 08:15:12 2019
***********************************
An old couple is at a fair an the old man sees a
helicopter ride for $50. The old man asks his
wife, "I don't have much time left. Can I take I
ride in one of them helicopters?"
His wife responds, "Oh well that's way too
expensive."
The man running the helicopter rides as a pilot
hears their conversation and makes them a deal.
"Hey, I'll take you on a ride for free, but you
can't make one sound. If you do, then you have to
pay $50." says the pilot.
The couple climbs in the helicopter. The pilot
takes off and does awesome tricks with the
helicopter. The couple never made a sound.
The pilot lands the helicopter and says, "Wow,
impressive, usually people make so much noise on
these rides."
The old man says, "Well, I almost made a noise
when my wife fell out of the helicopter, but these
rides are too expensive."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jul 13 08:15:16 2019
***********************************
This summer, I'm going to go to the beach and bury
metal objects that say "Get a life" on them.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jul 14 08:15:18 2019
***********************************
Three tourists were driving through Wales. As they
were approaching
Llanfairpwlgwngylgoeryhwyndrobwlantysiliogogogoch,
they started arguing about the pronunciation of
the town's name. They argued back and forth until
they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter one asked the blonde
employee, "Before we order, could you please
settle an argument for us? Would you please
pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The girl leaned over the counter and said,
"Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiiiing."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jul 15 08:16:18 2019
***********************************
What was Camelot famous for?
Its knight life.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jul 16 08:16:30 2019
***********************************
The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic
surgeon's office. "You know, Doc," he said, "I've
made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know.
Must be at least a thousand."
"And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for
the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all
those uncomfortable positions," the medic said.
"Hell, no," the old fellow replied. "I want to
borrow your Lamborghini."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jul 17 08:16:20 2019
***********************************
We use a really strong sunblock when we go to
the beach with the kids.
It's SPF 80: You squeeze the tube,
and a sweater comes out.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jul 18 08:16:18 2019
***********************************
For her summer job, my 18-year-old daughter
arranged interviews at several day-care centers.
At one meeting, she sat down on one of the kiddie
seats, no simple task for most people. The
interview went well, and at the end, the day-care
center director asked the standard question, "Can
you give me one good reason we should hire you?"
"Because I fit in the chairs." She got the job.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jul 19 08:16:00 2019
***********************************
Shane works in the deli department of a large
supermarket chain, where he often finds himself in
trouble. Just look at the notes management has
supposedly written to him:
"Shane, stop putting Some Assembly Required
stickers on the eight-piece chickens."
"Shane, any free samples you give must come from
the deli, not electronics."
"Shane, when a customer asks where to find a
product, give them an aisle number, not
directions to Albertsons."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jul 20 08:15:54 2019
***********************************
A man is flying from Los Angeles to New York.
During the meal service, accidentally knocked the
spoon off to the aisle with his elbow. The flight
attendant immediately took a spoon from his pocket
and placed it on his tray table. The man was very
impressed by the promptness of he service and
asked, "Do all flight attendants carry a spoon in
their pockets?"
The flight attendant answered, "We had an
efficiency expert in to evaluate our operation. He
determined that 25% of the customers knock the
spoon off their tray tables. By carrying a spare
spoon, we all save trips to the galley and can be
much more efficient."
Later, as the flight attendant is picking his
dirty tray up, the customer asked, "Excuse me for
asking but why do you have a string hanging from
your fly?"
The flight attendant replied, "The efficiency
expert determined that we were spending too much
time washing our hands after we went to the
bathroom. To counteract this, we tie strings to
our penises."
The customer looked confused. "How does that
help?" he asked.
"Well, when I go to the bathroom I just use the
string. Since I never touched myself I don't need
to wash my hands."
The customer nodded and asked, "But how do you get
it back in your pants?"
The flight attendant smiled, "I don't know about
the other guys, but I use the spoon."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jul 21 08:16:16 2019
***********************************
Q: What's the different between a cat and a comma?
A: A cat has claws at the end of paws;
A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jul 22 08:16:44 2019
***********************************
Did you hear about the juy who invented the knock knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jul 23 08:16:02 2019
***********************************
If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who
supported Atlas?
His wife.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jul 24 08:16:00 2019
***********************************
Q: Mrs. Bigger had a baby. Which one was bigger?
A: The baby. It was a little Bigger.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jul 25 08:16:20 2019
***********************************
A man asked his wife, "What would you most like
for your birthday?"
She said, "I'd love to be ten again."
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up
bright and early and they went to a theme park. He
put her on every ride in the park - the Death
Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She
had a go on every ride there was. She staggered
out of the theme park five hours later, her head
reeling and her stomach turning.
Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and
sweets. At last she staggered home with her
husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned
over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like
being ten again?"
One eye opened and she groaned,
"Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jul 26 08:17:00 2019
***********************************
This week we celebrate a special birthday. Monica
Lewinsky turned 45.
Can you believe it? It seems like only yesterday
she was crawling around the White House on her
hands and knees, and putting everything in her
mouth.
They grow up so fast, don't they?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jul 27 08:16:04 2019
***********************************
This little old lady goes to the doctor and says,
"Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but
it really doesn't bother me too much. It never
smells and it's always silent. As a matter of fact
I've passed gas at least 20 times since I've been
here in your office. You didn't know I was passing
gas because it doesn't smell and it's silent."
The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come
back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she
says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my
passing gas. although still silent, it stinks
terribly."
"Good", the doctor said, "now that we've cleared
up your sinuses, we'll start to work on your
hearing."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jul 28 08:16:18 2019
***********************************
A blind man was describing his favorite sport,
parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished,
he said that things were all done for him: "I am
placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told
when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring
for me and out I go with the dog."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?"
he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can
smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from
the ground" he answered.
"But how do you know when to lift your legs for
the final arrival on the ground?"
he was again asked.
He quickly answered:
"Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jul 29 08:16:02 2019
***********************************
A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying
escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance,
acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the
lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the
air, "Anything you can do, I can do better."
The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-
shot." The B-52 continued its flight, straight and
level.
Perplexed, the hotdog asked, "So? What did you
do?"
"I just shut down two engines, kid."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jul 30 08:16:26 2019
***********************************
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra
class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jul 31 08:16:08 2019
***********************************
When were King Arthur's armies too tired to fight?
When they had lots of sleepless knights.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Aug 1 15:24:36 2019
***********************************
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Isabelle.
Isabelle who?
Isabelle working, or should I keep knocking?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Aug 2 08:16:18 2019
***********************************
Why Does Ariel wear seashells?
Because she can't fit into D-shells
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
Jagossel@21:1/150 to
JokeMaster on Fri Aug 2 16:34:00 2019
JokeMaster, to All <=-
***********************************
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Isabelle.
Isabelle who?
Isabelle working, or should I keep knocking?
***********************************
I love it! Pun and self-referencing!
... Where's the nearest tagline store? I need a few more new ones.
=== MultiMail/DOS v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.07-Linux
* Origin: Disconnected Reality -- discreal.synchronetbbs.org (21:1/150)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Aug 3 08:16:24 2019
***********************************
A man went to apply for a job. After filling out
all of his applications, he waited anxiously for
the outcome.
The employer read all his applications and said,
"We have an opening for people like you."
"Oh, great," he said, "What is it?"
"It's called the door!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Aug 4 08:16:24 2019
***********************************
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly
stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.
After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant,
"What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the
engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it
took us a while to find a new pilot."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Aug 5 08:16:08 2019
***********************************
Q. What did one tornado say to the other?
A. "Let's twist again, like we did last summer..."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Aug 6 08:16:04 2019
***********************************
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all
excited about their decision to get married. They
go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the
way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go
in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers "Yes".
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell
heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? "
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis,
Jaundice?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills,
Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Jacob says to the pharmacist: "Good, we'd like to
use this store as our Bridal Registry!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Aug 7 08:16:02 2019
***********************************
A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some
ice cream. They sat down and were about to start
when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to
rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my
umbrella?"
So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but
three days later he still hadn't returned. "I
think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father
Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice
cream before it melts."
And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I
won't go."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Aug 8 08:16:42 2019
***********************************
I heard a report about a bad outbreak of the tummy
bug, apparently 9 out of 10 people there suffered
from diarrhea.
I can't stop thinking about that tenth person who
apparently enjoyed it.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Aug 9 08:16:58 2019
***********************************
Teacher:
whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher:
who just threw that?!
Boy:
Me! I'm going home now.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Aug 10 08:17:02 2019
***********************************
A child asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies,
then their babies became adults and made babies,
and so on."
The child then went to his mother, asked her the
same question and she told him, "We were monkeys
then we evolved to become like we are now."
The child ran back to his father and said, "You
lied to me!"
His father replied, "No, your mom was talking
about her side of the family."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Aug 11 08:16:40 2019
***********************************
Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: A fsh.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Aug 12 08:16:08 2019
***********************************
How to Handle Stress
Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool
mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here.
No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called
"the world."
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the
air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is clear.
You can easily make out the face of the person
whose head you're holding under the water.
There now......feeling better?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Aug 13 08:16:10 2019
***********************************
Q: Why did the tofu cross the road?
A: To prove he wasn't chicken.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Aug 14 08:16:14 2019
***********************************
My ESL students try so hard and are so
appreciative. One student paid me the ultimate
compliment when she said, "You teach English
good."
Another assured me, "I will always forget you."
And a third insisted, "I thank you from the heart
of my bottom."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Aug 15 08:16:12 2019
***********************************
Why does history keep repeating itself?
Because we weren't listening the first time!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Aug 16 08:16:50 2019
***********************************
During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our
first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his
locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in
his office. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost
my key. I walked into the orderly's room and asked
Sarge if I could borrow his master key.
"Why, certainly, young man," he said, as he
reached under his desk and handed me a large pair
of bolt cutters.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Aug 17 08:16:34 2019
***********************************
A biologist was interested in studying how far
bullfrogs can jump. He brought a bullfrog into his
laboratory, set it down, and commanded, "Jump,
frog, jump!"
The frog jumped across the room. The biologist
measured the distance, then noted in his journal,
"Frog with four legs jumped eight feet."
Then he cut the frog's front legs off. Again he
ordered, "Jump, frog, jump!"
The frog struggled a moment, then jumped a few
feet. After measuring the distance, the biologist
noted in his journal, "Frog with two legs jumped
three feet."
Next, the biologist cut off the frog's back legs.
Once more, he shouted, "Jump, frog, jump!" The
frog just lay there. "Jump, frog, jump!" the
biologist repeated. Nothing.
The biologist noted in his journal,
"Frog with no legs - lost its hearing."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Aug 18 08:16:40 2019
***********************************
A redneck goes to a pharmacist and says, " I got a
hot date tonight, an' I need me some pertection.
How much is a pack o' dem rubbers gonna cost me?
The pharmacist responds, "A three-pack of condoms
is $4.99 with tax."
To which the redneck replies, "TACKS! Gawd
'mighty,.......... don't they stay on by therself.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Aug 19 08:16:16 2019
***********************************
There was a man driving a pickup truck down a
country road, when suddenly he was broad sided
by a trailer truck.
Some time went by, and the case got to court.
The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How
can you be suing my client now when you told a
trooper after the accident that you felt fine?"
The man replied. "Well sir, it was like this. We
was driving down the road, minding our own
business, when a big trailer truck came out of
nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in
the ditch, and a trooper was pulling up with his
car. He looked at the hogs, and they was most
dead, so he shot them. Then he looked at my dog,
and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him."Then he
came over to me and he said, "How you feeling?"
I said, "I never felt better in my life."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Aug 20 08:16:26 2019
***********************************
The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada,
just yards away from the North Dakota border.
Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute
between the United States and Canada for
generations.
Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her
ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son
and three grandchildren. One day, her son came
into her room holding a letter.
"I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The
government has come to an agreement with the
people in Washington. They've decided that our
land is really part of the United States. We have
the right to approve or disapprove of the
agreement. What do you think?"
"What do I think?" his mother said. "Jump at it!
Call them right now and tell them we accept! I
don't think I could stand another one of those
Canadian winters!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Aug 21 08:17:36 2019
***********************************
A mother was reading a book about animals to
her 3 year old daughter.
Mother:
"What does the cow say?"
Child:
"Moo!"
Mother:
"Great! What does the cat say?"
Child:
"Meow."
Mother:
"Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"
And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at
her mother and in her deepest voice replied,
"Bud."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Aug 22 08:16:02 2019
***********************************
Daddy reads some bedtime stories to make little
Jonny fall asleep.
Half an hour later mommy opens quietly the door
and asks: "And, is he asleep?"
Little Jonny answers: "Yes, finally."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Aug 23 08:16:10 2019
***********************************
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed
the students, pointing out some of the rules.
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for
all male students, and the male dormitory to the
female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule
will be fined $20 the first time."
He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule
the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a
third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are
there any questions?"
At this point, a male student in the crowd
inquired:
"How much for a season pass?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Aug 24 08:16:16 2019
***********************************
When a neighbor's home was burglarized, I decided
to be more safety conscious. But my measly front-
door lock wasn't going to stop anyone,
so I hung this sign outside:
"Nancy, don't come in. The snake is loose. Mom."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Aug 25 08:16:42 2019
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You think presidents need a promotion. James
Rhyne of Memphis was charged with forgery after he
handed a waitress a $100 bill. The waitress knew
something was funny with the money: Instead of the
portly visage of Ben Franklin, it was the star of
the $5 bill, Abe Lincoln, who was staring back at
her.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Aug 26 08:16:34 2019
***********************************
The train was packed, and the U. S. Marine Walked
the entire length looking for a seat, but a well-
dressed, Middle-aged, French woman's poodle took
the Only seat remaining.
The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have
that seat?"The French woman just sniffed and said
to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude.
My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the
only seat left was Under that dog."Please, ma'am.
May I sit down? I'm very tired."She snorted, "Not
only are you Americans rude, you are also
arrogant!"
The next time the Marine didn't say a word; he
just picked up the little Dog, tossed it out the
train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor!
Put this American In his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up,
"Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for
doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the
wrong hand, you drive your vehicles on the wrong
side of the road. And now, Sir, you seem to have
thrown the wrong bitch out the window.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Aug 27 08:17:26 2019
***********************************
At one of the packed, Delta ticket counters all of
ticket agents were doing their best to politely
process each passenger as quickly as they could. A
man toward the end of the snaking line of
passengers was obviously impatient and very
frustrated at having to wait so long in the slow
moving line. He finally decided to march right up
to the counter pulling his wheeled suitcase and
demanded that he be given his boarding pass. The
ticket agent turned, looked at him, blinked, took
a shallow, deep breath and said, "Sir, as you can
see there are many passengers ahead of you. We are
doing our best to process the passengers as fast
as we can. I'm afraid you'll have to get back in
line".
Outraged and red in the face, the man yelled at
the ticket agent saying, "Do you know who I
am???!!!."
The ticket agent turned, looked at him, blinked,
took another shallow, deep breath, picked up the
public address system microphone and said calmly,
"There is a man at the Delta ticket counter who
does not know who he is. Anyone who may be able to
identify this man is asked to please step forward
and identify him. Thank you".
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Aug 28 08:16:20 2019
***********************************
What was the greatest accomplishment of the early
Romans?
Speaking Latin!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Aug 29 08:16:22 2019
***********************************
A Pastor goes to a nursing home for the first time
to visit an elderly parishioner.
As he is sitting there, he notices a bowl of
peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they
continue their conversation, he can't help himself
and eats one after another.
By the time they are through visiting, the bowl is
empty. He says, "Mrs. Jones, I'm so sorry, but I
seem to have eaten all of your peanuts."
"That's O.K.," she says. "They would have just sat
there anyway.
Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the
chocolate off and put them back in the bowl.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Aug 31 08:16:04 2019
***********************************
The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good
news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?" asks the accused.
"The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime
scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is 130."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Sep 1 08:16:20 2019
***********************************
The Spanish explorers went 'round the world in
a galleon.
How many galleons did they get to the mile?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Sep 2 08:16:06 2019
***********************************
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had
been any interest in her paintings that were on
display.
"Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner
responded. "The good news is that a gentleman
noticed your work and wondered if it would
appreciate in value after your death. I told him
it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's
the bad news?"
"The gentleman was your doctor."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Sep 3 08:16:18 2019
***********************************
Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the
cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He
soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only
wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him,
he dropped his rifle and started running for the
cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but
the bear was just a little faster and gained on
him with every step. Just as he reached the open
cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close
behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and
went rolling into the cabin. The man jumped up,
closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend
inside, "You skin this one while I go and get
another!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Sep 4 08:18:04 2019
***********************************
There was a farmer who had a lot of live stock. He
had cows, horses, chickens, pigs, and bulls.
One day a terrible twister came and the man and
his family were only saved by throwing themselves
in the nearest ditch. After it was all over, he
looked up to see that the house was gone. Saddened
by the loss, he went out to see if any of the
animals had survived. The horses, chickens, pigs,
and cows were laid out flat but the bulls were
standing!
The farmer was amazed and asked them, "How is it
that all the other animals are down and you are
still standing?"
The bulls replied,
"We bulls wobble but we don't fall down!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Sep 5 08:18:10 2019
***********************************
Three men stood before a judge on a charge of
drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park.
Judge: What were you doing?
1st man: Oh, just throwing peanuts in the pond.
Judge: And what were you doing?
2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too.
Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you throwing
peanuts in the pond as well?
3rd man: No, sir. I AM Peanuts!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Sep 6 08:16:16 2019
***********************************
Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy
says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot
of money running our own bungee-jumping service in
Mexico."
The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the
two pool their money and buy everything they'll
need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the
square. As they are constructing the tower, a
crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more
people gather to watch them at work.
The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the
cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy
notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch
him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up
again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding.
Again, the second guy misses him.
The first guy falls again and bounces back up.
This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's
got a couple of broken bones and is almost
unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally
catches him this time and says, "What happened?
Was the cord too long?"
The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but
what the heck is a 'pinata'?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Sep 7 08:18:00 2019
***********************************
"What flavors of ice cream do you have?" inquired
the customer.
"Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate," answered the
new waitress in a hoarse whisper.
Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do
you have laryngitis?"
"No...." replied the new waitress with some
effort, "just...erm.... vanilla, strawberry, and
chocolate."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Sep 8 08:20:12 2019
***********************************
While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our
convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio
for help.
"Are you near any landmarks that might help us
locate you?" the base operator asked him.
"Yes," said the lieutenant.
"We are directly under the moon."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Sep 9 08:17:06 2019
***********************************
In a city park stood two statues, one female and
the other male. These two statues faced each other
for many years. Early one morning an angel
appeared before the statues and said, "Since the
two of you have been exemplary statues and have
brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you
your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of
life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you
desire." And with that command, the statues came
to life.
The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward
some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of
bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened
to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and
twigs snapping.
After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the
bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel
looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You
still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked,
"Do you want to do it again?"
Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this
time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'LL poop on its
head!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Sep 10 08:16:52 2019
***********************************
An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts
had married & settled down in their old
neighborhood.
To celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary they
walk down to their old school. There, they hold
hands as they find the desk they shared & where he
had carved "I love you, Sally".
On their way back home, a bag of money falls out
of an armoured car practically at their feet. She
quickly picks it up, & they don't know what to do
with it so they take it home. There, she counts
the money, & its fifty-thousand dollars.
The husband says: "We've got to give it back".
She says, "Finders keepers" & puts the money back
in the bag & hides it up in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men are going from door-to-
door in the neighbourhood looking for the money
show up at their home.
One knocks on the door & says: "Pardon me, but did
either of you find any money that fell out of an
armoured car yesterday?"
She says: "No"..
The husband says: "She's lying. She hid it up in
the attic."
She says: "Don't believe him, he's getting
senile."
But the agents sit the man down & begin to
question him.
One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."
The old man says: "Well, when Sally & I were
walking home from school yesterday ..."
At this, the FBI guy looks at his partner & says:
"We're outta here ..."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Sep 11 08:16:12 2019
***********************************
A programmer enters an elevator, wanting to go to
the 12th floor.
So, he pushes 1, then he pushes 2, and starts
looking for the Enter....
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Sep 12 08:16:32 2019
***********************************
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now
let's try it again. Soldier, do you have
change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, SIR!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Sep 13 08:16:36 2019
***********************************
Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers
burst in. While several of the robbers take the
money from the tellers, others line the customers,
including the accountants, up against a wall, and
proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While
this is going on accountant number one jams
something in accountant number two's hand. Without
looking down, accountant number two whispers,
"What is this?" to which accountant number one
replies, "it's that $50 I owe you."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A43 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Sep 14 08:21:42 2019
***********************************
"Waiter! Have you got frogs' legs?"
"No, sir, I always walk this way"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 2 days, 7 hours, 53 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Sep 15 08:16:38 2019
***********************************
The village blacksmith hired an enthusiastic new
apprentice willing to work long, hard hours. He
instructed the boy, "When I take the shoe out of
the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my
head, you hit it with the hammer."
The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now
he's the new village blacksmith.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours, 48 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Sep 16 08:21:44 2019
***********************************
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 4 days, 7 hours, 53 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Sep 17 22:40:52 2019
--- up 7 weeks, 5 days, 22 hours, 12 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Sep 18 08:16:14 2019
***********************************
Teacher: "Which book has helped you the most in
your life?"
Student: "My father's check book!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 6 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Sep 19 08:16:20 2019
***********************************
My brother and I arrived at boot camp together. On
the first morning, our unit was dragged out of bed
by our drill sergeant and made to assemble
outside. "My name's Sergeant Jackson," he snarled.
"Is there anyone here who thinks he can whip me?"
My six-foot-three, 280-pound brother raised his
hand and said, "Yes, sir, I do."
Our sergeant grabbed him by the arm and led him
out in front of the group. "Men," he said, "this
is my new assistant. Now, is there anyone here who
thinks he can whip both of us?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 8 weeks, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Sep 20 08:16:18 2019
***********************************
Q: What do you call security guards
working outside Samsung shops?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 8 weeks, 1 day, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Sep 21 08:16:22 2019
***********************************
An auto mechanic received a repair order that
read: "Check for clanking sound when going around
corners."
Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a
right turn, and a moment later he heard a 'clunk.'
He then made a left turn and again heard a
'clunk.'
Back at the shop he opened the car's trunk, and
soon discovered the problem.
Promptly he returned the repair order to the
service manager with the notation, "Removed
bowling ball from trunk."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 8 weeks, 2 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Sep 23 08:16:10 2019
***********************************
If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only
save one of them, would you read the paper or go
to lunch?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 8 weeks, 4 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Sep 26 08:16:16 2019
***********************************
Did you hear about the blind gynecologist?
He could read lips.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Sep 28 08:16:22 2019
***********************************
One guy was on duty in the main lab on a quiet
afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in
front of one of the workstations with her arms
crossed across her chest and staring at the
screen. After about 15 minutes he noticed that she
was still in the same position only now she was
impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she
needed help and she replied, It's about time! I
pushed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 2 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Sep 29 08:16:10 2019
***********************************
What's the difference between a Northern zoo and
a Southern zoo?
In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal
and the Latin name underneath.
In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal
and a recipe underneath.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Oct 1 08:16:26 2019
***********************************
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of
the field and civilian aircraft use the other side
of the field, with the control tower in the middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft
asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it
make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference.
If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3
o'clock.
If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the
12 and the little hand is on the 3.
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday
afternoon."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 5 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Oct 2 08:16:12 2019
***********************************
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes
he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a
man down below. He lowers the balloon further and
shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air
balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Technical Support," says the
balloonist.
"I do," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have
told me is technically correct, but completely
useless."
The man below says: "You must be in management."
"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you
know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you
are, or where you're going, but you expect me to
be able to help. You're still in the same
position you were before we met, but now it's my
fault."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 6 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Oct 3 08:16:04 2019
***********************************
Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a
sentence before making a suggestion.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 weeks, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Oct 4 08:16:16 2019
***********************************
Students are great about sending our troops
letters, and the troops love 'em. You can see why:
"Dear Soldier, If you're having a rough day,
remember the most important thing in life is to be
yourself. Unless you can be Batman."
"Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or
Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers."
"I am so happy you are risking your life for the
USA! My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. Now he likes
peanuts."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 weeks, 1 day, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Oct 6 08:16:16 2019
***********************************
Dear God: Yesterday was an awful day for me...
My husband ran off with his secretary,
My son pierced his eyebrow,
My daughter tattooed the bald spot on her head,
My dog mated with the neighbors cat,
My neighbor sold her house to a mental hospital,
My Mom told me I was adopted,
My Dad told me he's gay,
My boss told me I was laid off,
My sister was arrested for prostitution,
My house has termites,
My car was stolen,
All that came in the mail was bills,
A plane, crash landed on my garage,
OJ Simpson came to my door selling rug cleaner,
And my TV blew.
Lord, please be with me today. I was able to live
through all that misery yesterday. And I will be
able to make it through anything today! But
please....DON'T LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO MY
COMPUTER!!!!!
AMEN
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Oct 8 08:16:22 2019
***********************************
Arrested on a robbery charge, our law firm's
client denied the allegations. So when the victim
pointed him out in a lineup as one of four men who
had attacked him, our client reacted vociferously.
"He's lying!" he yelled.
