• Some jokes I found

    From Black Panther@21:4/999 to All on Sat Nov 17 00:31:00 2018
    Did you hear about the crook who stole a calendar? He got twelve months.

    Q. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? A. I don't know and I don 't care.

    Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law? He was given two consecutive sentences.

    The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.

    Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.

    I own the world's worst thesaurus. Not only is it awful, it's awful.

    So what if I don't know what 'Armageddon' means? It's not the end of the world.

    What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.

    I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from, then it dawned on me.

    I've just written a song about tortillas; actually, it's more of a rap. (wrap)

    Velcro... what a rip-off!

    I recently decided to sell my vaccuum cleaner as all it was doing was
    gathering dust.

    Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

    I have clean conscience. I haven't used it once till now.

    If we shouldn't eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?

    Do I lose when the police officer says papers and I say scissors?

    If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I'd have $ 6.30 now.

    Meanwhile in a parallel universe: 'Oh for God's sake! Where are all these extra single socks coming from?!'

    A lot of people cry when they cut onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

    My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.

    Bifocals are God's way of saying, 'Keep your chin up'.

    We need a 12-step group for compulsive talkers. They could call it On Anon Anon

    None of my grandsons share my corny sense of humor. When the family is eating lasagna, I say, 'Lean over your plate, boys. You'll get 'less-on-ya.' I say to the ten-year-old, 'Don't yell through the screen; you'll strain your voice.' And when I took another grandson to the zoo, I asked, 'Do you know why that snake's not pressed against the glass? He doesn't want to be a windshield viper.'

    They'll probably laugh later.

    "What's the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?" I asked my husband. He thought for a minute before responding, "An optimist is the guy
    who created the airplane. A pessimist is the guy who created the parachute."


    ---

    Black Panther
    aka Dan Richter
    Sysop - Castle Rock BBS
    http://www.castlerockbbs.com
    telnet://bbs.castlerockbbs.com
    The sparrows are flying again...

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