Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar? He got twelve months.
Q. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? A. I don't know and I don 't care.
Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law? He was given two consecutive sentences.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
I own the world's worst thesaurus. Not only is it awful, it's awful.
So what if I don't know what 'Armageddon' means? It's not the end of the world.
What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.
I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.
I've just written a song about tortillas; actually, it's more of a rap. (wrap)
Velcro... what a rip-off!
I recently decided to sell my vaccuum cleaner as all it was doing was
gathering dust.
Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
I have clean conscience. I haven't used it once till now.
If we shouldn't eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?
Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?
If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I'd have $ 6.30 now.
Meanwhile in a parallel universe: 'Oh for God's sake! Where are all these extra single socks coming from?!'
A lot of people cry when they cut onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.
Bifocals are God's way of saying, 'Keep your chin up'.
We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon
None of my grandsons share my corny sense of humor. When the family is eating lasagna, I say, 'Lean over your plate, boys. You'll get 'less-on-ya.' I say to the ten-year-old, 'Don't yell through the screen; you'll strain your voice.' And when I took another grandson to the zoo, I asked, 'Do you know why that snake's not pressed against the glass? He doesn't want to be a windshield viper.'
They'll probably laugh later.
"What's the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?" I asked my husband. He thought for a minute before responding, "An optimist is the guy
who created the airplane. A pessimist is the guy who created the parachute."
---
Black Panther
aka Dan Richter
Sysop - Castle Rock BBS
http://www.castlerockbbs.com
telnet://bbs.castlerockbbs.com
The sparrows are flying again...
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