"There were only three of us."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 weeks, 5 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Oct 9 08:16:10 2019
***********************************
"Will I ever be able to race my horse again" the
owner asked the vet.
The vet replied, "You certainly will, and you'll
probably beat her too!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 weeks, 6 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Oct 10 08:16:08 2019
***********************************
You're hiking around on Hampsted Heath (a park
near London) at the end of a long sunny day. You
run across (separately) the ghosts of Sir Winston
Churchill, Sir Baden Powell, and Sir Edmund
Hillary, who all give you directions to the
nearest tube stop. Whom don't you believe?
Your story teller, for there is no such thing as a
completely sunny day in England.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 11 weeks, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Oct 12 08:16:10 2019
***********************************
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 11 weeks, 2 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Oct 13 08:16:30 2019
***********************************
I couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City
or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines
to get prices. "Airfare to Denver is $300," the
cheery salesperson replied.
"And what about Salt Lake City?"
"We have a really great rate to Salt Lake-$99,"
she said "But there is a stopover."
"Where?"
"In Denver," she said.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 11 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Oct 14 08:16:20 2019
***********************************
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 11 weeks, 4 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Oct 16 08:16:14 2019
***********************************
They threw me out of the cinema today
for bringing my own food.
But come on - the prices are way too high,
plus I haven't had a barbecue in months.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 11 weeks, 6 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Oct 17 08:16:12 2019
***********************************
What kind of sushi does Lady Gaga eat?
Raw, raw, raw, raw, rawwww!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 12 weeks, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Oct 18 08:16:12 2019
***********************************
What did the bald man exclaim when
he received a comb for a present?
Gee, I'll never part with it!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 12 weeks, 1 day, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Oct 20 08:16:26 2019
***********************************
A very large, old, building was being torn down in
Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to
its proximity to other buildings it could not be
imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor.
While working on the 49th floor, two construction
workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind
the elevator shaft. They decided that they should
call the police. When the police arrived they
directed them to the closet and showed them the
skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They
said, "This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody
really important."
Two days went by and the construction workers
couldn't stand it any more, they had to know who
they had found. They called the police and said,
"We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the
closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa
or somebody important."
The police said, "It's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was
somebody kind of important."
"Well, who was it?"
"The 1956 Blonde National Hide-and-Seek Champion."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 12 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Oct 21 08:16:32 2019
***********************************
While editing announcements for a newspaper, I
came across an item promoting a camp for children
with asthma. Aside from all the wonderful
activities the kids could enjoy, such as canoeing,
swimming, crafts and more, it promised that its
lakefront property offered something the kids
probably did not expect: "breathtaking views."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 12 weeks, 4 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Oct 22 08:16:32 2019
***********************************
"Mom, don't get alarmed, but I'm at the hospital."
"Son, please. You've been a surgeon there for 8
years now.
Can we start our phone calls differently?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 12 weeks, 5 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Oct 24 00:34:38 2019
***********************************
One of my fourth-grade students told me he had
trouble with math. His explanation summed it up
well: "The guy next to me always gets ten out of
ten on his quizzes, and I get only ten out of
four."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 6 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Oct 24 08:16:12 2019
***********************************
One day two blind men started fighting. Pretty
soon a crowd surrounded them.
Then one of the members of the crowd yelled out
"I bet 10 bucks on the one with the knife."
Both men ran away.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Oct 25 08:16:22 2019
***********************************
An accountant visited the Natural History museum.
While standing near the dinosaur, he said to his
neighbor, "This dinosaur is two billion years and
ten months old".
"Where did you get this exact information?"
"I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me
that the dinosaur is two billion years old."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 1 day, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Oct 27 08:16:34 2019
***********************************
Where was the Magna Carta signed?
At the bottom.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Oct 28 08:16:48 2019
***********************************
What is uglier than an aardvark?
Two aardvarks.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 4 days, 7 hours, 48 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Oct 30 08:16:16 2019
***********************************
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Ya.
Ya who?
I'm excited to see you too!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 6 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Oct 31 08:16:28 2019
***********************************
A man walked into a lawyer's office. "How much
does your advice cost?" he asked the lawyer.
"Fifty dollars for three questions," replied the
lawyer.
"Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
"Yes," the lawyer replied, "And what was your
third question?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 14 weeks, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Nov 1 08:16:12 2019
***********************************
A man is talking to the family doctor, "Doc, I
think my wife's going deaf." The doctor answers,
"Well, here's something you can try on her to test
her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and
ask her a question. If she doesn't answer, move a
little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this
until she answers. Then you'll be able to tell
just how hard of hearing she really is."
The man goes home and tries it out.
He walks in the door and says, "Honey, what's for
dinner?"
He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer to
her.
"Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still no answer.
He repeats this several times, until he's standing
just a few feet away from her.
Finally, she answers, "For the eleventh time, I
said we're having MEATLOAF!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 14 weeks, 1 day, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Nov 2 08:16:34 2019
***********************************
What goes black white black white...?
A penguin rolling down a hill!
What's black and white and laughing?
The penguin who pushed him!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 14 weeks, 2 days, 7 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Nov 3 09:16:12 2019
***********************************
My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god.
I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 14 weeks, 3 days, 8 hours, 47 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Nov 5 09:16:02 2019
***********************************
A kindergarten teacher spent a few minutes each
morning teaching a new word to her class. She
would tell the class the word and its meaning,
then ask them to come up with a few sentences that
included the word for the day.
One day, the teacher said that the word for the
day was "frugal." She explained that frugal had to
do with saving, and a frugal person is one who
saves. She then asked the class to come up with a
sentence for the word. The class seemed kind of
stumped, and sat there in silence for a few
seconds until one little girl raised her hand.
Instead of just a sentence, she came up with a
little story:
"There once was a princess who was stuck in a tall
tower. There was a spell on all of the doors, so
she couldn't get out. One day, she heard a young
prince who was walking by and singing. The
princess called out of the tower, 'Frugal me!
Frugal me!' So, the prince frugaled her and they
lived happily ever after."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 day, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Nov 6 09:16:10 2019
***********************************
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Nov 7 09:16:06 2019
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... Even your wardrobe turns against you. When
pleading guilty to a DUI charge, let your lawyer
do the talking. New Zealander Keisha Lee Kubala
ignored that sensible advice and instead showed
up in court wearing a T-shirt that said it all:
"Miss Wasted."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Nov 8 09:16:04 2019
***********************************
My niece was dragged into court by a neighbor who
complained about her barking dogs. At one point,
the judge asked the neighbor a question. The
neighbor didn't reply. "Sir, are you going to
answer me?"
The neighbor leaped to his feet. "Are you talking
to me?" he asked.
"Sorry; I can't hear a darn thing."
The case was dismissed.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Nov 9 09:16:10 2019
***********************************
Southwest Airlines makes humor a high priority.
Here are some actual humorous statements by
airline flight crews:
"Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it`s warm, the
sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are
going to Charlotte, where it`s dark, windy and
raining. Why in the world y`all wanna go there I
can`t imagine."
"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your
tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in
their most uncomfortable position."
"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation,
and in the event of an emergency water landing,
please take them with our compliments."
"We do feature a smoking section on this flight;
if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight
crew and we will escort you to a seat outside on
the wing of the airplane."
"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any
person caught smoking in the lavatories will be
asked to leave the plane immediately."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but
there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
"If you are so lucky to be traveling with small
children..."
Flight attendant: To operate your seatbelt, insert
the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It
works just like every other seatbelt, and if you
don`t know how to operate one, you probably
shouldn`t be out in public unsupervised.
In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop
screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
face. If you have a small child traveling with
you, secure your mask before assisting with
theirs. If you are traveling with two small
children, decide now which one you love more."
"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will
drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag
over your own mouth and nose before assisting
children or adults acting like children."
Pilot: "We are pleased to have some of the best
flight attendants in the industry...Unfortunately
none of them are on this flight...!
Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising
altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat
belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you
wish, but please stay inside the plane till we
land... it`s a bit cold outside, and if you walk
on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
At the end of a flight: "Our flight attendants are
now walking through the aisles with trash
receptacles for any garbage you might have or
anything else that you might wanna give us!"
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at
Washington National, a lone voice comes over the
loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"
"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather
all of your belongings. Anything left behind will
be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.
Please do not leave children or spouses."
"Last one off the plane must clean it."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Nov 11 09:16:06 2019
***********************************
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two
drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their
briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became
quite concerned and marched over and told them,
"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" The
attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their
shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Nov 12 09:16:04 2019
***********************************
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a
bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course", comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Scotland", replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from
Scotland too! Let's have another round to
Scotland."
"Of Course", replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in
Scotland are you from?"
"Aberdeen", comes the reply.
"I can't believe it", says the first man. "I'm
from Aberdeen too! Let's have another drink to
Aberdeen."
"Of course", replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Andrews", replies the second man. "I
graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I
went to Saint Andrews and graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and
sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?", he asks the bartender
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The
MacClyde twins are drunk again."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 1 day, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Nov 13 09:16:06 2019
***********************************
If Mary had Jesus,
and Jesus is the lamb of God,
does that mean
Mary had a little lamb?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 2 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Nov 14 09:16:02 2019
***********************************
Patient: "Doctor, do you think that I shall live
until I am ninety?"
Doctor: "How old are you now?"
Patient: "40"
Doctor: "Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you
have any other vice?"
Patient: "No. I don't drink. I don't gamble. I
don't smoke. I have no vice."
Doctor: "Then why do you want to live for another
fifty years?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 3 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Nov 15 09:16:12 2019
***********************************
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his
numbers.
"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."
"Good. What comes after three."
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a
good job. What comes after ten?"
"A jack," says lil' Johnny
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 4 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Nov 16 09:16:06 2019
***********************************
A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk
of the loan officer. "Hi," he croaks. "What's your
name?"
The loan officer says, "My name is John Paddywack.
May I help you?"
"Yeah," says the frog. "I'd like to borrow some
money."
The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets
out a form. "Okay, what's your name?"
The frog replies, "Kermit Jagger."
"Really?" says the loan officer. "Any relation to
Mick Jagger?"
"Yeah, he's my dad."
"Hmmm," says the loan officer. "Do you have any
collateral?"
The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and
asks, "Will this do?"
The loan officer says, "Um, I'm not sure. Let me
go check with the bank manager."
"Oh, tell him I said hi," adds the frog. "He knows
me."
The loan officer goes back to the manager and
says, "Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out
there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow
some money. All he has for collateral is this
pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it
is."
The manager says: "It's a knick-knack, Paddywack,
give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling
Stone."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 5 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Nov 17 09:16:40 2019
***********************************
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Convex.
Convex who?
Convex go to prison!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 6 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Nov 19 09:16:08 2019
***********************************
A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship
landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of
the spaceship and started to pump gas into it. The
woman noticed the letters 'U.F.O.' printed on the
side of the ship. She turned to the alien and
asked "Does U.F.O. stand for Unidentified Flying
Object?"
The alien answered, "No, it stands for Unleaded
Fuel Only!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Nov 20 09:16:06 2019
***********************************
On a recent vacation at a resort with my in-laws,
we planned to spend an afternoon at the pool with
our kids. We wanted to bring our own drinks, but
were unsure of the hotel's policy. My brother-in-
law called the front desk, and assuming everyone
was familiar with the brand of ice chest he had,
asked if it was all right if he brought a Playmate
to the pool. After a pause the clerk asked, "Does
she have her own towel?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Nov 22 09:16:08 2019
***********************************
So a guy calls into work and says, "I can't come
in today, I'm seeing spots."
"Have you seen a doctor?"
"No, just the spots."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Nov 23 09:16:00 2019
***********************************
Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and
6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Nov 24 09:16:08 2019
***********************************
Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
A: It's okay. He woke up.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 6 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Nov 25 09:16:02 2019
***********************************
Man to his wife: "Do you know what our 6 year old
son wants to be once he's big?"
Wife: "No."
Man: "A garbage man. And you know why?"
Wife: "No, why?"
Man: "Because he thinks they only work on
Tuesdays."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Nov 26 09:16:06 2019
***********************************
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have
just lost their bull. The women need to buy
another, but only have $500. The redhead tells
the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I
can find one for under that amount. If I can, I
will send you a telegram."
She goes to the market and finds one for $499.
Having only one dollar left, she goes to the
telegraph office and finds out that it costs one
dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell
the blonde to bring the truck and trailer.
Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send
the word "comfortable."
Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know
to come with the trailer from just that word?"
The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads
slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 1 day, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Nov 27 09:16:12 2019
***********************************
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when
three Hell's Angels' bikers walked in. The first
walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette
into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the
counter.
The second walked up to the old man, spat into the
old man's milk and then he too took a seat at the
counter.
The third walked up to the old man, turned over
the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at
the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly
left the diner.
Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the
waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver
either, he just backed his big-rig over three
motorcycles."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 2 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Nov 29 09:16:02 2019
***********************************
Just found the worst page
in the entire dictionary.
What I saw was disgraceful,
disgusting, dishonest,
and disingenuous.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 4 days, 16 hours, 21 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Nov 30 09:16:14 2019
***********************************
A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an
idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question
I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have
to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I
can't answer yours I will give you $5,000."
The idiot says, "Okay." The genius then asks,
"How many continents are there in the world?"
The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5.
The idiot says, "Now me ask: what animal stands
with two legs but sleeps with three?"
The genius tries and searches very hard for the
answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The
genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what
was the answer to your question?"
The idiot hands over $5.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Dec 1 09:15:56 2019
***********************************
Q: What's the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 day, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Dec 2 09:16:00 2019
***********************************
"Please, ma'am! How do you spell ichael?"
The teacher was rather bewildered. "Don't you mean
Michael?" she asked.
"No, ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Dec 3 09:15:56 2019
***********************************
My computer made a funny sound the other day.
Of course, I've never heard it get thrown out a
window before.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Dec 4 09:16:00 2019
***********************************
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break
about being out late the night before.
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was
asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak
into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're
lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in
bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me
hell for being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"
The second man replied, "I turned out the light."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Dec 5 09:16:04 2019
***********************************
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a
note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one.
God is watching."
Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A
little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want.
God is watching the apples."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Dec 7 09:15:58 2019
***********************************
Phlebotomist:
I'm here to draw some blood.
Patient:
But I just received blood yesterday.
Phlebotomist:
You didn't think you'd get to keep it, did you?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Dec 8 09:16:06 2019
***********************************
The James Bond film Spectre opens in November.
Writer Peter Anspach explains how he'd improve his
odds if he were a film villain.
I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger
who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil
I am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered
when not in use. Also, I will not construct
walkways above them.
If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in
his goblet, then have to leave the table for any
reason, I will order new drinks for both of us
instead of trying to decide whether to switch with
him.
My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl
through.
When I've captured my adversary and he says,
"Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell
me what this is all about?" I'll say no and finish
him off.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 1 day, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Dec 9 09:16:08 2019
***********************************
As soon as the hospital made me put on one of
those little gowns,
I knew the end was in sight.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 2 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Dec 10 09:16:08 2019
***********************************
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was in tents.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 3 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Dec 11 09:16:08 2019
***********************************
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new
bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog
that could actually walk on water to retrieve a
duck.
Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his
friends would ever believe him. He decided to try
to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal
pessimist who refused to be impressed with
anything. This, surely, would impress him. He
invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew
by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded
and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did
not sink but instead walked across the water to
retrieve the bird, never getting more than his
paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a
duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of
the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched
carefully, saw everything, but did not say a
single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend,
"Did you notice anything unusual about my new
dog?"
"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't
swim."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 4 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Dec 12 09:16:00 2019
***********************************
An investment banker decides she needs in-house
counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer.
"Mr. Peterson," she says.
"Would you say you're honest?"
"Honest?" replies Peterson. "Let me tell you
something about honesty. My father lent me $85,000
for my education, and I paid back every penny the
minute I tried my first case."
"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"
"Dad sued me for the money."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 5 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Dec 13 09:16:02 2019
***********************************
School Doctor: Have you ever had trouble with
appendicitis?
Fred: Only when I tried to spell it.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 6 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Dec 14 09:16:02 2019
***********************************
"You need to be careful when writing comments,"
our principal told the faculty. He held a report
card for a Susan Crabbe. A colleague had written,
"Susan is beginning to come out of her shell."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Dec 15 09:16:12 2019
***********************************
Canada wants us to remember that it, too, is part
of North America. So The Week asked its readers
to come up with an eye-catching slogan for our
neighbor to the north.
Canada: Where Your Cold Front Begins
Canada: It's Not Just for Draft Dodgers Anymore
Canada: Land of Cheaper Drugs
Canada: Where Winter Spends the Summer
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Dec 16 09:16:00 2019
***********************************
`Where is everybody?" the cowpoke asks.
"They've all gone to see Brown Paper Pete hang,"
says a bystander.
"Why do they call him that?" the cowboy asks.
"Well, he always wears a brown paper hat, a brown
paper shirt, and brown paper trousers."
"Really?" says the cowboy. "And what are they
hanging him for?"
"Rustling."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Dec 17 09:16:06 2019
***********************************
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the
bartender. "Pour me a stiff one - just had another
fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one
end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me
on her hands and knees."
"Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What
did she say?"
"She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you
little chicken.'"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Dec 18 09:16:06 2019
***********************************
A man goes to the doctor complaining about stomach
problems. The doctor asks him what he's been
eating.
"I only eat pool balls," he says. "Red ones for
breakfast, yellow and orange ones for lunch, blue
for afternoon snacks, and purple and black for
dinner."
"I see the problem," says the doctor. "You're not
getting enough greens."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Dec 19 09:16:10 2019
***********************************
Whoever invented knock knock jokes
should get a no bell prize.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Dec 20 09:16:02 2019
***********************************
How many firemen does it take to change a light
bulb?
Four -
three to cut a hole in the roof
and one to change the bulb.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 6 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Dec 21 09:16:04 2019
***********************************
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
A little old lady.
A little old lady who?
I didn't know you could yodel!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Dec 23 09:16:02 2019
***********************************
A man won an $8,000 settlement from Disneyland
after he got stuck on the It's a Small World ride.
He said he'll use the money to cut out the part of
his brain that won't stop playing
"It's a Small World After All."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Dec 24 09:16:06 2019
***********************************
Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows 95
Windows95: n. 32 bit extensions and a graphical
shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating
system originally coded for a 4 bit
microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that
can't stand 1 bit of competition.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Dec 26 09:16:02 2019
***********************************
A man was driving a black truck. His lights were
not on. The moon was not out. A lady was crossing
the street. How did the man see her?
It was a bright, sunny day.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 5 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Dec 27 09:16:04 2019
***********************************
Little Jordan wanted to go to the zoo and pestered
his parents, Al and Elaine, for days. Finally
Elaine talked Jordan's reluctant father into
taking him.
And so Jordan and Al got into the car and left.
"So how was it?" Elaine asked when they returned
home.
"Great," Little Jordan replied.
"Did you and your father have a good time?" asked
Elaine.
"Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed
Jordan, excitedly, "especially when one of the
animals came racing home at 30 to 1!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 6 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Dec 28 09:16:08 2019
***********************************
Man: "How old is your father?"
Boy: "As old as me."
Man: "How can that be?"
Boy: "He became a father only when I was born."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Dec 29 09:16:10 2019
***********************************
A programmer's wife sends him to the grocery store
with the instructions, "get a loaf of bread, and
if they have eggs, get a dozen."
He comes home with a dozen loaves of bread and
tells her, "they had eggs."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Dec 30 09:16:16 2019
***********************************
Understanding the Signs
Over the years, my husband and I have usually
managed to decode the cute but confusing gender
signs sometimes put on restaurants' restroom doors
(Buoys and Gulls, Laddies and Lassies, etc.), but
every so often we get stumped.
Recently my husband Dave wandered off in search of
the men's room and found himself confronted by two
marked doors. One was labeled "Bronco," and the
other was designated "Cactus." Completely baffled,
he stopped a restaurant employee passing by.
"Excuse me; I need to use the restroom," Dave
said. Gesturing toward the doors, he asked, "Which
one should I use?"
"Actually, we would prefer you to go there," the
employee said, pointing to a door down the hall
marked "Men."
"Bronco and Cactus are private dining rooms."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Dec 31 09:16:06 2019
***********************************
Brunette: "Where were you born?"
Blonde: "The United States."
Brunette: "Which part?"
Blonde: "My whole body."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jan 1 09:16:08 2020
***********************************
I tried to explain to a client why I couldn't help
him with a project that was written in a program
code that I didn't know.
"Let's say you're asking me to write something in
a specific language. Now, I'm fluent in English
and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since
I don't understand Chinese, I'm not your best
option. You need someone who is fluent in this
specific language. See?"
He said he did and thanked me.
The next morning, I got a call from another
developer asking, "Why is So-and-So asking us if
we're fluent in Chinese?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 4 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jan 3 09:16:04 2020
***********************************
How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships?
With their eyes shut.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 6 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jan 4 09:16:04 2020
***********************************
During a recent password audit, our I.T.
discovered a blonde was using the following
password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento
When they asked why such a long password, she said
she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters
long and include at least one capital.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 10 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jan 5 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
A Scotsman paying his first visit to a zoo stopped
by one of the cages
"An' whut animal would that be?" he asked the
keeper.
"Thats a moose from Canada", came the reply.
"A moose!!", exclaimed the Scotsman. "Hoots, mon,
if that's a moose then they must ha' rats the size
of elephants over there!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 8 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jan 6 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
You have just received the "Kentucky Virus"!!!
As we ain't got no programin' experience, this
here Virus works on the honor system. Please
delete all the files on your hard drive, and
manually forward this virus to everyone on your
mailing list.
Thanks for your cooperation.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jan 7 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
One night, Pinnochio's girlfriend says to him,
"This stinks. Every time we make love I get
splinters."
So Pinnochio goes to Gepetto to ask his advice.
Gepetto says, "Sandpaper, my boy, that's all you
need."
A few days later Gepetto runs into Pinnochio and
says, "So how are you doing with the girls now?"
Pinnochio says, "Who needs girls?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jan 8 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
First witch: Here's a banana if you can spell it.
Second witch: I can spell banana. I just don't
know when to stop.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 4 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jan 9 09:15:14 2020
***********************************
When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for
an MRI, he was put into the machine by an
attractive, young technician. Sometime later, when
the examination was over, he was helped out of the
machine by a far older woman. The soldier
remarked, "How long was I in there for?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 5 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jan 10 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
A young boy is pulling his wagon up a hill when
one of the back wheels falls off and rolls down
the hill.
The young boy says, "I'll be darned."
A local pastor heard him and said, "You should not
say that. Next time your wheel falls off say,
'Praise the Lord.'"
So the next day the young boy is pulling his wagon
up the hill and the wheel falls off and rolls down
the hill. The young boy says, "Praise the Lord."
The wheel stops rolling, turns around, rolls back
up the hill and puts itself back on the wagon.
The young boy being very surprised by this
exclaims, "I'll be darned!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 6 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jan 11 09:15:08 2020
***********************************
A dog walks into a Saloon, with a bandage on his
leg. He stops and announces...
"I'm looking for guy who shot my paw!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 10 hours, 8 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jan 13 09:15:06 2020
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You believe flattery will get you anywhere.
Adan Juarez Ramirez had it all figured out-he
could be a cop without having to take the boring
test. But he was arrested in Grapevine, Texas,
after pulling over a driver in his pickup truck,
outfitted with flashing lights. He even had an ID
badge, which he'd made by blacking out a
restaurant gift card and etching in the word
"POLICE." However, he'd kept the restaurant's
logo, a jalapeno pepper surrounded by the words
"Chipotle Mexican Grill."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jan 14 09:15:10 2020
***********************************
Recently a routine police patrol was parked
outside a bar in the Outback.
After last call, the officer noticed a man
leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he
could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few
minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried
his keys on five different vehicles, the man
managed to find his car and fall into it.
He sat there for a few minutes as a number of
other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on
and off; it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked
the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked
the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches,
reversed a little, and then remained still for a
few more minutes as some more of the other
patrons' vehicles left.
At last, when his was the only car left in the
parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down
the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently all
this time, now started up his patrol car, put on
the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man
over and administered a breathalyser test.
To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no
evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at
all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask
you to accompany me to the police station. This
breathalyser equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the truly proud Redneck.
"Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jan 15 09:15:06 2020
***********************************
When an ape visits his tailor, what kind of a suit
does he order?
A zoo-t suit!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 4 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jan 16 09:15:06 2020
***********************************
A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was
always late for work. When confronted by his boss
the man explained: "You can't park anywhere near
this place!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 5 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jan 18 09:15:10 2020
***********************************
Caller: Finally! I got through! I've been trying
to call the zoo for hours!
Zookeeper: Yes, all our lions were busy!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 10 hours, 8 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jan 19 09:15:10 2020
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You love too much. Maybe Stephfon Bennett
should try online dating. After he and two
accomplices allegedly mugged a couple in Columbus,
Ohio, police say he found the woman's ID in her
purse, then showed up at her door with a simple
proposal: How about a date? Since a girl likes to
play hard to get, she called the cops, who
arrested Bennett outside her home.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 8 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jan 20 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
Did your wife recover from her operation?
Not yet, she's still talking about it.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jan 21 09:15:14 2020
***********************************
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and order a
sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun
and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the bartender
shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot
my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man,
I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"
The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the
following definition for Panda: "A tree dwelling
marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by
distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots
and leaves."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 8 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jan 22 09:15:10 2020
***********************************
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Sam and Janet
Sam and Janet who?
Samenjanet Evening.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jan 23 09:15:06 2020
***********************************
Q: How many seconds are there in one year?
A: 12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March
2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd,
August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November
2nd, December 2nd.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 day, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jan 24 09:15:08 2020
***********************************
There was a beautiful young blonde who was going
to a soda machine and she arrived there just
before a business man coming to quench his thirst.
She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied
the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke
selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she
placed on a counter by the machine.
Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out
a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying
the machine carefully, she pushed the button for
Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50
cents change.
She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in
the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed
the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew.
As she was reaching into her purse again, the
business man who had been waiting patiently for
several minutes now spoke up.
"Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?"
She looked at him and indignantly replied:
"Well Duhhh!, I'm still winning"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jan 25 09:15:10 2020
***********************************
There was an engineer, manager and programmer
driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes
failed and the car careened down the road out of
control.
Half way down the driver managed to stop the car
by running it against the embankment narrowing
avoiding going over a cliff.
They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape
from death, but otherwise unharmed.
The manager said "To fix this problem we need to
organize a committee, have meetings, and through a
process of continuous improvement, develop a
solution."
The engineer said "No that would take too long,
and besides that method never worked before. I
have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart
the brake system, isolate the problem and correct
it."
The programmer said "I think you're both wrong! I
think we should all push the car back up the hill
and see if it happens again."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jan 26 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
Pat was dying. His wife, Kristi, was maintaining a
candlelight vigil by his side. She held his
fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her
praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up
and his pale lips began to move slightly.
"My darling Kristi," he whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said."Rest. Shh, don't talk."
He was insistent. "Kristi," he said in his tired
voice."I..I Have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping
Kristi. "Everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Kristi. I...I slept
with your sister, your best friend, her best
friend, and your mother!"
"I know," Kristi whispered softly.
"That's why I poisoned you."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jan 27 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only
1 letter in it?
A: Envelope.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jan 29 09:15:10 2020
***********************************
Scene: A radio newsroom.
Caller: I just wanted to let
you know you're off the air.
Host: Yes, we know. The
engineers are working on it.
Caller: It would be nice if
you put something on the air
that says that.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jan 30 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
You're so bald, that when you wear a turtleneck,
you look like a stick of roll-on deodorant.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 1 day, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jan 31 09:15:08 2020
***********************************
A guy was invited to an old friends' home for
dinner.
His buddy preceded every request to his wife by
endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love,
Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
The guy was impressed since he knew the couple had
been married almost 70 years, and while the wife
was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy, "I
think it's wonderful that after all the years
you've been married, you still call your wife
those pet names."
His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I
forgot her name about ten years ago."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 2 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Feb 1 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see
who's best at his job. So they each go into the
woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it.
Later they get together.
The priest begins: "When I found the bear, I read
to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with
holy water. Next week is his first communion."
"I found a bear by the stream," says the minister,
"and preached God's holy word. The bear was so
mesmerized that he let me baptize him."
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on
a gurney in a body cast.
"Looking back," he says, "maybe I shouldn't have
started with the circumcision."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 3 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Feb 3 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
I used to hate facial hair,
but then it grew on me.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 5 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Feb 4 09:15:08 2020
***********************************
A blind man enters a Ladies bar by mistake. He
finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the
bartender: "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a
very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him
says: "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it
is just fair - giving that you are blind - that
you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. blonde woman with a
black belt in Karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a
proffesional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a
proffesional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you
still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head
and declares: "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to
explain it five times".
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 6 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Feb 5 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
Why did your sister cut a hole in her new
umbrella?
Because she wanted to be able to tell when
it stopped raining.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Feb 6 09:15:08 2020
***********************************
Did you hear about the vampire who had an eye for
the ladies?
He used to keep it in his back pocket.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Feb 7 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
I got another letter from this lawyer today.
It said "Final Notice".
Good that he will not bother me anymore.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Feb 8 09:15:08 2020
***********************************
A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner
that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything.
The shop owner suggests a faithful dog.
The man replies, "Come on, a dog?"
The owner says, "How about a cat?"
The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do
everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"
The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says,
"I've got it! A centipede!"
The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a
centipede doing everything, but okay. I'll try a
centipede."
He gets the centipede home and says to the
centipede, "Clean the kitchen."
Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen
and. it's immaculate! All the dishes and
silverware have been washed, dried, and put away
the counter-tops cleaned the appliances sparkling
the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed.
He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living
room."
Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living
room. The carpet has been vacuumed the furniture
cleaned and dusted the pillows on the sofa
plumped, plants watered. The man thinks to
himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever
seen. This really is a pet that can do
everything!"
Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the
corner and get me a newspaper." The centipede
walks out the door.
Ten minutes later.no centipede.
Twenty minutes later. no centipede.
Thirty minutes later. no centipede.
By this point the man is wondering what's going
on. The centipede should have been back in a
couple of minutes.
Forty five minutes later. still no centipede!
He can't imagine what could have happened.
Did the centipede run away?
Did it get run over by a car?
Where is that centipede?
So he goes to the front door, opens it.and there's
the centipede sitting right outside.
The man says, "Hey! I sent you down to the corner
store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's
the matter?!"
The centipede says, "I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm
just puttin' on my shoes!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Feb 10 09:15:08 2020
***********************************
Mr. Smith: "Doctor, you remember this
strengthening solution you prescribed me
yesterday?"
Doctor: "Yes, what's the matter?"
Mr. Smith: "I would like to use it but
I can't open the bottle!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Feb 11 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
The 21st century: Deleting history is more
important than making it.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 6 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Feb 12 09:15:06 2020
***********************************
A helicopter loses power over a remote Scottish
island and makes an emergency landing. Luckily,
there's a cottage nearby, so the pilot knocks on
the door. "Is there a mechanic in the area?" he
asks the woman who answers.
She thinks for a minute. "No, but we do have a
McArdle and a McKay."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Feb 13 09:15:10 2020
***********************************
I saw a documentary on how
ships are kept together;
It was riveting.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Feb 14 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana.
As they approached Natchitoches, they started
arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They
argued back and forth, then they stopped for
lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the
blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you
please settle an argument for us? Would you please
pronounce where we are very slowly?"
She leaned over the counter and said,
"Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Feb 15 09:15:18 2020
***********************************
There are bats hanging off a branch upside down,
all except one.
Two bats comment: "What's happened to this one?
"I don't know, two minutes ago he seemed normal
and then he fainted."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Feb 16 09:15:08 2020
***********************************
Waiter, this coffee tastes like dirt!
Yes sir, thats because it was only ground
this morning.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 4 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Feb 17 23:39:46 2020
***********************************
A student was heading home for the holidays. When
she got to the airline counter, she presented her
ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her
luggage, she made the remark, "I'd like you to
send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red
suitcase to London."
The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't do
that."
"Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that
because that's exactly what you did to my luggage
last year!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 6 days, 43 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Feb 18 09:15:14 2020
***********************************
While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in
Juneau, Alaska, I got a call from the Navy in the
nearby city of Adak. They had lost contact with
one of their planes, and they needed the Coast
Guard to send an aircraft to go find it. I asked
the man where the Navy aircraft had last been
spotted so we would know where to search.
"I can't tell you," the Navy man said.
"That's classified."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 6 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Feb 19 09:15:06 2020
***********************************
Great Book Titles
How to Feed Elephants by P. Nutts
Aches and Pains by Arthur Ritis
The Spicy Sausage by Delia Katessen
The Punished Schoolboy by Major Bumsaw
The Long Walk Home by Miss D. Buss
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Feb 20 09:15:10 2020
***********************************
The human cannonball tells the
circus owner he is going to retire.
"But you can't!" protests the boss.
"Where am I going to find another
man of your caliber?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Feb 21 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
A recent scientific study showed that
out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94%
are too lazy to actually read that number.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Feb 22 09:15:14 2020
***********************************
A lot of people cry when they cut an onion.
The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Feb 23 09:15:04 2020
***********************************
`How to make a million dollars:
First, get a million dollars.'
Steve Martin
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 4 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Feb 24 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 5 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Feb 25 09:15:10 2020
***********************************
During that first roll call in the Army, I waited
in dread as the sergeant got to my name:
DiFeliciantonio. There was bound to be trouble,
and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silent-
eyebrows arched, brain overloaded. After a long
pause, he thundered, "The alphabet?!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 6 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
jimmylogan@21:2/147 to
JokeMaster on Wed Feb 26 01:37:33 2020
JokeMaster wrote to All <=-
***********************************
A recent scientific study showed that
out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94%
are too lazy to actually read that number.
***********************************
Oh this was good. :-)
... I have a step ladder - I never knew my real ladder.
___ MultiMail/Mac v0.52
--- Mystic BBS/QWK v1.12 A45 2020/02/18 (Windows/32)
* Origin: ACME BBS-Bad 'ol puddy-tat! (21:2/147)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Feb 26 09:15:04 2020
***********************************
Fred's class was taken to the Natural History
Museum in New York.
"Did you enjoy yourself?" asked her mother when
she got home.
"Oh, yes," replied Fred. "But it was funny going
to a dead zoo."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Feb 28 09:15:14 2020
***********************************
A military base commander called to complain that
the weather-forecasting software our company
created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind
shifts.
"Do you know where the sensor is located?"
my coworker asked.
"Of course," he responded.
"It's where we park the helicopters."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Feb 29 09:15:16 2020
***********************************
My ten-month-old was sitting in her high chair,
twisting and moving all over the place. My wife
said to me, "Straighten her up."
I looked at my daughter and said, "What are you
doing with your life? Do you want to be this way
forever? It's time to grow up."
My wife hasn't asked me to do anything since.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Mar 1 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
Why do dolphins swim in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 4 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Mar 2 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for
his first day of work. The manager greeted him
with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a
broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep
out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man
replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the
manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you
how."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 5 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Mar 3 09:15:10 2020
***********************************
I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese made a
language entirely out of tattoos.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 6 days, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Mar 4 09:15:10 2020
***********************************
Last night I dreamt I was a muffler,
I woke up exhausted.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Mar 5 09:15:04 2020
***********************************
Q: Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
A: Because it's pointless!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 1 day, 10 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Mar 6 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
An American tourist in London decides to skip his
tour group and explore the city on his own. He
wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally
stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local
culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of
stout.
After a while, he finds himself in a very nice
neighborhood with big, stately residences...no
pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all
NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.
He really, really has to go, after all those
Guinnesses. He finds a narrow side street, with
high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and
decides to use the wall to solve his problem.
As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder
by a London police officer, who says, "I say, sir,
you simply cannot do that here, you know."
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American,
"but I really, really have to go, and I just can't
find a public restroom."
"Ah, yes," said the policeman..."Just follow me".
He leads the American to a back delivery alley to
a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the policeman. "Go ahead sir,
anywhere you like."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most
beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass
lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and
huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect
bloom.
Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves
himself and feels much more comfortable. As he
goes back through the gate, he says to the police
officer, "That was really decent of you... is that
what you call English hospitality?"
"No sir...", replied the police officer, "...that
is what we call the French Embassy."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Mar 7 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 3 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Mar 8 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
Jill: How did you find the weather on your
vacation?
Bill: I just went outside and there it was!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 4 days, 10 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Mar 9 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
The military has a long, proud tradition of
pranking recruits. Here are some favorites from
rallypoint.com:
Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for
left-handed spatulas
Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in
search of fallopian tubes
Had a new guy conduct a "boom test" on a howitzer
by yelling "Boom!" down the tube in order to
"calibrate" it
Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can
of dehydrated water
(in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can)
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Mar 10 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
If six children and two dogs were under an
umbrella, how come none of them got wet?
Because it wasn't raining.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Mar 11 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one
day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young
man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Good morning," said
the young man. "If I could take a couple of
minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate
the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any
money!" and she proceeded to close the door..
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in
the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too
hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen
my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a
bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces
of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I
will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope
you've got a damned good appetite, because they
cut off my electricity this morning.."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Mar 12 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You can't let go of your friends. Two New
Zealand prisoners had the brilliant idea of
fleeing the courthouse while tethered together by
handcuffs. They might have escaped had a light
pole not gotten between them. Like a pair of
click-clacks, they slammed into each other and
were arrested trying to get back to their feet.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Mar 13 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
"Waiter!" shouted the furious diner, "How dare you
serve me this! There's a TWIG in my soup!"
"My apologies," said the waiter. "I'll inform the
branch manager."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Mar 15 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So no one could corner him!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Mar 16 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
My husband's cousin married a former Marine who
now works for United Parcel Service. They bought
their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in
a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. When
the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a
picture of himself in full Marine dress. "See,
Connor?" he explained, pointing to the photo and
then to the bear. "That's Daddy."
Connor's eyes went from one to the other, and then
he asked in a puzzled voice,
"You used to be a bear?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Mar 17 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone
when a local police cruiser pulled her over and
walked up to the car. The police officer also
happened to be a blonde and she asked for the
blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a
while and finally said to the blonde policewoman
"What does a driver's license look like?"
Irritated, the blonde cop said "You dummy, it's
got your picture on it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse
again and found a small rectangular mirror down at
the bottom. She held it up to her face and said,
Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed
it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it
back to the driver and said, "You're free to go.
And, if I had known you were a police officer too,
we could have avoided all this hassle.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Mar 18 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a
new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars,
but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 8 weeks, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Mar 19 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
If you ever get cold, just stand in
the corner of a room for a while.
They're normally around 90 degrees.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 8 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Mar 21 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
New Math?
A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic, he said it
was his mission.
He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said,
"Now that's addition."
In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the
kisses back and said, "Now that's subtraction."
Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an
explanation.
And both together smiled and said, "That's
multiplication."
Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a
quick decision.
He kicked that boy three blocks away and said,
"That's long division!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 8 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Mar 22 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision
with a truck. When they died, God granted all of
them one wish.
The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous."
God snapped his fingers and it happened.
The second person said the same thing and God did
the same thing.
This want on and on throughout the group.
God noticed the last man in line was laughing
hysterically.
By the time God got to the last ten people, the
last man was laughing and rolling on the ground.
When the man's turn came, he laughed and said,
"I wish they were all ugly again."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 8 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Mar 23 08:15:16 2020
***********************************
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh
have in common?
They both have 'the' as their middle names.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 8 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Mar 24 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a
tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion.
The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?"
The host said, "that was three years ago, when I
went hunting with my wife."
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting
hunter.
"My wife."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 8 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Mar 25 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
A customer was bothering the waiter in a
restaurant. First, he asked that the air
conditioning be turned up because he was too hot,
then he asked it be turned down cause he was too
cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he
walked back and forth and never once got angry. So
finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't
throw out the pest.
"Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter
with a smile. "We don't even have an air
conditioner."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Mar 26 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
A blonde girl comes back from school one evening.
She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at
school we learned how to count. Well, all the
other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me:
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks.
"Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde."
The mom says.
Next day, the little girl comes back from school
and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the
alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as
D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! It's
good, innit?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" she asks.
"Yes, darling it's because you're blonde."
The mom says.
Next Day, she returns from school and cries:
"Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the
other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She
proceeds to flash her impressive 36D at her mummy.
"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?"
"No darling, it's because you're 25."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Mar 27 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
I'm writing my book in fifth person, so every
sentence starts out with: "I heard from this guy
who told somebody ."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Mar 28 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
Notice seen on the bulletin board of a Florida air
base: "The following enlisted men will pick up
their Good Conduct medals in the supply room this
afternoon. Failure to comply with this order will
result in disciplinary action."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Mar 29 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?
Must have been a duck family.
A duck family?
Didn't you say there was a quack in it?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Mar 30 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
There are over a million words in the English
language, but we can always use more. Here are
some that wordsmiths contributed to the
Merriam-Webster Open Dictionary website:
Epiphunny (noun): The moment of sudden
revelation when one gets the joke.
Nagivator (noun): A bossy person who rides
in the passenger seat and gives directions
to the driver.
Phooey Vuitton (noun): A sub- standard,
counterfeit Louis Vuitton product.
Wuzband (noun): A former husband.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Mar 31 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You're convinced the laws of physics don't
apply to you. Clive Halford thinks big! The
British career criminal stole a truck and loaded
it with 18 pallets of stolen nickel and copper
worth around $250,000. Yes, the haul was huge-too
huge. Cops arrested Halford after the truck's
suspension collapsed under the weight. Earlier,
Halford had stolen a car, overloaded it, and
broken its suspension too.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Apr 1 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
Q: What computer sings the best?
A: A Dell.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Apr 3 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
It only rains twice a year in Seattle:
August through April and May through July.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Apr 4 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
Q: Why aren't dogs good dancers?
A: Because they have two left feet!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Apr 6 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I
think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on
the table and reached down and took a cat out of a
box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog
didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the
doctor.
"How much do I owe you?" the lady asks.
"$345," says the doctor.
"$345!!?" the lady asks.
"Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the
cat scan."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Apr 7 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
A gentleman was just out of surgery for a
appendicitus. His wife sat calmly beside him
holding his hand while she waited for him to wake
up. A few minutes later she looked over and his
eyes were fluttering. He opened them, looked
directly at her and said "Hi Beautiful" and went
back to sleep.
Well, a little startled and blushing, the wife
wondered what he was thinking as he hadn't said
anything that sweet to her in ages. A few minutes
later, his eyes opened again, and he looked over
and said, "Hi ya Cutie". then proceeded to fall
back to sleep.
Feeling a bit hurt with the downgrade from
beautiful to cutie, the wife patiently waited.
When he woke up again, she said, "Honey, why did
you downgrade me from Beautiful to Cutie just a
few minutes ago."
And without missing a beat, the husband looked at
her and said, "The drugs are wearing off."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Apr 9 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
For everyone who has ever had an evaluation or
performance review just remember, it could have
been worse. These are actual quotes taken from
United States Federal Government employee
performance evaluations:
1. "Since my last report, this employee has
reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a
has-been, but more of definite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant supervision and
cornered like a rat in a trap."
5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is
only to change feet."
7. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
8. "He sets low personal standards and then
consistently fails to achieve them."
9. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere
of its idiot."
10. "This employee should go far, and the sooner
he starts, the better."
11. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic
thingy to hold it all together."
12. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an
ordinary ignoramus."
13. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
14. "I would like to go hunting with him
sometime."
15. "He's been working with glue too much."
16. "He would argue with a signpost."
17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the
room."
18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
19. "If you see two people talking and one looks
bored, he's the other one."
20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover
glued on."
21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
22. "Donated his brain to science before he was
done using it."
23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but
the train isn't coming."
24. "He's got two brain cells, one is lost and the
other is out looking for it."
25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be
watered twice a week."
26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts,
you'd get change."
27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can
hear the ocean."
28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000
other sperm."
29. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he
only gargled."
30. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."
31. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 11 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Apr 10 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today.
That's 7 years in a row now.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 11 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Apr 11 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
Q: Why was the blonde so happy after she finished
her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 11 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Apr 13 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
There was this man who was in a horrible accident,
and was injured. But the only permanent damage he
suffered was the amputation of both of his ears.
As a result of this "unusual" handicap, he was
very self-conscious about his having no ears.
Because of the accident, he received a large sum
of money from the insurance company. It was always
his dream to own his own business, so he decided
with all this money he had, he now had the means
to own a business. So he went out and purchased a
small, but expanding computer firm. But he
realized that he had no business knowledge at all,
so he decided that he would have to hire someone
to run the business. He picked out three top
candidates, and interviewed each of them. The
first interview went really well. He really liked
this guy. His last question for this first
candidate was, "Do you notice anything unusual
about me?"
The guy said, "Now that you mention it, you have
no ears."
The man got really upset and threw the guy out.
The second interview went even better than the
first. This candidate was much better than the
first. Again, to conclude the interview, the man
asked the same question again, "Do you notice
anything unusual about me?"
This guy also noticed, "Yes, you have no ears."
The man was really upset again, and threw this
second candidate out.
Then he had the third interview. The third
candidate was even better than the second, the
best out of all of them. Almost certain that he
wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked,
"Do you notice anything unusual about me?"
The guy replied "Yeah, you're wearing contact
lenses."
Surprised, the man then asked, "Wow! That's quite
perceptive of you! How could you tell?"
The guy burst out laughing and said, "Well, You
can't wear glasses if you don't have any ears!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 11 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Apr 14 08:15:16 2020
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You air your neighbor's dirty laundry. As she
walked around her neighbor's yard sale in Severn,
Maryland, the woman couldn't help admiring the
items. The Oriental rug, the luggage, the shoes
they were exactly her style. And why not? They
were hers, as was everything else on display.
David Perticone says somebody sold him the stuff.
But cops think Perticone did the deed himself.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 11 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Apr 15 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
I thought I'd tell you a good time travel joke
but you didn't like it.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 12 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Apr 16 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
We were inspecting several lots of grenades. While
everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I
held up a spare pin and asked,
"Has anyone seen my grenade?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 12 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Apr 18 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
It's that time of year to take our annual senior
citizen test. Exercising the brain is as important
as exercising muscles. As we grow older, it's
important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use
it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to
gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.
Take the test presented here to determine if
you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so
you don't see the answers until you've made your
answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.
-1. What do you put in a toaster?
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now
and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself.
If you said, bread, go to Question 2.
-2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk"
What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk,"
don't attempt the next question. Your brain is
over-stressed and may even overheat. Content
yourself with reading a more appropriate
literature such as Auto World. However, if you
said "water", proceed to question 3.
-3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a
blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink
house is made from pink bricks and a black house
is made from black bricks , what is a green house
made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you
said "green bricks," why the heck are you still
reading these??? If you said "glass," go on to
Question 4.
-4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying
at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall,
Germany at the time was politically divided into
West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the
flight, two engines fail. The pilot, realizing
that the last remaining engine is also failing,
decides on a crash landing procedure.
Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so
and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle
of "no man's land" between East Germany and West
Germany . Where would you bury the survivors? East
Germany , West Germany , or no man's land"?
Answer: You don't bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you
must stop. If you said, "You don't bury
survivors", proceed to the next question.
-5. Without using a calculator - You are driving
a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales . In
London , 17 people get on the bus. In Reading ,
six people get off the bus and nine people get on.
In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In
Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on .
In Swansea , three people get off and five people
get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three
get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was
the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU!! Now
pass this along to all your friends and pray they
do better than you.
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 12 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Apr 20 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the
teller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're
geography!"
The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say
'or you're history?'"
The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 12 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Apr 21 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 12 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Apr 22 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
The box said "Requires Windows Vista or better".
So I installed LINUX.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Apr 23 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear
casual clothes so they won't be identified as
clergy. They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and
soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde
in a tiny bikini. "Good afternoon, Fathers," she
says as she strolls by.
The men are stunned. How does she know they're
clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer
shorts, tie-dyed T-shirts, and dark glasses. The
next day, they return to the beach. The same
fabulous blonde, now wearing a string bikini,
passes by, nods politely at them, and says, "Good
morning, Fathers."
"Just a minute, young lady," says one of the
priests. "We are priests and proud of it, but how
in the world did you know?"
"Don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Kathryn from
the convent."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Apr 24 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
After I took a job at a small publishing house,
the first books I was assigned to edit were all
on the topic of dieting.
"Isn't the market flooded with these types of
books?" I asked another editor. "How do we expect
to turn a profit?"
"Don't worry," he assured me. "These books appeal
to a wider audience than most."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Apr 25 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You skimp on travel expenses. Twelve Middle
Eastern immigrants forgot the first rule of
sneaking into a country: Don't call attention to
yourself. En route to England from Germany, they
snuck a ride in the back of a man's truck. They
stayed mum throughout their trip, even as they
crossed the Channel into England. But once they
hit Dover, they celebrated their arrival with
songs and whoops. Not for long, though. The
startled driver headed to a police station, where
the 12 were apprehended.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Apr 26 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked
his mother, "How was I born?"
"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother,
"the stork brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy
get born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?"
the boy persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said
the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to
the teacher who read with confusion the opening
sentence: "This report has been very difficult to
write due to the fact that there hasn't been a
natural childbirth in my family for three
generations."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Apr 27 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion
is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a
coconut at his face.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Apr 28 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You take the holidays too seriously. Robert E.
Dendy of upstate New York presented the local
police station with a Christmas wreath. Since the
officers were well acquainted with Dendy, they did
some snooping and arrested him for stealing the
wreath from a store down the block.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Apr 29 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
Andy: "Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last
night. I dreamed I was with twelve of the most
beautiful chorus girls in the world. Blondes,
brunettes, redheads, all dancing in a row."
Doctor: "Hold it, Andy. That doesn't sound so
terrible."
Andy: Oh yeah? In the dream, I was the third girl
from the end."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 14 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Apr 30 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work
when his wife rings him on his cell phone.
"Honey," she says in a worried voice, "please be
careful. There was a bit on the news just now,
some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the
highway."
"Oh it's worse than that," he replies,
"there are hundreds of them!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 14 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat May 2 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
A magician was driving down the road...
then he turned into a driveway.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 14 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun May 3 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
So much has changed since my girlfriend
told me we're having a baby.
For instance my name,
address and telephone number!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 14 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue May 5 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions:
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 14 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu May 7 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
Don't trust atoms
They make up everything
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 15 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri May 8 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
A worker goes to his boss and says, `You have to
give me a raise. There are three other companies
after me.'
`Is that so?' says the manager.
`And what companies are those?'
The worker replies, `The electric company, the
telephone company, and the gas company.'
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 15 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat May 9 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy
looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus
stop, someone asked, "Where did you get that?"
The pig replied, "I won her in a raffle!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 15 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun May 10 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You leave IOUs. Graham Price of South Wales
ripped off the bank where he worked, but he wasn't
completely duplicitous. He left a note in the safe:
"Borrowed, seven million pounds"
-signed "Graham Price."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 15 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon May 11 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties
and had never been married. She was much admired
for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor
came to call on her one afternoon early in the
spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian
parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she
prepared a little tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young
minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top
of it, filled with water. In the water floated,
of all things, a condom.
Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his
curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or
something...!
When she returned with tea and cookies, they began
to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity
about the bowl of water and its strange floater,
but soon it got the better of him, and he could
resist no longer.
"Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell
me about this?" (pointing to the bowl).
"Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was
walking downtown last fall and I found this little
package on the ground. The directions said to put
it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent
disease. And you know... I haven't had a cold all
winter."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 15 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue May 12 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
A fire fighter was working on the engine outside
the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby
in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off
the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the
middle. The girl was wearing a fire fighter's
helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire fighter walked over to take a closer
look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the
firefighter said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied.
The fire fighter looked a little closer. The
fireman noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her
dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the fire fighter said, "I don't
want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you
were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I
think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're
probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 15 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed May 13 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
A snail is walking down the road, when all of a
sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the
snail, take his money, and leave him for dead.
Months later in the courtroom, after the two
turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the
snail to describe what happened on the night of
the assault.
The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor,
but it all happened so fast!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 16 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu May 14 08:15:04 2020
***********************************
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
Toga-ether we can rule the world!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 16 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri May 15 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
If you're fishing on ice, you should never tell
a joke on ice.
WHY???
The ice will crack up!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 16 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat May 16 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
Baby Rabbit: "Mommy, where did I come from?"
Mother Rabbit: "I ll tell you when you re older."
Baby Rabbit: "Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now."
Mother Rabbit: "If you must know, you were pulled
from a magician's hat."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 16 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon May 18 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
I recently stumbled upon my favorite new sports
team. It's a woman's bowling squad called I Can't
Believe It's Not Gutter.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 16 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue May 19 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
Q: What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A: a receding hare-line.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 16 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu May 21 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
It seemed that all our appliances had broken in
the same week, and repairs were straining our
budget. So when I picked up the kids from school
and our Jeep started making rattling sounds, I
decided that rather than burden my husband, I'd
deal with it. I hadn't reckoned on my little
tattletales, however. They rushed into the house
with the news: "Daddy, the Jeep was breaking down,
but Mom made the noise stop!"
Impressed, my husband asked, "How did you fix it?"
"I turned up the volume on the radio," I confessed.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 17 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri May 22 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
A man was walking along a California beach and
stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and
rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said,
"OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah
blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm
getting a little sick of these wishes so you can
forget about three. You only get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for a while and
said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm
scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you
build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over
there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible.
Think of the logistics of that! How would the
supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?
Think of how much concrete... how much steel!!
No, think of another wish."
The man said OK and tried to think of a really
good wish.
Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced
four times. My wives always said that I don't care
and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could
understand women....know how they feel inside and
what they're thinking when they give me the silent
treatment... know why they're crying, know what
they really want when they say 'nothing'...
know how to make them truly happy...."
The genie asked,
"Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 17 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat May 23 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
The Queen takes the visiting pope for a
ride in a carriage through London.
Suddenly one of the horses farts very loudly.
"I am terribly sorry," apologizes the embarrassed
Queen.
The pope replies, "Oh don't worry, if you hadn't
said anything, I'd just think it was the horse!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 17 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun May 24 08:15:16 2020
***********************************
Sauer and Tolbert went to the zoo and watched in
awe as a lion let loose with a spine-tingling
roar.
"Let's get out of here!" said Sauer.
"Go on, if'n you want to," said the other redneck.
"But Ah'm stayin' for the whole movie!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 17 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon May 25 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
Customer: "I'm running Windows."
Tech: "Yes."
Customer: "My computer isn't working now."
Tech: "Yes, you said that."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 17 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue May 26 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
A customer walked up to my bank
window and asked me to cash a check.
"Of course," I said. "But I'll need to see ID."
She dug though her purse and handed me a snapshot.
"That's me in the middle," she said.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 17 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed May 27 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim."
That way it sounds better when I say I go to the
Jim first thing every morning.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 18 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu May 28 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
Q: What did the spider do on the computer?
A: Made a website!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 18 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri May 29 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a
soldier rushes to him and exclaims, "An enemy ship
is approaching us!"
The captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt."
The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The
enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of fire are
exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win.
The soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red
shirt?"
The captain replies, "If I got injured, my blood
shouldn't be seen, as I didn't want my men to lose
hope."
Just then, another soldier runs up and says, "Sir,
we just spotted another twenty enemy ships!"
The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow
pants."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 18 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat May 30 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats
in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came
by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy,
"Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher
became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up
from there, I'm going to have to call the manager.
The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly
back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with
the manager. Together the two of them tried
repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no
success. Finally, they summoned the police. The
cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked,
"All right buddy, what's you're name?"
"Sam," the cowboy moaned.
"Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice Sam replied....
"The balcony."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 18 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun May 31 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
For all of you with teenagers or who have had
teenagers, or are a teenager, you may want to know
why they really have a lot in common with cats:
- Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when
you call them by name.
- No matter what you do for them, it is not
enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely
adequate to compensate for the privilege of
waiting on them hand and foot.
- You rarely see a cat walking outside of the
house with an adult human being, and it can be
safely said that no teenager in his or her right
mind wants to be seen in public with his or her
parents.
- Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno,
neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack
a smile.
- No cat or teenager shares you taste in music.
- Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room
sofa for hours on end without moving, barely
breathing.
- Cats have nine lives.
Teenagers carry on as if they did.
- Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same
manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy
-- a sense of complete and utter boredom.
- Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's
furniture.
- Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes
have been known to return in the middle of the
night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom.
Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior.
Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best
sources of advice are not other parents, but
veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a
guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And
remember, above all else, put out the food and do
not make any sudden moves in their direction. When
they make up their minds, they will finally come
to you for some affection and comfort, and it
will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 18 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jun 1 08:15:16 2020
***********************************
Client to designer: "It doesn't really look purple.
It looks more like a mixture of red and blue."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 18 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jun 2 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
I was talking on the phone with my son, who was
stationed in Hawaii with the Air Force. He was
explaining how the troops were learning to scuba-
dive. They used the buddy system, he said, and
occasionally dived into shark-infested waters.
Listening on the extension, my daughter asked,
"What do you do when you see a shark?"
Said my son, "Swim faster than my buddy."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 18 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jun 3 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
A man was driving and saw a truck stalled on the
side of the highway that had ten penguins standing
next to it. The man pulled over and asked the
truck driver if he needed any help.
The truck driver replied, "If you can take these
penguins to the zoo while I wait for AAA that will
be great!"
The man agreed and the penguins hopped into the
back of his car.
Two hours later, the trucker was back on the road
again and decided to check on the penguins. He
showed up at the zoo and they weren't there! He
headed back into his truck and started driving
around the town, looking for any sign of the
penguins, the man, or his car. While driving past
a movie theater, the truck driver spotted the guy
walking out with the ten penguins.
The truck driver yelled, "What are you doing? You
were supposed to take them to the zoo!"
The man replied, "I did and then I had some extra
money so I took them to go see a movie."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 19 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jun 5 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
Six Dumb Questions Real Lawyers Asked In Court
"How many times have you committed suicide?"
"Were you alone or by yourself?"
"Was it you or your brother who was killed?"
"Without saying anything, tell the jury what you
did next."
"Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
"Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until
the next morning?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 19 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jun 6 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
Q: What's red and bad for your teeth?
A: A brick.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 19 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jun 7 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
Q: A juggler, a tightrope walker, and a clown were
lost in the jungle, when all of a sudden a lion
came out of nowhere and-OWP! ate the juggler and
the tightrope walker. Why didn't the lion eat the
clown?
A: Because it thought he would taste funny.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 19 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jun 8 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
Mother: Eat your bread.
Child: I don't like bread. Why do I have to eat
the bread.
Mother: So you become big and strong.
Child: Why do I have to become big and strong?
Mother: So you can provide the daily bread to your
family.
Child: But I don't like bread!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 19 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jun 9 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
A: If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 19 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jun 10 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
What is Dracula's favorite fruit?
Neck-tarines.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 20 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jun 11 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
Reddit.com asked workers:
What is rule number one in your profession?
Here's what came back:
Plumber: "Don't chew your fingernails."
Roofer: "You are fired before you hit the ground."
Camp counselor: "Don't lose the kid."
Scuba diver: "If it moves, it wants to kill you."
Photographer: "Take the lens cap off."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 20 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jun 12 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices
large sign on the wall:
$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!
When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung
on rye.
She calmly writes down his order and walks into
the kitchen where all hell breaks loose!
The restaurant owner comes storming out of the
kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps
five $100 bills down on it and says,
"You got me that time buddy, but I want you to
know that's the first time in ten years we've been
out of rye bread!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 20 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jun 13 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
Q. What did the fog say to the light rain after
her vacation?
A. I mist you.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 20 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jun 14 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
Q:What did the tornado say to the car?
A:You wanna go for a spin?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 20 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jun 15 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-
fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on
business trips. Anticipating some valuable
testimonials, the publicity department of the
airline sent out letters to all the wives of
businessmen who used the special rates, asking how
they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still
pouring in asking, "What trip?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 20 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jun 16 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
The desk sergeant answered the phone, and at once
a woman began screaming. "You've got to help me!
There's a giant gray thing in my yard, and it's
pulling apples off the tree with its tail!"
"What's he doing with the apples?"
the sergeant asked.
"If I told you," the woman cried,
"you wouldn't believe me!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 20 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jun 17 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
Waiter, there is a fly in my wine!
Well you did ask for something with
a little body in it!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 21 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jun 18 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
A man who worked at a fire hydrant factory was
always late for work. When confronted by his
boss the man explained: "You can't park
anywhere near this place!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 21 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jun 19 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
What was the first thing Queen Elizabeth did on
ascending to the throne?
Sat down.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 21 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jun 20 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
What does the aardvark call his dog?
Aard-bark.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 21 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jun 21 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer
over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell
out of the car several miles back?"
To which the farmer replied:
"Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 21 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jun 22 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and
upon reading it burst into floods of tears.
"What's the matter?" asked her companion.
"Oh dear," sobbed Auntie, "It's my favorite
nephew. He's got three feet."
"Three feet?" exclaimed her friend. "Surely that's
not possible?"
"Well," said Auntie, "his mother's just written to
tell me he's grown another foot !"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 21 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jun 23 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
A man walks into a barbershop and asks,
"How much for a haircut?"
"Twelve dollars," says the barber.
"And for a shave?"
"Ten dollars."
"All right,"
says the man, settling into the barber chair.
"Shave my head."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 21 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jun 24 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma like
I told you to?
Yes Mom.
Your handwriting seems very large.
Well, Grandma's very deaf, so I'm writing very
loudly.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 22 weeks, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jun 26 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
Yes, money cannot buy you happiness,
but I'd still feel a lot more comfortable
crying in a new BMW than on a bike.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 22 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jun 27 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
An 80-year old Italian man goes to the doctor for
a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good
shape the guy is in and asks, "How do you stay in
such great physical condition?"
"I'm Italian and I am a golfer," says the old
guy," and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm
up well before daylight and out golfing up and
down the fairways. Have a glass of vino, and all
is well."
"Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but
there's got to be more to it. How old was your Dad
when he died?"
"Who said my Dad's dead?"
The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years
old and your Dad's still alive. How old is he?"
"He's 100 years old," says the old Italian golfer.
"In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then
we went to the topless beach for a walk, that's
why he's still alive. he's Italian and he's a
golfer too."
"Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm
sure there's more to it than that. How about your
Dad's Dad? How old was he when he died?"
"Who said my grandpa's dead?"
Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80
years old and your grandfather's still living!
Incredible, how old is he?"
"He's 118 years old," says the old Italian golfer.
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point,
"So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning
too?"
"No. Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's
getting married today."
At this point the doctor is close to losing it.
"Getting married! Why would a 118 year-old guy
want to get married?"
"Who said he wanted to?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 22 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jun 28 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
Q: What's the difference between God and
fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 22 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jun 30 08:15:04 2020
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You neglect to look up local hotels on your
GPS. Mitchell Deslatte walked into a Baton Rouge,
Louisiana, hotel and asked the clerk for a room.
Only, the clerk wasn't a clerk-he was a state
trooper. And the hotel was actually a state
trooper station. That's when Deslatte was arrested
and charged with driving while intoxicated.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 22 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jul 1 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it
up and took a look at it cause it was prettier
than most.
The clerk said, "It's made in Germany".
I said, "That's too bad, I can't use it then".
The clerk said, "What's the matter? You don't
like German pens?"
I said, "No. I just never learned to write
German."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 23 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jul 2 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my
grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the
passengers in his car.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 23 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jul 3 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
A naked women robbed a bank.
Nobody could remember her face.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 23 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jul 4 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
Q: What's the difference between
roast beef & pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 23 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jul 5 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
True or False?
A) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk
because of a malfunctioning toilet.
B) American combat dolphins, deployed in the
Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian
battleship.
C) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of
military specs.
D) At the real-life Topgun program-the one the
film was based on-there is a $5 fine for any
staffer who references or quotes the movie.
E) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate
and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game
of backgammon played by the two countries'
prime ministers.
Answers: A-T; B-F; C-T; D-T; E-F
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 23 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jul 6 08:15:18 2020
***********************************
After a rough day spent corralling my rowdy kids,
I'd had enough.
"I think I'm going to sell them," I hissed to
my sister.
"You're crazy," she said.
"For thinking of selling them?"
"For thinking someone would buy them."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 23 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jul 7 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
She was only a whiskey-maker,
but he loved her still.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 23 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jul 8 08:15:16 2020
***********************************
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her
eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee's
well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the
matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a
phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go
home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just
take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be
better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and
I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as
usual. "If you need anything, just let me know,"
he says.
A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on
the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees
the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to
her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there
anything I can do to help?"
"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from
my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 24 weeks, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jul 9 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
Bob: "Have you seen the movie Constipation?"
Jim: "No, it hasn't come out yet."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 24 weeks, 1 day, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jul 11 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
Zoo visitor: What's the new baby hippo's name?
Hippopotamus keeper: I don't know, he won't tell
me.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 24 weeks, 3 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jul 12 08:15:04 2020
***********************************
My son, Scott, an insurance broker in Florida,
loves ocean fishing and takes his cell phone along
on the boat. One morning we were drifting about
ten miles offshore as Scott discussed business on
the phone. Suddenly his rod bent double, and the
reel screamed as line poured off the spool.
Scott was master of the situation. "Pardon me," he
told his customer calmly. "I have a call on
another line."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 24 weeks, 4 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jul 13 08:15:16 2020
***********************************
What did the ill comic say in the hospital?
"I'm here . all weak!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 24 weeks, 5 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jul 14 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
A man took his dog to the vet and asked the vet to
completely remove the dogs tail. The vet confused
said "Why do you want me to do that? The dogs tail
is perfectly healthy."
The man replied "Well the wifes mother comes this
weekend and I want to make sure there are no signs
of any welcome!!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 24 weeks, 6 days, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jul 15 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
A worker approaches his employer and holds up his
last pay check. `This is two hundred dollars
short,' he says.
`I know,' says the employer. `But last week I
overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you didn't
say anything.'
`Well,' says the worker. `I don't mind an
occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a
habit, I feel I have to call it to your
attention.'
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 25 weeks, 9 hours, 18 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jul 16 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
I surf the web a lot, and I guess I was using
too much bandwidth, because the other day I got
an automated phone call from my service
provider. It was The Rolling Stones singing,
"Hey, you. Get off of my cloud!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jul 17 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire
State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't
jump.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 1 day, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jul 19 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof,
laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and
knocked down their ladder.
"I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you
down, and then you can pick up the ladder."
"What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea.
I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down
on the beam of light."
"What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn
off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 3 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jul 20 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
Bank Name
Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get
something 'practical' for her birthday.
"Suppose we open a savings account for you?"
mother suggested. Cathy was delighted.
"It's your account, darling," mother said as they
arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the
application."
Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space
for 'Name of your former bank.' After a slight
hesitation, she put down 'Piggy.'
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 4 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jul 21 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
Today's hospitals don't kid around. I won't say
what happens if you don't pay a bill, but did you
ever have tonsils put back in?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 5 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jul 23 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle
drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no
reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the
elephant's tail, really hard.
Years and years later, the same elephant, now
grown up, is by the same river, having a drink
with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that
bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up
to the river.
The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle
as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into
the jungle.
"Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks.
"When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail
for no reason," the elephant replied.
"Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the
giraffe.
"Yep!" said the elephant."I've got Turtle-Recall."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 1 week, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jul 24 08:15:04 2020
***********************************
My house is haunted by a ghostwriter. Last night,
I came home and my autobiography had been written.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 1 week, 1 day, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jul 25 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
At three o'clock one morning a veterinary surgeon
was woken from a deep sleep by the ringing of his
telephone. He staggered downstairs and answered
the phone. "I'm sorry if I woke you," said a voice
at the other end of the line.
"That's all right," said the vet, "I had to get up
to answer the telephone anyway."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 1 week, 2 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jul 26 08:15:04 2020
***********************************
If growing up in the '80s taught me one thing,
it's that my friends and I should have found a
treasure map by now.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 1 week, 3 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jul 27 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye
dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and
begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager
runs up to the man and asks,
"What are you doing?!!"
The blind man replies,
"Just looking around."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 4 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jul 28 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
These great questions and answers are from the
days when the Hollywood Squares game show
responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they
are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the
questions, of course.
Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took
up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads
under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at
least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking
should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000
years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way
sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are
you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a
stranger at a party and you think that he is
attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him
if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as
you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words
to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a
pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't
Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming
from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more
or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old
question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture
you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow
strawberries. Are you going to get any during
the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy
growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two
subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what
is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom
or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always
safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his
tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would
you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be
afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything
wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a
lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the Army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of
your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it
certainly isn't neglected..
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put
horseradish on his head, what was he trying to
do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time,
your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible
for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest
is up to him...
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly
believes in them and has actually seen them on
at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things
you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 1 week, 5 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jul 30 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You let your supply of antismoking patches run
out. An Indiana state trooper stopped a car for a
traffic violation. When a passenger, Honesty
Knight, asked if she could smoke, the officer said
yes. She proceeded, police say, to light up a
joint.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 2 weeks, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jul 31 08:15:16 2020
***********************************
Why did the ant-elope?
Nobody gnu!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Aug 1 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of
them collapses. He doesn't appear to be breathing,
his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out
his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Please stay calm. I will help
you. First of all, let's make sure he's dead."
There's a silence, then a gun shot.
The guy gets back on the phone and says
"OK, now what?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Aug 2 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
When I lost my rifle,
the Army charged me $85.
That's why in the Navy,
the captain goes down with the ship.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Aug 3 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
When a woman applies for a job at a citrus grove,
the foreman asks, "Do you have any experience
picking lemons?"
"Well," she answers,
"I've been divorced three times."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Aug 4 08:15:04 2020
***********************************
My cooking has always been the target of family
jokes. One evening, as I prepared dinner a bit too
quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke and the
smoke detector went off. Although both of my
children had received fire-safety training at
school, they did not respond to the alarm.
Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of
them. I found them in the bathroom, washing their
hands.
Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, I asked
them to identify the sound.
"It's the smoke detector," they replied in unison.
"Do you know what that sound means?" I demanded.
"Sure," my oldest replied. "Dinner's ready."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Aug 5 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
Two satellites decided to get married.
The wedding wasn't much,
but the reception was incredible.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
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--- up 2 weeks, 6 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Aug 7 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
Q: What did the reindeer say
before telling his joke?
A: This one'll sleigh you!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 1 day, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
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From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Aug 8 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
Why are there interstates in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats
instead of parachutes?
Is it ok to use my AM radio after NOON?
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 2 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Aug 9 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid
a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.
Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for
reckless driving.
Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton
in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and
recovered the box. It was found to contain large
upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the
driver, "but I am still going to have to write you
a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 3 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Aug 10 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
Did you hear about the TV show with FBI agents
and witches?
It's called The Hex-Files.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 4 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Aug 11 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
Q: How can you drop a raw egg onto a
concrete floor without cracking it?
A: Any way you want,
concrete floors are very hard to crack.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 5 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Aug 13 08:15:18 2020
***********************************
Teacher:
"Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student:
"Meat!"
Teacher:
"Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student:
"Bacon!"
Teacher:
"Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student:
"Homework!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Aug 14 08:15:16 2020
***********************************
What did the zoo keeper say when he saw four
elephants walking over the hill towards him
wearing sunglasses?
Nothing, he didn't recognize them!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 1 day, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Aug 15 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
Q. What's the difference between 'weather' and
'climate'?
A. You can't 'weather' a tree, but you can
'climate'
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 2 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Aug 16 08:15:04 2020
***********************************
I'm not saying that the customer service in my
bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and
asked the clerk to check my balance she leaned
over and pushed me.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 3 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Aug 17 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
Q: What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
A: Diddly-squats.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 4 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Aug 18 08:15:04 2020
***********************************
This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes
to his neighbor and asks him if he could buy a
rooster for $100. The neighbor says, "You can have
this rooster. His name's Roy. He'll get all your
hens pregnant. He's a real stud."
So the farmer takes him home and says, "It's your
first day so take it slow, okay?" The farmer puts
Roy in the hen house and then hears all the hens
crying and yelling. Roy nailed every one of those
hens and then nailed a duck and a goose at a pond.
The next morning the farmer finds Roy lying dead
with his legs sticking in the air and buzzards
circling overhead. The farmer says, "Roy, did you
have to die?"
Roy says, "Quiet! They're about to land!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 5 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Aug 19 08:15:16 2020
***********************************
One day, Little Johnny's grandmother sent him to
the water hole to get some water for cooking
dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big
eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket
and ran back to grandma's house as fast as he
could.
"Where's my bucket and my water?" She asked.
"I can't get any water from that water hole,
there's a mean ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny.
He's been there for years, and he's never hurt no
one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you
are of him!"
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as
scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't
fit to drink!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 6 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Aug 20 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
Life Hack:
If you're tired of waiting at a restaurant,
just call their number and ask
if they also deliver to table 16.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Aug 21 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my
squad leader barged in. He was holding a
toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub
underneath the rim of a toilet.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Hazing the new guy," he said with a grin.
"You do know that he could get ill from the
bacteria on the toilet."
His reply was quick and to the point:
"You didn't."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 1 day, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Aug 22 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
Guest at a restaurant:
"I refuse to eat this roastbeef. Please call the
manager!"
Waiter: "That's no use. He won't eat it either."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 2 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Aug 24 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
I am terrified of elevators,
I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 4 days, 8 hours, 39 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Aug 25 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
On the first day, God created the dog and said:
"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at
anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I
will give you a life span of twenty years." The
dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How
about only ten years and I'll give you back the
other ten?"
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and
said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them
laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life
span." The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty
years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How
about I give you back ten like the Dog did?"
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
"You must go into the field with the farmer all
day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and
give milk to support the farmer's family. For this,
I will give you a life span of sixty years." The
cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me
to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll
give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat,
sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this,
I'll give you twenty years." But man said: "Only
twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the
monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back;
that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why the first twenty years we eat,
sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next
forty years we slave in the sun to support our
family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks
to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last
ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at
everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Aug 26 08:15:16 2020
***********************************
On the first day of school, the children brought
gifts for their teacher. The florist's son brought
the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store
owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of
candy. Then the liquor-store owner's son brought
up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and
noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She
touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and
tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied.
She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ?
"No," said the little boy... "It's a puppy!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 day, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Aug 27 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
I'm certain there are female hormones in beer.
When I drink too much,
I talk nonsense and I cannot control my car.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Aug 28 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
FRED: Did I ever tell you about the time I came
face to face with a very fierce gorilla?
BERT: No, what happened?
FRED: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The
gorilla looked at me and snarled and roared and
beat his chest. Then it came closer and closer...
BERT: What did you do?
FRED: Oh, I'd had enough, so I moved on to the
next cage.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Aug 29 08:15:20 2020
***********************************
New and Improved Names for Boring Everyday Things
Couch = People Shelf
Books = Manual Films
Bracelets = Clockless Watches
Air Horn = Spray Scream
Bottled Water = Snowman Blood
Feather = Bird Leaf
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Aug 30 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on
his head.
The bartender says, "What's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says,
"Arrr! I've got a Bounty on me head!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Aug 31 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body
and yet most men are so polite they only look at
the covered parts.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Sep 1 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
While I was assigned to the space shuttle program,
my job included ordering supplies. One of the
engineers requested a new dictionary. Following
regulations, I asked him why he needed it.
I expected his answer to be "My old copy is lost"
or "The cover is falling off." Instead he said,
"My current edition defines spaceship as an
`imaginary aircraft.'"
He got his new dictionary.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Sep 2 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
A guy asks his neighbor in an apartment building:
"Mr Trepper, you live directly above me and you
have the same 2-room apartment as I do. How many
rolls of wallpaper did you buy when you moved in?
"We got 18 rolls," answers the neighbor.
Two months later the guy meets his neighbor again
and says, "It's really funny - I put the wallpaper
on everywhere and I still had 10 rolls left over."
Neighbor smiles, "Yeah, so did we."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 1 day, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Sep 3 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
There was a little old lady standing at a corner.
She had both hands holding her hat on while the
wind blew her dress up around her waist.
A dignified southern gentleman came up and said,
"Ma'am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting
your skirt blow around, being indecent, while both
hands hold your hat."
She said, "Look mister, everything down there is
seventy years old; this hat is brand new!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 2 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Sep 4 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
One of our interns asked another if she was
planning to sign up for the company's 401(k).
"I'm considering it," replied the second intern.
Later, the first intern approached me looking
concerned.
"I did the math," she said, "and 401K is almost
250 miles. She'll never make it!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Sep 7 08:15:18 2020
***********************************
My wife was in labor with our first child when
suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't,
couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"
"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?" I asked.
"Nothing," he said. "She's just having
contractions."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 week, 6 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Sep 8 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
Justice isn't just blind-it's snickering at these
real courtroom give-and-takes:
Judge (to young witness): Do you know what would
happen to you if you told a lie?
Witness: Yes. I would go to hell.
Judge: Is that all?
Witness: Isn't that enough?
-
Q: Isn't it a fact that you have been running
around with another woman?
A: Yes, it is, but you can't prove it!
-
Q: Have you ever heard about taking the Fifth?
A: A fifth of wine?
Q: No, the Fifth Amendment.
-
Q: What did your sister die of?
A: You would have to ask her. I would be
speculating if I told you.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Sep 9 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
Why did the Romans build straight roads?
So their soldiers didn't go around the bend!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Sep 10 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Tank.
Tank who?
You're welcome!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Sep 11 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
Three women are about to be executed. One's a
brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde. The
guard brings the brunette forward and the
executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no and the executioner shouts, "Ready!
Aim!" Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"
Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the
ground while she escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the
executioner asks if she has any last requests. She
say no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"
Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!" Everyone
is startled and looks around for cover while she
escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The
guard brings her forward and the executioner asks
if she has any last requests. She says no and the
executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!" and the blonde
yells, "FIRE!!!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Sep 12 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
A man went to his lawyer and told him, `My
neighbour owes me $500 and he won't pay up. What
should I do?'
`Do you have any proof he owes you the money?'
asked the lawyer.
`Nope,' replied the man.
`OK, then write him a letter asking him for the
$1,000 he owed you,' said the lawyer.
`But it's only $500,' replied the man.
`Precisely. That's what he'll reply and then
you'll have your proof!'
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Sep 13 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
What did the Tin Man say when
he got run over by a steamroller?
"Curses! Foil again!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Sep 14 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
Customer:
"I can't seem to connect to the Internet."
Tech Support:
"Ah, right. What operating system are you running?"
Customer:
"Netscape."
Tech Support:
"No, what version of Windows are you using?"
Customer:
"Uhhh. Hewlett Packard?"
Tech Support:
"No, Right click on `My Computer,' and select
properties on the menu."
Customer:
"Your computer? It's my computer!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Sep 15 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
It is evening. Little Johnny and his friend are
sitting by a camp fire.
They've been plagued by swarms of mosquitoes
already for an hour and the assault only worsens
when the darkness sets in.
Suddenly, fireflies appear. Little Johnny swears:
"These darn mosquitoes! Now they've even brought
lanterns with them to find us!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Sep 16 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts
it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans"
he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the
wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a
$20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?"asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,"
replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser
and it's half the price."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Sep 17 08:15:46 2020
***********************************
Q: What kind of coat is always
wet when you put it on?
A: A coat of paint.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 35 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Sep 18 08:15:16 2020
***********************************
Q: When is a bad time to cross a black cat?
A: When you are a mouse!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Sep 19 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is
a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He
has been checking her out since he sat down, but
lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes
flying out of its socket towards the man. He
reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air,
and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops
her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to
make it up to you," she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and
afterwards the theater followed by drinks. They
talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams
and he shares his. She listens. After paying for
everything, she asks him if he would like to come
to her place for a nightcap ......... and stay for
breakfast.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with
all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything
had been SO incredible!!!!
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman.
Are you this nice to every guy you meet?".
"No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my
eye."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Sep 20 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his
drink. He stays like that for a half hour.
Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next
to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just
drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just
joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just
can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his
tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I
oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged
boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to
my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say
they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, &
when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The
cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house
where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I
leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was
thinking about putting an end to my life, you show
up & drink my poison."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Sep 21 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
Have you heard of the band '1023MB'?
They haven't got a gig yet.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Sep 22 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
There's a technical term for a sunny, warm day
which follows two rainy days.
It's called Monday.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Sep 23 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats
and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you
two cats, and another two cats and another two,
how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I
gave you two apples, and another two apples and
another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and
another two cats and another two, how many would
you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get
seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Sep 24 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
Three men: an editor, a photographer, and a
journalist are covering a political convention in
Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach
during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach,
they stumbled upon a lamp.
As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says
"Normally I would grant you three wishes, but
since there are three of you, I will grant you
each one wish."
The photographer went first. "I would like to
spend the rest of my life living in a huge house
in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie
granted him his wish and sent him on off to St.
Thomas.
The journalist went next. "I would like to spend
the rest of my life living on a huge yacht
cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries."
The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to
the Mediterranean.
Last, but not least, it was the editor's turn.
"And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.
"I want them both back after lunch" replied the
editor, "the deadline for tomorrow's newspaper is
in about ten hours.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Sep 25 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with
the Godfather?
A: An offer you can't understand.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Sep 26 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
Brendan had spent a week visiting his family in
Kentucky. His sister-in-law and seven-year-old
nephew went with him when he returned to the
airport. After verifying his seat number with the
counter attendant, Brendan walked back to his
relatives and stated that he'd have to wait an
additional three hours in the airport.
"How come?," his nephew asked.
"My plane has been grounded," Brendan explained.
"Grounded?" the little boy said. "I didn't know
planes had parents."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Sep 27 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
Wanna hear a joke about paper?
Nevermind, it's tearable.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Sep 28 08:15:16 2020
***********************************
What did the fisherman say to the card magician?
Pick a cod, any cod!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Sep 29 08:15:16 2020
***********************************
One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian
walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each
buy a pint of Molson Canadian. Just as they were
about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed
in each of their pints.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in
disgust.
The American fished the offending fly out of his
beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had
happened.
The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and
started shaking it over the pint, yelling...
"SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!!!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Sep 30 08:15:16 2020
***********************************
My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine
training exercise when we spotted a second
lieutenant ambling about. "Where is your foxhole,
Lieutenant?" I asked.
He snapped off a salute and responded, "I don't
know, sir!" Turning to the sergeant, he asked,
"Gunney, where is my foxhole?"
"You're standing in it, sir," said the sergeant.
"All you have to do is remove the dirt."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Oct 1 08:15:16 2020
***********************************
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then
he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going
to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Oct 2 08:15:20 2020
***********************************
Our boss asked the new mail-room guy to make three
copies of an office key. The guy returned ten
minutes later with the copies.
which he'd made on the Xerox machine.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Oct 3 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
A married couple was in a terrible accident where
the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor
told the husband that they couldn't graft the skin
from her body, so the husband offered to donate
some of his own skin. However, the only skin on
his body that the doctor found suitable would have
to come from his rear end. The husband and wife
agreed that they would tell no one about where the
skin came from, and requested that the doctor also
honor their secret. After all, this was a very
delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was
astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked
more beautiful than she ever had before! All her
friends and relatives just went on and on about
her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with
her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at
his sacrifice.
She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for
everything you did for me. There is no way I could
ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied," think nothing of it. I
get all the thanks I need every time I see your
mother kiss you on the cheek."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Oct 4 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
What is the New Mexican weather report?
Chili today, hot tamale.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Oct 5 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
My brother went to jail. He didn't take it very
well. He was yelling insults and attacking
everyone, he even threw his feces on the wall.
I don't think we will play Monopoly with him again.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Oct 6 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
The Lone Ranger woke to see his
tent blown away by a tornado.
He declared,
"Tonto, we're not in canvas anymore."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Oct 7 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
One of the less difficult blanks to fill in on our
job-agency application is "Position Wanted." One
job seeker wrote "Sitting."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Oct 8 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
Just came home from a training session. Two hours
on the treadmill did me really good. If only I
could somehow stop the constant beeping
and the irritated comments of the cashier.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Oct 9 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You vastly overrate your powers of persuasion.
Marlon Moore of Miami filed a fraudulent tax
return, and the IRS promptly sent him a $10,000
refund. So figuring, Why not try my luck again?,
he sent in three more tax returns. But even the
IRS raised an eyebrow at cutting him a check for
the total amount of the refunds: more than $14
trillion. Moore pleaded guilty to cashing the
$10,000 check.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Oct 10 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
The Captain was Jewish, and the new First Officer
was Chinese. It was the first time they had flown
together, and it was obvious by the silence that
they didn't get along.
After 30 minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He
said, "I don't like Chinese."
The F.O. replied, "Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why is
that?"
The Captain said, "You bombed Pearl Harbor. That's
why I don't like Chinese."
The F.O. said, "Nooooo, noooo ... Chinese not bomb
Pearl Harbah. That JAPANESE, not Chinese."
And the Captain answered, "Chinese, Japanese,
Vietnamese ... it doesn't matter. They're all
alike. "
Another 30 minutes of silence. Finally the First
Officer said, "No like Jew."
The Captain replied, "Why not? Why don't you like
Jews?"
"Jews sink Titanic." Said the F.O.
The Captain tried to correct him, "No, no. The
Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg .. no mattah..
all same "
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Oct 11 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
Tiffany adopts two dogs, and she names them
Rolex and Timex.
"Where'd you come up with those names?"
asks her friend Mandy.
"HellOOOOOO," Tiffany replies.
"They're watchdogs!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Oct 12 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
When Abraham Liebowitz gets to school he discovers
that he is the only Jewish kid in the class. But
it's a decent town and nobody really bothers him.
One day the teacher asks the class "Who was the
greatest person who ever lived? and why?" And to
make it interesting she held a twenty dollar bill
in the air and said "whoever gives the best answer
will get this twenty dollars".
All of the kids called out their guesses. One said
"George Washington - because he was the father of
our country."
"That's excellent" said the teacher.
Another said "Abraham Lincoln - because he freed
the slaves."
"That's also good" said the teacher, reluctant to
bestow an excellent, but still being polite.
One little girl said "Joan of Arc - because she
saved France."
Another excellent choice said the teacher.
Then Abraham Liebowitz, raised his hand. So the
teacher called on him. "Abraham, who do you think
was the greatest person who ever lived, and why?"
And Abraham said "Jesus Christ."
The teacher was shocked. "Abraham," she said "I'm
very surprised. Class, I think we can all agree
that Abraham should get the twenty dollars." And
she handed Abraham Liebowitz the money. At recess,
the teacher was still very impressed. So she asked
Abraham why he said Jesus.
Abraham said "Look, personally I think Moses was
the greatest person who ever lived, but...
business is business!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Oct 13 08:15:16 2020
***********************************
While in the men's room at a beach park in
Florida, I noticed they had a plastic baby-
changing table installed on the wall. Apparently,
some sportsmen had co-opted this politically
correct amenity for their own use. Above the table
was a sign saying: "It is unlawful to clean fish
on this table."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Oct 14 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in
a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's
prize bull was missing from the section through
which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted
to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the
justice of the peace in the back room of the
general store. The attorney for the railroad
immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get
him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his
best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed
to take half of what he was asking. After the
rancher had signed the release and took the check,
the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little
over his success, telling the rancher, "You know,
I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one
over on you in there. I couldn't have won the
case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was
in the caboose when the train went through your
ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to
put on the stand. I bluffed you!"
The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you,
young feller, I was a little worried about winning
that case myself, because that durned bull came
home this morning."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Oct 15 08:15:16 2020
***********************************
You don't see many reindeer in zoos, do you?
No. They can't afford the admission.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Oct 16 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
What does a baby computer call his father?
Data.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Oct 17 08:15:10 2020
***********************************
There once was a blind man who decided to visit
Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the
seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!"
The person next to him answered, "Everything is
big in Texas."
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to
visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered
a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He
exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"
The bartender replied, "Everything is big in
Texas."
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the
bartender where the bathroom was located. The
bartender replied, "Second door to the right."
The blind man headed for the bathroom, but
accidentally tripped over and skipped the second
door. Instead, he entered the third door, which
lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool
by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting,
"Don't flush, don't flush!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Oct 18 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance
policy. The insurance agent was going down the
list of standard questions. "Ever have an
accident?"
"Nope, nary a one."
"None? You've never had any accidents."
"Nope. Ain't never had one. Never."
"Well, you said on this form you were bit by a
snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an
accident?"
"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Oct 19 08:15:24 2020
***********************************
I called a temp agency looking for work, and they
asked if I had any phone skills. I said,
"I called you, didn't I?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 7 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Oct 20 08:15:32 2020
***********************************
Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood. He had
to walk 7 miles to school everyday.
Well, he should have gotten up earlier and caught
the school bus like everyone else did.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 8 weeks, 13 hours, 35 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Oct 21 08:15:40 2020
***********************************
Little Johnny asks his father:
"Where does the wind come from?"
"I don't know."
"Why do dogs bark?"
"I don't know."
"Why is the earth round?"
"I don't know."
"Does it disturb you that I ask so much?"
"No son. Please ask.
Otherwise you will never learn anything."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 8 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 35 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Oct 22 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
It was so hot in Beverly Hills, people were frying
egg whites on the sidewalk.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 8 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Oct 23 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human
Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out
of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And
what starting salary are you looking for?"
The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a
year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you
say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid
holidays, full medical and dental, company
matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a
company car leased every two years, say, a red
Corvette?"
The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are
you kidding?"
The interviewer replies,
"Yeah, but you started it."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 8 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Oct 24 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the
road holding up a sign that said, "The End is
Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too
late!" They planned to hold up the sign to each
passing car.
"Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the
first driver as he sped by.
From around the curve they heard a big splash. "Do
you think," said one clergy to the other, "we
should just put up a sign that says 'bridge out'
instead?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 8 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Oct 25 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
Office executive "Sir, can I have a day off next
week to visit my mother-in-law?"
Boss "Certainly not!"
Office executive "Thank you so much sir! I knew
you would be understanding."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 8 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Oct 26 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
When my 88-year-old mother was called for jury
duty, she had to submit to questioning by the
opposing lawyers.
"Have you ever dealt with an attorney?" asked the
plaintiff's lawyer.
"Yes. I had an attorney write my living trust,"
she responded.
"And how did that turn out?"
"I don't know," she said. "Ask me when I'm dead."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 8 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Oct 27 08:15:12 2020
***********************************
Three Kiwis and three Aussies are traveling by
train to a conference. At the station, the three
Aussies each buy tickets and watch as the three
Kiwis buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one
ticket?" asks an Aussie.
"Watch and you'll see," answers a Kiwi.
They all board the train. The Aussies take their
respective seats but all three Kiwis cram into a
bathroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the
conductor comes around collecting tickets. He
knocks on the bathroom door and says,"Ticket,
please." The door opens just a crack and a single
arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor
takes it and moves on.
The Aussies see this and agree it was quite a
clever idea. So after the conference, the Aussies
decide to copy the Kiwis on the return trip and
save some money (being clever with money,and all
that). When they get to the station, they buy a
single ticket for the return trip. To their
astonishment, the Kiwis don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?"
says one perplexed Aussie. Watch and you'll see,"
answers a kiwi.
When they board the train the three Aussies cram
into a bathroom and the three Kiwis cram into
another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly
afterward, one of the Kiwis leaves his bathroom
and walks over to the bathroom where the Aussies
are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Oct 28 08:15:14 2020
***********************************
While on patrol, I arrested a burglar who'd
injured himself running from a home. He told me
he'd broken in and unhooked the phone before
searching for valuables. But he'd panicked when
he heard a woman's voice. I entered the house and
heard the same voice: "If you'd like to make a
call, please hang up and try your call again."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Oct 29 08:15:06 2020
***********************************
Last night I dreamt of a beautiful
walk on a sandy beach.
At least that explains the footprints
I found in the cat litter box this morning.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Oct 30 08:15:18 2020
***********************************
How to Handle Stress
Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool
mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here.
No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called
"the world."
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the
air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is clear.
You can easily make out the face of the person
whose head you're holding under the water.
There now......feeling better?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Oct 31 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 + 5 on a calculator?
A: She couldn't find the "10" button.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Nov 1 08:15:08 2020
***********************************
I wonder what Edward Scissorhands
thinks of touchscreen technology.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Nov 2 09:15:10 2020
***********************************
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Scold.
Scold who?
Scold outside-let me in!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 9 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Nov 3 09:15:14 2020
***********************************
We disbar lawyers and we defrock clergy,
so why don't we:
Delight electricians?
Derange cowboys?
Depose models?
Debark tree surgeons?
Depress dry cleaners?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 weeks, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Nov 4 09:15:10 2020
***********************************
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because
their wives are having babies.
A nurse approaches the first guy and says,
"Congratulations! You're the father of twins."
"That's odd," answers the man.
"I work for the Minnesota Twins!"
A nurse then yells the second man,
"Congratulations! You're the father of triplets!"
"That's weird," answers the second man.
"I work for the 3M company!"
A nurse goes up to the third man saying,
"Congratulations! You're the father of
quadruplets."
"That's strange," he answers.
"I work for the Four Seasons hotel!"
The last man begins groaning and
banging his head against the wall.
"What's wrong?" the others ask.
"I work for 7 Up!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Nov 5 09:15:06 2020
***********************************
A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week so the
magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: the captain's parrot
saw the shows each week and began to understand
how the magician did every trick. Once he
understood, he started shouting in the middle of
the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or,
"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!"
or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything.
It was, after all, the captain's parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship
unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were
on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of
wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate
would have it... with the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not
utter a word.
This went on for a day... and then 2 days and then
3 days.
Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold
back any longer and said... "OK, I give up.
Where's the ship?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Nov 6 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
Teacher:
whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher:
who just threw that?!
Boy:
Me! I'm going home now.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Nov 7 09:15:08 2020
***********************************
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and
found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV,"
she told the salesman.
"Sorry,we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back
and again told the salesman "I would like to
buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went
for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new
color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a
few days before she again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed
"How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Nov 8 09:15:04 2020
***********************************
I have a stepladder.
I never knew my real ladder.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Nov 9 09:15:10 2020
***********************************
Dear Boss,
I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions.
Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K
dates problem makes any sense to me.
At any rate I have finished converting all the
months on all the company calendars so that the
year 2000 is ready to go with the following
improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk. In
addition, I have changed the days of the week, and
they are now: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak,
Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.
Is it enough, or should I change any other Y to K?
I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Should I call
them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K ready?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 10 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Nov 10 09:15:06 2020
***********************************
Q: What did the thermometer say to the other
thermometer?
A: You make my temperature rise.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 11 weeks, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Nov 11 09:15:14 2020
***********************************
A student seeking a job at our university was
handed an application. He dutifully filled out his
name and address. When it came to the entry
"length of residence," he wrote:
"Approximately 30 feet."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 11 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Nov 12 09:15:08 2020
***********************************
A redneck goes to a pharmacist and says, " I got a
hot date tonight, an' I need me some pertection.
How much is a pack o' dem rubbers gonna cost me?
The pharmacist responds, "A three-pack of condoms
is $4.99 with tax."
To which the redneck replies, "TACKS! Gawd
'mighty,.......... don't they stay on by therself.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 11 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Nov 13 09:15:14 2020
***********************************
Sleep with an open window tonight!
-1400 mosquitos like that.
-420 mosquitos commented on it.
-210 mosquitos shared this.
-One mosquito invited for the event.
-2800 mosquitos will be attending the event.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 11 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Nov 14 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
A photographer for a national magazine was
assigned to get photos of a great forest fire.
Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good
shots, so he frantically called his home office to
hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the
airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as
he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a
plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in
with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go!
Let's go!"
The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon
they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of
the fire," said the photographer, "and make three
or four low level passes."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a
photographer, and photographers take pictures!"
said the photographer with great exasperation.
After a long pause the pilot said,
"You mean you're not the instructor?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 11 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Nov 15 09:15:08 2020
***********************************
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man
was astounded by the wide selection of jogging
shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he
noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about
it. "What's this little pocket thing here on the
side for?"
"Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call
your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged
too far."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 11 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Nov 16 09:15:16 2020
***********************************
The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good
news and some bad news."
"What's the bad news?" asks the accused.
"The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime
scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is 130."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 11 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Nov 17 09:15:08 2020
***********************************
The general was confined to the military hospital
for treatment of a minor malady.
For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of
himself, irritating both staff and the other
patients, demanding attention and expecting his
every order to be followed immediately. He was in
a six-man ward rather than a private room, his
meals were too cold or not served to suit his
taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his
demands, the nighttime activities interfered with
his rest... and on, and on.
One afternoon an orderly entered the room. "Time
to take your temperature, General."
After growling at the orderly, the general opened
his mouth to accept the thermometer.
"Sorry, General, but for this test we need your
temperature from the other end."
A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but
the orderly was insistent that a rectal
temperature was what the test called for.
The general at last rolled over, bared his rear,
and allowed the orderly to proceed. The orderly
then told the general, "Stay exactly like that and
don't move. I'll be back in five minutes to check
up on you" and withdrew.
An hour later, the head nurse entered the room,
saw the general with his bare rear in the air and
gasped, "What's going on here?"
"Haven't you ever seen someone having their
temperature taken?" the general barked.
"Yes I have, General, but with a daffodil?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 12 weeks, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Nov 18 09:15:06 2020
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You play both roles in a game of cops and
robbers. Being a key suspect in a robbery wasn't
going to stop Romeo Montillano from realizing his
dream of becoming a Chula Vista, California,
police officer. Unfortunately for Montillano, his
would-be colleagues put the kibosh on his plans,
arresting him when he showed up to take the
entrance exam. As he was led away, Montillano had
one question: Could he take the test later? His
request was denied.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 12 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Nov 19 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... Even your wardrobe turns against you. When
pleading guilty to a DUI charge, let your lawyer
do the talking. New Zealander Keisha Lee Kubala
ignored that sensible advice and instead showed
up in court wearing a T-shirt that said it all:
"Miss Wasted."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 12 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Nov 20 09:15:08 2020
***********************************
Do you still rock out to eight-track tapes? Then
you'll dig theseband names for aging musicians:
Counting Crows Feet
R.E.Member?
Nine Inch Toenails
Hair Supply
Minivan Morrison
The Early Byrds
WalkDMC
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 12 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Nov 22 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday
School. Usually she slept through the class. One
day the teacher called on her while she was
napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the
universe?"
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an
altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her,
took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God
Almighty!" shouted Mary, and the teacher said,
"Very good," and Mary fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our
Lord and Savior," but Mary didn't even stir from
her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the
rescue, and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!"
shouted Mary, and the teacher said, "Very good,"
and Mary fell back asleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question.
"What did Eve say to Adam after she had her
twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her
with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and
shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one
more time, I'll break it in half!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 12 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Nov 23 09:15:14 2020
***********************************
If I'm ever stuck on a respirator or a life
support system, I definitely want to be unplugged
- but not until I'm down to a size eight.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 12 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Nov 24 09:15:14 2020
***********************************
A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk
of the loan officer. "Hi," he croaks. "What's your
name?"
The loan officer says, "My name is John Paddywack.
May I help you?"
"Yeah," says the frog. "I'd like to borrow some
money."
The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets
out a form. "Okay, what's your name?"
The frog replies, "Kermit Jagger."
"Really?" says the loan officer. "Any relation to
Mick Jagger?"
"Yeah, he's my dad."
"Hmmm," says the loan officer. "Do you have any
collateral?"
The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and
asks, "Will this do?"
The loan officer says, "Um, I'm not sure. Let me
go check with the bank manager."
"Oh, tell him I said hi," adds the frog. "He knows
me."
The loan officer goes back to the manager and
says, "Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out
there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow
some money. All he has for collateral is this
pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it
is."
The manager says: "It's a knick-knack, Paddywack,
give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling
Stone."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Nov 26 09:15:16 2020
***********************************
A mother and her son were flying "Southwest
Airlines" from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had
been looking out the window) turned to his mother
and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats
have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby
planes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told
her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked
the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and
big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have
baby planes?"
The stewardess asked, "Did your mother tell you to
ask me?"
He said that his mother had.
So the stewardess said, "Tell your mother that
Southwest always pulls out on time."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Nov 27 09:15:10 2020
***********************************
A Navy dentist's license plate:
"TOP GUM."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Nov 28 09:15:14 2020
***********************************
One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted
and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was
given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He
fired several shots at the target. The report came
from the target area that all attempts had
completely missed the target.
The technician looked at his rifle, and then at
the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then
at the target again. He put his finger over the
end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger
with his other hand. The end of his finger was
blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target
area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble
must be at your end!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Nov 29 09:15:08 2020
***********************************
A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy
with his feet propped up on a table. He had the
biggest boots she'd ever seen.
The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they
say about men with big feet are well endowed.
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little
lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse
and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she
spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm
real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah
services before."
"Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy
yourself some boots that fit."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Nov 30 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
Q: What's the last thing that goes through a bug's
mind as it hits your windshield?
A: Its butt.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 13 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Dec 1 09:15:06 2020
***********************************
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to
Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who
responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go
there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you
getting there?"
"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a
great rate!"
"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible
airline. Their planes are old, their flight
attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So,
where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."
"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city.
The rooms are small, the service is surly and
they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get
there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope
to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a
million other people trying to see him. He'll look
the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy
trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the man again came in for his
regular haircut. The barber asked him about his
trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only
were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes,
but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to
first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and
I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who
waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel - it was
great! They'd just finished a $25 million
remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in
the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they
apologized and gave us the presidential suite at
no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't
get to see the pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured
the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the
shoulder and explained that the pope likes to
personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd
be so kind as to step into his private room and
wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure
enough, five minutes later the pope walked through
the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he
spoke a few words to me."
"Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"
He said, "Where'd you get the lousy haircut?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 14 weeks, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Dec 3 09:15:12 2020
***********************************
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Convex.
Convex who?
Convex go to prison!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 14 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Dec 4 09:15:08 2020
***********************************
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he
was called into the personnel director's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the director asked.
"When you applied for this job, you told us you
had five years experience. Now we discovered this
is the first job you've ever held."
"Well," the young man replied, "in your
advertisement you said you wanted somebody with
imagination."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 14 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Dec 8 09:15:08 2020
***********************************
"Waiter! Have you got frogs' legs?"
"No, sir, I always walk this way"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 15 weeks, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Dec 10 09:15:10 2020
***********************************
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side
was cut off?
He's all right now.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 15 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Dec 11 09:15:26 2020
***********************************
One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his
limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the
road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he
got out to investigate. "Why are you eating
grass?", he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food.", The poor man
replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with me too!", he
said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" The
second man answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy
task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once
underway, one of the poor fellows says "Sir, you
are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with
you."
The rich man replied "No, you don't understand,
the grass at my home is about three feet tall!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 15 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 35 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Dec 15 09:15:18 2020
***********************************
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop
together. After the man received the full
treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut,
etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.
"I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the
parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."
When the boy's haircut was completed and the man
still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks
like your daddy's forgotten all about you."
"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just
walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on,
son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 16 weeks, 14 hours, 34 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Dec 16 09:15:14 2020
***********************************
Q: Why should the number 288 never be mentioned?
A: It's two gross.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Dec 17 09:15:08 2020
***********************************
What a woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you'll have no clothes
to wear if we don't do laundry right now!"
What a man hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, "C'MON!
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Dec 20 09:15:06 2020
***********************************
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down
the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.
The passenger, Bubba, said "lookey thar up ahead,
Earl, it's a poll-ice roadblock!! We're gonna get
busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
Don't worry, Bubba", Earl said. "We'll just pull
over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the
label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw
the bottles under the seat".
"What fer?", asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talkin', OK?", said Earl.
Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty
bottles under the seat, and each put a label on
their forehead. When they reached the roadblock,
the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No, sir", said Earl. "We're on the patch"!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jan 1 09:15:10 2021
***********************************
After my niece returned from her second tour in
Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion
looked. "What do you use on your face to keep it
so smooth?" I asked.
"Nothing," she said. "I've been sandblasted."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jan 4 09:15:18 2021
***********************************
As a judge, I was sentencing criminal defendants
when I saw a vaguely familiar face. I reviewed his
record and found that the man was a career
criminal, except for a five-year period in which
there were no convictions.
"Milton," I asked, puzzled, "how is it you were
able to stay out of trouble for those five years?"
"I was in prison," he answered. "You should know
that-you were the one who sent me there."
"That's not possible," I said. "I wasn't even a
judge then."
"No, you weren't the judge," the defendant
countered, smiling mischievously.
"You were my lawyer."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jan 7 09:15:12 2021
***********************************
A customer called to say he couldn't get his
computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of
trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the
man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding
it in front of the screen and pressing the "send"
key.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jan 11 09:15:16 2021
***********************************
What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in
the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to
appear in his new film?
Stop playing it cagey!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jan 12 09:15:06 2021
***********************************
I had just pulled over someone for driving under
the influence when another car pulled up behind
us. I stopped what I was doing and ventured back
to see if the driver needed assistance.
"No, I don't need any help," he said, reeking of
booze. Then, pointing to the flashing cherry top
on the roof of my cruiser, he continued,
"I just stopped for the red light."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 3 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jan 13 09:15:12 2021
***********************************
An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he
is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office
with his attorney, and when he gets there, he
begins to talk with the IRS agent.
"I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!"
The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an
impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his
glass eye, and bites it. The IRS agent is
dumbfounded.
The old man bets $3,000 he can bite his other eye.
The IRS agent knows there's no way possible to do
this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles,
pulls out his dentures, and bites his eye.
Then the old man finally wagers, "I bet $20,000 I
can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over
the desk, and get it into your wastebasket,
without missing a single drop."
The agent knows he won't be able to, so once more
he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all
over the desk, and on the paperwork. The IRS agent
jumps for joy, but then notices the attorney over
in the corner moaning.
"Are you all right?" asks the agent.
"No! On the way over here, he bet me $400,000 he
could pee on your desk and you'd be happy about
it!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jan 14 09:15:06 2021
***********************************
Two snakes were crawling along when one snake
asked the other, "Are we poisonous?"
The other replied, "You're darn right we are!
We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?"
To which the first replied, "Because I just bit
my tongue"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jan 16 09:15:34 2021
***********************************
If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who
supported Atlas?
His wife.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jan 18 09:15:22 2021
***********************************
An almost hysterical man calls 911 and yells,
"Please come quickly! Kailey is pregnant and her
labor started now, it's really intense!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the operator.
"No you dumbass! It's her husband!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jan 19 09:15:14 2021
***********************************
Today I went to a barber's shop for a shave.
The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball
in my mouth so he could get a closer shave
around my cheeks.
I asked: "But what if I swallow the ball?"
He replied: "No problem sir, you just bring
it back tomorrow like everybody else."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 4 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jan 21 09:15:16 2021
***********************************
A dog walks into a Saloon, with a bandage on his
leg. He stops and announces...
"I'm looking for guy who shot my paw!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jan 22 09:15:08 2021
***********************************
My daughter had absentmindedly left her sneakers
on our kitchen table. "That's disgusting," my
husband grumbled. "Doesn't she realize we eat off
that table?" Then he went out back to work on the
car.
I cleaned the table and left to do my grocery
shopping. When I came home I couldn't set my bags
down anywhere. Sitting in the middle of the
kitchen table was a car muffler.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jan 23 09:15:12 2021
***********************************
A nice old lady on a bus offers the driver some
peanuts. He's happy to take some. He asks her
after a while why she isn't having any herself.
"Oh, young man," she says, "they're too hard on
my poor teeth, I couldn't."
"Why did you buy them at all then?"
wonders the driver.
"You see,
I just love the chocolate they're covered in!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jan 24 09:15:06 2021
***********************************
I was a brand-new attorney in practice alone, and
I had a likewise inexperienced secretary fresh out
of high school. The importance of proofreading the
results of my dictation was highlighted one day
when a reminder to a client's tenant to pay her
rent or suffer eviction was transcribed as
follows: "You are hereby notified that if payment
is not received within five business days, I will
have no choice but to commence execution
proceedings."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 5 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jan 27 09:15:08 2021
***********************************
A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove
into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in
the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."
The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"
The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to
the truck. He returned a minute later and said,
"Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."
"All right. How long do you need them?"
The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd
better go check."
After a while, the customer returned to the office
and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post 1.0.2.2
(c)2018-2019
---
--- up 6 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Feb 1 09:15:08 2021
***********************************
She was only a whiskey-maker,
but he loved her still.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 6 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Feb 2 09:15:10 2021
***********************************
Southwest Airlines makes humor a high priority.
Here are some actual humorous statements by
airline flight crews:
"Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it`s warm, the
sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are
going to Charlotte, where it`s dark, windy and
raining. Why in the world y`all wanna go there I
can`t imagine."
"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your
tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in
their most uncomfortable position."
"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation,
and in the event of an emergency water landing,
please take them with our compliments."
"We do feature a smoking section on this flight;
if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight
crew and we will escort you to a seat outside on
the wing of the airplane."
"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any
person caught smoking in the lavatories will be
asked to leave the plane immediately."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but
there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."
"If you are so lucky to be traveling with small
children..."
Flight attendant: To operate your seatbelt, insert
the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It
works just like every other seatbelt, and if you
don`t know how to operate one, you probably
shouldn`t be out in public unsupervised.
In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop
screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
face. If you have a small child traveling with
you, secure your mask before assisting with
theirs. If you are traveling with two small
children, decide now which one you love more."
"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will
drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag
over your own mouth and nose before assisting
children or adults acting like children."
Pilot: "We are pleased to have some of the best
flight attendants in the industry...Unfortunately
none of them are on this flight...!
Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising
altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat
belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you
wish, but please stay inside the plane till we
land... it`s a bit cold outside, and if you walk
on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
At the end of a flight: "Our flight attendants are
now walking through the aisles with trash
receptacles for any garbage you might have or
anything else that you might wanna give us!"
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at
Washington National, a lone voice comes over the
loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella...WHOA..!"
"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather
all of your belongings. Anything left behind will
be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.
Please do not leave children or spouses."
"Last one off the plane must clean it."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 6 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Feb 3 09:15:14 2021
***********************************
On their way to get married, a young Catholic
couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The
couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly
Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into
Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could
they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St.
Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time
anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months
passed and the couple were still waiting. While
waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if
it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in
heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally
returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get
married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just
wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we
also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his
clipboard onto the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me
three months to find a priest up here! Do you have
any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 7 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Feb 4 09:15:14 2021
***********************************
Q: What's the difference between a horse and
the weather?
A: One is reined up and the other rains down.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 7 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Feb 5 09:15:12 2021
***********************************
Justice isn't just blind-it's snickering at these
real courtroom give-and-takes:
Judge (to young witness): Do you know what would
happen to you if you told a lie?
Witness: Yes. I would go to hell.
Judge: Is that all?
Witness: Isn't that enough?
-
Q: Isn't it a fact that you have been running
around with another woman?
A: Yes, it is, but you can't prove it!
-
Q: Have you ever heard about taking the Fifth?
A: A fifth of wine?
Q: No, the Fifth Amendment.
-
Q: What did your sister die of?
A: You would have to ask her. I would be
speculating if I told you.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 7 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Feb 6 09:15:06 2021
***********************************
A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About
two hours."
The guy leaves.
A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in
the door and asks, "How long before I get a
haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop full of customers
and says, "About two hours."
The guy leaves.
A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the
shop and asks, "How long before I can get a
haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop an says, "About
an hour and half."
The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and
says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he
goes."
In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop
laughing hysterically.
The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he
left here?"
Bill looked up and said, "To your house."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 7 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Feb 7 09:15:10 2021
***********************************
Well, a man was driving down a country road, and
he decided to get out and get some fresh air. He
got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he
walked, he came upon a hole. Wanting to see how
deep it was, he threw a pebble down. No sound.
So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound.
The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a
boulder down. No sound. As he searched about, he
spotted a railroad beam. He hauled it over to the
hole, and shoved it in. No sound.
He sat down on the ground, exhausted. Suddenly, he
saw a goat running at him, full speed. He leaped
up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole.
He listened, but there was no sound.
He sat down again. A few minutes later, a farmer
came walking up. The man asked him, "How deep is
this hole?"
The farmer said, "Oh. Thats the bottomless pit. It
never ends. Say, have you seen my prize goat?"
The man, not wanting to get the blame, said, "No."
The farmer said, "Oh well. He can't get far. He
was tied to a railroad beam."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 7 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Feb 8 09:15:14 2021
***********************************
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had
been any interest in her paintings that were on
display.
"Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner
responded. "The good news is that a gentleman
noticed your work and wondered if it would
appreciate in value after your death. I told him
it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's
the bad news?"
"The gentleman was your doctor."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 7 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Feb 9 09:15:08 2021
***********************************
I hate jokes about German sausages,
They're the wurst.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 7 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Feb 10 09:15:10 2021
***********************************
After joining the Navy, my husband underwent a
physical. During the exam, it was discovered that,
due to an abnormality, he couldn't fully extend
his arms above his head. Perplexed, the doctor
conferred with another doctor.
"Let him pass," suggested the second doctor. "I
don't see any problems unless he has to surrender."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 8 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Feb 11 09:15:22 2021
***********************************
After the fire-truck arrived at a burning building
in a small Spanish town, the firemen observed a
man dressed in a matador's costume prancing around
on the roof. Four of the firemen held a safety-net
and urged him to escape from the burning building
by jumping into the net. He refused and loudly
proclaimed, "I'm Fearless Jose the bullfighter who
fears nothing, not even fire."
The firemen begged and pleaded but to no avail.
Jose kept prancing around while repeating the same
phrase over and over until the firemen got really
sick and tired of hearing it. Finally, when the
flames began to scorch his butt, Jose announced
he had changed his mind, was ready to jump and
then leaped off the rooftop. As his body hurtled
toward the safety-net, the four firemen shouted,
"Ole!" and quickly moved it aside.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 8 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Feb 12 09:15:10 2021
***********************************
I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it
up and took a look at it cause it was prettier
than most.
The clerk said, "It's made in Germany".
I said, "That's too bad, I can't use it then".
The clerk said, "What's the matter? You don't
like German pens?"
I said, "No. I just never learned to write
German."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 8 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Feb 13 09:15:14 2021
***********************************
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break
about being out late the night before.
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was
asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak
into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're
lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in
bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me
hell for being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"
The second man replied, "I turned out the light."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 8 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Feb 14 09:15:10 2021
***********************************
I work in IT. A customer asked me if a string of
numbers I'd read off was upper or lowercase.
Someone once asked, "Is this the museum?"
I work at a pool.
A few of the things customers have asked for at
our art-supply store include disco balls, trees,
and crucifixion wood.
I'm a butcher. A woman asked if she could sleep in
our freezer to test out a heavy-duty sleeping bag
before a trip to the Himalayas.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 8 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
poindexter FORTRAN@21:4/122 to
JokeMaster on Sun Feb 14 15:11:00 2021
JokeMaster wrote to All <=-
I work in IT. A customer asked me if a string of
numbers I'd read off was upper or lowercase.
I've had people refer to the punctuation marks that are entered by hitting shift and the number key as upper case 5 (% sign on a US keyboard)
Wait, am I replying to a bot?
... How would someone else do it?
--- MultiMail/DOS v0.52
* Origin: realitycheckBBS.org -- information is power. (21:4/122)
-
From
Black Panther@21:1/186 to
poindexter FORTRAN on Sun Feb 14 22:06:50 2021
On 14 Feb 2021, 10:11a, poindexter FORTRAN said the following...
I've had people refer to the punctuation marks that are entered by
hitting shift and the number key as upper case 5 (% sign on a US
keyboard)
I've never heard of them being referred to as upper case. I've always described them as 'shifted 5' for example...
Wait, am I replying to a bot?
Shhhh. We won't tell. ;)
---
Black Panther(RCS)
aka Dan Richter
Castle Rock BBS
telnet://bbs.castlerockbbs.com
http://www.castlerockbbs.com
http://github.com/DRPanther
The sparrows are flying again...
--- Mystic BBS v1.12 A47 2021/01/14 (Linux/64)
* Origin: Castle Rock BBS - bbs.castlerockbbs.com (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Feb 15 09:15:18 2021
***********************************
Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
A: If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 8 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Feb 16 09:15:10 2021
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You're not picky about your office location.
Christopher Oxley of Everett, Washington, was
arrested for conducting a drug deal over the phone
in the bathroom of the Everett Police Department.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 8 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Feb 17 09:15:14 2021
***********************************
Q: how many programmers does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: none, that's a hardware problem
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 9 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Feb 18 09:15:08 2021
***********************************
Top Ten Signs You Might Not Be Ready To Join The
US Air Force
10. You're afraid of loud noises, heights, and
airplanes
9. For you, the thrill of flight is the little
package of salted nuts
8. In high school, you were voted "queasiest"
7. You don't mind flying once you've had a few
drinks
6. You pass out from G-Forces incurred from riding
an escalator
5. Whenever you see an "eject" lever you
impulsively pull it
4. Show up to the recruiting center carrying a
seatbelt extender
3. Your primary reason for enlisting is "to meet
Iron Man"
2. You giggle every time you say, "cockpit"
1. Out motto, "aim high" -- your motto, "I'm high"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 9 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Feb 19 09:15:12 2021
***********************************
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and order a
sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun
and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the bartender
shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot
my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man,
I'm a PANDA! Look it up!"
The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the
following definition for Panda: "A tree dwelling
marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by
distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots
and leaves."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 9 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Feb 20 09:15:08 2021
***********************************
A man went to his lawyer and told him, `My
neighbour owes me $500 and he won't pay up. What
should I do?'
`Do you have any proof he owes you the money?'
asked the lawyer.
`Nope,' replied the man.
`OK, then write him a letter asking him for the
$1,000 he owed you,' said the lawyer.
`But it's only $500,' replied the man.
`Precisely. That's what he'll reply and then
you'll have your proof!'
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 9 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Feb 21 09:15:12 2021
***********************************
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye
dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and
begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager
runs up to the man and asks,
"What are you doing?!!"
The blind man replies,
"Just looking around."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 9 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Feb 22 09:15:18 2021
***********************************
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is
walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a
bucket.
He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him
for his fishing license.
The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch
these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come
down to the water and whistle and these lobsters
jump out and I take them for a walk only to return
them at the end of the day."
The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it
is illegal to fish without a license.
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If
you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the
lobsters back into the water.
The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and
show me that they will come out of the water."
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What
lobsters?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 9 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Feb 23 09:15:14 2021
***********************************
Young Judy, the editor of a trivia publication,
was having trouble with her computer. So she
called Prem, the computer guy, over to her desk.
Prem clicked a couple buttons and solved the
problem.
As he was walking away, Judy called after him,
"So, what was wrong?"
And he replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
A puzzled expression ran riot over Judy's face.
"An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need
to fix it again??"
He gave her a grin... ;-) "Haven't you ever heard
of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," replied Judy.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll
figure it out."
(She wrote...)I D 1 0 T
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 9 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Feb 24 09:15:16 2021
***********************************
I'm certain there are female hormones in beer.
When I drink too much,
I talk nonsense and I cannot control my car.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 10 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Feb 25 09:15:10 2021
***********************************
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds:
"Wife wanted."
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 10 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Feb 26 09:15:14 2021
***********************************
Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of
them collapses. He doesn't appear to be breathing,
his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out
his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Please stay calm. I will help
you. First of all, let's make sure he's dead."
There's a silence, then a gun shot.
The guy gets back on the phone and says
"OK, now what?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 10 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Feb 27 09:15:14 2021
***********************************
My daughter-in-law was driving on the freeway when
the sight of flashing lights in her rearview
mirror made her pull over.
"Do you know why I stopped you?" asked the state
trooper. "You were going 85 miles per hour."
"Impossible," she argued.
"I had my cruise control set at 82!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 10 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Feb 28 09:15:20 2021
***********************************
Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 10 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Mar 1 09:15:18 2021
***********************************
One of the less difficult blanks to fill in on our
job-agency application is "Position Wanted." One
job seeker wrote "Sitting."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 10 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Mar 2 09:15:20 2021
***********************************
Q: Why was the blonde so happy after she finished
her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 10 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Mar 3 09:15:12 2021
***********************************
Did your wife recover from her operation?
Not yet, she's still talking about it.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 11 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Mar 4 04:16:10 2021
***********************************
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man
was astounded by the wide selection of jogging
shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he
noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about
it. "What's this little pocket thing here on the
side for?"
"Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call
your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged
too far."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 11 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 43 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Mar 5 04:15:04 2021
***********************************
Johnny was racing around the garden on his new
bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his
tricks.
"Look, Mum! No hands!
Look, Mum! No feet!
Waaah!
Look, Mum! No teeth!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 11 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Mar 6 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
This summer, I'm going to go to the beach and bury
metal objects that say "Get a life" on them.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 11 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Mar 7 04:15:24 2021
***********************************
The young lad had applied for a job, and was asked
his full name.
"Aloysius Montmorency Geoghan," he replied.
"How do you spell that?" asked the manager.
"Er ? sir ? er ? can't you just put it down
without spelling it?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 11 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Mar 8 04:15:24 2021
***********************************
A policeman looked up to see a woman racing down
the center of the road at 100 m.p.h.
He pulled her over and said, "Hey, lady, would you
mind telling me why you're going so fast down the
middle of the road?"
"Oh, it's okay, Officer," she replied. "I have a
special license that allows me to drive like
that."
"Oh, yeah?" Let's see it." The cop looked at the
license and then concluded, "Ma'am, there's
nothing special about this. It's just a temporary
license."
"Look at the very bottom, though," the woman
insisted. "See? It says `Tear along the dotted
line.'"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 11 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Mar 9 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
What does the aardvark call his dog?
Aard-bark.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 11 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Mar 10 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
Baby Rabbit: "Mommy, where did I come from?"
Mother Rabbit: "I ll tell you when you re older."
Baby Rabbit: "Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now."
Mother Rabbit: "If you must know, you were pulled
from a magician's hat."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 12 weeks, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Mar 11 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
Spotted on T-shirts for sale in the Ponce de Leon
Coast Guard Exchange:
"Support Your Local Coast Guard. Get Lost."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 12 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Mar 12 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
A Pennsylvania couple had trouble selling their
home after strange apparitions and sounds forced
them to admit in their ad that it was "slightly
haunted." The Week asked its readers to put a more
positive spin on the sales pitch:
"A home suited for free spirits"
"Mostly not haunted"
"113-year-old Victorian,
still cared for by original owners"
"A place for all your possessions"
"This house has good bones"
"Your kids will make new friends"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 12 weeks, 2 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Mar 13 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
WATER......
It has been scientifically proven that if we drink
1 liter Of water each day, at the end of the year
we would have absorbed more Than 1 kilo of
Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces, in other
words, We are consuming 1 kilo of poop!
However, we do not run that risk when drinking
wine (or rum, whiskey, Vodka, beer or other
liquors) because alcohol has to go through a
Distillation process of boiling, filtering and
fermenting.
It is better to drink wine and talk sh*t
than to drink water and be full Of sh*t.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable
information,
I am doing This as a public service.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 12 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Mar 14 05:15:14 2021
***********************************
Today I found my first grey pubic hair.
I got really excited, but not as much as
the other people in the lift.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 12 weeks, 4 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Mar 15 05:15:12 2021
***********************************
An old man was in his golden years, but that
didn't stop him from trying to pick up the younger
ladies. He went to the local bar, approached a
very pretty and very young woman and said, "Where
have you been all my life?"
The young lady takes one glance at him and says,
"For the first half of it I wasn't even born yet."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 12 weeks, 5 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Mar 16 05:15:14 2021
***********************************
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on
the aviation frequencies. This was his first time
approaching a field during the nighttime, and
instead of making any official requests to the
tower, he said, "Guess who?"
The controller switched the field lights off and
replied, "Guess where!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 12 weeks, 6 days, 14 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Mar 17 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in
Juneau, Alaska, I got a call from the Navy in the
nearby city of Adak. They had lost contact with
one of their planes, and they needed the Coast
Guard to send an aircraft to go find it. I asked
the man where the Navy aircraft had last been
spotted so we would know where to search.
"I can't tell you," the Navy man said.
"That's classified."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 13 weeks, 13 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Mar 18 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
Why do dogs always race to the
door when the doorbell rings?
It's hardly ever for them.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 13 weeks, 1 day, 13 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Mar 19 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
An American tourist in London decides to skip his
tour group and explore the city on his own. He
wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally
stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local
culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of
stout.
After a while, he finds himself in a very nice
neighborhood with big, stately residences...no
pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all
NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.
He really, really has to go, after all those
Guinnesses. He finds a narrow side street, with
high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and
decides to use the wall to solve his problem.
As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder
by a London police officer, who says, "I say, sir,
you simply cannot do that here, you know."
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American,
"but I really, really have to go, and I just can't
find a public restroom."
"Ah, yes," said the policeman..."Just follow me".
He leads the American to a back delivery alley to
a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the policeman. "Go ahead sir,
anywhere you like."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most
beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass
lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and
huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect
bloom.
Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves
himself and feels much more comfortable. As he
goes back through the gate, he says to the police
officer, "That was really decent of you... is that
what you call English hospitality?"
"No sir...", replied the police officer, "...that
is what we call the French Embassy."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 13 weeks, 2 days, 13 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Mar 20 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
I recently stumbled upon my favorite new sports
team. It's a woman's bowling squad called I Can't
Believe It's Not Gutter.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 13 weeks, 3 days, 13 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Mar 21 04:15:20 2021
***********************************
While prosecuting a robbery case, I conducted an
interview with the arresting officer. My first
question: "Did you see the defendant at the
scene?"
"Yes, from a block away," the officer answered.
"Was the area well lit?"
"No. It was pretty dark."
"Then how could you identify the defendant?"
I asked, concerned.
Looking at me as if I were nuts, he answered,
"I'd recognize my cousin anywhere."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 13 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Mar 22 04:15:24 2021
***********************************
A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift
procedure and was explaining it to a prospective
patient. He told her, "I'll install a special
screw in the top of your skull. Your hair will
cover it so it will be unnoticed. Whenever you
need a little tuck, we'll just tighten the screw
a little,... and the wrinkles will disappear!"
The woman was enthused and told the doctor to, "GO
FOR IT!" The surgery was a resounding success, and
the woman went home happy.
A few months later, the woman returned in a great
state of agitation. She pointed to her face and
said, "Just look at these bags under my eyes!
Where the hell did they come from?"
The surgeon looked at her closely and said, "Those
aren't BAGS under your eyes. Those are your
breasts. And if you keep messing around with that
screw,... pretty soon you'll have a goatee!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 13 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Mar 23 04:15:20 2021
***********************************
Boy: "Our principal is so stupid!"
Girl: "Don't you know who I am?"
Boy: "No?"
Girl: "I'm the principals daughter".
Boy: "Do you know who I am?"
Girl: "No."
Boy: "Good." walks away quickly
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 13 weeks, 6 days, 13 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Mar 24 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
Q. What did one tornado say to the other?
A. "Let's twist again, like we did last summer..."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 14 weeks, 13 hours, 42 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Mar 26 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship
landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of
the spaceship and started to pump gas into it. The
woman noticed the letters 'U.F.O.' printed on the
side of the ship. She turned to the alien and
asked "Does U.F.O. stand for Unidentified Flying
Object?"
The alien answered, "No, it stands for Unleaded
Fuel Only!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Mar 27 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
When Abraham Liebowitz gets to school he discovers
that he is the only Jewish kid in the class. But
it's a decent town and nobody really bothers him.
One day the teacher asks the class "Who was the
greatest person who ever lived? and why?" And to
make it interesting she held a twenty dollar bill
in the air and said "whoever gives the best answer
will get this twenty dollars".
All of the kids called out their guesses. One said
"George Washington - because he was the father of
our country."
"That's excellent" said the teacher.
Another said "Abraham Lincoln - because he freed
the slaves."
"That's also good" said the teacher, reluctant to
bestow an excellent, but still being polite.
One little girl said "Joan of Arc - because she
saved France."
Another excellent choice said the teacher.
Then Abraham Liebowitz, raised his hand. So the
teacher called on him. "Abraham, who do you think
was the greatest person who ever lived, and why?"
And Abraham said "Jesus Christ."
The teacher was shocked. "Abraham," she said "I'm
very surprised. Class, I think we can all agree
that Abraham should get the twenty dollars." And
she handed Abraham Liebowitz the money. At recess,
the teacher was still very impressed. So she asked
Abraham why he said Jesus.
Abraham said "Look, personally I think Moses was
the greatest person who ever lived, but...
business is business!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 day, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Mar 28 04:15:22 2021
***********************************
A blind man was describing his favorite sport,
parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished,
he said that things were all done for him: "I am
placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told
when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring
for me and out I go with the dog."
"But how do you know when you are going to land?"
he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can
smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from
the ground" he answered.
"But how do you know when to lift your legs for
the final arrival on the ground?"
he was again asked.
He quickly answered:
"Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Mar 29 04:15:20 2021
***********************************
My collection of vintage kitchen utensils includes
one whose intended purpose was always a mystery.
It looks like a cross between a metal slotted
spoon and a spatula, so I use it as both. When not
in use, it is prominently displayed in a
decorative ceramic utensil caddy in my kitchen.
The mystery of the spoon/spatula was recently
solved when I found one in its original packaging
at a rummage sale.
It's a pooper-scooper.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 3 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Mar 30 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
A police officer jumps into his squad car and
calls the station.
"I have an interesting case here," he says. "A
woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor
she just mopped."
"Have you arrested her?" asks the sergeant.
"No, not yet. The floor's still wet."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 4 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Mar 31 04:15:20 2021
***********************************
When a woman applies for a job at a citrus grove,
the foreman asks, "Do you have any experience
picking lemons?"
"Well," she answers,
"I've been divorced three times."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 5 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Apr 1 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
A helicopter loses power over a remote Scottish
island and makes an emergency landing. Luckily,
there's a cottage nearby, so the pilot knocks on
the door. "Is there a mechanic in the area?" he
asks the woman who answers.
She thinks for a minute. "No, but we do have a
McArdle and a McKay."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 6 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Apr 2 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poke'r Face.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Apr 3 04:15:22 2021
***********************************
Three men: an editor, a photographer, and a
journalist are covering a political convention in
Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach
during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach,
they stumbled upon a lamp.
As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says
"Normally I would grant you three wishes, but
since there are three of you, I will grant you
each one wish."
The photographer went first. "I would like to
spend the rest of my life living in a huge house
in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie
granted him his wish and sent him on off to St.
Thomas.
The journalist went next. "I would like to spend
the rest of my life living on a huge yacht
cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries."
The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to
the Mediterranean.
Last, but not least, it was the editor's turn.
"And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.
"I want them both back after lunch" replied the
editor, "the deadline for tomorrow's newspaper is
in about ten hours.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 1 day, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Apr 4 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks
on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the
sign said "don't walk".
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 2 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Apr 5 04:15:20 2021
***********************************
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered
with his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your
hand on my steak?"
"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on
the floor again?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 3 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Apr 6 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
Waiter, there is a fly in my wine!
Well you did ask for something with
a little body in it!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 4 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Apr 7 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 5 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Apr 8 04:15:20 2021
***********************************
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when
three Hell's Angels' bikers walked in. The first
walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette
into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the
counter.
The second walked up to the old man, spat into the
old man's milk and then he too took a seat at the
counter.
The third walked up to the old man, turned over
the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at
the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly
left the diner.
Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the
waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver
either, he just backed his big-rig over three
motorcycles."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 6 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Apr 9 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly
stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.
After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant,
"What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the
engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it
took us a while to find a new pilot."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Apr 10 04:15:20 2021
***********************************
Students are great about sending our troops
letters, and the troops love 'em. You can see why:
"Dear Soldier, If you're having a rough day,
remember the most important thing in life is to be
yourself. Unless you can be Batman."
"Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or
Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers."
"I am so happy you are risking your life for the
USA! My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. Now he likes
peanuts."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Apr 11 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day.
One said to the other, "Why are we down in this
hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up
there in the shade of a tree?"
"I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask
him." So he climbed out of the hole and went to
his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and
you're standing in the shade?"
"Intelligence," the boss said.
"What do you mean, intelligence?"
The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my
hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with
your fist as hard as you can."
The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to
hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and
the ditch digger hit the tree.
The boss said, "That's intelligence!"
The ditch digger went back to his hole.
His friend asked, "What did he say?"
"He said we are down here because of
intelligence."
"What's intelligence?" said the friend.
The ditch digger put his hand on his face and
said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Apr 12 04:15:24 2021
***********************************
The Lone Ranger woke to see his
tent blown away by a tornado.
He declared,
"Tonto, we're not in canvas anymore."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Apr 13 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 15 hours, 24 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Apr 14 04:15:20 2021
***********************************
A man called, furious about an Orlando, Florida,
vacation package we had booked for him: He was
'expecting an ocean-view hotel room'. I explained
that was not possible, since Orlando is in the
middle of the state. "Don't lie to me," he said.
"I looked on the map, and Florida is a very
thin state."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Apr 15 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
Just came home from a training session. Two hours
on the treadmill did me really good. If only I
could somehow stop the constant beeping
and the irritated comments of the cashier.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 day, 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Apr 16 04:15:08 2021
***********************************
Did you hear about the juy who invented the knock knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Apr 17 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
The second one!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 3 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Apr 18 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
Q: Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
A: Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 4 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Apr 19 04:15:08 2021
***********************************
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at
the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo
officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the
next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A
twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out.
When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the
next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do
you think they'll go?"
The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless
somebody locks the gate at night!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 5 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Apr 22 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the
doctor. The doctor examined him and explained,
"I'm going to give you some suppositories. I'll
insert one now, and then I'll give you another one
for later this evening."
Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to
insert the suppository. She agrees reluctantly,
then puts one hand on his shoulder and inserts the
suppository. Suddenly, her husband shrieks,
"Aahhhhh!"
"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" she asks.
"No... I just realised that the doctor had *both*
his hands on my shoulders!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 1 day, 15 hours, 56 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Apr 23 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
A man hired a lawyer when he got sued by his
company for embezzlement of many millions. At the
beginning of the process, the lawyer kindly
reassured him: "Don't worry, you'll never go to
jail with that amount of money."
And the lawyer was right. When the man did go to
jail eventually, he didn't have a penny anymore.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 2 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Apr 24 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
"Will I ever be able to race my horse again" the
owner asked the vet.
The vet replied, "You certainly will, and you'll
probably beat her too!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 3 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Apr 25 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
Dear Boss,
I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions.
Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K
dates problem makes any sense to me.
At any rate I have finished converting all the
months on all the company calendars so that the
year 2000 is ready to go with the following
improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk. In
addition, I have changed the days of the week, and
they are now: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak,
Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.
Is it enough, or should I change any other Y to K?
I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Should I call
them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K ready?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 4 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Apr 26 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
"Please, ma'am! How do you spell ichael?"
The teacher was rather bewildered. "Don't you mean
Michael?" she asked.
"No, ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 5 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Apr 27 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
Wanna hear a joke about paper?
Nevermind, it's tearable.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 6 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Apr 28 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
While on patrol, I arrested a burglar who'd
injured himself running from a home. He told me
he'd broken in and unhooked the phone before
searching for valuables. But he'd panicked when
he heard a woman's voice. I entered the house and
heard the same voice: "If you'd like to make a
call, please hang up and try your call again."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Apr 29 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
The box said "Requires Windows Vista or better".
So I installed LINUX.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 15 hours, 56 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Apr 30 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
A student was heading home for the holidays. When
she got to the airline counter, she presented her
ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her
luggage, she made the remark, "I'd like you to
send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red
suitcase to London."
The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't do
that."
"Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that
because that's exactly what you did to my luggage
last year!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat May 1 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
A woman goes into the local newspaper office to
see that the obituary for her recently deceased
husband is published. After the editor informs her
that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word,
she pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then,
let it read 'Fred Brown died'."
Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor
stammers that there is a 7-word minimum for all
obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her
fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown
died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun May 2 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
Sauer and Tolbert went to the zoo and watched in
awe as a lion let loose with a spine-tingling
roar.
"Let's get out of here!" said Sauer.
"Go on, if'n you want to," said the other redneck.
"But Ah'm stayin' for the whole movie!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon May 3 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
This little old lady goes to the doctor and says,
"Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but
it really doesn't bother me too much. It never
smells and it's always silent. As a matter of fact
I've passed gas at least 20 times since I've been
here in your office. You didn't know I was passing
gas because it doesn't smell and it's silent."
The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come
back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she
says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my
passing gas. although still silent, it stinks
terribly."
"Good", the doctor said, "now that we've cleared
up your sinuses, we'll start to work on your
hearing."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 15 hours, 56 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue May 4 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
Great Book Titles
How to Feed Elephants by P. Nutts
Aches and Pains by Arthur Ritis
The Spicy Sausage by Delia Katessen
The Punished Schoolboy by Major Bumsaw
The Long Walk Home by Miss D. Buss
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 6 days, 15 hours, 57 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu May 6 22:35:24 2021
***********************************
Q: How many seconds are there in one year?
A: 12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March
2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd,
August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November
2nd, December 2nd.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 3 weeks, 2 days, 10 hours, 17 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri May 7 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
A customer was bothering the waiter in a
restaurant. First, he asked that the air
conditioning be turned up because he was too hot,
then he asked it be turned down cause he was too
cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he
walked back and forth and never once got angry. So
finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't
throw out the pest.
"Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter
with a smile. "We don't even have an air
conditioner."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat May 8 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim."
That way it sounds better when I say I go to the
Jim first thing every morning.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun May 9 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
My wife left me, went away. At first I was sad,
lonely and didn't know what to do with myself. But
I bought a motorbike, threw a wild, loud party and
got to meet some other women. I think my wife may
not be so pleased when she comes back again from
work.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon May 10 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien
in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls
him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've
got to go back across the border right now."
The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo
Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm
going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll
let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a
sentence".
The Mexican man of course agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words
are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1
sentence."
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2
minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went
Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue May 11 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You love too much. Maybe Stephfon Bennett
should try online dating. After he and two
accomplices allegedly mugged a couple in Columbus,
Ohio, police say he found the woman's ID in her
purse, then showed up at her door with a simple
proposal: How about a date? Since a girl likes to
play hard to get, she called the cops, who
arrested Bennett outside her home.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed May 12 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
The person who thought it's a good idea to put the
light switch outside of the bathroom clearly
didn't have any siblings.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu May 13 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
Sir you haven't touched your custard.
I'm just waiting for the fly to stop using it as
a trampoline
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri May 14 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with
the Godfather?
A: An offer you can't understand.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat May 15 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
Three Kiwis and three Aussies are traveling by
train to a conference. At the station, the three
Aussies each buy tickets and watch as the three
Kiwis buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one
ticket?" asks an Aussie.
"Watch and you'll see," answers a Kiwi.
They all board the train. The Aussies take their
respective seats but all three Kiwis cram into a
bathroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the
conductor comes around collecting tickets. He
knocks on the bathroom door and says,"Ticket,
please." The door opens just a crack and a single
arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor
takes it and moves on.
The Aussies see this and agree it was quite a
clever idea. So after the conference, the Aussies
decide to copy the Kiwis on the return trip and
save some money (being clever with money,and all
that). When they get to the station, they buy a
single ticket for the return trip. To their
astonishment, the Kiwis don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?"
says one perplexed Aussie. Watch and you'll see,"
answers a kiwi.
When they board the train the three Aussies cram
into a bathroom and the three Kiwis cram into
another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly
afterward, one of the Kiwis leaves his bathroom
and walks over to the bathroom where the Aussies
are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun May 16 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our
first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his
locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in
his office. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost
my key. I walked into the orderly's room and asked
Sarge if I could borrow his master key.
"Why, certainly, young man," he said, as he
reached under his desk and handed me a large pair
of bolt cutters.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon May 17 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation
of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer,
she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would
turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright
in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run
into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't
empty."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue May 18 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
For her summer job, my 18-year-old daughter
arranged interviews at several day-care centers.
At one meeting, she sat down on one of the kiddie
seats, no simple task for most people. The
interview went well, and at the end, the day-care
center director asked the standard question, "Can
you give me one good reason we should hire you?"
"Because I fit in the chairs." She got the job.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed May 19 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in
Illinois?
The first offense they give you Bears tickets and
the second offense they make you use them.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu May 20 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
There was once a young man who, in his youth,
professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, "I want to
write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff
that people will react to on a truly emotional
level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl
in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 1 week, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri May 21 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a
camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and
were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes
said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"
"Well, I see thousands of stars."
"And what does that mean to you?"
"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice
day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"
"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat May 22 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You can't let go of your friends. Two New
Zealand prisoners had the brilliant idea of
fleeing the courthouse while tethered together by
handcuffs. They might have escaped had a light
pole not gotten between them. Like a pair of
click-clacks, they slammed into each other and
were arrested trying to get back to their feet.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun May 23 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
A person went into the office kitchen one morning
and found a new blonde girl painting the walls.
She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim
jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her
why she was wearing them rather than old clothes
or an overall. She showed him the instructions on
the tin,
"For best results, put on two coats".
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon May 24 04:15:08 2021
***********************************
Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?
Must have been a duck family.
A duck family?
Didn't you say there was a quack in it?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue May 25 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
A Pastor goes to a nursing home for the first time
to visit an elderly parishioner.
As he is sitting there, he notices a bowl of
peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they
continue their conversation, he can't help himself
and eats one after another.
By the time they are through visiting, the bowl is
empty. He says, "Mrs. Jones, I'm so sorry, but I
seem to have eaten all of your peanuts."
"That's O.K.," she says. "They would have just sat
there anyway.
Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the
chocolate off and put them back in the bowl.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed May 26 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called
Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked
a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He
gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he
was walking away, I called after him, "So, what
was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless
inquired: "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in
case I need to fix it again?"
The computer guy grinned.... "Haven't you ever
heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll
figure it out."
So I wrote out ......
I D 1 0 T
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu May 27 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
A worker approaches his employer and holds up his
last pay check. `This is two hundred dollars
short,' he says.
`I know,' says the employer. `But last week I
overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you didn't
say anything.'
`Well,' says the worker. `I don't mind an
occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a
habit, I feel I have to call it to your
attention.'
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 2 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri May 28 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
When an ape visits his tailor, what kind of a suit
does he order?
A zoo-t suit!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 3 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat May 29 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
I couldn't decide whether to go to Salt Lake City
or Denver for vacation, so I called the airlines
to get prices. "Airfare to Denver is $300," the
cheery salesperson replied.
"And what about Salt Lake City?"
"We have a really great rate to Salt Lake-$99,"
she said "But there is a stopover."
"Where?"
"In Denver," she said.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 3 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun May 30 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You don't know when to write off a loss. John
Opperman-Green robbed a Kissimmee, Florida,
7-Eleven, then called the cops to complain when he
tried to hitch a ride with strangers, who, in
turn, robbed him.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 3 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon May 31 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
The Spanish explorers went 'round the world in
a galleon.
How many galleons did they get to the mile?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 3 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jun 1 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
My house is haunted by a ghostwriter. Last night,
I came home and my autobiography had been written.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 3 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jun 2 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
What did the Tin Man say when
he got run over by a steamroller?
"Curses! Foil again!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 3 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jun 3 04:15:08 2021
***********************************
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle
drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no
reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the
elephant's tail, really hard.
Years and years later, the same elephant, now
grown up, is by the same river, having a drink
with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that
bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up
to the river.
The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle
as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into
the jungle.
"Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks.
"When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail
for no reason," the elephant replied.
"Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the
giraffe.
"Yep!" said the elephant."I've got Turtle-Recall."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 3 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jun 4 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
What is hail?
Hard boiled rain!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 4 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jun 5 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
There was once a magic mirror in a ladies room in
a bar. If one stood in front of this mirror and
tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However,
if one tells a lie, *POOF* you are instantly
swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen
again.
A redhead of questionable looks walks into the
Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says,
"I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the
world." *POOF* The mirror swallows her.
Next, a rather large brunette stands before the
mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman
alive! *POOF* The mirror swallows her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blonde comes in and
stands before the mirror and says, "I think..."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 4 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jun 6 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
You're sending me something via fax?
What is it, an important document from 1993?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 4 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jun 7 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
Rev up your engines and tell the crabgrass to look
out. The 12th annual Mow Down, Show Down Lawn
Mower Championship was held in Avon Park, Florida,
bringing out the best and fastest in lawn-mower
racing. It also brought out some colorful names.
Entrants included: Weedy Gonzales, Blading
Saddles, Turfinator, Sodzilla and Mr. Mowjangles.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 4 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jun 8 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
Q: How do you get down from an elephant?
A: You don't. You get down from a goose.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 4 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jun 9 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
Why don't anteaters get sick?
Because they are full of antibodies!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 4 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jun 10 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one
night he's doing a show in a small club in a small
town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's
going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a
blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair
and starts shouting:
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that
way? What does the color of a person's hair have
to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys
like you who keep women like me from being
respected at work and in the community and from
reaching our full potential as a person, because
you and your kind continue to perpetuate
discrimination against, not only blondes, but
women in general... and all in the name of humor!"
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to
apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of
this, mister! I'm talking to that little idiot on
your knee!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 4 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jun 11 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a
painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden
of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm,"
muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're
naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are
French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out,
"they have only an apple to eat, and they're being
told this is paradise. They are Russian."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 5 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jun 12 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
Man to his wife: "Do you know what our 6 year old
son wants to be once he's big?"
Wife: "No."
Man: "A garbage man. And you know why?"
Wife: "No, why?"
Man: "Because he thinks they only work on
Tuesdays."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 5 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jun 13 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
The train was packed, and the U. S. Marine Walked
the entire length looking for a seat, but a well-
dressed, Middle-aged, French woman's poodle took
the Only seat remaining.
The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have
that seat?"The French woman just sniffed and said
to no one in particular, "Americans are so rude.
My little Fifi is using that seat."
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the
only seat left was Under that dog."Please, ma'am.
May I sit down? I'm very tired."She snorted, "Not
only are you Americans rude, you are also
arrogant!"
The next time the Marine didn't say a word; he
just picked up the little Dog, tossed it out the
train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, "Someone must defend my honor!
Put this American In his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up,
"Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for
doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the
wrong hand, you drive your vehicles on the wrong
side of the road. And now, Sir, you seem to have
thrown the wrong bitch out the window.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 5 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jun 14 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You skimp on travel expenses. Twelve Middle
Eastern immigrants forgot the first rule of
sneaking into a country: Don't call attention to
yourself. En route to England from Germany, they
snuck a ride in the back of a man's truck. They
stayed mum throughout their trip, even as they
crossed the Channel into England. But once they
hit Dover, they celebrated their arrival with
songs and whoops. Not for long, though. The
startled driver headed to a police station, where
the 12 were apprehended.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 5 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jun 15 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
I haven't cleaned up in a while. I've got a messy
house - a milk carton with a picture of the
Lindbergh baby on it.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 5 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jun 16 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: A fsh.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 5 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jun 17 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
Q: What's the last thing that goes through a bug's
mind as it hits your windshield?
A: Its butt.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 5 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jun 18 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
We have one of those floor lamps with three degrees
of brightness: dim, flicker, and out.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 6 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jun 19 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
Where was the Magna Carta signed?
At the bottom.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 6 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jun 20 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
Sometimes I think war is God's way
of teaching us geography.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 6 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jun 21 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
I'm not saying that the customer service in my
bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and
asked the clerk to check my balance she leaned
over and pushed me.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 6 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jun 22 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Isabelle.
Isabelle who?
Isabelle working, or should I keep knocking?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 6 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jun 23 04:15:22 2021
***********************************
The Captain was Jewish, and the new First Officer
was Chinese. It was the first time they had flown
together, and it was obvious by the silence that
they didn't get along.
After 30 minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He
said, "I don't like Chinese."
The F.O. replied, "Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why is
that?"
The Captain said, "You bombed Pearl Harbor. That's
why I don't like Chinese."
The F.O. said, "Nooooo, noooo ... Chinese not bomb
Pearl Harbah. That JAPANESE, not Chinese."
And the Captain answered, "Chinese, Japanese,
Vietnamese ... it doesn't matter. They're all
alike. "
Another 30 minutes of silence. Finally the First
Officer said, "No like Jew."
The Captain replied, "Why not? Why don't you like
Jews?"
"Jews sink Titanic." Said the F.O.
The Captain tried to correct him, "No, no. The
Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg .. no mattah..
all same "
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 6 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jun 24 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts
it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans"
he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the
wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a
$20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?"asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,"
replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser
and it's half the price."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 6 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jun 25 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
When were King Arthur's armies too tired to fight?
When they had lots of sleepless knights.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 7 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jun 26 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
A man had been driving all night and by morning
was still far from his destination. He decided to
stop at the next city he came to, and park
somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of
sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he
chose happened to be on one of the city's major
jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to
snooze when there came a knocking on his window.
He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.
"Yes?"
"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have
the time?"
The man looked at the car clock and answered,
"8:15".
The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled
back again, and was just dozing off when there was
another knock on the window and another jogger.
"Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"
"8:25!" The jogger said thanks and left. Now the
man could see other joggers passing by and he knew
it was only a matter of time before another one
disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a
pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying,
"I do not know the time!"
Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just
dozing off when there was another knock on the
window. "Sir, sir? It's 8:45!."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 7 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jun 27 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
Q: Which dinosaur knew the most words?
A: The thesaurus.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 7 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jun 28 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
An old couple is at a fair an the old man sees a
helicopter ride for $50. The old man asks his
wife, "I don't have much time left. Can I take I
ride in one of them helicopters?"
His wife responds, "Oh well that's way too
expensive."
The man running the helicopter rides as a pilot
hears their conversation and makes them a deal.
"Hey, I'll take you on a ride for free, but you
can't make one sound. If you do, then you have to
pay $50." says the pilot.
The couple climbs in the helicopter. The pilot
takes off and does awesome tricks with the
helicopter. The couple never made a sound.
The pilot lands the helicopter and says, "Wow,
impressive, usually people make so much noise on
these rides."
The old man says, "Well, I almost made a noise
when my wife fell out of the helicopter, but these
rides are too expensive."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 7 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jun 29 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying
escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance,
acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the
lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the
air, "Anything you can do, I can do better."
The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-
shot." The B-52 continued its flight, straight and
level.
Perplexed, the hotdog asked, "So? What did you
do?"
"I just shut down two engines, kid."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 7 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jun 30 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
An investment banker decides she needs in-house
counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer.
"Mr. Peterson," she says.
"Would you say you're honest?"
"Honest?" replies Peterson. "Let me tell you
something about honesty. My father lent me $85,000
for my education, and I paid back every penny the
minute I tried my first case."
"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"
"Dad sued me for the money."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 7 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jul 1 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
A woman called the Colorado State Division of
Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard. "Can
you tell me what kind it is?" she asked.
"Can you describe it?" I asked.
"Yes," she said. "It's long and thin."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 7 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jul 2 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two
drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their
briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became
quite concerned and marched over and told them,
"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"
The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their
shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 8 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jul 3 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
How many gorillas can fit into a car?
Eight.
How many chickens can fit into the car?
None, the car is already full of gorillas.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 8 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jul 4 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
A magician was driving down the road...
then he turned into a driveway.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 8 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jul 5 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
In a boutique:
Could I try the dress in the shop window, please?
I'm sorry madam but no. We have fitting rooms for
that.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 8 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jul 6 04:15:08 2021
***********************************
A recent scientific study showed that
out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94%
are too lazy to actually read that number.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 8 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jul 7 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
A blonde from California decides to try horseback
riding, even though she has had no lessons or
prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted
and the horse immediately springs into motion. It
gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but
the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but
cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to
throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she
slides down the side of the horse anyway. The
horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its
slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail
grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and
throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in
the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the
horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck
against the ground over and over. As her head is
battered against the ground, she is mere moments
away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune
the Supermarket manager sees her
and shuts the horse off.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 8 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jul 8 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
"Waiter!" shouted the furious diner, "How dare you
serve me this! There's a TWIG in my soup!"
"My apologies," said the waiter. "I'll inform the
branch manager."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 8 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jul 9 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes
to his neighbor and asks him if he could buy a
rooster for $100. The neighbor says, "You can have
this rooster. His name's Roy. He'll get all your
hens pregnant. He's a real stud."
So the farmer takes him home and says, "It's your
first day so take it slow, okay?" The farmer puts
Roy in the hen house and then hears all the hens
crying and yelling. Roy nailed every one of those
hens and then nailed a duck and a goose at a pond.
The next morning the farmer finds Roy lying dead
with his legs sticking in the air and buzzards
circling overhead. The farmer says, "Roy, did you
have to die?"
Roy says, "Quiet! They're about to land!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 9 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jul 10 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride
on the turtle?
A. Wheeeee!!!!!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 9 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jul 11 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
The village blacksmith hired an enthusiastic new
apprentice willing to work long, hard hours. He
instructed the boy, "When I take the shoe out of
the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my
head, you hit it with the hammer."
The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now
he's the new village blacksmith.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 9 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jul 12 04:15:20 2021
***********************************
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to
Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who
responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go
there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you
getting there?"
"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a
great rate!"
"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible
airline. Their planes are old, their flight
attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So,
where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."
"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city.
The rooms are small, the service is surly and
they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get
there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope
to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a
million other people trying to see him. He'll look
the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy
trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the man again came in for his
regular haircut. The barber asked him about his
trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only
were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes,
but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to
first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and
I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who
waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel - it was
great! They'd just finished a $25 million
remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in
the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they
apologized and gave us the presidential suite at
no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't
get to see the pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured
the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the
shoulder and explained that the pope likes to
personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd
be so kind as to step into his private room and
wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure
enough, five minutes later the pope walked through
the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he
spoke a few words to me."
"Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"
He said, "Where'd you get the lousy haircut?
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 9 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jul 13 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the
window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong
mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat
next to him and immediately falls asleep.
The little guy starts to feel a little airsick,
but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if
he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb
over him, and so the little guy is sitting there,
looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to
do.
Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an
uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the
little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he
pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five
minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down,
and sees the vomit all over him.
"So," says the little guy,
"are you feeling better now?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 9 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jul 14 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
Just been to the gym and there's a new machine.
Only used it for an hour as I started to feel
sick. Its good though, it does everything
'Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps'!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 9 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jul 15 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
After I took a job at a small publishing house,
the first books I was assigned to edit were all
on the topic of dieting.
"Isn't the market flooded with these types of
books?" I asked another editor. "How do we expect
to turn a profit?"
"Don't worry," he assured me. "These books appeal
to a wider audience than most."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 9 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jul 16 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
They say you can never judge a book by its cover.
But it's the only way to judge a tribute band.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 10 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jul 17 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
Six Dumb Questions Real Lawyers Asked In Court
"How many times have you committed suicide?"
"Were you alone or by yourself?"
"Was it you or your brother who was killed?"
"Without saying anything, tell the jury what you
did next."
"Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
"Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until
the next morning?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 10 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jul 18 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
I don't blame hospitals for trying to keep costs
down, but I really think a coin-operated bedpan
is going a little too far.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 10 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jul 19 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
A young lady was conducting a study in to human
sexual behavior. She came to the conclusion that
the best place to find participants for the survey
would be the airport. After three hours of
questioning passengers, she sees a pilot walking
to his gate. Having heard of the reputation of
pilots she stops him "Excuse me, Captain" she
says, "I am doing a survey on human sexuality...
I was wondering if you could answer a few
questions..."
The pilot agrees, and the young lady starts
questioning him. After three questions, she asks
him "...and when was the last time you had sex?".
Straight away the Captain replies "1959".
The girl was shocked. She looks at the captain and
asks "1959 isn't that a long time ago?".
"Oh" the pilot replies "I guess so...but it's only
2015 now..."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 10 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jul 20 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You believe flattery will get you anywhere.
Adan Juarez Ramirez had it all figured out-he
could be a cop without having to take the boring
test. But he was arrested in Grapevine, Texas,
after pulling over a driver in his pickup truck,
outfitted with flashing lights. He even had an ID
badge, which he'd made by blacking out a
restaurant gift card and etching in the word
"POLICE." However, he'd kept the restaurant's
logo, a jalapeno pepper surrounded by the words
"Chipotle Mexican Grill."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 10 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jul 21 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
What's the difference between a Northern zoo and
a Southern zoo?
In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal
and the Latin name underneath.
In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal
and a recipe underneath.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 10 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jul 22 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
One of our interns asked another if she was
planning to sign up for the company's 401(k).
"I'm considering it," replied the second intern.
Later, the first intern approached me looking
concerned.
"I did the math," she said, "and 401K is almost
250 miles. She'll never make it!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 10 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jul 23 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
An elderly couple had been experiencing declining
memories, so they decided to take a power memory
class where one is taught to remember things by
association.
A few days after the class, the old man was
outside talking with his neighbor about how much
the class helped him.
"What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the
neighbor.
"Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered. "You
know that flower, you know, the one that smells
really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's
that flower's name?"
"A rose?" asked the neighbor. "Yes, that's it,"
replied the old man.
He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey,
Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took
the memory class from?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 11 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jul 24 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
A biologist was interested in studying how far
bullfrogs can jump. He brought a bullfrog into his
laboratory, set it down, and commanded, "Jump,
frog, jump!"
The frog jumped across the room. The biologist
measured the distance, then noted in his journal,
"Frog with four legs jumped eight feet."
Then he cut the frog's front legs off. Again he
ordered, "Jump, frog, jump!"
The frog struggled a moment, then jumped a few
feet. After measuring the distance, the biologist
noted in his journal, "Frog with two legs jumped
three feet."
Next, the biologist cut off the frog's back legs.
Once more, he shouted, "Jump, frog, jump!" The
frog just lay there. "Jump, frog, jump!" the
biologist repeated. Nothing.
The biologist noted in his journal,
"Frog with no legs - lost its hearing."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 11 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Jul 25 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
A ragged individual stranded for several months on
a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific
Ocean, one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand
with a piece of paper in it.
Rushing to the bottle, he pulled the cork, and
with shaking hands, withdrew the message.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we
regretfully have found it neccessary to cancel
your e-mail account."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 11 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Jul 26 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work
when his wife rings him on his cell phone.
"Honey," she says in a worried voice, "please be
careful. There was a bit on the news just now,
some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the
highway."
"Oh it's worse than that," he replies,
"there are hundreds of them!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 11 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Jul 27 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really
large women came in, talking in an interesting
accent.
So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from
Ireland?"
One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, dumbo!"
So I corrected myself, "Oh, right, so are you two
whales from Ireland?"
That's about as far as I remember.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 11 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Jul 28 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a
sentence before making a suggestion.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 11 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Jul 29 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed
the students, pointing out some of the rules.
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for
all male students, and the male dormitory to the
female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule
will be fined $20 the first time."
He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule
the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a
third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are
there any questions?"
At this point, a male student in the crowd
inquired:
"How much for a season pass?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 11 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Jul 30 04:15:08 2021
***********************************
Sleep with an open window tonight!
-1400 mosquitos like that.
-420 mosquitos commented on it.
-210 mosquitos shared this.
-One mosquito invited for the event.
-2800 mosquitos will be attending the event.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 12 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Jul 31 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a
puppy.
The joy of their new best friend was quickly
overshadowed when they got home and the first
blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we
going to tell them apart?"
This lead to several hours of concentration until
finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an
idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a
blue bow around yours."
The next day the first blonde comes running up to
the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell
whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons
off while they were playing."
"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them
apart," says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, they
came up with the bright idea of getting different
colored collars.
Again, the next day, the first blonde comes
running up to the second as soon as she gets home,
"Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've
pulled their collars off while they were playing."
"There's got to be some way to tell them apart,"
says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, the
first blonde finally comes up with another idea,
"I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll
take the white one!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 12 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Aug 1 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
I called a temp agency looking for work, and they
asked if I had any phone skills. I said,
"I called you, didn't I?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 12 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Aug 2 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
Two satellites decided to get married.
The wedding wasn't much,
but the reception was incredible.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 12 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Aug 3 04:15:20 2021
***********************************
A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after
filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a
soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola
and he watched a couple of men working along the
roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three
feet deep and then move on. The other man came
along behind and filled in the hole. While one was
digging a new hole, the other was about 25 feet
behind filling in the hole. The men worked right
past the fellow with the soft drink and went on
down the road. "I can't stand this," said the man
tossing the can in a trash container and heading
down the road toward the men. "Hold it, hold it,"
he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going
on here with this digging?"
"Well, we work for the county government," one of
the men said.
"But one of you is digging a hole and the other is
filling it up. You're not accomplishing anything.
Aren't you wasting the county's money?"
"You don't understand, mister," one of the men
said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow.
"Normally there's three of us--me, Rodney and
Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree
and Mike here puts the dirt back."
"Yea," piped up Mike. "Now just because Rodney's
sick, that don't mean we can't work, does it?"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 12 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Aug 4 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
"There are two major products to come out of
Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to
be a coincidence.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 12 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Aug 5 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
While I was assigned to the space shuttle program,
my job included ordering supplies. One of the
engineers requested a new dictionary. Following
regulations, I asked him why he needed it.
I expected his answer to be "My old copy is lost"
or "The cover is falling off." Instead he said,
"My current edition defines spaceship as an
`imaginary aircraft.'"
He got his new dictionary.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 12 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Aug 6 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
The gladiator was having a rough day in the arena
his opponent had sliced off both of his arms.
Nevertheless, he kept on fighting, kicking and
biting as furiously as he could. But when his
opponent lopped off both feet, our gladiator had
no choice but to give up, for now he was both
unarmed and defeated.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 13 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Aug 7 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk
of the loan officer. "Hi," he croaks. "What's your
name?"
The loan officer says, "My name is John Paddywack.
May I help you?"
"Yeah," says the frog. "I'd like to borrow some
money."
The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets
out a form. "Okay, what's your name?"
The frog replies, "Kermit Jagger."
"Really?" says the loan officer. "Any relation to
Mick Jagger?"
"Yeah, he's my dad."
"Hmmm," says the loan officer. "Do you have any
collateral?"
The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and
asks, "Will this do?"
The loan officer says, "Um, I'm not sure. Let me
go check with the bank manager."
"Oh, tell him I said hi," adds the frog. "He knows
me."
The loan officer goes back to the manager and
says, "Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out
there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow
some money. All he has for collateral is this
pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it
is."
The manager says: "It's a knick-knack, Paddywack,
give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling
Stone."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 13 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Aug 8 04:15:08 2021
***********************************
Two babies are sitting in their cribs, when one
baby asks the other, "Are you a little girl or
a little boy?"
The other baby shrugs. "I don't know how to tell
the difference."
"I do," says the first baby. He carefully climbs
out of his crib and into the other crib, then
disappears beneath the blankets. After a few
seconds, he resurfaces.
"You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy,"
he says.
"How can you tell?"
"Easy. You've got pink booties,
and I've got blue ones."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 13 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Aug 9 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
Q: What does Charles Dickens
keep in his spice rack?
A: The best of thymes,
the worst of thymes.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 13 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Aug 10 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
When a neighbor's home was burglarized, I decided
to be more safety conscious. But my measly front-
door lock wasn't going to stop anyone,
so I hung this sign outside:
"Nancy, don't come in. The snake is loose. Mom."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 13 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Aug 11 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday
School. Usually she slept through the class. One
day the teacher called on her while she was
napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the
universe?"
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an
altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her,
took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God
Almighty!" shouted Mary, and the teacher said,
"Very good," and Mary fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our
Lord and Savior," but Mary didn't even stir from
her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the
rescue, and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!"
shouted Mary, and the teacher said, "Very good,"
and Mary fell back asleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question.
"What did Eve say to Adam after she had her
twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her
with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and
shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one
more time, I'll break it in half!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 13 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Aug 12 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You take the holidays too seriously. Robert E.
Dendy of upstate New York presented the local
police station with a Christmas wreath. Since the
officers were well acquainted with Dendy, they did
some snooping and arrested him for stealing the
wreath from a store down the block.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 13 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Aug 13 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
A man is flying from Los Angeles to New York.
During the meal service, accidentally knocked the
spoon off to the aisle with his elbow. The flight
attendant immediately took a spoon from his pocket
and placed it on his tray table. The man was very
impressed by the promptness of he service and
asked, "Do all flight attendants carry a spoon in
their pockets?"
The flight attendant answered, "We had an
efficiency expert in to evaluate our operation. He
determined that 25% of the customers knock the
spoon off their tray tables. By carrying a spare
spoon, we all save trips to the galley and can be
much more efficient."
Later, as the flight attendant is picking his
dirty tray up, the customer asked, "Excuse me for
asking but why do you have a string hanging from
your fly?"
The flight attendant replied, "The efficiency
expert determined that we were spending too much
time washing our hands after we went to the
bathroom. To counteract this, we tie strings to
our penises."
The customer looked confused. "How does that
help?" he asked.
"Well, when I go to the bathroom I just use the
string. Since I never touched myself I don't need
to wash my hands."
The customer nodded and asked, "But how do you get
it back in your pants?"
The flight attendant smiled, "I don't know about
the other guys, but I use the spoon."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 14 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Aug 14 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
A student seeking a job at our university was
handed an application. He dutifully filled out his
name and address. When it came to the entry
"length of residence," he wrote:
"Approximately 30 feet."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 14 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Aug 15 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You depend on the kindness of strangers.
Christopher Wilson of Spokane left his name and
phone number with clerks at a home-improvement
store should anyone find something of his that
he'd dropped, according to police. They did find
something, and Wilson was arrested for possession
of methamphetamines.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 14 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Aug 16 04:15:22 2021
***********************************
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it
take to change a light bulb?
A: Exactly five hundred. 1 to change the light
bulb and to post to the mail list that the light
bulb has been changed. 7 to share similar
experiences of changing light bulbs and how the
light bulb could have been changed differently or
to caution about the dangers of changing light
bulbs. 17 to point out spelling/grammar errors
in posts about changing light bulbs. 21 to flame
the spell checkers. 49 to write to the list
administrator complaining about the light bulb
discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail
list. 20 to correct spelling in the spelling/
grammar flames. 32 to post that this list is not
about light bulbs and to please take this email
exchange to alt.lite.bulb. 69 to demand that cross
posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.
punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
41 to defend the posting to this list saying that
we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are
relevant to this mail list. 106 to debate which
method of changing light bulbs is superior, where
to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light
bulbs work best for this technique, and what
brands are faulty. 12 to post URLs where one can
see examples of different light bulbs. 8 to post
that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post
corrected URLs. 2 to post about links they found
from the URLs that are relevant to this list which
makes light bulbs relevant to this list. 15 to
concatenate all posts to date, then quote them
including all headers and footers, and then add
pointedly, "Me Too." 6 to post to the list that
they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle
the light bulb controversy. 9 to quote the "Me
Too's" and happily add, "Me Three!" 3 to suggest
that posters request the light bulb FAQ. 1 to
propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup. 24 to
say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was
meant for, leave it here. 53 votes for alt.lite.
bulb.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 14 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Aug 17 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
Why Does Ariel wear seashells?
Because she can't fit into D-shells
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 14 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Aug 18 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
A couple have not been getting along for years, so
the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery
plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her
disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and
this time he doesn't get her anything. She says,
"Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last
year!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 14 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Aug 19 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly,
so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank,
proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 14 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Aug 20 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
Q: Why did the chicken go to the seance?
A: To get to the other side.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 15 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Aug 21 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
The nuns at the local convent had their daily
annoucement session. The mother superior walked
out in front of the 100 nuns with a very serious
frown on her face. She began to speak...
Mother Superior: There had been a sinful deed
committed here, yesterday. 99 nuns: Oh, no!
1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: Today I found a pair a men's
underwear. 99 nuns: Oh, no! 1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: And I also found a condom. 99
nuns: Oh, no! 1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: And it has been used! 99 nuns:
Oh, no! 1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.
Mother Superior: And there was a hole in it! 1
nun: Oh, No! 99 nuns: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!....
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 15 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Aug 22 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You think presidents need a promotion. James
Rhyne of Memphis was charged with forgery after he
handed a waitress a $100 bill. The waitress knew
something was funny with the money: Instead of the
portly visage of Ben Franklin, it was the star of
the $5 bill, Abe Lincoln, who was staring back at
her.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 15 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Aug 23 04:15:20 2021
***********************************
A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy
with his feet propped up on a table. He had the
biggest boots she'd ever seen.
The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they
say about men with big feet are well endowed.
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little
lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse
and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she
spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm
real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah
services before."
"Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy
yourself some boots that fit."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 15 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Aug 24 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
Caller: Finally! I got through! I've been trying
to call the zoo for hours!
Zookeeper: Yes, all our lions were busy!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 15 weeks, 4 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Aug 25 04:15:08 2021
***********************************
This couple was heading to the hospital with their
16-year-old daughter, who was scheduled to undergo
a tonsillectomy. During the ride they talked about
the procedure.
"Dad," the teenager asked, "how are they going to
keep my mouth open during surgery?"
Without hesitation her father quipped, "They're
going to give you a phone."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 15 weeks, 5 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Aug 26 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
Why did your sister cut a hole in her new
umbrella?
Because she wanted to be able to tell when
it stopped raining.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 15 weeks, 6 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Aug 27 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
I'm learning ancient history.
So am I. Let's go for a walk and talk over
old times.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 16 weeks, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Aug 28 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer
over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell
out of the car several miles back?"
To which the farmer replied:
"Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 16 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Aug 29 04:15:12 2021
***********************************
Two hikers are out hiking.
All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.
They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up
the tree after them. The first hiker gets his
sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting
them on.
The second hiker says, "What are you doing?"
The first responds, "I figure when the bear gets
close to us, we ll have to jump down and make a
run for it."
The second says, "Are you crazy? Don't you know
you can't outrun a bear?"
The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the
bear... I only have to outrun you!"
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 16 weeks, 2 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Aug 30 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships?
With their eyes shut.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 16 weeks, 3 days, 5 hours, 30 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Sep 3 04:15:20 2021
***********************************
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance
policy. The insurance agent was going down the
list of standard questions. "Ever have an
accident?"
"Nope, nary a one."
"None? You've never had any accidents."
"Nope. Ain't never had one. Never."
"Well, you said on this form you were bit by a
snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an
accident?"
"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Sep 4 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
I heard that if you play the Windows NT 4.0 CD
backwards, you'll get a satanic message. But the
most frightening thing is that if you play it
forward, it installs NT 4.0!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 1 day, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Sep 5 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
Q: What did the reindeer say
before telling his joke?
A: This one'll sleigh you!
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 2 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Sep 6 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
While editing announcements for a newspaper, I
came across an item promoting a camp for children
with asthma. Aside from all the wonderful
activities the kids could enjoy, such as canoeing,
swimming, crafts and more, it promised that its
lakefront property offered something the kids
probably did not expect: "breathtaking views."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 3 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Sep 7 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
Notice seen on the bulletin board of a Florida air
base: "The following enlisted men will pick up
their Good Conduct medals in the supply room this
afternoon. Failure to comply with this order will
result in disciplinary action."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 4 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Sep 8 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would
reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say,
"I'm Janey Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
With her mother standing just a few feet away, the
little girl replied,
"I thought I was, but Mommy says I'm not."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
---
--- up 5 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Sep 9 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear
casual clothes so they won't be identified as
clergy. They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and
soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde
in a tiny bikini. "Good afternoon, Fathers," she
says as she strolls by.
The men are stunned. How does she know they're
clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer
shorts, tie-dyed T-shirts, and dark glasses. The
next day, they return to the beach. The same
fabulous blonde, now wearing a string bikini,
passes by, nods politely at them, and says, "Good
morning, Fathers."
"Just a minute, young lady," says one of the
priests. "We are priests and proud of it, but how
in the world did you know?"
"Don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Kathryn from
the convent."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 6 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Sep 10 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only
1 letter in it?
A: Envelope.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 1 week, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Sep 11 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
You're a dumb criminal if ...
... You leave a paper trail. Hickory, North
Carolina, cops were able to solve in record time
the mystery of the two cash registers purloined
from the Captain's Galley restaurant. Their big
break came when they discovered a trail of white
register tape. They followed it 50 yards to an
apartment, where, they say, Donny Guy was cracking
the registers open.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 1 week, 1 day, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Sep 12 04:15:08 2021
***********************************
I saw a documentary on how
ships are kept together;
It was riveting.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 1 week, 2 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Sep 13 04:15:18 2021
***********************************
What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 1 week, 3 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Sep 14 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
Whose son was Edward, the Black Prince?
Old King Coal
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 1 week, 4 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Sep 15 04:15:08 2021
***********************************
As soon as the hospital made me put on one of
those little gowns,
I knew the end was in sight.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 1 week, 5 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Sep 16 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
Scene: Inside a Best Buy store.
Customer: Can you help me? I'm looking for a shredder.
Coworker: We have all types of shredders.
What will you be shredding primarily?
Customer: Collard greens.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 1 week, 6 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Fri Sep 17 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
"Give me a sentence about a public servant," the
teacher instructed her second-grade student.
"The fireman came down the ladder pregnant," he
answered.
"Umm . Do you know what pregnant means?"
"Yes," said the boy. "It means carrying a child."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 2 weeks, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sat Sep 18 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
What is Dracula's favorite fruit?
Neck-tarines.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 2 weeks, 1 day, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Sun Sep 19 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
Applicants for jobs at the company where my
friend Diana works are asked to fill out a
questionnaire. Among the things candidates list
is their high school and when they attended. One
prospective employee dutifully wrote the name of
his high school, followed by the dates attended:
"Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 2 weeks, 2 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Mon Sep 20 04:15:16 2021
***********************************
A dull-witted king is losing a territorial dispute
with a neighboring monarch. As the fight wears on,
he gets more and more frustrated until finally he
roars, "Where are my two court jesters?"
In seconds, two jesters appear at his side.
"Okay, let's continue," he says, "now that I have
my wits about me."
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 2 weeks, 3 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Tue Sep 21 04:15:08 2021
***********************************
The military has a long, proud tradition of
pranking recruits. Here are some favorites from
rallypoint.com:
Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for
left-handed spatulas
Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in
search of fallopian tubes
Had a new guy conduct a "boom test" on a howitzer
by yelling "Boom!" down the tube in order to
"calibrate" it
Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can
of dehydrated water
(in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can)
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 2 weeks, 4 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Wed Sep 22 04:15:14 2021
***********************************
Gracie: What's the difference between an
umbrella and a pickle?
George: You're making this up?
Gracie: Yes.
George: What's the difference between an
umbrella and a pickle?
(Thinks for a moment.)
I give up.
Gracie: Oh? I give up, too.
George: I thought you said you made up riddles.
Gracie: I do. I make up riddles.
I don't make up answers.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 2 weeks, 5 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)
-
From
JokeMaster@21:1/186 to
All on Thu Sep 23 04:15:10 2021
***********************************
Knock knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
No, to whom.
***********************************
RCS Joke Post v2.0.3
(c)2018-2021
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--- up 2 weeks, 6 days, 15 hours, 9 minutes
* Origin: -=> Castle Rock BBS <=- Now Husky HPT Powered! (21:1/186)